Jump to content

Very Shy and Clingy 2 year old


  • Please log in to reply
15 replies to this topic

#1 Hip Hop

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:34 PM

[/size]Hi there,

Well, I've just returned from another play date with a mum and her tot the sameage as my DD - and feel so deflated!


DD is a naturally shy little girl, most comfortable in her own environment and doesn’tlike other kids or people she isn't familiar with too much in her face. We havebeen going to the same mothers group since she was a baby, but was never thereal social kid. This has become even worse since I went back to work when shewas around 17 months. I work 4 days and she is in day care.


Day care is going well, and all reports I'm getting are positive. She doesn’t'tend to play with the extroverted kids and that’s okay. No concerns there.


But - I dread taking her out to friends, play groups or any social activity.She is super clingy, whinny and just won't leave me alone. If another childeven looks at her or dares tries to play with her, she is hysterical. Even whena friend or someone tries to interact she hates it and just screams and cries!I am so sick of the looks I get - not sure if its pity or what - but it justmakes me feel like crap.

Does anyone else have a LO similar to this? This behaviour was concerning me,so I set up a meeting with day care and they reassured me somewhat. But, todaysomeone suggested I get her "assessed". I was so upset by thiscomment as I thought this may have just been a stage, or her personality typebut maybe I'm avoiding something more serious?

Just wanted to see if anyone else has similar toddlers and if any strategiesworked for them? I love my little girl to bits, but I can't help but feel I’mnot doing the right thing by her...


Thank you in advance.





[size="3"]


#2 bark

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:38 PM

Was it daycare that suggested further looking in to it or somebody else?

#3 Hip Hop

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:44 PM

No, not day care.  Another mum.  Day care told me I had nothing to worry about.  My gut is telling me I don't have anything to worry about, but its hard when I see all the other kids playing and my little one just clinging onto me.

#4 bark

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:49 PM

Well  if she is fine at daycare, perhaps she just misses you so much so when you are together she just wants to be with you.



#5 Pocahontas

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:51 PM

Just a thought but DS1 at that age was going to DC 3 days a week and that was quite enough socialisation for him.  i found that on the other days he was quite happy with his own company and needed the down-time away from other kids.  

Even now at 6 years old, he socialises well but still needs his own space after school and on the weekends to do his own thing. I think he is more introverted personality rather than on the autistic spectrum.  Perhaps that's that same with your LO.  

TBH - If your DC had said something then I'd listen as they see lots of kids and would have experience in picking up warning signs.  If it's another mum then I'd ignore.



#6 PriLou

Posted 04 May 2012 - 02:30 PM

I agree with Pocahontas.

My DS is 29 months. Although I'm on maternity leave at the moment, last year he went to DC Mon - Thur. I found on Fridays that we was tired, missed me, and was happy to actually spend some time at home with his toys.

Even now it depends on the child we are with. He has a calm nature and plays nicely with similar kids. He can't handle the ones who are full-on. He has his own mind and won't be dragged around. It also takes him a good half hour to become comfortable.

#7 missj

Posted 04 May 2012 - 02:39 PM

Hip  Hop, my DS2 (he is 4 years old) sounds so similar to your DD!  He is fine around us and his brother and sister, but if there are other kids around (even his cousins) he is very shy and introverted.  Same at daycare, he is very quiet.  I have no other concerns about him, and I know that there is nothing more to it than just shyness, he is perfectly 'normal' in every way.  
I do understand your frustration, though - we just want to see our kids happy and playing with other kids, and when it's not happening that way, you feel for the child and worry that they aren't going to make friends.  My DS starts school next year, and I'm so worried about him not being able to fit in with the other kids, or to speak up when he needs to.  We are working on it, along with his preschool teachers (who are fantastic, I can't speak highly enough of them).


