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How to cope with my child
practical advice wanted


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#26 Green Door

Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:22 PM

You go to the gym and run on the weekends plus work ? No wonder your poor child wants some mummy time, sorry you sound a little precious to me! If you didn't want to spend time with you kid you should not have had one!


#27 Unatheowl

Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:24 PM

QUOTE (Green Door @ 06/05/2012, 08:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You go to the gym and run on the weekends plus work ? No wonder your poor child wants some mummy time, sorry you sound a little precious to me! If you didn't want to spend time with you kid you should not have had one!

Unhelpful.  You don't know how you're going to cope with anything until you are actually in the situation.

#28 Green Door

Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:37 PM

I have 3 kids 4 ,3 and 7 mths.  No family and no friends and a DH that works long hours. I don't work and have them alllll day every day. No gym, no work no DH have any time off to watch! I manage,  Enjoy your kids! Everyday with then is a blessing ! You don't know how long you have with anyone on this earth, they could be gone tomorrow , don't regret the time you have with them! Pleae don't sweat the small stuff

#29 PigNewton

Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:43 PM

QUOTE
Kids can be such hard work, I find that it's best to get out and keep busy, my two drive me insane if I'm stuck indoors for a whole day with them! Go to the park or a play centre, swimming, even a museum can have stuff that's interesting to a three year old. That way he's getting more quality time with you and you get more enjoyment from his company.


This for me. DS is an extremely 'busy" 3.5 year old (for want of a better word). We recently had to spend a week pretty much housebound due to illness and he absolutely destroyed the place! By the end of the week I just sat down and cried because it had been so horrible and frustrating for both of us.

What we do normally, though, is go out in the morning and do something quite vigorous, like running around in a playground, or playgroup, or junior gym, or the zoo (we have membership). It can be bloody difficult to get myself motivated enough to get us up and out the door for a 9:30 Mainly Music session, but I find that if I can do that, DS gets his time with me, but something else is doing the entertaining. We then come home for lunch, and since that excess of energy has been dealt with, DS is much happier to play by himself for a while and I can get things done, with the occasional book or chat together to keep him happy.

I also think when my DS gets destructive it's just his way of trying to get attention any way he can. I would rather spend a couple of hours in the morning giving it to him in a structured environment that does half the work for me, then I'm repaid by getting a peaceful afternoon and a happy 3 year old, rather than spending the whole day with him hanging off me trying to get my attention any way that he knows how, and the two of us ending up sad, frustrated, and with nothing achieved.

You might also find that if you do knock that excess of energy off, your DS might even have the occasional afternoon nap again.

#30 chucklebury

Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:48 PM

Hi it is a hard for them and us i think. I know my ds is worse if he has been at care for a few days and he just wants me. I find if I make the time just for him for half an hour or so he is sooooo much better.

Also my ds is at the age where he loves and needs playdate of some sort

I also find a big bike ride or something along those lines works well for us.....

With rest times......it is not negotiable in this house and if he does not have a rest he misses out on something we were going to do in the afternoon.

Good luck and I hope it gets better for you

#31 DreamFeralisations

Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:59 PM

I really feel for you OP - working that hard and then being clung to on the day you just want to square stuff or go "oof" and collapse.

Keep in mind I had/have girls, and I have heard boys are a totally different kettle of fish, but a few things that helped me first time around (and I hope to next go)

The mornings were for her - we went out, hit a park or playgroup, played hard (the "lets lsee how fast you can run to that tree over there and back" is a classic - make sure you count time really loudly) - if you are in Brisbane, the Orleigh (froggy) Park is awesome - if I had to catch up with other mums, it is also a great thing to do in the morning.

Any shopping I had to do also happened during mornings - I always pack a snack pack and water bottle so that meltdowns were kept to a minimum and a list is most necessary to keep you getting through the shop very quickly.

Lunchtime, and then I insisted on "rest time" (they will still have it at childcare I am sure at his age) where a thin mattress was on the living room floor, the room was made darker and noise/visual stimulants were kept to a minimum - for at least 30 minutes - while I did kitchen stuff.  If she pulled a nap, I lay down on the couch and grabbed what I could.

Afternoons were housework/gardening with playing occuring nearby - sometimes play involved helping Mummy - and it is amazing how much they want to be doing what you are doing.

If not - playdough is dead easy to create (no cook) in a jiffy - Mix - 1 cup plain flour, 1/2   cup salt, 1/2 large spoon (I assume tablespoon) cream of tartar, 1   large spoon oil and food colouring of choice, then add 2/3 cup boiling   water and mix/knead - and an instant "you are the most super mother in the world" fix it (you can add glitter/sand/extras all you like too - a lady I am facebook friends with on here makes hers with essential oils so it stimulates all sorts of senses)

Good luck!!!

#32 hiccamups

Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:17 PM

QUOTE
a lady I am facebook friends with on here makes hers with essential oils so it stimulates all sorts of senses)


What a fabulous idea.  And glitter!  I've just done colours, which we still think are rather awesome, but glitter and oils....how exciting.

