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When did you know it was time for Baby#2?
HG sufferers in particular!!

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#1 WinterFoal

Posted 04 May 2012 - 09:47 PM

I had 3 m/c, and then had a terrible HG pregnancy the whole time (long, painful, heavily medicated, hospital stays, the works!) with DS who is 8 months old. I vowed he was going to be an only child especially after all we went through to make him, and keep him growing till birth.

Birth was a 40 hour labour and, despite continuing to throw up till the second he came out, I loved it all. As soon as I laid eyes on  I knew he most deffinitely was NOT going to be an only child!!

Even in our mum's group, right from when he was 6 weeks old, I'd made no secret I couldn't wait for the next one. They all look at me with "are you crazy?" stares.... and still do. Every day I think about 'the next one' and I just CANT shake the urge! I was never a baby person beforehand, and we have been blessed with a very cruisey, good natured, well rested DS and so this could be why Im thinking I can handle another-- financially etc we can cope with another no issues.But SO many mum's with 2 have been kind of warning me off it so soon.... am I just dilusional ?!

When did you know it was right to have the next one, do you regret/recommend a certain age for the first one to be before a new baby comes along? I was thinking of starting to try when DS is about 10 months old. Could happen straight away, could take years..?

Given that I will most likely suffer HG again, as I did through all the pregnancies particularly 1 & 4 which lasted the longest, how did other HG sufferer's go with caring for the older baby whilst pregnant ? How did older baby cope? unsure.gif

p.s. might also add that I am a twin and therefor grew up with "two of everything". Maybe that has something to do with it!!!! lol

#2 MissM86

Posted 04 May 2012 - 09:54 PM

I'm pretty much in the same position as you in that I have an 8 month old and am TTC number 2 after initially thinking one would be enough for us (horrible newborn stage). Now my DD is cruisy, easy going and lots of fun, I'm thinking of having another.

A few mums in playgroup with 2 under 2 have said 'Don't do it' and 'Wait' as they have found it hard  but I'm thinking it would be hard no matter what the age gap. Conceiving DD was difficult and took awhile with Clomid etc so I am also hyper aware that it could take ages/may never happen. This adds to my desire to have another quickly.

I am not sure what to do now either!

Looking forward to hearing more replies!

#3 BentoBaby

Posted 04 May 2012 - 09:56 PM

I had the same pregnancy & birth experience but for me it was topped off with a very high maintenance baby who I'm still waiting to sleep through the night at 16 months...

I am only now coming around to the idea of another baby. There is NO WAY I could have done an HG pregnancy with a 1year old. I'm even scared how it will go with a closer to 2yr old. Not to mention what I will do if I have another bub like DS was...

So yes, I think you're nuts to try so soon biggrin.gif

#4 carriesshoes

Posted 04 May 2012 - 10:04 PM

It took us 3 years, failed IVF, chinese herbs, all sorts of wacky things to get our first child.  We fell pregnant naturally in the end.  I always said that when she turns 1 we'd start trying for number 2 as it would probably take years again.  I waited until she was 15 or so months, and then we started trying.  Wham! 1st month and I was preggers again! LOL!  If I had known that it would happen straight away I would have waited a little.  So I have a 2 year & 6 week age gap.  It has been super hard... but you know what.... I'll take what I'm given and be darn happy about it!  Life could have turned out so different, that I count my blessings every day.
If you feel ready, and you have support from family and friends - then I say life is too short and you should give it a go!

#5 NoMoreGuilt

Posted 04 May 2012 - 10:13 PM

I don't think I'll ever be ready for #2. I really feel that most likely DS will be the one and only.

However, if I were to want #2, I think a closer age gap is actually better if you think you could handle it. They're more likely to be close and play together, and you get the newborn/baby stage over and done with. It would be hard to say have a 4 year old who was finally becoming really independent, and then have to go back to the newborn stage again.

If you want it, I say go for it!

#6 Starrydawn

Posted 04 May 2012 - 10:24 PM

I had a HG pregnancy and wont be having another. I know many Hgers do. But they do all say how hard it is to look after a toddler and be pregnant. Some say it is near impossible without help. So I hope you have lots of support. You will need it.

I personally would wait a few years maybe forever lol.