#8 VintageEyes

Posted 04 May 2012 - 02:40 PM

Just sounds  like she wants to spend time with you when she can.
I noticed in my Mum's group that when one little boy started day care for a few days a week got quite clingy when at the group - he was the same as the other kids before that.
Perhaps it would be better to have some home time on the days you are not working? Some kids (my DS included) get quite drained from being around other people/kids.

#9 lilibet67

Posted 04 May 2012 - 02:59 PM

How is she when you leave her at daycare and also does she play with kids or along side the other kids there?

#10 DreamFeralisations

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:08 PM

You describe my girl to a T.  I was at coffee with a few friends and their children/grandchildren the same age, but luckily they were quite supportive and didn't stress.

Some kids are like that - some grow out of it, others don't.

Fridays are "Mummy Day" here, and I have a little shadow.  Its cool.

#11 froggy1

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:09 PM

Hi, my daughter was a lot like this. at daycare 3 days a week and very clingy on days off. she'd been going to mothers group since birth which I loved (and she hated - too noisy). When we moved suburbs I tried a new playgroup and it was a disaster. call me silly, but it took me weeks to work out that she really really did not want to go to mothers group or playgroup, she just wanted to spend our days off with just mum. once i gave up on that type of socialisation she was soo much happier. now she is 6.5 she's still shy and quiet - she finds school overwhelming at times. she just gets sick of the noise! it's no problems, its just her personality type. she's found some other little girls (who are pretty low key) to hang out with and she's happy! good luck

Hi, my daughter was a lot like this. at daycare 3 days a week and very clingy on days off. she'd been going to mothers group since birth which I loved (and she hated - too noisy). When we moved suburbs I tried a new playgroup and it was a disaster. call me silly, but it took me weeks to work out that she really really did not want to go to mothers group or playgroup, she just wanted to spend our days off with just mum. once i gave up on that type of socialisation she was soo much happier. now she is 6.5 she's still shy and quiet - she finds school overwhelming at times. she just gets sick of the noise! it's no problems, its just her personality type. she's found some other little girls (who are pretty low key) to hang out with and she's happy! good luck

#12 Ice Queen

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:17 PM

I wouldnt worry and certainly would not have her assessed.  4 days in dc is a lot for a 2yo, i would skip the playdates for now and focus on you and her and staying at home on the other day. biggrin.gif

#13 Guest_pessi_*

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:26 PM

QUOTE
How is she when you leave her at daycare and also does she play with kids or along side the other kids there?


And how is she otherwise? This suggestion to get her assessed, did this other mother say it just based on the clinginess or are there other things not quite right, like speech, sleep, eating?

The shy, clingy thing wouldn't concern me too much, especially if she plays well with others in your absence and maybe PPs are right and she's just extra clingy on those days she has you to herself. But if she reacts with near-hysteria to all approaches from other people, rarely warms up to anyone even after prolonged contact, then I'd be inclined to think it's not just normal shyness and might warrant looking into.

With my shy child, the thing that helps her the most is trying to keep the environment familiar when possible - for meeting people, for instance, the same park or cafe regularly, or having friends visit us rather than always going to new and different places. It helps her relax, having something other than me around that's familiar, and she's more able to enjoy the social interactions.  


#14 Natttmumm

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:35 PM

Personally I would NOT worry. If daycare says she is fine there then I would accept that. DD1 was like that until age 4. It really upset me and I really focused on it. I found she was ok with a few particular kids like her cousins and one mothers group friend. Other than that she didnt want to play but was fine at daycare. DD2 is 2 now and is exactly the same if her sister is not there. Im not worried at all and I just go to the playdates and she sits on my lap. Sometimes she plays others not. My advice is dont push her or be upset with her, just comfort her as she needs it. Sounds like she just needs you on your day off

#15 More than a Mother

Posted 04 May 2012 - 03:36 PM

My 3.5 year old is introverted - fine with those he knows well, but slow to warm in new situations and with new people. I'm fine with that, and I just let people know that he's slow to warm - I don't want to label him 'shy'.

I don't expect him to just potter off and play with unfamiliar children - I go with him and stay, gradually removing my self from the situation when he's comfortable.