#33 kissy10

Posted 06 May 2012 - 11:26 PM

QUOTE (Green Door @ 06/05/2012, 08:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have 3 kids 4 ,3 and 7 mths.  No family and no friends and a DH that works long hours. I don't work and have them alllll day every day. No gym, no work no DH have any time off to watch! I manage,  Enjoy your kids! Everyday with then is a blessing ! You don't know how long you have with anyone on this earth, they could be gone tomorrow , don't regret the time you have with them! Pleae don't sweat the small stuff


Nasty piece of work much?? No wonder you are single..

#34 Green Door

Posted 07 May 2012 - 06:32 AM

I'm not single , did you even read my post, I have a DH. I was not trying to be nasty, just trying to get the OP to look at things from a another angle. If I come across nasty I'm sorry.

#35 More than a Mother

Posted 07 May 2012 - 10:51 AM

QUOTE (Green Door @ 06/05/2012, 09:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have 3 kids 4 ,3 and 7 mths.  No family and no friends and a DH that works long hours. I don't work and have them alllll day every day. No gym, no work no DH have any time off to watch!


PM me your address so I know where to send the medal. You're clearly far better than me and I bow to your superiority. Your supercilious comments imply that people should only be allowed to have children if they spend 24hrs a day with them, with no outside interests of their own. Because I'm finding it hard and asking for advice, I shouldn't have had a child?   mad.gif

To those with genuinely helpful comments, thank you.  original.gif

I do take him out during the day; swimming lessons, bus and train rides, on his bike, nature hunts, to the park etc. I agree that it is a lot easier if we're out of the house.  We do playdoh, painting, stickers, stamping, baking, playing with toys at home.

I think I've been a bit consumed with trying to finish his new bedroom and playroom, and thinking about how to get it all done just got on top of me.

#36 chucklebury

Posted 07 May 2012 - 11:01 AM

Op I feel for you and some of gh negative comments.......just keep in your head that we all (well most of us) go through stages of feeling like this and it ok....even better that you are asking for help.....so give yourself a break as well.

Big hugs and i hope it gets better soon.

Just on the otherside. Our ds had worms for a month or so until we realized it and bedtime was a nightmare and he was just sooo clingy and miserable and a different kid a few days afetr he got all the worms out of his system. Poor boy. so never count out a medical thing if you think things are not right.

#37 mokeydoke

Posted 07 May 2012 - 11:02 AM

I have a 3.5 year old at home and I can understand why you are finding it hard! Some days I just can't wait for his siblings to come home to play with him to give me a break. I'm not used to having only one child at a time and am going to go back to work this year because I finally understand what people mean when they've said they just can't be a SAHM. SAHM to one child is a lot different to being a SAHM to more than one child, being home with 1 young child is relentless.


#38 rye

Posted 07 May 2012 - 11:04 AM

I disagree with many of the posters about the extra day of daycare. Although it feels like the answer, in my experience, having them away for MORE time when they are like this, actually makes the problem worse, because they  miss you more, and want to demand even more of your time. I have a 3.5 year old daughter who can be extremely clingy and it is always worse when I have been absent (physically or mentally). If I am focussing on things like studying or renovating, she's just terrible, because although I am here, I'm not really "here" IYKWIM. My advice, from my experience only, is to fully immerse yourself in the time you are home with your child. Don't give them half of your attention, because they will keep on and on at you until they feel you are fully engaged. Forget about trying to sort out his toyroom while he is home. You'll just get frustrated, and he'll get clingier. I fully agree, kids need to play independently, but the only time I ever have success with that, is if I have had a full day or two of non-stop, kid-focussed time, with my FULL attention on them. Bloody hard work, because there is always stuff that needs to be done, but for the sake of your sanity, stop trying to juggle it all, keep your home time to being kid time as much as you can. Smother the little bugger with your attention, they love it! original.gif Good luck, it's a challenging age.

#39 pod30

Posted 07 May 2012 - 12:10 PM

Hi OP

Can you take a few days leave off work when he is childcare and finish the rooms then?

I know the feeling. This is what I do a couple of times a year when I have house projects I want to finish and night times don't cut it.

All the best.


#40 hiccamups

Posted 07 May 2012 - 12:54 PM

QUOTE
Smother the little bugger with your attention, they love it!


Reminds me of that term Love Bombing.  OP, google it.  I think we can all benefit from this philosophy.

#41 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:14 PM

I have to agree with PP'ers who have suggested that spending more time with him, rather than less, will help.
My DD1 is 3.5.  She goes to daycare one day a week and the rest of the time is with me.  We go out and do lots of activities during the mornings, then she has a rest/sleep after lunch and then we go to the park.  She is not particularly good at entertaining herself, although I'm gently encouraging her to do more of it.
If I've had a busy day for some reason and she doesn't get much attention, she is MUCH worse.  Destructive, rude, a giant pain.  If I give her attention, play with her, even just cuddle her a lot, she is so much better.


#42 jo-v

Posted 07 May 2012 - 02:36 PM

Another activity my DS really enjoys is the Reading Eggs website, we do the lesson together then he will play in the playroom bit happily for a little while by himself.

