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Feel like no one cares about my baby


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#1 Rosiepose

Posted 03 May 2012 - 10:55 PM

I'm new here because I need somewhere to vent. We went through infertility treatment and IVF 7 times, with miscarriages and other complications. It is a miracle that my girl is here. The thing that really upsets me is that no one has ever recognized her birth. She was born a few days before Xmas by Elective Caesar due to complications. So everyone knew her birth date. I'm not materialistic, and I'm not after presents etc at all. I would have just loved it if friends and family had recognized her arrival. A card or a phone call or something would have been nice. My sister was the only one that bought her something, a lovely doll and silver bangle. No one else sent cards or called or visited . Even my parents ( who are wonderful and caring and lovely) didn't get her anything. I'm just upset because  two distant cousins that we never see just had baby girls, and my parents went to pumpkin patch and bought them lovely clothes to send. I know I'm awful venting, but I went home and cried a lot because I am so sad for my baby that no one cared enough to welcome her into the world. Actually, my Nannas home help lady bought my daughter a gift and I don't even know her!!! It makes me so sad that my Nannas cleaner, who I don't even know recognized her birth, but no family or friends did.  In Mothers group they were all talking about how many flowers they got and how there rooms were like florists, and I was thinking that I would have been greatful for a card. It really upsets me as she was so wanted and so special ( as all babies are anyway) and I would have liked her to have been welcomed more than she was. How hard is it to send a card or call? It's like she's invisible! My sister had a baby 7 months earlier and she got flowers and a hamper off my parents and lots of gifts from our friends and family members who dropped around with well wishes. I've kept it bottled up until now, and had to write my feelings down some where. Maybe I'm being silly, but I'm just so sad for my daughter that I'll never be able to show her anything that she received when she was born ( apart from my sisters gift which I cherish!). Thanks for listening!

#2 Marchioness Flea

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:04 PM

No way are you being silly! I find it disgraceful your family didn't acknowledge your daughter's birth. Though I do admit I hate bought flowers as they only die and stink after a few days.
I believe EVERY child deserves a welcome into the world by as many people as possible. My daughter received gifts from people I'd never met(MiL's friends) and will never meet, but MOST people love new babies.
Don't bottle it up, TELL them how you feel. Then go from there, at least you'll have said your piece and not bottled it up, causing more and more anxiety and stress.

And welcome to the world little one!

#3 Wyn99

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:06 PM

Congrats on your new baby. Sorry you feel this way though.  Firstly, I found mother's group a big boasting / comparing session where truth was often forgotten. Secondly, what is your relationship with your parents like? You say they are loving and caring, did they visit you? Have they looked after your baby? Maybe they can't afford a gift, but if they are helping you, does it matter?  Why not create a book/ journal for your child yourself, where you can mark her milestones, that you can cherish?  My mother, who I love dearly, is not into sending gifts, however does so many other things for me I never even notice. In-laws on the other hand, shower my kids with presents (which they play with for about 1 day) which I think is waay too materialistic.  As for flowers in the hospital room ... seriously I couldn't care less, but that's just me.

#4 Mummy Em

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:11 PM

I don't think that is silly. Who were you hoping for acknowledgement from? Can you speak to them about how you felt not recieving any acknowledgement or record that they are excited about the arrival of your child? I know i kept every card that was sent for the arrival of my girls, and dh kept records of all the texts that he recieved, so that they can look back and see who helped us celebrate their birth. I don't think it is unreasonable to hope for those kinds of records for your little one.

#5 CuppaTea

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:15 PM

Congratulations..!!!!


Hate to say it but seems like your miracle may have been caught up in the Christmas rush - bloody bloody families!!!
Don't frett - you might be pleasantly surprised this Christmas.

#6 bluedragon

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:16 PM

Read this and just had to give you a big  bbighug.gif It must be horrible keeping that bottled up for so long. I agree with PP that you need to sit down with your parents especially and tell them how you feel. Have you discussed this with the sister who did get the baby a gift? Does she have any insight?

I'm sorry your DDs arrival wasn't celebrated as it should have been but I'm sure she has a wonderful mother who no doubt showers her with love and this is the most important thing.

#7 FEdeRAL

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:18 PM

Hi Congratulations on your little girl. Am sorry to hear your parents didn't even bother to visit or call you in the hospital, disgraceful as PP said. I am thinking perhaps you can plan a big 1st birthday (even though it's still awhile to December) to make sure friends and family don't "forget" this time? That way you will have cards and videos and photos to keep and show to your child when she is older, and hopefully make up for the lack of welcome when she was born?

#8 lucky 2

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:31 PM

I'm sorry you are feeling so sad and neglected.
Are you able to talk with you partner about this? I hope so.
I'm not sure what to say but it sounds painful and I hope you feel more supported ASAP original.gif .



#9 pitzinoodles

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:50 PM

bbighug.gif

Congratulations on your precious baby girl! Sounds like she has a mother who loves her to bits.