#7 4WD_Baby#1

Posted 04 May 2012 - 11:54 PM

I haven't suffered during pregnancy, but I don't think you are crazy. I would possibly wait til your first is at school so you can handle the sickness a bit. I'm scared of giving birth so I will see if I will have any more later on. But we can't afford to anyway.

#8 Kristina13

Posted 05 May 2012 - 12:06 AM

Warning :Mother of only child answering here -who grew up with an older brother 3 1/2years older than she who fought like cat and dog.. wink.gif

Life is much more peaceful with one child original.gif

I never reached that stage where I decided I must have another -and I had a dream pregnancy and a slightly fraught delivery with an emergency c/s due to failure to progress (he was posterior)

I'm sure whatever I say will not change your mind you will decide what best fits your family dynamic.

My son's is a lot more peaceful than I remember my childhood being!!!

#9 mmk

Posted 05 May 2012 - 12:17 AM

QUOTE (workingmum0101 @ 04/05/2012, 10:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It would be hard to say have a 4 year old who was finally becoming really independent, and then have to go back to the newborn stage again.

We actually thought it would be easier!  DS will be 4.5 when DD is born, and I think it's a great gap.  He's at the stage that he can make himself a sandwich or a drink, turn on the tv etc.  He's very independant and that's what we wanted.  For me, I could think of nothing worse than having 2 babies at the same time.  DS can't wait to be a big brother and will supposedly help a lot with her, and I actually think he will.

He was nagging us for a while for a brother or sister, and we'd always said when he was 5 or 6 (so he was able to do a lot for himself).  He was at that stage much earlier, so we actually should've had our next child when he was 4 except we had 2 mc.  I'm really looking forward to this baby coming because I know that DS is at the right age for us to be having another.

Does it bother you having 2 in nappies?  Carrying 2 around?  Having a double pram?  Having to have a double seater trolley?  Having 2 not sleep through the night?

All of those things were reasons why we said when DS was 5 or 6, as I don't see the fun in any of them.  There's also the thought that the older child is going to be too young to understand why the baby gets away with stuff they don't etc.  For us, 4 or 5 is the perfect gap.

#10 tinkster23

Posted 05 May 2012 - 05:26 PM

I've just passed 20 weeks in my third hyeperemesis pregnancy.
I've had around 3 years between each birth. There was no way I could do pregnancy with a small baby, the sleep deprivation makes my nausea and vomiting worse, plus carrying jack. (10lb11oz) was really hard towards the need, so having Hannah old enough to climb in and out of the car seat, being in a bed, rather than a cot, able to walk in and out of the shops while holding my hand etc made it SO much easier than it would have been with a small baby.

This time has been a little harder, jack doesn't have day sleeps where Hannah did, he's a terror on legs where Hannah was a little calmer.
I always wanted 4 kids, but i can't see myself going for the 4 th, it was really really hard this time being so sick and chasing the 2 kids, I just don't think I'd cope again.

But it's a very personal thing, good luck with that decision.

#11 sunnigirl

Posted 05 May 2012 - 07:16 PM

I'm currently 5 months into this pregnancy. I had HG with DD and felt it would be too hard being pregnant again whilst she was still very much a baby. This pregnancy I've had a similar dose of HG which involved me being bed-ridden for 2 months and being in and out of hospital etc. DD was just over 3 1/2 during all of this and it made things so much easier than if she'd still been a baby. I was lucky that my mum was able to care for the both of us when DH was at work during the week - I really couldn't have managed caring for her in the worst of the HG. It was also nice that she could understand a bit more what was going on and we still had time together, even if that was together in my bed!!

If you feel ready to have another then go for it but I'd suggest you have a plan of action in case the HG is as bad (or worse) than last time.

Good luck!

#12 Duechristmasday

Posted 05 May 2012 - 07:19 PM

You sound like you will cope well.  Personally you need to go with your gut instincts and if you feel ready then go for it.  Everyone copes differently.

I have a 9 yo, 7 yo, 5 yo, 16 month old, and an 8 week old, and yes I am busy but I love it.  People are constantly telling me I am nuts, but the good times far outweigh te bad.

I am disappointed that I have a 4 year gap between 3 and 4, that was due to 6 miscarriages.  

