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Very Shy and Clingy 2 year old

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#1 Hip Hop

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:34 PM

[/size]Hi there,

Well, I've just returned from another play date with a mum and her tot the sameage as my DD - and feel so deflated!

DD is a naturally shy little girl, most comfortable in her own environment and doesn’tlike other kids or people she isn't familiar with too much in her face. We havebeen going to the same mothers group since she was a baby, but was never thereal social kid. This has become even worse since I went back to work when shewas around 17 months. I work 4 days and she is in day care.

Day care is going well, and all reports I'm getting are positive. She doesn’t'tend to play with the extroverted kids and that’s okay. No concerns there.

But - I dread taking her out to friends, play groups or any social activity.She is super clingy, whinny and just won't leave me alone. If another childeven looks at her or dares tries to play with her, she is hysterical. Even whena friend or someone tries to interact she hates it and just screams and cries!I am so sick of the looks I get - not sure if its pity or what - but it justmakes me feel like crap.

Does anyone else have a LO similar to this? This behaviour was concerning me,so I set up a meeting with day care and they reassured me somewhat. But, todaysomeone suggested I get her "assessed". I was so upset by thiscomment as I thought this may have just been a stage, or her personality typebut maybe I'm avoiding something more serious?

Just wanted to see if anyone else has similar toddlers and if any strategiesworked for them? I love my little girl to bits, but I can't help but feel I’mnot doing the right thing by her...

Thank you in advance.


#2 bark

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:38 PM

Was it daycare that suggested further looking in to it or somebody else?

#3 Hip Hop

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:44 PM

No, not day care.  Another mum.  Day care told me I had nothing to worry about.  My gut is telling me I don't have anything to worry about, but its hard when I see all the other kids playing and my little one just clinging onto me.

#4 bark

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:49 PM

Well  if she is fine at daycare, perhaps she just misses you so much so when you are together she just wants to be with you.

#5 Pocahontas

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:51 PM

Just a thought but DS1 at that age was going to DC 3 days a week and that was quite enough socialisation for him.  i found that on the other days he was quite happy with his own company and needed the down-time away from other kids.  

Even now at 6 years old, he socialises well but still needs his own space after school and on the weekends to do his own thing. I think he is more introverted personality rather than on the autistic spectrum.  Perhaps that's that same with your LO.  

TBH - If your DC had said something then I'd listen as they see lots of kids and would have experience in picking up warning signs.  If it's another mum then I'd ignore.

#6 PriLou

Posted 04 May 2012 - 02:30 PM

I agree with Pocahontas.

My DS is 29 months. Although I'm on maternity leave at the moment, last year he went to DC Mon - Thur. I found on Fridays that we was tired, missed me, and was happy to actually spend some time at home with his toys.

Even now it depends on the child we are with. He has a calm nature and plays nicely with similar kids. He can't handle the ones who are full-on. He has his own mind and won't be dragged around. It also takes him a good half hour to become comfortable.

#7 missj

Posted 04 May 2012 - 02:39 PM

Hip  Hop, my DS2 (he is 4 years old) sounds so similar to your DD!  He is fine around us and his brother and sister, but if there are other kids around (even his cousins) he is very shy and introverted.  Same at daycare, he is very quiet.  I have no other concerns about him, and I know that there is nothing more to it than just shyness, he is perfectly 'normal' in every way.  
I do understand your frustration, though - we just want to see our kids happy and playing with other kids, and when it's not happening that way, you feel for the child and worry that they aren't going to make friends.  My DS starts school next year, and I'm so worried about him not being able to fit in with the other kids, or to speak up when he needs to.  We are working on it, along with his preschool teachers (who are fantastic, I can't speak highly enough of them).

#8 VintageEyes

Posted 04 May 2012 - 02:40 PM

Just sounds  like she wants to spend time with you when she can.
I noticed in my Mum's group that when one little boy started day care for a few days a week got quite clingy when at the group - he was the same as the other kids before that.
Perhaps it would be better to have some home time on the days you are not working? Some kids (my DS included) get quite drained from being around other people/kids.

#9 lilibet67

Posted 04 May 2012 - 02:59 PM

How is she when you leave her at daycare and also does she play with kids or along side the other kids there?

#10 Sancti-mummy

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:08 PM

You describe my girl to a T.  I was at coffee with a few friends and their children/grandchildren the same age, but luckily they were quite supportive and didn't stress.

Some kids are like that - some grow out of it, others don't.