#43 new~mum~reenie

Posted 07 May 2012 - 08:27 PM

DS uses to be really independent - even as a baby he refused cuddles and he literally  would indicate he wanted bed, I'd give him a kiss and a cuddle, and then leave him in his cot.

But at 3.5 he wants me to lay in bed with him before he will sleep. He is more emotional and gets angrier quicker. What happened to my cruisy boy? I was very confused.

But then I read how boys at approx 4 years old have a testosterone surge, in proportions that are not repeated till their teens. Poor little mite is feeling his emotions more raw, he is wanting cuddles with mum for no reason. He gets sad and frustrated at the drop of a hat. He gets angry and talks through his teeth. But it's over quickly and he appoligises soon after. (google 'testosterone surge at 4' and 'raising boys')
At the moment he is doing 3 days of daycare (when I work) and hubby up until last week worked FIFO. So much of it was left to me to deal with. I found DS, even though he dropped his day sleep, needs more night sleep, about 12 hours a night. Waking him for day care is hard on him, so some nights we both hop in my bed by about 6.30, watch Mr bean and have cuddles. This has helped immensely. Also, going for walks in the bush to wear him out, too. I have found this just as good for me, too original.gif

Op, maybe your boy is going through similar? Just remember he is a little boy. And he won't be for too long. Soon he will be a moody teenager who will sleep most the day, and you'll have plenty of time for home improvements etc. Maybe you can swap play dates with another mum once a fortnight (you have a visitor one week, your DS goes to their place the next etc) so you can catch up on your own rest, too?

#44 hiccamups

Posted 08 May 2012 - 03:41 PM

QUOTE
PM me your address so I know where to send the medal. You're clearly far better than me and I bow to your superiority.


I don't think the pp meant badly by her comments OP.  I think it's just that so many of us would give our right arms for a break too, but it doesn't happen.  Rather than commiserating, and understanding, because most of us do, it can come out as it did.  I have a SIL who has double the child-free time as me and almost half the number of children.  She often whinges to me about how hard she finds it and I do feel like slapping her.  But it's just because I'm jealous.  I actually do understand where she's at, except now things are so much harder and you can't really know that until you're there.



#45 Zeldagirl

Posted 09 May 2012 - 01:32 PM

I understand about how you want to do things around the house, it can be frustrating playing with the kids whilst I'm looking around our house we recently moved into, wishing I could just get on with painting this or that room, designing the messy playroom...etc...  I made a deal with DH that renovating this house would be my project this year (in between looking after the kids and parttime working) and so every weekend he looks after the kids for 4-5 hours whilst I do my house stuff.  Could you work out something like that with your DH?  And lol, poor old DH, he's absolutely ragged after looking after our 3yo son and 1yo daughter by the end of that time!  DS is very, very full on.

#46 Liv_FERAL_sh

Posted 09 May 2012 - 01:38 PM

QUOTE (ssorrrento @ 04/05/2012, 10:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But I want some time in the house on my own to get things done - mostly house improvements, but that's what I like to do.  I'm too exhausted after he's finally gone to sleep.

I The relentlessness of it makes me feel nauseous and suffocated. I often feel like I want to yell at him - recently I have been.

I'm increasingly relying on the TV, which isn't good, and really don't want to do anything except sleep. I just can't be bothered with anything at the moment.


Hey,

The comments above were real big red flags for me. Do you think you might be a bit depressed? The exhaustion, wanting to sleep and being short tempered might just be symptoms of the fact that you work hard and have a child to look after, but they also sound a bit like depression.

Have you considered speaking to your GP about how you're feeling?

You are definitely not being a princess!!!

#47 Liv_FERAL_sh

Posted 09 May 2012 - 01:41 PM

QUOTE (Green Door @ 06/05/2012, 08:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have 3 kids 4 ,3 and 7 mths.  No family and no friends and a DH that works long hours. I don't work and have them alllll day every day. No gym, no work no DH have any time off to watch! I manage,  Enjoy your kids! Everyday with then is a blessing ! You don't know how long you have with anyone on this earth, they could be gone tomorrow , don't regret the time you have with them! Pleae don't sweat the small stuff


Can I get some fries with that holier than thou attitude!

Seriously OP, ignore the above and listen to posters who aren't completely divorced from reality!

#48 F1widow

Posted 09 May 2012 - 01:50 PM

bbighug.gif

It sounds like you are not coping. I personally think that's ok. Unfortunately, people will always have it worse than you so you need to find an outlet other than EB.

I support the previous suggestion of the extra day at daycare even if it's a shorter day. Alternatively, do you know any local mums that you can do a 'babysitting swap' every other week?

The important thing is that you find some extra support and put aside time for yourself each week. You OP sounded to me like you are getting to the end of your tether and that's not good for anyone! original.gif

Take care.

#49 Cat People

Posted 09 May 2012 - 01:52 PM

I agree with spending more time, rather than less, too.  And make it real quality time where you give your undivided attention and not try to multi-task (I'm very guilty of this).

I also thought maybe you sounded a bit depressed?  Maybe have a chat with your GP and get a referral for some counselling sessions.  It can't hurt.




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