Jump to content

How to cope with my child
practical advice wanted


  • Please log in to reply
47 replies to this topic

#26 Green Door

Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:22 PM

You go to the gym and run on the weekends plus work ? No wonder your poor child wants some mummy time, sorry you sound a little precious to me! If you didn't want to spend time with you kid you should not have had one!


#27 Unatheowl

Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:24 PM

QUOTE (Green Door @ 06/05/2012, 08:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You go to the gym and run on the weekends plus work ? No wonder your poor child wants some mummy time, sorry you sound a little precious to me! If you didn't want to spend time with you kid you should not have had one!

Unhelpful.  You don't know how you're going to cope with anything until you are actually in the situation.

#28 Green Door

Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:37 PM

I have 3 kids 4 ,3 and 7 mths.  No family and no friends and a DH that works long hours. I don't work and have them alllll day every day. No gym, no work no DH have any time off to watch! I manage,  Enjoy your kids! Everyday with then is a blessing ! You don't know how long you have with anyone on this earth, they could be gone tomorrow , don't regret the time you have with them! Pleae don't sweat the small stuff

#29 CourtesanNewton

Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:43 PM

QUOTE
Kids can be such hard work, I find that it's best to get out and keep busy, my two drive me insane if I'm stuck indoors for a whole day with them! Go to the park or a play centre, swimming, even a museum can have stuff that's interesting to a three year old. That way he's getting more quality time with you and you get more enjoyment from his company.


This for me. DS is an extremely 'busy" 3.5 year old (for want of a better word). We recently had to spend a week pretty much housebound due to illness and he absolutely destroyed the place! By the end of the week I just sat down and cried because it had been so horrible and frustrating for both of us.

What we do normally, though, is go out in the morning and do something quite vigorous, like running around in a playground, or playgroup, or junior gym, or the zoo (we have membership). It can be bloody difficult to get myself motivated enough to get us up and out the door for a 9:30 Mainly Music session, but I find that if I can do that, DS gets his time with me, but something else is doing the entertaining. We then come home for lunch, and since that excess of energy has been dealt with, DS is much happier to play by himself for a while and I can get things done, with the occasional book or chat together to keep him happy.

I also think when my DS gets destructive it's just his way of trying to get attention any way he can. I would rather spend a couple of hours in the morning giving it to him in a structured environment that does half the work for me, then I'm repaid by getting a peaceful afternoon and a happy 3 year old, rather than spending the whole day with him hanging off me trying to get my attention any way that he knows how, and the two of us ending up sad, frustrated, and with nothing achieved.

You might also find that if you do knock that excess of energy off, your DS might even have the occasional afternoon nap again.

#30 chucklebury

Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:48 PM

Hi it is a hard for them and us i think. I know my ds is worse if he has been at care for a few days and he just wants me. I find if I make the time just for him for half an hour or so he is sooooo much better.

Also my ds is at the age where he loves and needs playdate of some sort

I also find a big bike ride or something along those lines works well for us.....

With rest times......it is not negotiable in this house and if he does not have a rest he misses out on something we were going to do in the afternoon.

Good luck and I hope it gets better for you

#31 Sancti-mummy

Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:59 PM

I really feel for you OP - working that hard and then being clung to on the day you just want to square stuff or go "oof" and collapse.

Keep in mind I had/have girls, and I have heard boys are a totally different kettle of fish, but a few things that helped me first time around (and I hope to next go)

The mornings were for her - we went out, hit a park or playgroup, played hard (the "lets lsee how fast you can run to that tree over there and back" is a classic - make sure you count time really loudly) - if you are in Brisbane, the Orleigh (froggy) Park is awesome - if I had to catch up with other mums, it is also a great thing to do in the morning.

Any shopping I had to do also happened during mornings - I always pack a snack pack and water bottle so that meltdowns were kept to a minimum and a list is most necessary to keep you getting through the shop very quickly.

Lunchtime, and then I insisted on "rest time" (they will still have it at childcare I am sure at his age) where a thin mattress was on the living room floor, the room was made darker and noise/visual stimulants were kept to a minimum - for at least 30 minutes - while I did kitchen stuff.  If she pulled a nap, I lay down on the couch and grabbed what I could.