Fridays are "Mummy Day" here, and I have a little shadow.  Its cool.

#11 froggy1

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:09 PM

Hi, my daughter was a lot like this. at daycare 3 days a week and very clingy on days off. she'd been going to mothers group since birth which I loved (and she hated - too noisy). When we moved suburbs I tried a new playgroup and it was a disaster. call me silly, but it took me weeks to work out that she really really did not want to go to mothers group or playgroup, she just wanted to spend our days off with just mum. once i gave up on that type of socialisation she was soo much happier. now she is 6.5 she's still shy and quiet - she finds school overwhelming at times. she just gets sick of the noise! it's no problems, its just her personality type. she's found some other little girls (who are pretty low key) to hang out with and she's happy! good luck

Hi, my daughter was a lot like this. at daycare 3 days a week and very clingy on days off. she'd been going to mothers group since birth which I loved (and she hated - too noisy). When we moved suburbs I tried a new playgroup and it was a disaster. call me silly, but it took me weeks to work out that she really really did not want to go to mothers group or playgroup, she just wanted to spend our days off with just mum. once i gave up on that type of socialisation she was soo much happier. now she is 6.5 she's still shy and quiet - she finds school overwhelming at times. she just gets sick of the noise! it's no problems, its just her personality type. she's found some other little girls (who are pretty low key) to hang out with and she's happy! good luck

#12 Ice Queen

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:17 PM

I wouldnt worry and certainly would not have her assessed.  4 days in dc is a lot for a 2yo, i would skip the playdates for now and focus on you and her and staying at home on the other day. biggrin.gif

#13 Guest_pessi_*

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:26 PM

How is she when you leave her at daycare and also does she play with kids or along side the other kids there?

And how is she otherwise? This suggestion to get her assessed, did this other mother say it just based on the clinginess or are there other things not quite right, like speech, sleep, eating?

The shy, clingy thing wouldn't concern me too much, especially if she plays well with others in your absence and maybe PPs are right and she's just extra clingy on those days she has you to herself. But if she reacts with near-hysteria to all approaches from other people, rarely warms up to anyone even after prolonged contact, then I'd be inclined to think it's not just normal shyness and might warrant looking into.

With my shy child, the thing that helps her the most is trying to keep the environment familiar when possible - for meeting people, for instance, the same park or cafe regularly, or having friends visit us rather than always going to new and different places. It helps her relax, having something other than me around that's familiar, and she's more able to enjoy the social interactions.  

#14 Natttmumm

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:35 PM

Personally I would NOT worry. If daycare says she is fine there then I would accept that. DD1 was like that until age 4. It really upset me and I really focused on it. I found she was ok with a few particular kids like her cousins and one mothers group friend. Other than that she didnt want to play but was fine at daycare. DD2 is 2 now and is exactly the same if her sister is not there. Im not worried at all and I just go to the playdates and she sits on my lap. Sometimes she plays others not. My advice is dont push her or be upset with her, just comfort her as she needs it. Sounds like she just needs you on your day off

#15 More than a Mother

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:36 PM

My 3.5 year old is introverted - fine with those he knows well, but slow to warm in new situations and with new people. I'm fine with that, and I just let people know that he's slow to warm - I don't want to label him 'shy'.

I don't expect him to just potter off and play with unfamiliar children - I go with him and stay, gradually removing my self from the situation when he's comfortable.

I tell him it's ok to just watch what's going on until he's ready to get involved - that reduces any expectation on him. I'm finding that it works well.

I think that acknowledging to him how he's feeling, and vocalising it helps him to understand that it's ok to observe for a while.

I think if she's fine at daycare, you just need to work with her in new situations and with new children.

It's not bad to be an introvert.

#16 Amber Loren's Mum

Posted 04 May 2012 - 10:43 PM

My DD (27mths) goes 2 days to CC, I made a few observations at pick up and voiced concerns to team group leader - i noted she would be playing by herself and just asked her how she interacted through the day.  She said was pretty much into her own company but got along with others when needed to. If not interacting more by 3years then maybe start to be concerned but dont panic yet.

We go to MG and have since birth, after first say 1/2 hour will keep to my side but will then join in - not full on but will play and leave my side.

Lately however I must admit i have noticed my DD is more clingy than she normally is to me 'mummy' - perhaps just one of those toddler phases we have to experience but certainly something that I am hoping is only temporary too.

I wouldnt be too concerned and definitely IMO assessment is not required at this stage.

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