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How did your 2yo handle it when you went to hospital to have the next baby?


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#1 Mummy Duck

Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:37 PM

Bd is 2.3yo and I am 32 weeks pregnant. Due to a medical condition I need to have a c-section and will be in hospital for at least 5 days. We are going private and Im hoping to have dh stay with me most of the time because last c/s I was physically not able to go to the toilet and care for bd.

We also have ss14yo and bs13yo that will be home. MIL will be caring for the kids for the first 3 days and then dh will probably have to come home for nights 4 & 5. The plan is

Day #1 - bd at daycare, hospital visit, home with MIL (dh can go hm for bedtime tuck in)
Day #2 - bd home with teenboys, visit at hospital - eveing with MIL
Day #3 - bd home with teenboys, visit at hospital - eveing with MIL
Day #4 - bd visit at hospital and go home with Dh
Day #5 - bd visit at hospital and go home with Dh (May have option for day care)
Day #6 - come pick me and baby up from hospital

Bd has never been babysat overnight and so Im concerned how she will cope with us being away.

Any ideas how to make it easier for her?  Im happy for her to spend a fair chunk of the day with us at the hospital. We are going private so will have our own room.

Im not only worried about her Im worried about myself Im going to miss her so much :0(


#2 Fossy

Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:45 PM

Can she stay with you if your DH is staying?

We had DS when DD was 20 months old, night one DH went home with DD so I could rest, nights 2 - 5 we went to the park hyatt and DD stayed with us, we just took a portacot.  Was wonderful.

#3 eachschoolholidays

Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:45 PM

DD was 23 1/2 months when DS was born.  I had an elective c-section in a private hospital too.

To be honest, DH spent more time with DD and less time at the hospital than you seem to have planned.  She was really not that interested in being at the hospital and not all that interested in DS (after an initial quick look)  She just kept wandering out of the room etc etc  She spent an hour a day at the hospital.

I think part of the reason why she took his arrival so well was that she kept receiving so much attention from DH.  She didn't feel her 'place' in the family was threatened IYKWIM?

I wouldn't be too worried about yourself - you'll have newborn cuddles, good food and foxtel...  I didn't want to leave!

#4 Feralishous

Posted 06 May 2012 - 10:10 PM

DD will be 26/27months when bellyfruit arrives, and we've been gradually spending days at my mums house, soon to have a few overnights there in preparation.
I think the main thing that will bother her, is missing out on boob on demand while Im in hospital (will be there for at least 3 days if all goes well)

#5 T2Mum

Posted 06 May 2012 - 10:21 PM

I think if you are planning on having your DH at the hospital that much (and I totally get where you are coming from as I did the same when I had my second child) then you need to do a few practice runs with your first now so that they are used to MIL putting them to bed etc. Also be prepared to let your first lead how much they want to visit you in hospital - sometimes it is boring for them, and sometimes it goes all right until they have to leave and then realise that you aren't coming with them! You may want to have less visits unless your DH can leave with her as it can be quite traumatic for both you and your first if they get really upset when it is time for the visit to end.

Good luck! I hope your c-section goes smoothly and you feel better after this one. You may find that because you are more confident with the newborn side of things that you can cope better with your DH being away for short periods of time (especially to go home in the evenings and put DD to bed). Even though I had a major PPH I was still OK for DH to leave for short periods of time as I felt more confident in being assertive with the nurses about handing DD2 to me and also made sure if that if I was being left alone that DD2 was either in a basinette where I could reach her or was in my arms.

#6 Ice Queen

Posted 06 May 2012 - 10:31 PM

Your situation is not that much different to how ours was, DD was going to be 2 1/2 and had never spent a night away from us.  We did a practice run about 2 mths earlier with her staying at MILs for 2 nights.  Anyway she was fine.  She came to the hospital once in 3 days and she had no interest and was bored in 5 minutes.  She was saying 'nanny, can we go home now'!!!  She had one night at home with DH on the last nit and was totally badly behaved.  Dont worry about the time away from you as you will be punished when you return home!!!!  

TBH i was glad she was not at the hospital with me, 2 is such a demanding age mentally and i just didnt have the head space for it.  I just wanted to concentrate on new DS and me.  We had plenty of time together when i got home.

#7 Violet Devine

Posted 06 May 2012 - 10:43 PM

Hi there OP,

I too am 32 weeks pregnant with my second. DS1 will be 21 months when DS2 is born by c-section.