Afternoons were housework/gardening with playing occuring nearby - sometimes play involved helping Mummy - and it is amazing how much they want to be doing what you are doing.

If not - playdough is dead easy to create (no cook) in a jiffy - Mix - 1 cup plain flour, 1/2   cup salt, 1/2 large spoon (I assume tablespoon) cream of tartar, 1   large spoon oil and food colouring of choice, then add 2/3 cup boiling   water and mix/knead - and an instant "you are the most super mother in the world" fix it (you can add glitter/sand/extras all you like too - a lady I am facebook friends with on here makes hers with essential oils so it stimulates all sorts of senses)

Good luck!!!

#32 hiccamups

Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:17 PM

QUOTE
a lady I am facebook friends with on here makes hers with essential oils so it stimulates all sorts of senses)


What a fabulous idea.  And glitter!  I've just done colours, which we still think are rather awesome, but glitter and oils....how exciting.

#33 kissy10

Posted 06 May 2012 - 11:26 PM

QUOTE (Green Door @ 06/05/2012, 08:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have 3 kids 4 ,3 and 7 mths.  No family and no friends and a DH that works long hours. I don't work and have them alllll day every day. No gym, no work no DH have any time off to watch! I manage,  Enjoy your kids! Everyday with then is a blessing ! You don't know how long you have with anyone on this earth, they could be gone tomorrow , don't regret the time you have with them! Pleae don't sweat the small stuff


Nasty piece of work much?? No wonder you are single..

#34 Green Door

Posted 07 May 2012 - 06:32 AM

I'm not single , did you even read my post, I have a DH. I was not trying to be nasty, just trying to get the OP to look at things from a another angle. If I come across nasty I'm sorry.

#35 More than a Mother

Posted 07 May 2012 - 10:51 AM

QUOTE (Green Door @ 06/05/2012, 09:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have 3 kids 4 ,3 and 7 mths.  No family and no friends and a DH that works long hours. I don't work and have them alllll day every day. No gym, no work no DH have any time off to watch!


PM me your address so I know where to send the medal. You're clearly far better than me and I bow to your superiority. Your supercilious comments imply that people should only be allowed to have children if they spend 24hrs a day with them, with no outside interests of their own. Because I'm finding it hard and asking for advice, I shouldn't have had a child?   mad.gif

To those with genuinely helpful comments, thank you.  original.gif

I do take him out during the day; swimming lessons, bus and train rides, on his bike, nature hunts, to the park etc. I agree that it is a lot easier if we're out of the house.  We do playdoh, painting, stickers, stamping, baking, playing with toys at home.

I think I've been a bit consumed with trying to finish his new bedroom and playroom, and thinking about how to get it all done just got on top of me.

#36 chucklebury

Posted 07 May 2012 - 11:01 AM

Op I feel for you and some of gh negative comments.......just keep in your head that we all (well most of us) go through stages of feeling like this and it ok....even better that you are asking for help.....so give yourself a break as well.

Big hugs and i hope it gets better soon.

Just on the otherside. Our ds had worms for a month or so until we realized it and bedtime was a nightmare and he was just sooo clingy and miserable and a different kid a few days afetr he got all the worms out of his system. Poor boy. so never count out a medical thing if you think things are not right.

#37 mokeydoke

Posted 07 May 2012 - 11:02 AM

I have a 3.5 year old at home and I can understand why you are finding it hard! Some days I just can't wait for his siblings to come home to play with him to give me a break. I'm not used to having only one child at a time and am going to go back to work this year because I finally understand what people mean when they've said they just can't be a SAHM. SAHM to one child is a lot different to being a SAHM to more than one child, being home with 1 young child is relentless.


