Jump to content

Feel like no one cares about my baby

  • Please log in to reply
24 replies to this topic

#1 Rosiepose

Posted 03 May 2012 - 10:55 PM

I'm new here because I need somewhere to vent. We went through infertility treatment and IVF 7 times, with miscarriages and other complications. It is a miracle that my girl is here. The thing that really upsets me is that no one has ever recognized her birth. She was born a few days before Xmas by Elective Caesar due to complications. So everyone knew her birth date. I'm not materialistic, and I'm not after presents etc at all. I would have just loved it if friends and family had recognized her arrival. A card or a phone call or something would have been nice. My sister was the only one that bought her something, a lovely doll and silver bangle. No one else sent cards or called or visited . Even my parents ( who are wonderful and caring and lovely) didn't get her anything. I'm just upset because  two distant cousins that we never see just had baby girls, and my parents went to pumpkin patch and bought them lovely clothes to send. I know I'm awful venting, but I went home and cried a lot because I am so sad for my baby that no one cared enough to welcome her into the world. Actually, my Nannas home help lady bought my daughter a gift and I don't even know her!!! It makes me so sad that my Nannas cleaner, who I don't even know recognized her birth, but no family or friends did.  In Mothers group they were all talking about how many flowers they got and how there rooms were like florists, and I was thinking that I would have been greatful for a card. It really upsets me as she was so wanted and so special ( as all babies are anyway) and I would have liked her to have been welcomed more than she was. How hard is it to send a card or call? It's like she's invisible! My sister had a baby 7 months earlier and she got flowers and a hamper off my parents and lots of gifts from our friends and family members who dropped around with well wishes. I've kept it bottled up until now, and had to write my feelings down some where. Maybe I'm being silly, but I'm just so sad for my daughter that I'll never be able to show her anything that she received when she was born ( apart from my sisters gift which I cherish!). Thanks for listening!

#2 Marchioness Flea

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:04 PM

No way are you being silly! I find it disgraceful your family didn't acknowledge your daughter's birth. Though I do admit I hate bought flowers as they only die and stink after a few days.
I believe EVERY child deserves a welcome into the world by as many people as possible. My daughter received gifts from people I'd never met(MiL's friends) and will never meet, but MOST people love new babies.
Don't bottle it up, TELL them how you feel. Then go from there, at least you'll have said your piece and not bottled it up, causing more and more anxiety and stress.

And welcome to the world little one!

#3 Wyn99

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:06 PM

Congrats on your new baby. Sorry you feel this way though.  Firstly, I found mother's group a big boasting / comparing session where truth was often forgotten. Secondly, what is your relationship with your parents like? You say they are loving and caring, did they visit you? Have they looked after your baby? Maybe they can't afford a gift, but if they are helping you, does it matter?  Why not create a book/ journal for your child yourself, where you can mark her milestones, that you can cherish?  My mother, who I love dearly, is not into sending gifts, however does so many other things for me I never even notice. In-laws on the other hand, shower my kids with presents (which they play with for about 1 day) which I think is waay too materialistic.  As for flowers in the hospital room ... seriously I couldn't care less, but that's just me.

#4 Mummy Em

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:11 PM

I don't think that is silly. Who were you hoping for acknowledgement from? Can you speak to them about how you felt not recieving any acknowledgement or record that they are excited about the arrival of your child? I know i kept every card that was sent for the arrival of my girls, and dh kept records of all the texts that he recieved, so that they can look back and see who helped us celebrate their birth. I don't think it is unreasonable to hope for those kinds of records for your little one.

#5 CuppaTea

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:15 PM


Hate to say it but seems like your miracle may have been caught up in the Christmas rush - bloody bloody families!!!
Don't frett - you might be pleasantly surprised this Christmas.

#6 bluedragon

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:16 PM

Read this and just had to give you a big  bbighug.gif It must be horrible keeping that bottled up for so long. I agree with PP that you need to sit down with your parents especially and tell them how you feel. Have you discussed this with the sister who did get the baby a gift? Does she have any insight?