When my DS was 4 months, I found out I was pregnant.  I almost passed out.  I had an ok pregnancy but it was exhausting.... Dd is now 8 weeks and I have already forgotten.  I love smaller age gaps, all my kids have a great time together .

Just do what you think is best, you will never look back.  Ignore the negative comments, you honestly sound Iike you will be perfectly fine.... Good luck with whatever decision you make.

#13 BentoBaby

Posted 05 May 2012 - 07:34 PM

I think a big factor is how bad your HG was. How will you physically function if it is bad? I was unable to work for chunks of my pregnancy so that is a big consideration. Unable to work means I'd be likely to be unable to care for a child do having a small baby would make life very hard if not impossible.

#14 Charli73

Posted 05 May 2012 - 07:48 PM

AS soon as DS was born I couldnt wait to do it again.... DH and I always wanted a small gap between children and our baby was so cruisy and a great sleeper so we decided if we fell pregnant again we wouldnt mind... so when DS1 was 7 months old the stick has two lines on it original.gif

Were both in our late 30's so getting the baby stage done is appealing to us and Im 30 weeks now and cant wait to have our little ones grow up together 16 months apart. I know it will be hard but will will be worth it when theyre older...

#15 hiccamups

Posted 05 May 2012 - 08:14 PM

I didn't have HG but I found that I had two miscarriages between each pregnancy so whilst we started TTC when our babies were 1yo, it wasn't until they were 2yo that I finally fell pregnant properly.  

I therefore had a good 2-3years between each child.  I still struggled with some aspects, such as feeling that I was rejecting and denying my older child while I was trying to put the baby to bed.  It was quite emotional for me.  

I have a friend who told me about her two, born very close together.  Her second came before her first could even walk (later walker).  She says one baby was crying her for and so was the other.  Which baby to ignore?  Which baby to tend to?  Which baby to leave on the floor crying for you whilst holding the other?  She found it heartbreaking to not be able to attend to the emotional needs of her older 'baby' because the more immediate needs of the smaller baby.  I can relate to that, although my nearly 3yo could understand a little more and I could switch the TV on for a half hour while my baby screamed.  

I suppose in some ways, two very close together is like twins (in a way).  

It's a personal thing OP.  I found my second pregnancy very difficult with immense pain that had me almost cripple.  The benefit was though that my first wasn't yet in school, so I could rest when I needed whereas by the third, I had to do school trips whilst struggling with the pain.  So much harder.

But hey, I'm doing it all again.  I have hideous SPD, pelvic instability.  I was almost unable to walk in my last pregnancy and lived off pain relief (that barely worked).  It's hard, but it's so worth it if you can make it work.

#16 hiccamups

Posted 05 May 2012 - 08:16 PM

It was also nice that she could understand a bit more what was going on and we still had time together, even if that was together in my bed!!

This is my experience also.  I couldn't walk or do much, pretty much immobile.  DD would bring everything to me, sit with me, read with me, hang with me.  She could understand when I couldn't lift her.  A small toddler would never have managed.  

Also, for me, if DD had of been a bit younger, at the running of stage, I'd have never managed taking her out.  I couldn't walk properly, let alone run after her if she got free.  I couldn't lift the pram out of the car.  

#17 hiccamups

Posted 05 May 2012 - 08:18 PM

I always wanted 4 kids, but i can't see myself going for the 4 th, it was really really hard this time being so sick and chasing the 2 kids, I just don't think I'd cope again.

I thought that same!  Yet now my eldest two are in school, so it's all different to when I had my third (there was only one in part time school then).  I just need to get through the school pick-up/drop-offs and otherwise, it's just one child at home.

#18 Harmonica

Posted 05 May 2012 - 08:25 PM

I always knew that I wanted my first to be at least 2 1/2 before I had my next one, and that's what we went with - there is a 2.7 year age gap.

I wanted my first to be over the 'baby stage', communicating and able to do some things for himself. It was a great age gap for us.

#19 *mylittleprince*

Posted 05 May 2012 - 08:25 PM

However, if I were to want #2, I think a closer age gap is actually better if you think you could handle it. They're more likely to be close and play together, and you get the newborn/baby stage over and done with. It would be hard to say have a 4 year old who was finally becoming really independent, and then have to go back to the newborn stage again.

