Just

I'm sad and for the first time lonely.. It's 3 months tonight that I've been alone.

I havent cried yet, I've tried to tell myself that I didn't/don't need to. I cried enough last year.

I'm confused, don't know if I need to end things for good with him or try again, not sure I'll ever know, or trust.

A friend linked a Glee song tonight for me to check out (for her daughters dancing solo) and so I followed the song on youtube listening to others. Of all the stupid things to make me sad, Glee songs. It's almost laughable really, how old am I again?!

Feel like I'm going under again and I know it's just stress, I know I've got a lot of things on and work is picking up again which causes me stress but I still hate that feeling. I can't go under again alone, not in front of the kids.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to work like normal people. I should be happy that my business is has led a pretty charmed life but the best time of the business for me was that month I was quiet. I almost hoped it folded so I didn't have to go back to feeling this way.

Agh, I've enjoyed the last 3 months of not having to think about my feelings, I've had no guilt, no expectations, just my nice bubble. Why can't I stay in my bubble. And why do I feel like I need to run back to my psych every time I feel like going under. Why can't I just get on with life like a normal person?