Jump to content

Very Shy and Clingy 2 year old


  • Please log in to reply
15 replies to this topic

#1 Hip Hop

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:34 PM

[/size]Hi there,

Well, I've just returned from another play date with a mum and her tot the sameage as my DD - and feel so deflated!


DD is a naturally shy little girl, most comfortable in her own environment and doesn’tlike other kids or people she isn't familiar with too much in her face. We havebeen going to the same mothers group since she was a baby, but was never thereal social kid. This has become even worse since I went back to work when shewas around 17 months. I work 4 days and she is in day care.


Day care is going well, and all reports I'm getting are positive. She doesn’t'tend to play with the extroverted kids and that’s okay. No concerns there.


But - I dread taking her out to friends, play groups or any social activity.She is super clingy, whinny and just won't leave me alone. If another childeven looks at her or dares tries to play with her, she is hysterical. Even whena friend or someone tries to interact she hates it and just screams and cries!I am so sick of the looks I get - not sure if its pity or what - but it justmakes me feel like crap.

Does anyone else have a LO similar to this? This behaviour was concerning me,so I set up a meeting with day care and they reassured me somewhat. But, todaysomeone suggested I get her "assessed". I was so upset by thiscomment as I thought this may have just been a stage, or her personality typebut maybe I'm avoiding something more serious?

Just wanted to see if anyone else has similar toddlers and if any strategiesworked for them? I love my little girl to bits, but I can't help but feel I’mnot doing the right thing by her...


Thank you in advance.





[size="3"]


#2 bark

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:38 PM

Was it daycare that suggested further looking in to it or somebody else?

#3 Hip Hop

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:44 PM

No, not day care.  Another mum.  Day care told me I had nothing to worry about.  My gut is telling me I don't have anything to worry about, but its hard when I see all the other kids playing and my little one just clinging onto me.

#4 bark

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:49 PM

Well  if she is fine at daycare, perhaps she just misses you so much so when you are together she just wants to be with you.



#5 Pocahontas

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:51 PM

Just a thought but DS1 at that age was going to DC 3 days a week and that was quite enough socialisation for him.  i found that on the other days he was quite happy with his own company and needed the down-time away from other kids.  

Even now at 6 years old, he socialises well but still needs his own space after school and on the weekends to do his own thing. I think he is more introverted personality rather than on the autistic spectrum.  Perhaps that's that same with your LO.  

TBH - If your DC had said something then I'd listen as they see lots of kids and would have experience in picking up warning signs.  If it's another mum then I'd ignore.



#6 PriLou

Posted 04 May 2012 - 02:30 PM

I agree with Pocahontas.

My DS is 29 months. Although I'm on maternity leave at the moment, last year he went to DC Mon - Thur. I found on Fridays that we was tired, missed me, and was happy to actually spend some time at home with his toys.

Even now it depends on the child we are with. He has a calm nature and plays nicely with similar kids. He can't handle the ones who are full-on. He has his own mind and won't be dragged around. It also takes him a good half hour to become comfortable.

#7 missj

Posted 04 May 2012 - 02:39 PM

Hip  Hop, my DS2 (he is 4 years old) sounds so similar to your DD!  He is fine around us and his brother and sister, but if there are other kids around (even his cousins) he is very shy and introverted.  Same at daycare, he is very quiet.  I have no other concerns about him, and I know that there is nothing more to it than just shyness, he is perfectly 'normal' in every way.  
I do understand your frustration, though - we just want to see our kids happy and playing with other kids, and when it's not happening that way, you feel for the child and worry that they aren't going to make friends.  My DS starts school next year, and I'm so worried about him not being able to fit in with the other kids, or to speak up when he needs to.  We are working on it, along with his preschool teachers (who are fantastic, I can't speak highly enough of them).


#8 VintageEyes

Posted 04 May 2012 - 02:40 PM

Just sounds  like she wants to spend time with you when she can.
I noticed in my Mum's group that when one little boy started day care for a few days a week got quite clingy when at the group - he was the same as the other kids before that.
Perhaps it would be better to have some home time on the days you are not working? Some kids (my DS included) get quite drained from being around other people/kids.

#9 lilibet67

Posted 04 May 2012 - 02:59 PM

How is she when you leave her at daycare and also does she play with kids or along side the other kids there?

