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Posted by MichelleM , 07 September 2011 · 154 views

I'm sad and for the first time lonely.. It's 3 months tonight that I've been alone.

I havent cried yet, I've tried to tell myself that I didn't/don't need to.  I cried enough last year.

I'm confused, don't know if I need to end things for good with him or try again, not sure I'll ever know, or trust.

A friend linked a Glee song tonight for me to check out (for her daughters dancing solo) and so I followed the song on youtube listening to others.  Of all the stupid things to make me sad, Glee songs.  It's almost laughable really, how old am I again?!

Feel like I'm going under again and I know it's just stress, I know I've got a lot of things on and work is picking up again which causes me stress but I still hate that feeling.  I can't go under again alone, not in front of the kids.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to work like normal people.  I should be happy that my business is has led a pretty charmed life but the best time of the business for me was that month I was quiet.  I almost hoped it folded so I didn't have to go back to feeling this way.

Agh, I've enjoyed the last 3 months of not having to think about my feelings, I've had no guilt, no expectations, just my nice bubble.  Why can't I stay in my bubble.  And why do I feel like I need to run back to my psych every time I feel like going under.  Why can't I just get on with life like a normal person?




Michelle it is amazing that I have come on here and read this entry from you, I had been thinking about you and wondering how things were going for you.

I think you are being way too hard on yourself. Use whatever support services you need. I think it is brilliant that you have the support of your psch to get you through the really rough patches.

Do it one day at a time  and reach out, that is a sign of strength definitely not weakness.

Big hugs to you and you are getting on with life just like a normal person who has been through a really tough time. xoxo
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