Jump to content

Pregnant with #2 and feeling guilty!
Not spending 'quality' time with DS1


  • Please log in to reply
3 replies to this topic

#1 neaka

Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:23 PM

Hi everyone,

I am 36 weeks pregnant with DS2 and all of a sudden have started feeling this overwhelming sense of guilt that this is the last few weeks i have alone with DS1 and i am too fat too tired and too slow to spend any real quality time with DS1! I am just going through the motions, getting through each day really. I feel im missing those special moments we all cherish so much.

I have him going to daycare 3 days this week instead of 2 so i can get some stuff done around the house but i just feel guilty! I have also pulled back on things like bathtime and bedtime (DH is taking over) because by 5-6pm i am completely knackered and just need to sit down!

I guess it hit me today when DH was home all day and DS really didnt want much to do with me, it made me realise that he is getting used to me not being the center of his world. Im so sad sad.gif

Did this happen to you with your subsequent children? Did you manage to get that 1 on 1 quality time in with #1 once #2 came along?
Im hoping i can make up for it once im not pregnant?

Am i just being an overly emotional pregnant woman?!!!

Thanks!

#2 ReadySetRace

Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:31 PM

Yep, you are being emotional (understandable in pregnancy).

You are giving your DS the best gift ever!! I read a poem about that when pregnant with DD2 and it made me feel better. A gift that will last a lifetime.  My first 2 DDs are best friends and today DD3 gave out big smiles to DD2 who was tickling her feet.  I loved it!!

I still managed quality time with DD1 as the baby slept during the day so much more, and we still kept up DD1's usual activities eg music, play group, swimming

Just go read the "how do you cope thread".

Look after yourself, you are going to be sooo busy when the bub comes, don't feel guilty for a second.

#3 Kay1

Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:31 PM

Its very normal to feel this way. I cried when I went into hospital to have DS2 as I was sure DS1 and I would never have the same bond again. In reality it did change a bit for a while but we got it back and he gained so much from getting a sibling, it was wonderful to watch.

For me it was even harder to spend one on one time with DS1 once DS2 was born because DS2 was a very difficult baby but we managed. original.gif

#4 ~Mintie~

Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:28 AM

Totally normal to feel this way Neaka! I felt guilty all the way through my second pregnancy, guilty that DS1 wasn't a bit older and that precious time would be devoted to someone else and not him, guilty that I didn't want to play on the floor with him because it was hard to get up, guilty if I didn't carry him because my back was so sore...
It's taken me a while to be able to devote quality one on one time to my older son. I have neither in childcare and only now, with DS2 being 7months is he sleeping long enough during the day for me to really spend some good time with DS1. But that 7 months isn't lost. It's been spent with DS1 getting to know DS2, and vice versa. It's been spent with them playing together, and DS1 learning that the entire world doesn't revolve around him (ok so maybe he doesn't totally get that yet wink.gif ). Children are so adaptable, and yes it is undoubtedly hard to spend that same amount of quality time with the older child once the baby is here but if your pregnancy is anything like mine, you will be able to have better quality time once that baby is born because you won't be so uncomfortable, irritable or in pain (unfortunately you will probably be just as tired though Tounge1.gif).
You may feel like your DS is pulling away from you but I can guarantee you that will change. When DS1 realised how much time I had to spend with DS2 he was quick to make me realise he wanted my attention a bit more.
Things might feel like they aren't all going to fit in right now but it just does. You will more than make up for it when the baby is born because you spend a lot of time talking to your older child about the baby and teaching them how to interact. It's a beautiful experience and a new baby is also a bonding time for you and your older child. You will see original.gif Try not to stress, like PP said you're giving your child a great gift original.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

The myths and truths of gender swaying

Here are a few popular methods hopeful parents-to-be use to try to get a baby of their preferred gender – and what an expert says about whether they really work.

10 easy DIY Christmas decoration ideas

It's officially time to get into the Christmas spirit. Why not branch out when you put up your tree this year and add a personal touch with a few DIY decorations? We've found the perfect easy-to-make ways to put more festive fever into your home.

The dangerous new trend of glucose challenge test refusal

A dangerous trend is seeing more mothers-to-be declining a relatively simple and painless test to check for gestational diabetes.

Office of Fair Trading reveals naughty toys ahead of Christmas

The Office of Fair Trading has pulled seven toys from shelves ahead of Christmas after they fail safety tests.