Just want to say that I disagree (respectfully) with this. From my own experience of friends, those with small age gaps (18 months - 2 years) have found it much more difficult than those with a 2.5 - 3.5 year old age gap.

DS will be 3 when the twins are born and I can't wait. He is so indepedent. Will play for hours alone, plays so nicely with other kids, is able to ask for what he wants and mostly listens.

I think it's dependent on your children's personality. DS was very high maintenance at about 18 months so this bigger age gap will suit us.

#20 hiccamups

Posted 05 May 2012 - 08:28 PM

My kids are all 2.5-3years apart and play beautifully together.

#21 canuckmel

Posted 05 May 2012 - 08:34 PM

For me, it was when the 1st was toilet trained so I wouldn't have 2 in nappies.

#22 *Mumma-to-A*

Posted 05 May 2012 - 08:59 PM

My sister had 2 HG pregnancies - many hospital stays right till the end. She fell pregnant with her 2nd when her 1st was 9 months (ish). She loves the gap and laughs at me because I wanted a bigger gap (and that was after saying I didn't want another)

I will have a 4 years 7 months between babies and can't wait - No 2 in nappies for me, DS will be at school part-time so I can have naps some days with the newborn and personally think my mental health wouldn't have survived or possibly my marriage. I also don't have a huge family support (they help when they can, not that i need it often but I don't currently work and they all work full time) My DH is as much support as I personally need.

She had (has) alot of family support through both our parents (who work odd hours) and her PIL not to meantion me, my BIL could support her better but he uses his family instead. Her 1st also was not a sleeper nor her second and while it was hard for her she wouldn't change her children for the world.

It's your decision.

#23 Xiola

Posted 05 May 2012 - 09:15 PM

It would be hard to say have a 4 year old who was finally becoming really independent, and then have to go back to the newborn stage again.

From my personal experience, I completely agree.

I've got a 2 year 4 month gap between DS1 and DS2 and a 4 year gap between DS2 and DD.  I much preferred the smaller gap and wish we'd had DD sooner.  It's been a massive shift for me personally to get used a small baby again.  Your situation is a little different from the norm because you really need to factor in how sick you are and if you'll have support through your pregnancy but for me, closer is better (DS1 was old enough to be able to climb into his car seat so I didn't have to lift him and things like that but he was still in nappies when DS2 came along and it was no big deal).

#24 Bunbaker

Posted 05 May 2012 - 09:20 PM

I have a 7 year old DD, 2.5year old DS and 11 month old DD.

I had terrible morning sickness with DD1
Aweful with DS but
DD2 I had HG and was in and out of hospital and don't feel like I left the lounge room floor except when vomiting a thousand times a day (Well it felt like it lol)

There is 4 years 9 months between DD1 and DS.

I then fell pregnant with DD2 when DS was 10 months old (planned). I was first admitted to hospital at only 5 weeks pregnant. I was on Zofron daily and still very unwell. I lost alot of weight, the works

I went on to have DD2 the day DS was 19 month old. DS has been a very laidback, cruisy baby since day 1.

I have found the 19 month age gap much easier then the 4yr9mth gap. The little ones were both still in nappies, in highchairs and needing similar attention which I felt made things easier. Not always for example when they are both crying and needing you or needing to be fed,bathed etc at the same time but you get into a rountine that works. Hubby works fulltime and also studies at Tafe 2 nights a week so it was hard on those days but gets easier by the day.

My eldest daughter is very helpful now when it comes to helping me out with the little ones too. I find that now she is 7 she is not into the same as the little 2 and needing help with homework and other sports and crafts now. Which can be difficult to juggle.

I LOVE the smaller age gap and would love to go back and have the 2 older ones closer. They are now playing so well together and are going to be such great little mates. We would have a similar age gap again next time although we are going to Disneyland in December and I don't want to pregnant while away so we are going to try from when we are there/get home.

Hoping to have bub# 4 from in 2nd half of next year giving us around a 2 year 4 month gap. I am very nervous about being so sick again but it is all worth it so I am excited to complete our family with one last bub.

I think if its something you would like then you will make it work somehow. I wish you all the best and hope for your sake that you have lovely healthy easier 2nd pregnancy whenever you may decide on

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