Our plan will have DS1 spend time with a close friend (she was our support person for DS1 birth) while I'm in surgery, then they will be the very first visitors. DH will stay with me the first night while I'm unable to move, DS1 with MIL (who he sleeps over with once a month or so and they're both very comfortable doing so). The rest of my stay, DH will be staying at home. He needs to keep working and we feel it's best for him to keep DS1 as normal as possible.

If you haven't already started, can you let MIL do some more babysitting so BD is a bit more prepared? Maybe a day visit and a couple of sleepovers?

All the best.



#8 PinkSocks

Posted 06 May 2012 - 10:48 PM

DD was awesome, it was a change for her and she likes change. I had to stay in for 5 days also due to DS health, DD came in to see us everyday sometimes twice a day, she has never showed the tiniest bit of jelousy towards him (she was 23months at the time he was born)
DD wasnt too interested in the hospital though, she was more interested in walking around the corodores (sp?) to see what everyone else was up to original.gif



#9 BlueUnicorn

Posted 06 May 2012 - 10:59 PM

My dd was 23 months when I went for cs with ds. Ds and I were in hospital for 4 nights and dh bought dd in twice a day for about an hour at a time.  That was enough! She wasn't keen on hanging around in one room.

I'd not left her over night before but she was totally fine at home with her dad.  They did lots 'fun stuff' to distract her, ie park visits, ring me on the phone, watch movies, maccas for breaky one day, toy shop visit etc.   it took time away from dh and the baby but the baby was just sleeping and feeding and I was getting much needed rest after the cs.
Not sure how DS will cope when I'm in hospital having #3 though! He is a mummy's boy.

#10 BusterKoala

Posted 06 May 2012 - 11:12 PM

QUOTE (Bubs10)
Can she stay with you if your DH is staying?


I cannot possibly tell you what a terrible idea I think this is for the other mothers.  When I had DS2, the woman next door to me had her toddler in with them and every time the baby woke, so did the toddler, and so did everyone within earshot.
I spent nearly a month in hospital while pregnant with DS2, a total of 3 admissions.  DS1 spent time with the neighbours, DH's colleague's wife, DH and my mum, although every night at home in his own bed.  DH brought him to see me every day, and he was fine.  When DD was born, the boys and DH were staying with my parents and again, DH brought them to see me every day.  I think it's normal to be worried, but try not to over think it.

#11 Fossy

Posted 06 May 2012 - 11:24 PM

BusterKoala - we were in a private suite in a 5 star hotel so total sound proof  - no one was disturbed.  The only one who knew DD was staying was the midwife!  It was a wonderful time to bond as a family.  Next time both kids will stay with us.  It's common practice  original.gif

#12 BusterKoala

Posted 07 May 2012 - 08:38 AM

QUOTE (Bubs10 @ 06/05/2012, 09:24 PM)
14554139[/url]']
BusterKoala - we were in a private suite in a 5 star hotel so total sound proof  - no one was disturbed.  The only one who knew DD was staying was the midwife!  It was a wonderful time to bond as a family.  Next time both kids will stay with us.  It's common practice  original.gif


That's fine, and completely different (and I wish I'd had that option!), but I got the impression the OP will be in hospital, and I don't think it's appropriate in that case.

#13 Mummy Duck

Posted 07 May 2012 - 09:00 AM

QUOTE (Violet Devine @ 06/05/2012, 10:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you haven't already started, can you let MIL do some more babysitting so BD is a bit more prepared? Maybe a day visit and a couple of sleepovers?

Its not really possible for practice runs as it feels like an imposition to ask MIL to do extra beyond what we 'need'. I would be happy for MIL to have bd on a regular basis but she never offers and the feeling we get when we ask is that it is a huge favour sad.gif

Bd is really over the top excited about the new baby. Her main play is pretend play with her dolls. She likes to bath (tub), feed (high chair), put to sleep (cot) etc and will do this for hours at a time. She hugs and kisses my belly and we talk about what she is going to do when baby is born. How she will help etc.

I am thinking of buying her a boy doll that she can get when baby comes so she has her own baby to care for.

She will have the teenboys with her and they know her routine and can translate if MIL dosnt understand.