Video: Baby boy's trouble with twins

These twin girls will no doubt have fun fooling people in years to come, but nobody will be as confused as baby Landon.

Long-term reversible male contraceptive on its way

Men could soon have access to an injectable long-term contraceptive which works in a similar way to a vasectomy but promises to be easily reversed.

'I tried to kill my baby': one mum's story

After bathing and dressing her three-month-old son, Amanda had a rare moment alone with her baby.

Attack of the 'mummy brain'

I feel that almost every day, someone in my life - be they a friend, family member or complete stranger - feels the need to excuse my behaviour as I have other things on my mind.

Mum of baby who fell ill after drinking raw milk speaks out

A Melbourne mother has described how her son turned grey when he became seriously ill after drinking raw milk.

Australian divorce rate lowest since 1976

Modern newlyweds are now well into their 30s and marriage still offers something powerful a new book argues.

The aftermath of a traumatic birth experience

In Australia, 30 per cent of women find their birth experience traumatic, with 6 per cent going on to develop post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Young mum burns 'from inside-out'

A young mum is in intensive care after she took a friend's antibiotic and wound up with an ailment that is burning her body 'from the inside-out'.

The disagreement that can break a relationship

If he doesn't change his mind, all I can hope is that I will. It would be a waste to spend the rest of my marriage mourning a baby that never was.

Co-sleeping or no-sleeping? Mum videos worst nap ever

One mother's futile attempt to sleep in caught on camera in a hilarious - and very cute - video.

Why children misbehave during the festive season

While we all like to imagine the holiday season as being a fun, loving and bonding experience; often our reality is quiet different.

I was fat-shamed by my doctor

The fear of being weighed is the most significant factor in women cancelling medical appointments - and now weight-shaming has happened to me.

End of an era: no more childcare

As we reach the end of 2014, we're closing the book on many things for another year, most notably childcare. Our last child has attended childcare for the very last time.

The 7-year itch is more like the 10-year itch: study

Contrary to popular belief, making it past the seven-year mark doesn't mean your marriage will be smooth sailing from there on.

Stop telling us that parenting gets harder

I’m sure that parenting will get harder. But life isn’t exactly smooth sailing for many of us right now, either.

Should children be forced to sit on Santa's lap?

We teach kids it’s okay to say no if they don’t feel safe, so why do some parents force their children to climb in to Santa's lap?

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Baby born weighing almost 14 pounds

Yes, the bouncing baby girl was born by caesarean section. And mum says no more kids.

The dummy debate

I'm the first to admit that when I used to see tiny babies with dummies in their mouths, I thought "Hmm, lazy parenting." And now I apologise.

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

'I thought I was an only child'

Imagine meeting your double at a school sports event, or regularly being mistaken for someone you haven't met. Separated twins Margaret and Joy tell their story.

Mums reveal their nappy bag essentials

Ever wondered what other mums carry in their nappy bags? We have, so we asked mums to tell us their must-have nappy bag items.

Toddler died because he wasn't given antibiotics soon enough

A 15-month-old boy would almost certainly be alive today if doctors had given him antibiotics sooner, a coroner has ruled.

VIDEO: moment a toddler falls on to train tracks in Melbourne

Shocking footage has emerged capturing the moment a pram carrying a toddler rolled off a platform and onto train tracks in suburban Melbourne.

Sold on natural birth? Read the fine print

In the excitement and anticipation of a first pregnancy, I ignored the fine print: some women, some of the time.

Child with alcoholic mum who drank while pregnant won't win pay-out

A young child is not entitled to criminal injuries compensation after her mother drank excessively while pregnant.

Superbugs killing India's babies, posing wider threat

A deadly epidemic that could have global implications is quietly sweeping India, tens of thousands of newborns dying because antibiotics no longer work.

Can you teach a toddler to sleep in?

Parents share their tips on getting their early risers to sleep in, even for just a little bit longer.

Keeping your relationship on track as new parents

About 70 per cent of couples experience a slump in their relationship within three years of having a baby. Here's how we tried to get back on track.

America's favourite baby names of 2014

Americans are turning to television, Netflix and sports for ideas for what to name their wee ones.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

As Sydney grieves the loss of Sydney siege victims Katrina Dawson and Tori Johnson, reports have suggested that both died as heroes.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.