I get your vent. My DD was born a few weeks after I moved interstate, so only a few visitors/flowers, I didn't mind too much, but when her first bday came around (coincided with easter) no one came to her party! No one! I had only invited a few people not wanting to make a big deal of it, but these things are a big deal and it's nice to have someone recognize it. I rarely cry, but just remembering that brings tears to my eyes. I totally get your post and hope someone makes a big fuss of the next important occasion (naming day/christening/bday).

#10 Tea~for~two

Posted 03 May 2012 - 11:52 PM

Oh Rosie they is so sad sad.gif  I just want to give you a big, big hug!!!

Why don't you tell us about your beautiful little girl? What's her name? How much did she weigh? Did she have any hair?

Imagine that I'm sitting on the edge of your bed with a cup of tea, a packet of timtams and that the nurse has just gone off to get a vase for the beautiful bouquet of yellow roses I've brought you and tell me everything!!!

PS I'm very proud of you original.gif Congratulations!!!

#11 Rosiepose

Posted 04 May 2012 - 12:04 AM

Thanks for all the replys. My parents did visit every day and were with me in the hospital and are wonderful. They have helped a lot are always helping. We have the best relationship. I think they just show their love in other ways which is absolutely fine.  Maybe as someone suggested that everyone was caught up in the Christmas season, and I was very sick during and after the Caesar, so their minds were probably elsewhere.  It's  more my extended family and friends.  I feel like we go to the trouble of recognizing other family members children that are born, So I was sad when mine was not thought of at all ( not just in the form of gifts, but no phone calls or texts or cards etc). I would have loved to have had cards to show her and put in her baby book etc. I have talked to my sister about it and she thinks it's because it was around Christmas. I really, really don't care about gifts or flowers. I would just have loved for her to have been thought of and people be excited that she is finally here.  We do a daily diary for her with a picture of her every single day in her first year so she has something to look back on.
It probably brought this feeling up because I bought my cousin a lovely piece of clothing to send to her new baby in a dark purple color with white flowers on it. When I showed my Mum what I was sending her, she thought I should send something pink and got a bit annoyed that I was going to send a girl something dark purple ( I don't know why because it was gorgeous!) it just got me thinking that I would have been so grateful if ANYONE had of thought of my girl. I wouldn't have cared if they sent her something black lol, just knowing she was thought of would have been enough. Maybe I'm over reacting? Im a nurse, so see a lot of the new babies on the maternity ward, so I know that a lot of babies are thought of by their friends and extended family when they are born.

#12 canuckmel

Posted 04 May 2012 - 12:11 AM

Could a lot of it be that perhaps there have been other babies in the family and the 'novelty' has worn off a bit? I know when my last was born, she was my MILs 12th grandchild and FILs 24th grandchild (by then, he also had two great grandchildren too) and they seemed a bit disinterested compared to when my first was born and was 'only' the 4th and 6th grandchild respectively.

I know it's probably not what you want to here, but sometimes the 'novelty' wears off for other family after a few babies and leads to family appearing disinterested.

Edited by canuckmel, 04 May 2012 - 12:12 AM.


#13 -al-

Posted 04 May 2012 - 12:17 AM

There is no excuse for the behaviour of your family and friends not acknowledging your childs birth, however this has more to do with their being self absorbed at a busy time of year than anything else. They should have welcomed and celebrated her arrival particularly after the long journey that lead to her arrival, but dont take it personally just as a lesson on how self absorbed others are.
My DD was born 11 wks early, my mother didnt bother visiting until DD was home and well over a month old - she still has not not provided any support! (15 years later) Hard to believe she was worse with my DS, yet for my sisters children she has taken weeks off work to help my sister out and purchased almost every item they needed - including a car! (we were a single income family, my sister had been double income for many years) when my mother spoke to me on the phone she would forget to ask about my children because she was too busy asking what she should buy for sisters children. It hurt a lot at the time, but at some point I came to realise my mother doesnt go out of her way to be hurtful, she just doesnt put thought into her actions. I also accepted my part in the situation; in displaying strength through DDs battles, I may have given the impression I  didnt want/need her there, when that was far from the truth.(not implying you had a part in your situation though)
I know my children are blessed to have DH and I as the ones they know they can rely on, we are a very close unit because of this.
Your daughter will always be the apple of your eye, dont let others short comings affect the quality of the time you have with her, rejoice in her smile and the joy she brings you.

#14 B.feral3

Posted 04 May 2012 - 12:38 AM

QUOTE (CuppaTea @ 03/05/2012, 11:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hate to say it but seems like your miracle may have been caught up in the Christmas rush - bloody bloody families!!!
Don't frett - you might be pleasantly surprised this Christmas.


Yep, my baby was born on the 19th of December 2011 and this is exactly what happened!!

No advice OP but I do understand how you feel and your vent is completely valid. huge congrats from me though on the birth of your DD.  wub.gif


#15 BadgerBasher

Posted 04 May 2012 - 12:44 AM

I care about your baby original.gif
A huge congratulations on your gorgeous baby girl hheart.gif

#16 Sweetpea11

Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:12 AM

Sorry thats happened to you OP  sad.gif
Could your sister maybe ask your parents something like "What did you get Rosiepose for her baby's arrival again?". Could be they just need their memory jogged that they haven't given you something yet in all the Christmas mayhem.