I tell him it's ok to just watch what's going on until he's ready to get involved - that reduces any expectation on him. I'm finding that it works well.

I think that acknowledging to him how he's feeling, and vocalising it helps him to understand that it's ok to observe for a while.

I think if she's fine at daycare, you just need to work with her in new situations and with new children.

It's not bad to be an introvert.

#16 Amber Loren's Mum

Posted 04 May 2012 - 10:43 PM

My DD (27mths) goes 2 days to CC, I made a few observations at pick up and voiced concerns to team group leader - i noted she would be playing by herself and just asked her how she interacted through the day.  She said was pretty much into her own company but got along with others when needed to. If not interacting more by 3years then maybe start to be concerned but dont panic yet.

We go to MG and have since birth, after first say 1/2 hour will keep to my side but will then join in - not full on but will play and leave my side.

Lately however I must admit i have noticed my DD is more clingy than she normally is to me 'mummy' - perhaps just one of those toddler phases we have to experience but certainly something that I am hoping is only temporary too.

I wouldnt be too concerned and definitely IMO assessment is not required at this stage.




2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win $1000 with Sea-Bands!

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

Misery loves Facebook

Facebook users are often criticised for only showing the positive, fun parts of their lives. But what about when it swings the other way, when someone uses it for the purposes of ranting about their children all the time, never posting anything positive?

Toddler's adorable impersonation of pregnant mum

Little Ellis has noticed his mum is walking differently lately, and his impersonation of her is hilarious.

'Forgotten baby syndrome' can happen to any one of us

When my third child was two months old, I strapped her into her car seat, then promptly forgot all about her. But she survived, unharmed, because it was winter, and I was lucky.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

Ten things I've learned about motherhood

Never take a good night's sleep for granted. There is no logic like toddler logic. Standing on Lego hurts every time. These are the truths of parenthood.

Parenting past the toddler years: what's next?

Your baby has grown into a toddler, and now your toddler is fast approaching the preschooler stage. What can you expect as a parent?

Tips on what to pack in your hospital bag

Before giving birth I read countless lists, ended up overpacking just a little, and now know what I'll actually want to pack next time.

New app keeps tabs on your kids at childcare

Popular new technology lets parents know what their children are up to at childcare - but not everyone is a fan.

21 things I love about newborns

There?s an irresistible magic about newborns. Of course they're not all smiles and rainbows, but they are undeniably cute and remarkable in so, so many ways.

Kid-friendly hairdressers: who says haircuts can?t be fun?

I?ve found some salons who boast setups ideal for children ? you name it, they?ve thought of it. All are designed to make haircuts fun rather than stressful.

Labour pain relief may reduce risk of postnatal depression: study

Postnatal depression is a complex condition, but researchers say pain relief during labour may help some women.

Why we need better support for men after miscarriage

In a recent study, 85 per cent of men admitted feeling sadness after their partner miscarried, but almost half said they didn't share their feelings at all. What can be done to help them?

Mum in business: Kristy Chong

Kristy Chong is the managing director of Australian-made Modibodi underwear and a mum to Lucas, 6, Jason, 4, and Isaac, 6 months. She shares her advice for other mums thinking about starting their own businesses.

From toddler to preschooler: a developmental roadmap

So your toddler is growing up and will soon be entering the preschooler years. Here are a few ways to frame their development that will help you understand what?s going in those beautiful, funny, clever little heads of theirs.

Mum sacrifices an eye for her unborn baby

Motherhood is full of sacrifices, but this woman has made a life-altering one - and her baby hasn't even been born.

A grandparent by any other name

A growing number of grandparents are shunning tradition and going against conventional names - but a grandparent by any other name still gives the same awesome cuddles and kisses.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

When labour just doesn't happen

After three healthy kids, I can?t help feeling I?ve been a little ripped off. I missed out on something I had always wanted to experience, and now I?ll never get the chance.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Win $1000 with Sea-Bands!

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.