#14 Agnodice the Feral

Posted 07 May 2012 - 09:25 AM

Honestly, I think expecting a 2 year old to hand around hospital much is a big ask. DS1 visited every evening for an hour, we all had dinner, and then DH took him home and came back. My mum and DH spent time with him during the day, and mum took care of him overnight (but if he didn't cope with this, I was well prepared to not have DH with me).

In my opinion, my child's transition to the new baby was more important that my convenience for a couple days and this OSS how we prioritized it. It meant that I hit the call bell a lot more and asked for help from the midwives a lot more than I did the first time because DH wasn't always there. And sometimes I had to wait a little while. But they were all fantastic.

I know people who have had their toddler stay with them at the hotel (which the OP would not be sent to post a Caesar). I think it depends on the temperament of the toddler. Outs would have been bored within an hour and uncontrollable in a hotel room. He would have despised the baby and is for locking him up in there for four days! Toddlers in hospital is impractical and probably inconsiderate.

#15 PinkSurvivor

Posted 07 May 2012 - 09:40 AM

When I had DS2 I had to be induced so DS1 stayed with a friend. DH stayed for 3 days with me at the hospital while I was waiting for labour to establish and for the actual birth.

DS1 stayed with a friend the entire 3 days. He was content to be with other little kids as it was like a fun sleep over. On day 3 (when I didn't realise I was in labour) I snuck out of hospital for 2 hours to go see DS.I left at 4pm and had DS2 by 7pm. DH and I picked him up the next morning with DS2 and he was very excited to see the new baby.

I know its not the same situation but when I had cancer I spend a LOT of time in hospital. I was scared of leaving the kids and how they would cope. They did amazingly well and visited everyday for about 30 minutes (kids don't really like staying in hospital much) and then they would be with DH. I would call and txt DH several times a day and chat to the kids but as a PP said you will have a new baby to snuggle and coo over so you shouldn't get too lonely if DH needs to look after your other little one.

Good luck OP.





#16 Mummy Duck

Posted 07 May 2012 - 11:45 AM

QUOTE (MsN @ 07/05/2012, 09:25 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Honestly, I think expecting a 2 year old to hand around hospital much is a big ask.

I dont think its too much to ask of her at all. I think she would rather be with us than to be at home without us.

Recently ss14 was in hospital and bd hung around all day and was fine. We took a dvd player, books, toys and games. She had a great day and wasnt a problem at all.

If we had the option that bd could stay with us at the hospital we would. Before this pregnancy I was pregnant (ended in mc) and would have still been breastfeeding bd when the baby was born so was fully expecting to have bd stay with us.

#17 mombasa

Posted 07 May 2012 - 11:51 AM

My daughter was 2yrs 5mnths when DD2 arrived, she was over the top with excitement before she arrived as well, but disliked being cooped up in my Hospital room for long periods immensely, she much preferred to be home with my MIL and visit once during the day, she found the mini Holiday at Nanna's much more exciting and it meant DH could be at the Hospital with DD2 and I, she was extremely unsettled so I was grateful for his help during my stay.

#18 Sentient Puddle

Posted 07 May 2012 - 12:01 PM

Unless you are in a private room then it is not really appropriate having a toddler stay with you for long periods during the day.  They will get bored and other Mums and bubs need rest and the chance to recuperate and bond.  Your toddler might surprise you and have a chance to be a big girl doing things without you.

#19 Expelliarmus

Posted 07 May 2012 - 12:08 PM

Honestly, my 18 month old and then my 2 year old took it completely in stride.

I have no idea if their routines where adhered to or what they did with the assortment of DH, grandparents, family friends and cousins who cared for them. They were with people who cared for them and loved them and that was all that mattered.

I was in hospital with #3 for a week and DH was hospitalised in another hospital for some of that time I don't even know who had them half the time but they were with people who cared and they were fine.

#20 belsy

Posted 07 May 2012 - 12:31 PM

DS1 was with family or DH and visited for 30 mins to 1 hour every day.  Any longer would have  been too much for both of us.  DH was there probably 3-4 hours a day.

QUOTE
Recently ss14 was in hospital and bd hung around all day and was fine. We took a dvd player, books, toys and games. She had a great day and wasnt a problem at all.


Most likley a different story if you are struggling to recover from a CS with a newborn to contend with.  Go with your plan and get the midwives to help you on the days/nights when your DH can't be there the whole time.  