#38 rye

Posted 07 May 2012 - 11:04 AM

I disagree with many of the posters about the extra day of daycare. Although it feels like the answer, in my experience, having them away for MORE time when they are like this, actually makes the problem worse, because they  miss you more, and want to demand even more of your time. I have a 3.5 year old daughter who can be extremely clingy and it is always worse when I have been absent (physically or mentally). If I am focussing on things like studying or renovating, she's just terrible, because although I am here, I'm not really "here" IYKWIM. My advice, from my experience only, is to fully immerse yourself in the time you are home with your child. Don't give them half of your attention, because they will keep on and on at you until they feel you are fully engaged. Forget about trying to sort out his toyroom while he is home. You'll just get frustrated, and he'll get clingier. I fully agree, kids need to play independently, but the only time I ever have success with that, is if I have had a full day or two of non-stop, kid-focussed time, with my FULL attention on them. Bloody hard work, because there is always stuff that needs to be done, but for the sake of your sanity, stop trying to juggle it all, keep your home time to being kid time as much as you can. Smother the little bugger with your attention, they love it! original.gif Good luck, it's a challenging age.

#39 pod30

Posted 07 May 2012 - 12:10 PM

Hi OP

Can you take a few days leave off work when he is childcare and finish the rooms then?

I know the feeling. This is what I do a couple of times a year when I have house projects I want to finish and night times don't cut it.

All the best.


#40 hiccamups

Posted 07 May 2012 - 12:54 PM

QUOTE
Smother the little bugger with your attention, they love it!


Reminds me of that term Love Bombing.  OP, google it.  I think we can all benefit from this philosophy.

#41 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:14 PM

I have to agree with PP'ers who have suggested that spending more time with him, rather than less, will help.
My DD1 is 3.5.  She goes to daycare one day a week and the rest of the time is with me.  We go out and do lots of activities during the mornings, then she has a rest/sleep after lunch and then we go to the park.  She is not particularly good at entertaining herself, although I'm gently encouraging her to do more of it.
If I've had a busy day for some reason and she doesn't get much attention, she is MUCH worse.  Destructive, rude, a giant pain.  If I give her attention, play with her, even just cuddle her a lot, she is so much better.


#42 jo-v

Posted 07 May 2012 - 02:36 PM

Another activity my DS really enjoys is the Reading Eggs website, we do the lesson together then he will play in the playroom bit happily for a little while by himself.

#43 new~mum~reenie

Posted 07 May 2012 - 08:27 PM

DS uses to be really independent - even as a baby he refused cuddles and he literally  would indicate he wanted bed, I'd give him a kiss and a cuddle, and then leave him in his cot.

But at 3.5 he wants me to lay in bed with him before he will sleep. He is more emotional and gets angrier quicker. What happened to my cruisy boy? I was very confused.

But then I read how boys at approx 4 years old have a testosterone surge, in proportions that are not repeated till their teens. Poor little mite is feeling his emotions more raw, he is wanting cuddles with mum for no reason. He gets sad and frustrated at the drop of a hat. He gets angry and talks through his teeth. But it's over quickly and he appoligises soon after. (google 'testosterone surge at 4' and 'raising boys')
At the moment he is doing 3 days of daycare (when I work) and hubby up until last week worked FIFO. So much of it was left to me to deal with. I found DS, even though he dropped his day sleep, needs more night sleep, about 12 hours a night. Waking him for day care is hard on him, so some nights we both hop in my bed by about 6.30, watch Mr bean and have cuddles. This has helped immensely. Also, going for walks in the bush to wear him out, too. I have found this just as good for me, too original.gif

Op, maybe your boy is going through similar? Just remember he is a little boy. And he won't be for too long. Soon he will be a moody teenager who will sleep most the day, and you'll have plenty of time for home improvements etc. Maybe you can swap play dates with another mum once a fortnight (you have a visitor one week, your DS goes to their place the next etc) so you can catch up on your own rest, too?

#44 hiccamups

Posted 08 May 2012 - 03:41 PM

QUOTE
PM me your address so I know where to send the medal. You're clearly far better than me and I bow to your superiority.


I don't think the pp meant badly by her comments OP.  I think it's just that so many of us would give our right arms for a break too, but it doesn't happen.  Rather than commiserating, and understanding, because most of us do, it can come out as it did.  I have a SIL who has double the child-free time as me and almost half the number of children.  She often whinges to me about how hard she finds it and I do feel like slapping her.  But it's just because I'm jealous.  I actually do understand where she's at, except now things are so much harder and you can't really know that until you're there.



