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Mother Guilt


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#1 premmie

Posted 07 May 2012 - 08:04 PM

Ok this is more of a vent

DS2 is 9 weeks old and DS1 is 20 months. In the last couple of weeks I feel like I can't divide my attention between them as much as I'd like. I feel terribly guilty that DS1 is often told to "go play" when I'm feeding DS2 (bottle feeding). That sometimes the making dinner/housework comes before sitting down and playing with DS1. That to keep the kids and house rolling over my attention needs to be on 15 things at once!!!

In the last weeks of my pregnancy we really were in survival mode and I feel like my husband and son didn'nt get the best of me in that time. I think back and it seems DH is just better at "playing" than I am sad.gif. I regret it now because even though I realised it then I think having DS2 made me even more aware of how quickly this time goes and the importance of enjoying each stage and spending time with them.

We go swimming (without DS2) and to gymbaroo each week and I find myself hanging out for those times because its rare to have that uninterupted time where I can focus on him without a "to do" list running around in my head. I really don't think he feels deprived, he gets lots of stimulation and attention from DH and his grandparents- he's a good kid and used to me working "around him" and playing independantly for as much time as he is capable for his age...

Anyone else feel like this???

#2 lucky 2

Posted 07 May 2012 - 09:08 PM

Yes, I have one child and I do feel guilty for all the times I have brushed her off, pushed her aside etc for something I wanted to do that really didn't need to happen right there and then. Not enough "quality" time even though the only one to stop me from doing it was me.
I am better at it now, I think it is because I like the games she likes now, I think I am not very patient with young child play.
I try not to focus on it, better to not sink into guilt but if I feel that way, I try to spend time with dd and really be "in the moment".
I think it is something many women experience, at least all of the mothers I am close friends with.
All of my friends and family have 2 children or more, maybe we are just primed/set up to feel it, being the "super-women" who are meant not only to have but to want it "all".
Sort of like destined to not live up to our expectations.
Somethings "gotta give" when you have competing demands (ie self and child, child + child and self, + hb, the list goes on).

#3 KimDeal

Posted 07 May 2012 - 09:12 PM

Oh yeh, I can relate to this. DD was 21 months old when DS was born and it was the thing I struggled with the most. I felt like my catch phrase was "in a minute DD", she was always coming second (or so it felt!).

DS is nearly six months old now and it's gotten so much better. DS has regular sleeps so I make sure DD gets some quality one on one in those times. And to be honest it's probably been a good thing that she's learned she doesn't always come first, she has learnt a lot of patience in the last six months.

Mother guilt is the worst! I hope things settle for you soon.




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