End of an era

After 60 years my Grandma's house is being Auctioned. SO sad, it's so empty and doesn't reflect their life at all anymore but with the sale of this house comes the final split of the family, the end of a once extremely close family that has been pulled apart by sadness and a whole lotta un medicated mental health issues. I want to write LOL after that but it's true, a bunch of undiagnosed, depression ridden, post-traumatic stress uncoping brothers and sisters, totally dysfunctional sadly coming from the most closest family I had ever seen and hoped one day to create myself.

That was also my family home, in all my childhood of moving and uncertainty, that house was the one thing I could reply on. The one place that, whenever I went back would be the same, welcoming and safe. Everyone was welcome there, everyone shared a beer there, everyone sat around a small table on casters, sitting on large chairs on casters and ate there, always with bread and butter at the table with the meal.

The gas heater would belt out the most hottest heat in winter, the place where you would sit in front of in the morning and watch cartoons (sing with me "Chanel seven . . say hello"!), your front absolutely burning on fire and your back ice. The mantle piece that stood above it with dozens of mismatched frames with photos of all of the family and behind those, older photos of all the family and behind those . . . . . . x20. The cuckoo clock that hung above the mantle piece always so comforting, any time you woke during the night all you had to do was listen out for the cuckoo and he would tell you how long till morning. The loooong windows down the side of the house overlooking the drive way and the side road so you know who was visiting, and there were visitors! In it's heyday, with 9 living children, there was always someone visiting. Grandma’s painting room where I stood as a 6 year old and watched it snow for the very first time and the scary cold back room where I only ever slept once in all my years. The busy road, another comforting sound knowing there were other people in the world awake when I couldn't sleep. The pine, everywhere and everything pine and the toadstool metal stools in the yard and piano, oh the piano, my heart breaks, the piano.

I am heart broken. The house meant so much to so many but I don't think anyone knew what it meant to me. It was my home. It was my sanctuary. It was safe and warm and now it's going and there is absolutely not one thing I can do about it and nor should there be, it's just a house and it wasn't even mine. Goodbye Grandma and good bye house. I love you both.