#45 Zeldagirl

Posted 09 May 2012 - 01:32 PM

I understand about how you want to do things around the house, it can be frustrating playing with the kids whilst I'm looking around our house we recently moved into, wishing I could just get on with painting this or that room, designing the messy playroom...etc...  I made a deal with DH that renovating this house would be my project this year (in between looking after the kids and parttime working) and so every weekend he looks after the kids for 4-5 hours whilst I do my house stuff.  Could you work out something like that with your DH?  And lol, poor old DH, he's absolutely ragged after looking after our 3yo son and 1yo daughter by the end of that time!  DS is very, very full on.

#46 Liv_DrSperm_sh

Posted 09 May 2012 - 01:38 PM

QUOTE (ssorrrento @ 04/05/2012, 10:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But I want some time in the house on my own to get things done - mostly house improvements, but that's what I like to do.  I'm too exhausted after he's finally gone to sleep.

I The relentlessness of it makes me feel nauseous and suffocated. I often feel like I want to yell at him - recently I have been.

I'm increasingly relying on the TV, which isn't good, and really don't want to do anything except sleep. I just can't be bothered with anything at the moment.


Hey,

The comments above were real big red flags for me. Do you think you might be a bit depressed? The exhaustion, wanting to sleep and being short tempered might just be symptoms of the fact that you work hard and have a child to look after, but they also sound a bit like depression.

Have you considered speaking to your GP about how you're feeling?

You are definitely not being a princess!!!

#47 Liv_DrSperm_sh

Posted 09 May 2012 - 01:41 PM

QUOTE (Green Door @ 06/05/2012, 08:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have 3 kids 4 ,3 and 7 mths.  No family and no friends and a DH that works long hours. I don't work and have them alllll day every day. No gym, no work no DH have any time off to watch! I manage,  Enjoy your kids! Everyday with then is a blessing ! You don't know how long you have with anyone on this earth, they could be gone tomorrow , don't regret the time you have with them! Pleae don't sweat the small stuff


Can I get some fries with that holier than thou attitude!

Seriously OP, ignore the above and listen to posters who aren't completely divorced from reality!

#48 F1widow

Posted 09 May 2012 - 01:50 PM

bbighug.gif

It sounds like you are not coping. I personally think that's ok. Unfortunately, people will always have it worse than you so you need to find an outlet other than EB.

I support the previous suggestion of the extra day at daycare even if it's a shorter day. Alternatively, do you know any local mums that you can do a 'babysitting swap' every other week?

The important thing is that you find some extra support and put aside time for yourself each week. You OP sounded to me like you are getting to the end of your tether and that's not good for anyone! original.gif

Take care.




2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Wondersuit heaven: Bonds & Disney launch exclusive collection

Bonds and Disney fans with babies to buy for will be celebrating this news. Bonds and Disney have just released collaboration Wondersuits.

Town welcomes first baby in 28 years

Since the 1980s, the Italian town of Ostana had not seen the birth of a single baby.

Great-great-grandma delivers great grandchild in her own home

''I've delivered calves, lambs, dogs and cats, but nothing like this.'' This 'Super Gran' calmly peeled the amniotic sac over her great-grandson's head before discovering the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck ... twice.

How to start teaching your kids road safety

It's something that can be taught as early as possible and reinforced as they get older and more mobile - even from toddlerhood.

Just announced: Bugaboo Cameleon³ Classic+ Collection update

Meet the brand new understated chic model from Bugaboo.

The emotional moment a mum hears her late son's heartbeat

It's been two and a half years since Heather Clark's seven-month-old son Lukas passed away.

Nine reasons why you have 'brain fog'

One minute your productivity is skyrocketing and the next you're sitting there trying to focus – just like that you draw blank, your brain, mush.

I had a caesarean and it was beautiful

Guess what? Despite not pushing him out, I cried, and my heart skipped, and I felt the rush of love and pride when I saw him for the first time.