#10 Sancti-mummy

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:08 PM

You describe my girl to a T.  I was at coffee with a few friends and their children/grandchildren the same age, but luckily they were quite supportive and didn't stress.

Some kids are like that - some grow out of it, others don't.

Fridays are "Mummy Day" here, and I have a little shadow.  Its cool.

#11 froggy1

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:09 PM

Hi, my daughter was a lot like this. at daycare 3 days a week and very clingy on days off. she'd been going to mothers group since birth which I loved (and she hated - too noisy). When we moved suburbs I tried a new playgroup and it was a disaster. call me silly, but it took me weeks to work out that she really really did not want to go to mothers group or playgroup, she just wanted to spend our days off with just mum. once i gave up on that type of socialisation she was soo much happier. now she is 6.5 she's still shy and quiet - she finds school overwhelming at times. she just gets sick of the noise! it's no problems, its just her personality type. she's found some other little girls (who are pretty low key) to hang out with and she's happy! good luck

Hi, my daughter was a lot like this. at daycare 3 days a week and very clingy on days off. she'd been going to mothers group since birth which I loved (and she hated - too noisy). When we moved suburbs I tried a new playgroup and it was a disaster. call me silly, but it took me weeks to work out that she really really did not want to go to mothers group or playgroup, she just wanted to spend our days off with just mum. once i gave up on that type of socialisation she was soo much happier. now she is 6.5 she's still shy and quiet - she finds school overwhelming at times. she just gets sick of the noise! it's no problems, its just her personality type. she's found some other little girls (who are pretty low key) to hang out with and she's happy! good luck

#12 Ice Queen

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:17 PM

I wouldnt worry and certainly would not have her assessed.  4 days in dc is a lot for a 2yo, i would skip the playdates for now and focus on you and her and staying at home on the other day. biggrin.gif

#13 Guest_pessi_*

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:26 PM

QUOTE
How is she when you leave her at daycare and also does she play with kids or along side the other kids there?


And how is she otherwise? This suggestion to get her assessed, did this other mother say it just based on the clinginess or are there other things not quite right, like speech, sleep, eating?

The shy, clingy thing wouldn't concern me too much, especially if she plays well with others in your absence and maybe PPs are right and she's just extra clingy on those days she has you to herself. But if she reacts with near-hysteria to all approaches from other people, rarely warms up to anyone even after prolonged contact, then I'd be inclined to think it's not just normal shyness and might warrant looking into.

With my shy child, the thing that helps her the most is trying to keep the environment familiar when possible - for meeting people, for instance, the same park or cafe regularly, or having friends visit us rather than always going to new and different places. It helps her relax, having something other than me around that's familiar, and she's more able to enjoy the social interactions.  


#14 Natttmumm

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:35 PM

Personally I would NOT worry. If daycare says she is fine there then I would accept that. DD1 was like that until age 4. It really upset me and I really focused on it. I found she was ok with a few particular kids like her cousins and one mothers group friend. Other than that she didnt want to play but was fine at daycare. DD2 is 2 now and is exactly the same if her sister is not there. Im not worried at all and I just go to the playdates and she sits on my lap. Sometimes she plays others not. My advice is dont push her or be upset with her, just comfort her as she needs it. Sounds like she just needs you on your day off

#15 More than a Mother

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:36 PM

My 3.5 year old is introverted - fine with those he knows well, but slow to warm in new situations and with new people. I'm fine with that, and I just let people know that he's slow to warm - I don't want to label him 'shy'.

I don't expect him to just potter off and play with unfamiliar children - I go with him and stay, gradually removing my self from the situation when he's comfortable.

I tell him it's ok to just watch what's going on until he's ready to get involved - that reduces any expectation on him. I'm finding that it works well.

I think that acknowledging to him how he's feeling, and vocalising it helps him to understand that it's ok to observe for a while.

I think if she's fine at daycare, you just need to work with her in new situations and with new children.

It's not bad to be an introvert.

#16 Amber Loren's Mum

Posted 04 May 2012 - 10:43 PM

My DD (27mths) goes 2 days to CC, I made a few observations at pick up and voiced concerns to team group leader - i noted she would be playing by herself and just asked her how she interacted through the day.  She said was pretty much into her own company but got along with others when needed to. If not interacting more by 3years then maybe start to be concerned but dont panic yet.

We go to MG and have since birth, after first say 1/2 hour will keep to my side but will then join in - not full on but will play and leave my side.