I'm sorry your DDs arrival wasn't celebrated as it should have been but I'm sure she has a wonderful mother who no doubt showers her with love and this is the most important thing.

#7 FEdeRAL

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:18 PM

Hi Congratulations on your little girl. Am sorry to hear your parents didn't even bother to visit or call you in the hospital, disgraceful as PP said. I am thinking perhaps you can plan a big 1st birthday (even though it's still awhile to December) to make sure friends and family don't "forget" this time? That way you will have cards and videos and photos to keep and show to your child when she is older, and hopefully make up for the lack of welcome when she was born?

#8 lucky 2

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:31 PM

I'm sorry you are feeling so sad and neglected.
Are you able to talk with you partner about this? I hope so.
I'm not sure what to say but it sounds painful and I hope you feel more supported ASAP original.gif .

#9 pitzinoodles

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:50 PM


Congratulations on your precious baby girl! Sounds like she has a mother who loves her to bits.

I get your vent. My DD was born a few weeks after I moved interstate, so only a few visitors/flowers, I didn't mind too much, but when her first bday came around (coincided with easter) no one came to her party! No one! I had only invited a few people not wanting to make a big deal of it, but these things are a big deal and it's nice to have someone recognize it. I rarely cry, but just remembering that brings tears to my eyes. I totally get your post and hope someone makes a big fuss of the next important occasion (naming day/christening/bday).

#10 Tea~for~two

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:52 PM

Oh Rosie they is so sad sad.gif  I just want to give you a big, big hug!!!

Why don't you tell us about your beautiful little girl? What's her name? How much did she weigh? Did she have any hair?

Imagine that I'm sitting on the edge of your bed with a cup of tea, a packet of timtams and that the nurse has just gone off to get a vase for the beautiful bouquet of yellow roses I've brought you and tell me everything!!!

PS I'm very proud of you original.gif Congratulations!!!

#11 Rosiepose

Posted 04 May 2012 - 12:04 AM

Thanks for all the replys. My parents did visit every day and were with me in the hospital and are wonderful. They have helped a lot are always helping. We have the best relationship. I think they just show their love in other ways which is absolutely fine.  Maybe as someone suggested that everyone was caught up in the Christmas season, and I was very sick during and after the Caesar, so their minds were probably elsewhere.  It's  more my extended family and friends.  I feel like we go to the trouble of recognizing other family members children that are born, So I was sad when mine was not thought of at all ( not just in the form of gifts, but no phone calls or texts or cards etc). I would have loved to have had cards to show her and put in her baby book etc. I have talked to my sister about it and she thinks it's because it was around Christmas. I really, really don't care about gifts or flowers. I would just have loved for her to have been thought of and people be excited that she is finally here.  We do a daily diary for her with a picture of her every single day in her first year so she has something to look back on.
It probably brought this feeling up because I bought my cousin a lovely piece of clothing to send to her new baby in a dark purple color with white flowers on it. When I showed my Mum what I was sending her, she thought I should send something pink and got a bit annoyed that I was going to send a girl something dark purple ( I don't know why because it was gorgeous!) it just got me thinking that I would have been so grateful if ANYONE had of thought of my girl. I wouldn't have cared if they sent her something black lol, just knowing she was thought of would have been enough. Maybe I'm over reacting? Im a nurse, so see a lot of the new babies on the maternity ward, so I know that a lot of babies are thought of by their friends and extended family when they are born.

#12 canuckmel

Posted 04 May 2012 - 12:11 AM

Could a lot of it be that perhaps there have been other babies in the family and the 'novelty' has worn off a bit? I know when my last was born, she was my MILs 12th grandchild and FILs 24th grandchild (by then, he also had two great grandchildren too) and they seemed a bit disinterested compared to when my first was born and was 'only' the 4th and 6th grandchild respectively.

I know it's probably not what you want to here, but sometimes the 'novelty' wears off for other family after a few babies and leads to family appearing disinterested.

Edited by canuckmel, 04 May 2012 - 12:12 AM.