FWIW- with both CS's (first private, second public), I was in for 4 nights.  I would much rather be at home than in the hospital, the second time around you know what are you doing so just crave getting out of there.

Good Luck - hope you recover well this time.

#21 Mummy Duck

Posted 07 May 2012 - 12:57 PM

QUOTE (ILBB @ 07/05/2012, 12:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Unless you are in a private room then it is not really appropriate having a toddler stay with you for long periods during the day.  They will get bored and other Mums and bubs need rest and the chance to recuperate and bond.  Your toddler might surprise you and have a chance to be a big girl doing things without you.

We will have a private room and in the event that bd was disturbing others I would get dh to take her home.

I do hope she surprises us and is not upset in the evenings when she will go home with MIL. Bd is used to dh tucking her back to bed when she wakes during the night.

I dont want to exclude bd from the introduction of the new baby.

If the possibility of being put up in a hotel arises than we would definitely take bd with us without question. The hospital we are going to is being upgraded so if its not finished when bubs is born than hotel accommodation is a possibility.

#22 Mummy Duck

Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:19 PM

It would be great to hear how parents have included their toddler.

I appreciate the responses suggesting its best to have short visits however thats not what I want to do.

This will be my 3rd c/section so I know what to expect.

I look forward to any tips on how to manage having bd involved as much as possible and reducing any upset when she goes home without us.

#23 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:32 PM

DD3 had just turned two when I had DD3. I was in hospital for 12 days and had a C/S.

DD never really missed me. For her life just went on as normal. We made a priority of keeping to her routine. Mum stayed for the 12 days and DD was used to having her around.

I think you should plan on your DH spending more time at home. DH wasn't able to come to the hospital as much as he would like but for us the kids were his priority. I had midwifes in hospital to help me, our other kids needed him at home. On thing we made a point of was DH home every night to do the bath/bedtime routine for DD2.

I have to agree that a hospital is not the place for a toddler to be hanging around all day. DD might be okay for one day but everyday might get a bit much for her. DD didn't come in much because it was boring for her. She was really happy at home and didn't need to be brought in all the time.

I missed my DD but I didn't feel like having her around all day when I felt like crap, sleep deprived and very sore. You need to rest while you get the chance and spend time getting to know your newborn. I loved being in hospital because I got to spend lots of time with my new DD. There is little time for that at home when you have other kids to care for.

And give your DD a chance- she might actually be happy at home. Plan some fun things for DH to do with her. It's a good chance for Daddy and daughter time. Just be flexible- things might work out differently to the way you have planed it.


#24 winterlove

Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:50 PM

Sorry too quick to reply. Just read that you really want your daughter to stay over - my post was just an outline of how my DS was fine visiting a couple of times. He seemed to get really bored at the hospital.

Hope you can find a solution which suits you and your family.

Edited by winterlove, 07 May 2012 - 01:55 PM.


#25 Expelliarmus

Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:52 PM

QUOTE (Mummy Duck @ 07/05/2012, 02:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It would be great to hear how parents have included their toddler.

I appreciate the responses suggesting its best to have short visits however thats not what I want to do.

This will be my 3rd c/section so I know what to expect.

I look forward to any tips on how to manage having bd involved as much as possible and reducing any upset when she goes home without us.

But it's your first c/s with a toddler if I am reading correctly. Have you had much experience with 18mth-3yos in a hospital visiting scenario?

They don't generally do it too well. DD1 managed about 15 minutes of interest in the new baby before she was trying to leave the room. DH spent most of the visits trying to entertain her by walking the corridors. So eventually he would leave her with my parents and come in alone. My parents would bring her to visit for 20-30 minutes in the early afternoon and then take her home.

When DS was born and the DDs were 2 and 3.5 they spent most of the time running in and out of the curtain at the doorway of my bedroom. Even private rooms in hospital hold little interest for toddlers.

If you are absolutely keen to have her there then ensure she is accompanied by DH all the time as supervision is constant - nurses keep opening the door and leaving it open for example, there are powerpoints uncovered and lots of buttons and switches all over the room. My kids would always gravitate towards that big red button in the toilet ... I would bring a portable DVD player probably, anything to keep her entertained because they aren't able to do much with a newborn especially while you are establishing breastfeeding and the baby is sleeping.

Hope your birth goes well.




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