Microcephaly still a mysterious condition around the world

For parents, having a child with microcephaly can mean a life of uncertainty.

7 baby firsts you won't see on milestone charts

Here are a few 'other' baby firsts you may not have been expecting, but you'll want to be ready for.

Why it's important to vaccinate on time

My son was born on the 1 July 2014. It's a fabulous birthday, don't you think? Not only does the first of July ring in a new financial year, but it also means we've hit the year's half way mark.

Naturopath treatment allegedly left baby "days from death"

A naturopath whose treatment of a baby boy allegedly led to the infant being severely ill has pleaded not guilty to charges against her. 

Andy Murray's emotional speech to pregnant wife after Australian Open

A teary-eyed Andy Murray promised pregnant wife Kim he'd be on the next plane home after his turbulent two weeks at the Australian Open came to an end.

This toddler and his duck BFF will melt your heart

A small boy in the US has struck up a quacking good friendship with an unlikely companion ... his pet duck. 

Great news for coffee drinkers - caffeine is good for your heart

Researchers have found that, contrary to prior belief, caffeine does not cause health-threatening heart palpitations.

I always wanted children - but I've found other ways to be maternal

I've always been one of the most maternal women I know.

When only one parent wants to know the gender

For some couples you either both want to know the gender of your unborn baby, or you don't. For others, it's not that simple.

'No jab no play' could hurt disadvantaged children, experts fear

Tough new "no jab no play" laws could hurt children who have not been immunised due to family dysfunction, poverty, or poor access to medical support, experts warn.

Zika virus: Airlines offer refunds to pregnant women

Airlines and cruise companies across the world are offering refunds or travel credits to pregnant women who are scheduled to visit countries struck by the devastating Zika virus.

#meditateonthis: Mums fight back against PND ignorance

Not all women will require medication, but many will. And there isn't and shouldn't be any shame in that.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Penny Wong

'The most hurtful argument in the marriage equality debate'

Labor frontbencher Penny Wong is used to to hearing arguments against same-sex marriage. But for Australia's most prominent gay politician, one hurts more than others.

Does exercise have to be fun to work?

Some things in life are inherently served with a big scoop of fun: balloons, bubbles, cupcakes to name but a few, but exercise?

Hair dye gives woman second-degree burns

She wanted a fresh colour for 2016, but instead she got chemical burns.

Kelly Slater saves mum and toddler from 'freak wave'

A Perth family has thanked US surfing "legend" Kelly Slater after the star saved a mother and a young toddler from "a freak wave" in Hawaii.

Apple recalls millions of power adapters

Tech giant instigates massive international recall of power point adapters due to risk of electric shock.

Toddler's adorable alphabet goes viral

It's impossible not to share this little boy's excitement  about the alphabet.

Tot's nighttime waking saves family's life

Like all tired parents, Monique and Kyle Ruppel were looking forward to the day their 15-month-old daughter Celia would start sleeping through the night. 

Australian mum gives birth to quintuplets

An Australian mum who has shared the ups and downs of carrying quintuplets has welcomed her five babies into the world.

Dad of four girls faints at gender reveal for fifth baby

It was all too much excitement for this dad.

The simple way you can help your baby's language development

The way parents respond to their child's babbling can shape how their infants communicate.

Zika virus is 'spreading explosively': WHO

The World Health Organization announced that it will convene an emergency meeting about Zika.

National database recommended for child protection cases

Baby Ebony was repeatedly failed by the agencies tasked with her protection before her horrific death at the hands of her father, South Australia's deputy coroner says.

Hospitals put babies at risk by ignoring policy on elective caesareans

Thirty-eight weeks or 39? Non-medical factors are pushing women to have elective caesareans earlier than official guidelines - and hospitals are playing along.

Police help deliver baby on busy roadside

Two police officers delivered more than a traffic fine by the side of a busy Melbourne road yesterday.

1D's Louis Tomlinson shares first photo of baby

One Direction's Louis Tomlinson has posted the first picture of his baby boy, Freddie, on social media.

 

FREE TICKET

Free first aid demonstrations daily

Get your free ticket to the Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.