Jump to content

Pregnant with #2 and feeling guilty!
Not spending 'quality' time with DS1


  • Please log in to reply
3 replies to this topic

#1 neaka

Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:23 PM

Hi everyone,

I am 36 weeks pregnant with DS2 and all of a sudden have started feeling this overwhelming sense of guilt that this is the last few weeks i have alone with DS1 and i am too fat too tired and too slow to spend any real quality time with DS1! I am just going through the motions, getting through each day really. I feel im missing those special moments we all cherish so much.

I have him going to daycare 3 days this week instead of 2 so i can get some stuff done around the house but i just feel guilty! I have also pulled back on things like bathtime and bedtime (DH is taking over) because by 5-6pm i am completely knackered and just need to sit down!

I guess it hit me today when DH was home all day and DS really didnt want much to do with me, it made me realise that he is getting used to me not being the center of his world. Im so sad sad.gif

Did this happen to you with your subsequent children? Did you manage to get that 1 on 1 quality time in with #1 once #2 came along?
Im hoping i can make up for it once im not pregnant?

Am i just being an overly emotional pregnant woman?!!!

Thanks!

#2 ReadySetRace

Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:31 PM

Yep, you are being emotional (understandable in pregnancy).

You are giving your DS the best gift ever!! I read a poem about that when pregnant with DD2 and it made me feel better. A gift that will last a lifetime.  My first 2 DDs are best friends and today DD3 gave out big smiles to DD2 who was tickling her feet.  I loved it!!

I still managed quality time with DD1 as the baby slept during the day so much more, and we still kept up DD1's usual activities eg music, play group, swimming

Just go read the "how do you cope thread".

Look after yourself, you are going to be sooo busy when the bub comes, don't feel guilty for a second.

#3 Kay1

Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:31 PM

Its very normal to feel this way. I cried when I went into hospital to have DS2 as I was sure DS1 and I would never have the same bond again. In reality it did change a bit for a while but we got it back and he gained so much from getting a sibling, it was wonderful to watch.

For me it was even harder to spend one on one time with DS1 once DS2 was born because DS2 was a very difficult baby but we managed. original.gif

#4 ~Mintie~

Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:28 AM

Totally normal to feel this way Neaka! I felt guilty all the way through my second pregnancy, guilty that DS1 wasn't a bit older and that precious time would be devoted to someone else and not him, guilty that I didn't want to play on the floor with him because it was hard to get up, guilty if I didn't carry him because my back was so sore...
It's taken me a while to be able to devote quality one on one time to my older son. I have neither in childcare and only now, with DS2 being 7months is he sleeping long enough during the day for me to really spend some good time with DS1. But that 7 months isn't lost. It's been spent with DS1 getting to know DS2, and vice versa. It's been spent with them playing together, and DS1 learning that the entire world doesn't revolve around him (ok so maybe he doesn't totally get that yet wink.gif ). Children are so adaptable, and yes it is undoubtedly hard to spend that same amount of quality time with the older child once the baby is here but if your pregnancy is anything like mine, you will be able to have better quality time once that baby is born because you won't be so uncomfortable, irritable or in pain (unfortunately you will probably be just as tired though Tounge1.gif).
You may feel like your DS is pulling away from you but I can guarantee you that will change. When DS1 realised how much time I had to spend with DS2 he was quick to make me realise he wanted my attention a bit more.
Things might feel like they aren't all going to fit in right now but it just does. You will more than make up for it when the baby is born because you spend a lot of time talking to your older child about the baby and teaching them how to interact. It's a beautiful experience and a new baby is also a bonding time for you and your older child. You will see original.gif Try not to stress, like PP said you're giving your child a great gift original.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Natural pain relief in the early stages of labour

While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.

Chinese woman gives birth to quintuplets

After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.

Five-year-old shoots nine-month-old brother dead

A nine-month-old baby boy died on Monday after he was shot in the head by his five-year-old brother in their grandfather's home.

'Is that baby yours?'

She is my daughter. I gave birth to her. I nurse her. But she doesn't have any of my genes.

Episiotomy in childbirth: not just 'a little snip'

Episiotomies have a place in maternity care – and can occasionally save lives – but should not be performed routinely.

Toddler aggression not caused by language delays after all: study

The logic was that children who don’t have the language to fully express themselves will lash out when they’re misunderstood. Not anymore.

Why we chose to adopt a child with Down sydrome

Everyone in foster care (and really in life) has something that makes them more vulnerable. We just know what our son's is.

Object of desire

Curvy mums make clever babies

Scientists appear to have discovered why women have evolved to have more curves than men – shapely thighs and bottoms lead to healthier babies.

'We'll make sure they know how much she loved them'

A first-time mum will never get to hold her four newborns, dying shortly after giving birth to the quadruplets.

The baby names NZ knocked back in 2014

A New Zealander has tried to name their baby Senior Constable but didn't get away with it - and numbering children is also a no-no.

How can you go into labour without knowing you're pregnant?

For most of us, the idea that a woman could carry a child to full-term without knowing she is pregnant is mind-boggling.

Will you get to the hospital in time?

Worrying your baby will be delivered by the roadside is a common concern for many mothers-to-be. So how likely are you to be caught short?

Video: Funny 'Lips Are Moving' parody just for mums

Meghan Trainor's song 'Lips Are Moving' was already a hit, but now it's been turned into a hilarious parody that is set to be very popular with frustrated mums everywhere.

Out with the clutter

Decluttering by the numbers: take the 30-day challenge

Forget the 5:2 diet - Twitter's 30-day declutter challenge will have your house back in shape in no time (well, a month).

Parents, don't be too hard on yourselves

We need to stop damning parents of today, and embrace their appetite for knowledge instead.

Is my baby normal?

There are chubby Buddha babies and there are thin, smaller babies. Neither are right or wrong, they are all 'normal'.

When an older sibling starts school

When one child goes to ‘big school’ and leaves the other behind, it can cause deep upset. Here's how to make the transition easier.

Stray cat saves abandoned baby

They say dogs are man's best friend, but one cat has proven felines can be just as devoted to their human companions.

How strangers are helping a mum's wish come true after her death

A mum of five, Liz Marquez wanted to breastfeed her premmie son for a year. So when she passed away suddenly, her friends - and strangers - stepped in to help.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Stars help save choking babies

It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.

New Girl star Zooey Deschanel pregnant

Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.

16 times 'dad reflexes' saved the day

Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.

Couple's 'non-traditional' pregnancy announcement goes viral

Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.

The trials and tribulations of identical triplet newborns

Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Earthquake baby thriving five years on

Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.

Please don't say I'm lucky because I was adopted

On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?

An open letter to non-parents who offer advice on child-rearing

Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.

Couple arrested over baby gun video

A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.

NSW Health dumps 10-year limit on frozen embryos

A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.

How my happy-go-lucky husband became a monster

Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes, too

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.

'They were just doing their job': mum of toddler killed in police chase gone wrong

"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."

Miscarriages to be formally recognised by NSW government

Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.

Cafe cubby house 'too noisy' for neighbours

Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.

Dad films baby playing with snake

Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

Win with The Boxtrolls

To celebrate the release of The Boxtrolls on 3D Blu-ray, DVD & Digital with UltraViolet, we're giving you the chance to win a Boxtroll stationary package and DVD.

 

School Term 1

Get after-school care sorted

Wait lists too long at OSHC? Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.