#13 -al-

Posted 04 May 2012 - 12:17 AM

There is no excuse for the behaviour of your family and friends not acknowledging your childs birth, however this has more to do with their being self absorbed at a busy time of year than anything else. They should have welcomed and celebrated her arrival particularly after the long journey that lead to her arrival, but dont take it personally just as a lesson on how self absorbed others are.
My DD was born 11 wks early, my mother didnt bother visiting until DD was home and well over a month old - she still has not not provided any support! (15 years later) Hard to believe she was worse with my DS, yet for my sisters children she has taken weeks off work to help my sister out and purchased almost every item they needed - including a car! (we were a single income family, my sister had been double income for many years) when my mother spoke to me on the phone she would forget to ask about my children because she was too busy asking what she should buy for sisters children. It hurt a lot at the time, but at some point I came to realise my mother doesnt go out of her way to be hurtful, she just doesnt put thought into her actions. I also accepted my part in the situation; in displaying strength through DDs battles, I may have given the impression I  didnt want/need her there, when that was far from the truth.(not implying you had a part in your situation though)
I know my children are blessed to have DH and I as the ones they know they can rely on, we are a very close unit because of this.
Your daughter will always be the apple of your eye, dont let others short comings affect the quality of the time you have with her, rejoice in her smile and the joy she brings you.

#14 B.feral3

Posted 04 May 2012 - 12:38 AM

QUOTE (CuppaTea @ 03/05/2012, 11:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hate to say it but seems like your miracle may have been caught up in the Christmas rush - bloody bloody families!!!
Don't frett - you might be pleasantly surprised this Christmas.

Yep, my baby was born on the 19th of December 2011 and this is exactly what happened!!

No advice OP but I do understand how you feel and your vent is completely valid. huge congrats from me though on the birth of your DD.  wub.gif

#15 BadgerBasher

Posted 04 May 2012 - 12:44 AM

I care about your baby original.gif
A huge congratulations on your gorgeous baby girl hheart.gif

#16 Sweetpea11

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:12 AM

Sorry thats happened to you OP  sad.gif
Could your sister maybe ask your parents something like "What did you get Rosiepose for her baby's arrival again?". Could be they just need their memory jogged that they haven't given you something yet in all the Christmas mayhem.

Sometimes its hard when you feel like you always acknowledge other people's special moments in life (engagements, weddings, births, birthdays etc) and yet when it's finally your turn to want to celebrate something special it's just dead air (metaphorically speaking!). I've felt that way myself at times.

Take heart that your baby is the luckiest baby in the world to have you as a mum. You will always celebrate her exciting moments, make her feel special and when she has a baby one day you'll be able to make a huge fuss over her children  biggrin.gif

And maybe take note of those that didn't acknowledge your baby for future reference...!  dev (6).gif

#17 Feral.K.

Posted 04 May 2012 - 02:10 AM

QUOTE (Rosiepose @ 04/05/2012, 12:04 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks for all the replies. My parents did visit every day and were with me in the hospital and are wonderful. They have helped a lot are always helping. We have the best relationship. I think they just show their love in other ways which is absolutely fine.  Maybe as someone suggested that everyone was caught up in the Christmas season, and I was very sick during and after the Caesar, so their minds were probably elsewhere. It's more my extended family and friends.

If you were unwell before and after the birth then I imagine your Mum was worried sick at that time and the last thing she would have been thinking of was popping out to buy a card or a gift. Then came Christmas, and helping you once you came home, so I would cut her and your Dad some slack there and let it go. Other people really could have taken the time to at least send a message, if not a card or gift, but I think as PPs have suggested that Christmas probably distracted them.

I think the dark purple with white flowers baby outfit sounds gorgeous, and you seem like a lovely friend who always marks the birth of friends and family member’s babies. Don’t let what has happened stop you from doing that because, as I’m sure you know, it can bring a lot of joy to the gift giver as well as the recipient.

