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WWYD? She is FIVE!
Heartbroken mum


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#1 Steiner-wannabe

Posted 30 April 2012 - 12:20 PM

My DD is 5, turning 6 this year and is in a split PP/yr1 class. She is yr 1 but cusp as she is a late June baby.
There are about 7 year ones in the class, and the rest are PPs. The PPs play in their own PP/kindy area at recess and lunch, so the year ones don't socialize with them.

Ok, my issue is my daughter has two other kids from her PP class last year that she knows. They are both girls, and now it has become a third wheel situation where the bossiest girl (not my DD) is not allowing my Dd to play with the other girl... (still keeping up?)
My DD suffers social anxiety among other things, and last year really only played with boys, but all her 'boy' friends are now in another class and she lacks the confidence to go and play with kids from other classes.
She comes home really quiet and withdrawn and says she plays by herself most of the time.

Now, I know sometimes 5 yr olds embellish the truth a bit, but I have really noticed it in her behaviour.
She is really aggressive to her little sister, and wants to continuously rough play with dad (to the point she hurts him and he yells at her)
She lashes out at us all the time and never seems happy. She whinges over everything (I know, common with the age), but I am at a loss as to how to discipline her as I know she is sensitive and overly anxious she is.

I am disillusioned with mainstream school. Bullying seems so rife, and being 'excluded' from play in year 1 seems so extreme! I am really considering alternative education as I am of the opinion bullying is less common, but I don't want to make rash decisions as I know I am being emotional.

Any thoughts? My heart is heavy at the moment, I am torn between feeling for her, but am sick of her bad behaviour at home....

Edited by iKate, 30 April 2012 - 12:22 PM.


#2 MeNinja

Posted 30 April 2012 - 12:25 PM

Sounds like an awful situation. Have you spoken to her teacher? That would be my first step.

#3 rolandsmum

Posted 30 April 2012 - 12:39 PM

poor thing!! i homeschool my kids so dont have that problem, and we meet other homeschooling kids that are not bullies, could this be an option for you?

#4 Julie3Girls

Posted 30 April 2012 - 12:40 PM

Talk to her teacher.

Seriously.

I know the one year we had a k/1 class at school, the yr1 children in the class were carefully selected. And the teachers kept a close eye on any possible problems.

Friendship groups of 3 can be really hard. my DD2 has been part of a threesome friendship.  The first wasn't too bad - it actually did work pretty well.  The friendship was really tight with all 3 girls, and they worked around the issues. Then they had a 4th come into the group, which fixed up any pairing up issues.
Unfortuantely, the following year, one of the original 3 left, and the 3 left didn't work nearly as well.

Talk to the teacher, she can at least keep an eye on things, and maybe encourage the friendships with the other girls in the class. Discourage the exclusive type of friendships.

#5 Natahs_mum

Posted 30 April 2012 - 12:46 PM

I agree talk to the teacher, and see what they say... They may be able to buddy her up with someone so she can play with them at lunchtime, or the teachers can keep an eye on her just to see how she is at playtime. Is she complaining of having no one to play with? (other then the 3 girls)... having a teacher there during playtime they will be able to tell you.

QUOTE
I am disillusioned with mainstream school. Bullying seems so rife, and being 'excluded' from play in year 1 seems so extreme! I am really considering alternative education as I am of the opinion bullying is less common, but I don't want to make rash decisions as I know I am being emotional.
I don't agree with that, l think it depends on the school and their beliefs and programs on how and what they do in regard to bullying. You would need to work witrh the child(ren) and teachers and sort it out.

We all get bullying of some sort where-ever we go and we need to teach our kids how to deal with and to make it a postive environment for them.

But girls of that age can be rather nasty...

Edited by Natahs_mum, 30 April 2012 - 12:49 PM.


#6 BetteBoop

Posted 30 April 2012 - 01:20 PM

We have had a similar situation with DD in a combined class being excluded from play by a very bossy older kid. We spoke to the teacher but she was fairly dismissive and seemed to think it wasn't an issue. She said the behaviour was very common in kids that age and they would be friends one day but not the next.

So the first part is recognising that it is common and may not mean your child is being bullied but falling out with other kids, which is normal. You will need to talk to her to work out what her role is in the conflict. Is she trying to boss the other kids around and storming off if they won't do as she says?

DH and I have been working with DD on what to do when she's left out or having conflict with friends. We've either talked about it openly (at dinner we talk about our day or I've told her made up stories with dolls pretending one of them is being excluded.

The messages we are giving her are:
[list]

[*]school isn't just about playing. It's about learning and what you do at lunchtime is just one part of it.
[*]kids who leave you out are being mean. It's not nice behaviour and if they do it, say something to them like 'don't be mean' or 'that's not nice'.
[*]If you're being left out of a game, go up to another kid and say "hi, my name is Jessie, can I play with you".
[*]if someone says something that hurts your feelings or if they hit you, you tell the teacher straight away.
[*]if you're ever sad about school, you can always talk to mum or dad.

I think it's about teaching the child the skills they need to manage this stuff, not relying on the school system. Bullying will never go away - I've worked for bullies who are professional middle aged people.

At the end of the day, your child needs to learn how to cope with people who are mean or irrational.

#7 lizzzard

Posted 30 April 2012 - 01:57 PM

Oh, you poor thing – my heart goes out to you. It is so heartbreaking to see your baby having a hard time…



I would definitely recommend speaking to the teacher as a first port of call. Bullying is such a hot topic at the moment and I think teachers these days have access to a lot of information about how to address it.



You mentioned she has some social anxiety – is she seeing anyone about it? It might be worthwhile having  a chat with your GP to get a referral for a few sessions with a child psychologist for some tips on how to strengthen her resilience and confidence in social situations. I think you’re a great mum to help your daughter deal with this proactively – a lot of people miss the signs. Good luck J

#8 *mylittleprince*

Posted 30 April 2012 - 02:05 PM

I'm sorry your daughter is being left out. I think it's important to teach our children coping skills and strategies which build resilience rather than trying to fix the situation for them. There is no guarantee she won't be bullied at another school and you couldn't keep moving her.

I would definately speak to the teacher. If she knows your daughter is lonely she could try pairing her up with another girl in the class. Teachers have a lot of power and influence and should be able to assist with the situation until your daughter feels confident to make more friends.

All the best.




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