Sometimes its hard when you feel like you always acknowledge other people's special moments in life (engagements, weddings, births, birthdays etc) and yet when it's finally your turn to want to celebrate something special it's just dead air (metaphorically speaking!). I've felt that way myself at times.

Take heart that your baby is the luckiest baby in the world to have you as a mum. You will always celebrate her exciting moments, make her feel special and when she has a baby one day you'll be able to make a huge fuss over her children  biggrin.gif

And maybe take note of those that didn't acknowledge your baby for future reference...!  dev (6).gif



#17 Feral.K.

Posted 04 May 2012 - 02:10 AM

QUOTE (Rosiepose @ 04/05/2012, 12:04 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks for all the replies. My parents did visit every day and were with me in the hospital and are wonderful. They have helped a lot are always helping. We have the best relationship. I think they just show their love in other ways which is absolutely fine.  Maybe as someone suggested that everyone was caught up in the Christmas season, and I was very sick during and after the Caesar, so their minds were probably elsewhere. It's more my extended family and friends.


If you were unwell before and after the birth then I imagine your Mum was worried sick at that time and the last thing she would have been thinking of was popping out to buy a card or a gift. Then came Christmas, and helping you once you came home, so I would cut her and your Dad some slack there and let it go. Other people really could have taken the time to at least send a message, if not a card or gift, but I think as PPs have suggested that Christmas probably distracted them.

I think the dark purple with white flowers baby outfit sounds gorgeous, and you seem like a lovely friend who always marks the birth of friends and family member’s babies. Don’t let what has happened stop you from doing that because, as I’m sure you know, it can bring a lot of joy to the gift giver as well as the recipient.


#18 Marchioness Flea

Posted 04 May 2012 - 08:07 AM

I personally try to avoid pink if possible for my daughter.  I fail to see why her vagina means she can ONLY wear pink. Plus purple is my favorite colour original.gif
Now she's 2, HER favorite colour is blue...and it's REALLY hard to find blue girl's clothes!
I would also make sure you mention your daughter's birthday A LOT in the leadup so no  one forgets her first birthday, even if it is near Christmas. I have a friend born ON Christmas Day and he's not forgotten(though he's nearly 40 now, so years of getting it right I guess).

#19 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 04 May 2012 - 07:17 PM

Congratulations on your baby girl, from another IVF mum (8 cycles).  

It doesn't help, but I bet it is the Christmas thing.  People are so stressed out that time of year, they are away, hosting people, it probably just slipped their minds.  

Now watch out, because the same thing might happen on her first birthday.  I'm an 18 December girl and am always getting forgotten in the Christmas rush.  Or getting combined presents mad.gif   Or when I was a kid it was hard to schedule my party as my friends would all be going away.  

Could you have a 6 months celebration tea?

Plus what Jenflea said.

#20 Guest_NinjahAlpaca_*

Posted 04 May 2012 - 07:27 PM

I care about your baby, too!

Congratulations, and give her a cuddle from me.

And pooh to those who didn't acknowledge her birth - I'd be sad too, if I were you.



#21 starqueen_78

Posted 04 May 2012 - 08:19 PM

Oh, I read this and just wanted to send you flowers! I bet the ladies here are right, it just all got lost in you being ill and  xmas......... Hang in there, I am sure this xmas will be amazing and so will her first birthday!

#22 bagelbagel81

Posted 07 May 2012 - 12:52 PM

QUOTE (Tea~for~two @ 04/05/2012, 12:52 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh Rosie they is so sad sad.gif  I just want to give you a big, big hug!!!

Why don't you tell us about your beautiful little girl? What's her name? How much did she weigh? Did she have any hair?

Imagine that I'm sitting on the edge of your bed with a cup of tea, a packet of timtams and that the nurse has just gone off to get a vase for the beautiful bouquet of yellow roses I've brought you and tell me everything!!!

PS I'm very proud of you original.gif Congratulations!!!



^^ That is so sweet!

A big congratulations to you too. You must be so proud after your long journey.
I would definitely be making a big spectacle for the 1st birthday, to make up for lost time!


#23 BeachedAsBro

Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:03 PM

Yes, congratulations on your little girl! Such a hard road you've traveled and you've finally arrived original.gif

#24 niggles

Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:12 PM

I'd be sad too. I hope you can make her first birthday celebration a really special one to make up for the slips on her birth and that they all rise to the occasion. I'd even say to my family in the lead up that you are really excited about it because you want to celebrate her in style without the stress and distraction that was associated with her birth.

#25 libbylu

Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:23 PM

How sad  sad.gif
Perhaps also if people had heard you were unwell they were reluctant to call or pop over.  It is always a bit of a delicate time and I am always unsure of whether to visit friends or not in the early days.  No excuse for not posting though.
I agree with PP - give everyone the opportunity to make a fuss of her on her first birthday by putting on a bit of a bash and inviting everyone along.  We did this and I treasure the cards we got from DSs first birthday party and the lovely things that were written.




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