#18 Marchioness Flea

Posted 04 May 2012 - 08:07 AM

I personally try to avoid pink if possible for my daughter.  I fail to see why her vagina means she can ONLY wear pink. Plus purple is my favorite colour original.gif
Now she's 2, HER favorite colour is blue...and it's REALLY hard to find blue girl's clothes!
I would also make sure you mention your daughter's birthday A LOT in the leadup so no  one forgets her first birthday, even if it is near Christmas. I have a friend born ON Christmas Day and he's not forgotten(though he's nearly 40 now, so years of getting it right I guess).

#19 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 04 May 2012 - 07:17 PM

Congratulations on your baby girl, from another IVF mum (8 cycles).  

It doesn't help, but I bet it is the Christmas thing.  People are so stressed out that time of year, they are away, hosting people, it probably just slipped their minds.  

Now watch out, because the same thing might happen on her first birthday.  I'm an 18 December girl and am always getting forgotten in the Christmas rush.  Or getting combined presents mad.gif   Or when I was a kid it was hard to schedule my party as my friends would all be going away.  

Could you have a 6 months celebration tea?

Plus what Jenflea said.

#20 Guest_NinjahAlpaca_*

Posted 04 May 2012 - 07:27 PM

I care about your baby, too!

Congratulations, and give her a cuddle from me.

And pooh to those who didn't acknowledge her birth - I'd be sad too, if I were you.

#21 starqueen_78

Posted 04 May 2012 - 08:19 PM

Oh, I read this and just wanted to send you flowers! I bet the ladies here are right, it just all got lost in you being ill and  xmas......... Hang in there, I am sure this xmas will be amazing and so will her first birthday!

#22 bagelbagel81

Posted 07 May 2012 - 12:52 PM

QUOTE (Tea~for~two @ 04/05/2012, 12:52 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh Rosie they is so sad sad.gif  I just want to give you a big, big hug!!!

Why don't you tell us about your beautiful little girl? What's her name? How much did she weigh? Did she have any hair?

Imagine that I'm sitting on the edge of your bed with a cup of tea, a packet of timtams and that the nurse has just gone off to get a vase for the beautiful bouquet of yellow roses I've brought you and tell me everything!!!

PS I'm very proud of you original.gif Congratulations!!!

^^ That is so sweet!

A big congratulations to you too. You must be so proud after your long journey.
I would definitely be making a big spectacle for the 1st birthday, to make up for lost time!

#23 BeachedAsBro

Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:03 PM

Yes, congratulations on your little girl! Such a hard road you've traveled and you've finally arrived original.gif

#24 niggles

Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:12 PM

I'd be sad too. I hope you can make her first birthday celebration a really special one to make up for the slips on her birth and that they all rise to the occasion. I'd even say to my family in the lead up that you are really excited about it because you want to celebrate her in style without the stress and distraction that was associated with her birth.

#25 libbylu

Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:23 PM

How sad  sad.gif
Perhaps also if people had heard you were unwell they were reluctant to call or pop over.  It is always a bit of a delicate time and I am always unsure of whether to visit friends or not in the early days.  No excuse for not posting though.
I agree with PP - give everyone the opportunity to make a fuss of her on her first birthday by putting on a bit of a bash and inviting everyone along.  We did this and I treasure the cards we got from DSs first birthday party and the lovely things that were written.

2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users


Kourtney Kardashian goes nude for art

We've all done some pretty radical things after a big break-up, but Kourtney Kardashian has gone one better.

Video shows babies 'singing' to music in the womb

A new study has shown that babies may actually be able to hear from as early as 16 weeks – 10 weeks earlier than was commonly thought.

Prevent pelvic pain with pre-pregnancy exercise: study

Women who want to stave off aches and pains in pregnancy should exercise regularly before they conceive, experts say.

Dad's hilarious blog about life with twins

A stand-up comedian in the UK has plenty of new material since becoming a dad to twin boys.

Dinosaur products for babies and toddlers

Dinosaurs are one of those classic childhood crazes. We've put together a host of products for dinosaur-mad parents, babies and toddlers.

