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Pregnant with #2 and feeling guilty!
Not spending 'quality' time with DS1


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#1 neaka

Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:23 PM

Hi everyone,

I am 36 weeks pregnant with DS2 and all of a sudden have started feeling this overwhelming sense of guilt that this is the last few weeks i have alone with DS1 and i am too fat too tired and too slow to spend any real quality time with DS1! I am just going through the motions, getting through each day really. I feel im missing those special moments we all cherish so much.

I have him going to daycare 3 days this week instead of 2 so i can get some stuff done around the house but i just feel guilty! I have also pulled back on things like bathtime and bedtime (DH is taking over) because by 5-6pm i am completely knackered and just need to sit down!

I guess it hit me today when DH was home all day and DS really didnt want much to do with me, it made me realise that he is getting used to me not being the center of his world. Im so sad sad.gif

Did this happen to you with your subsequent children? Did you manage to get that 1 on 1 quality time in with #1 once #2 came along?
Im hoping i can make up for it once im not pregnant?

Am i just being an overly emotional pregnant woman?!!!

Thanks!

#2 ReadySetRace

Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:31 PM

Yep, you are being emotional (understandable in pregnancy).

You are giving your DS the best gift ever!! I read a poem about that when pregnant with DD2 and it made me feel better. A gift that will last a lifetime.  My first 2 DDs are best friends and today DD3 gave out big smiles to DD2 who was tickling her feet.  I loved it!!

I still managed quality time with DD1 as the baby slept during the day so much more, and we still kept up DD1's usual activities eg music, play group, swimming

Just go read the "how do you cope thread".

Look after yourself, you are going to be sooo busy when the bub comes, don't feel guilty for a second.

#3 Kay1

Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:31 PM

Its very normal to feel this way. I cried when I went into hospital to have DS2 as I was sure DS1 and I would never have the same bond again. In reality it did change a bit for a while but we got it back and he gained so much from getting a sibling, it was wonderful to watch.

For me it was even harder to spend one on one time with DS1 once DS2 was born because DS2 was a very difficult baby but we managed. original.gif

#4 ~Mintie~

Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:28 AM

Totally normal to feel this way Neaka! I felt guilty all the way through my second pregnancy, guilty that DS1 wasn't a bit older and that precious time would be devoted to someone else and not him, guilty that I didn't want to play on the floor with him because it was hard to get up, guilty if I didn't carry him because my back was so sore...
It's taken me a while to be able to devote quality one on one time to my older son. I have neither in childcare and only now, with DS2 being 7months is he sleeping long enough during the day for me to really spend some good time with DS1. But that 7 months isn't lost. It's been spent with DS1 getting to know DS2, and vice versa. It's been spent with them playing together, and DS1 learning that the entire world doesn't revolve around him (ok so maybe he doesn't totally get that yet wink.gif ). Children are so adaptable, and yes it is undoubtedly hard to spend that same amount of quality time with the older child once the baby is here but if your pregnancy is anything like mine, you will be able to have better quality time once that baby is born because you won't be so uncomfortable, irritable or in pain (unfortunately you will probably be just as tired though Tounge1.gif).
You may feel like your DS is pulling away from you but I can guarantee you that will change. When DS1 realised how much time I had to spend with DS2 he was quick to make me realise he wanted my attention a bit more.
Things might feel like they aren't all going to fit in right now but it just does. You will more than make up for it when the baby is born because you spend a lot of time talking to your older child about the baby and teaching them how to interact. It's a beautiful experience and a new baby is also a bonding time for you and your older child. You will see original.gif Try not to stress, like PP said you're giving your child a great gift original.gif




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