Lately however I must admit i have noticed my DD is more clingy than she normally is to me 'mummy' - perhaps just one of those toddler phases we have to experience but certainly something that I am hoping is only temporary too.

I wouldnt be too concerned and definitely IMO assessment is not required at this stage.




2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tot meets his heroes, falls apart with excitement

Two-year-old Quincy finished his potty training last week, and as part of his reward he was able to meet his idols.

Beautiful in our eyes: Georgia's story

I will never deny the fact that grief has a place when you give birth to a child who brings a set of circumstances very different to what you imagined. Because for nine months, I thought I knew my Georgie.

'It's been phenomenal': widower dad of quads thankful for support

There was nothing Erica and Carlos wanted more than a baby.

Vin Diesel names daughter after actor Paul Walker

The actor said there was "no other person" he was thinking about when he chose the name.

How midwives can help women who experience domestic violence

More than half of women who live with abusive partners experience violence during pregnancy.

Mum describes giving birth during Cyclone Pam

A new mother was told she must flee Port Vila hospital with her baby as Cyclone Pam bore down.

6 signs you're done having babies

There were a few signs I'm never going back to the land of maternity jeans, breast pumps and bassinets.

Marta Dusseldorp reveals breastfeeding cost her an acting job

Australian actress Marta Dusseldorp has revealed she was forced to withdraw from a Sydney Theatre Company production because a director did not approve of her breast feeding.

Female celebs (or their babies) with traditionally male names

Looking for a name that's a little bit different for a girl? Turn to names that have been traditionally used for males, as these celebs (or their parents) did.

'If you're anti-immunisation ... take a look at this picture of my son'

Greg Hughes is "an absolute shell of a man" as he and his wife Catherine struggle to come to terms with the loss of their newborn son Riley to whooping cough.

How an extrovert can raise an introvert

Introverts are often misunderstood as shy, and sometimes even rude. A timid child can be difficult to build rapport with, but it's important we nurture their sensitive natures.

Sheryl Sandberg's advice

'Choreplay': Help out at home to get more sex, Sandberg tells men

Forget foreplay. The new and improved route to intercourse is "choreplay" - it's good for your spouse, good for your house, and comes with the imprimatur of feminist du jour Sheryl Sandberg.

How to play with your baby

The first time your child learns a new skill at playtime is very exciting - for both you and your baby! Play is important to your child's development for a variety of reasons - here are some simple ideas for you to try at home.

I'm a single mother by choice

For me, being the best mother I can be means being a mum alone, at least for now. Thinking of my friends with inadequate partners, I wonder why more people don’t choose single motherhood.

Awkward wedding photos

Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.

Four-week-old baby Riley Hughes dies of whooping cough

The mother of a four-week-old Perth baby who died after contracting whooping cough says her family has been left devastated by the loss of her "gorgeous, sweet" son.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Oh boy! Video shows family's reaction to baby surprise

Little Peyton Williams thought she was getting a baby sister named Charlee. But the two-year-old has had to settle for a doll dressed in pink after her baby "sister" turned out to be a boy.

How to help build up your baby's immune system

We all know that having a strong immune system is the best way to stay healthy – but what can we do to help it along?

'Nick, you need to call an ambulance': home birth mum's tragic death

A Melbourne mum who died after the home birth of her baby pleaded with her husband to call an ambulance because she felt she was going to die, the Victorian Coroners Court has heard.

When dads believe their baby doesn't 'like' them

Q: My two-month-old baby doesn't like me. He's perfectly content with my wife, but when I try to hold him, he gets upset and cries. I've backed off a little, thinking that he just needs a little time to get used to me, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm starting to think I'm just not a very good dad. Is it too late for me to build a relationship with my baby?

When was the last time a stranger praised your parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great to get some nice feedback every now and then? After all, everyone likes to hear positive praise, particularly when it comes to parenting.

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

15 names on the verge of extinction

If you're looking to revive an older name, or don’t want anything near the top 1000 list, check out these rare monikers for your unique baby.

5 characteristics of great dads

It’s great to see a generation of dads who are more actively involved with caring, nurturing and loving their kids.

Why doesn't Australia have more breast milk banks?

When there’s no question that milk banks are important, why don’t we have more of them in Australia?

Carrie Bickmore announces birth of daughter

Television personality Carrie Bickmore has given birth to her second child.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.