Restaurant manager sticks up for noisy baby

A mum was left upset by a note from neighbouring diners saying her screaming baby had ruined their dinner.

His name is Cayden: Mum and social media hit back after racist Facebook attack

When a man posted a selfie with a co-worker's son to Facebook, it became a magnet for racist comments.

The Chinese tradition for new mums that can now cost $37,000 a month

Opulent rest time is becoming the gold standard in postpartum recovery, inspired by a Chinese confinement custom known as "sitting the month".

How the media can shape our decisions when it comes to labour

We all like to think that we make our choices in fair, reasoned and well-thought out ways. Not many of us would admit that we allowed the media to influence us in our life choices.

Mum told to express in pet relief area at airport

A woman who flew from Boston to Washington says staff with United Airlines at Washington's Dulles Airport suggested she pump her breast milk in the pet-relief area.

Heartbreak as mum dies and her baby chokes to death

An Australian woman living in the US collapsed and died while feeding her baby, who then choked to death on his food. 

The hidden mental health illness of anxiety

Anxiety took over Robyn Read's life to such an extent she could not even buy the groceries and felt suicidal.

Two children fall from second storey window

Two young boys have been rushed to hospital after falling out a second-storey window of a home in Eastwood.

Mum gives birth to India's heaviest baby

An Indian woman has given birth to a baby boy weighing a whopping 5.97kg, setting a new record for the country's heaviest baby.

Grandma surprised with brand new granddaughter

Finding out you’re going to be a grandmother can be a very emotional moment. Finding out that you’re a grandmother and the baby is already here is just out of this world.

Saltwater Sandals for babies and toddlers

Many mamas are wearing Saltwater Sandals - why not buy them for your babies and toddlers too?

How to spring clean your body and mind

Whether you're pregnant, already a mum, or are just trying to be a bit more healthy, there are ways to use the rejuvenating season to give yourself a boost.


What's hot on EB

Stella McCartney honours mum with lacy bra

Fashion designer Stella McCartney has honoured her late mum, Linda McCartney, by designing a special bra for post-mastectomy patients.

Don't panic: A granddad midwife's guide for dads-to-be

Mark Harris has helped deliver 500 babies. And he's now telling fathers what to expect.

How to be a calm parent when you're feeling anything but

Being a calm parent takes a lot of work, sometimes more than is obvious to those around us.

The joy and isolation of being a stay-at-home dad

It's cool, kind of like a second childhood. I love him to bits and think, on average, I'm an okay dad. But I also want to talk about the other stuff.

How baby Teddy's short life is helping save thousands of lives

He may have only lived for 100 minutes, but that didn't stop baby Teddy from saving the lives of others.

A heartbreaking trail of missed chances in death of baby forgotten in car

A haunting reminder to stay mindful about babies in cars, especially as we approach summer.

What to do if your baby has tongue-tie

Tongue-tie can cause feeding problems. However once it is diagnosed, the condition can be easily treated.

How to move house without losing your mind

Some people move frequently, while others like to stay put. But everyone finds it stressful.

'She had nowhere to go': how new mum's life began to unravel

The birth of her first child should have been happiest of times for Campsie mother Phuong Cao, but friends say it marked the beginning of when her life began to unravel. 

Women giving birth to a son keep some of his Y chromosomes

It was an experiment doomed to failure - they were looking for male cells in female bodies. And their search was stunningly successful.

Photos: How babies fit in the womb

A gorgeous photo series shows babies in the first hours after their birth - as they were positioned in the womb.

Baby tries to persuade stubborn bulldog to walk, fails

We don't know what he's saying, but this baby has a very clear message for his bulldog pal: let's walk - NOW.

The best toddler gift ever? Nine gender-neutral play kitchen picks

Without a doubt, one of the best gifts for a toddler turning two or three is a play kitchen.

9 easy steps to improve your baby photography

With a few simple tips you can take your images from random happy snaps to lovely clean images that create beautiful lasting memories.



Can't decide?

Check out the Essential Baby Names section for some inspiration

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.