When did you first 'feel' like a Mum
Durung pregnancy, after birth, much later?
, Apr 28 2012 08:08 AM
20 replies to this topic
Posted 28 April 2012 - 08:08 AM
A friend of mine has just come home from hospital after having her first baby and we had an interesting discussion about when you first 'feel' like a Mum.
She had a two hour labour and bub was whisked off to neo nates (he's fine, just a bit stressed from the fast delivery) so she said that she didn't even feel like she'd had a baby.
He had a bit of tongue tie, and so she had to sign a form of consent to have it snipped and she said 'that' was the moment for her.
For me it was much, much later. I remember walking out of hospital with DS in my arms thinking that someone was going to run after me and say 'Stop! Where are you going with that baby? Bring him back!' lol
I think it was when he was about 4 months old, and despite everyone telling 'that's not going to work' I went with my instinct and DS slept thru for the first time! I think it was that feeling of 'I know my baby better than all the professionals, and I know what works for him' that I hadn't had yet as I didn't trust myself.
What was your moment?
Posted 28 April 2012 - 08:19 AM
The midwife that came on for night duty the day I had DD, came in to introduce herself. She had a look at and a cuddle with DD, then asked "how's mum doing?"
I looked blankly at her wondering why on earth she was asking how MY mum was. Then the penny dropped... hit me like a tonne of bricks in fact.
Posted 28 April 2012 - 08:22 AM
With my first, it as about 6 months after she was born!
Just wasn't feeling the love at all. With my others of course it was almost instantaneous!
Posted 28 April 2012 - 08:27 AM
Hmm..I always thought with my DS1 it was quite late in the piece (about 8 months or so) but you've actually made me think! When I think of it now I think it was a day or so after he was born and they were trying to do the heel prick test. The Dr doing it did a crap job and just kept squeezing and squeezing his tiny little foot and he was screaming and she just kept doing it. I felt like leaping on her and ripping her eyes out
Eventually I told her to do it again and do it properly this time. She did so yeah, I think that was it.
Posted 28 April 2012 - 08:30 AM
I still don't, not in a PND way or anything I just feel like me with a baby (he will always be my baby
) around, Sometimes I look at him or see the word "parent" on a form and it hits me "I am a mum" but normally I don't feel any different.
Posted 28 April 2012 - 08:32 AM
For me about 8 weeks I felt comfortable with the title and people referring to me as a mum. I think I had to get use to the idea... you think that 9 months would be enough... but nothing prepares you for motherhood no matter how much reading you do!
Also got the warm and fuzzies when filling out some paperwork and had to include DD as a family member/dependent...
Posted 28 April 2012 - 08:34 AM
With my first, I don't actually know. It was a very gradual process. He was a planned and wanted (and loved!) baby, but i remember being twice surprised he even existed.... The first being when the Ob broke my waters and then pulled out the hook and waved it around saying 'look, there's hair on it, you baby has lots of hair!' and that's when it dawned that there was a person with hair inside me. The second being when he was halfway out, eyes open and arms outstretched (looking very cute) and my Ob said 'look N, it's your baby!' and I looked down and as another contraction hit all I could say was 'I don't care just get him the f out of me!'.
But apart from a vague responsibility to take care of this helpless creature, I really didn't feel any great 'connection' for a really reaTlly long time, maybe 18 months or so. And then he started to talk and get a real personality, and that's when I started to really like him. No instant maternal affection here. To the point where I felt like a bit of a failure.
With my second, it was very much the instant he was placed on my chest, and warm and gooey. And I guess, to an extent, it wasn't that I fell in love with my new baby, but knowing the little child this baby would turn into made it feel like it was somehow reasonable to love the baby, if that makes any sense...
Posted 28 April 2012 - 08:50 AM
I still don't most of the time, and my DD is almost 10 months. Don't get me wrong, I love her to bits & I like to think I do a great job with her, but it still hasn't dawned on me that I'm a mum. I think a lot of that is because I had to move back to my parents house so I still feel very much like someone's child instead of someone's mother.
Posted 28 April 2012 - 08:54 AM
I felt like a mum when DS was born, but I still dont feel very 'mumish' if that makes sense?? Just the old me, but now with a kid!
I will admit when he is sick I feel a lot more like a mum!
Posted 28 April 2012 - 08:56 AM
My "feeling like a Mum" moment happened when DD#1 first started daycare - she was about 14 months old - and there was a Parent's Newsletter that was given to me when I collected her one day.
I remember looking at the words "parents" and thinking - why would I give this to MY Mum and Dad - and then it hit me that it was for ME and DH !!
Stupid I know - but yeah, someone calling me a "parent" - oh, that's right - I am a parent !!
Posted 28 April 2012 - 08:56 AM
Some days I still don't and I am 8 months pregnant with my third. I think I was kinda like a mum before I had kids. I owned some large animals back then, a few of which had special needs and I, spent a fair chunk of my day caring for them all and always had to consider their needs before mine.
I also felt quite a lot like MrsN when I first had a baby. It took a long time for me to feel the bond. The second baby, the bond was more immediate.
Posted 28 April 2012 - 09:34 AM
Wow - I find it really interesting that people say it happened a lot sooner with their subsequent babies!!
And totally agree with the pp that nine months feel like it should be enough but nope!!
Posted 28 April 2012 - 09:52 AM
When I bought my Mom Jeans
I'm actually still not sure I feel like a mum, sometimes I feel like an impostor because they always spring something new on me and I'm always just winging it. But it could also have been when I was lying alone in recovery after my caesar wanting desperately to cuddle my baby girl.
Posted 28 April 2012 - 12:04 PM
When I was still in hospital and DD had her hearing test done. For some reason at that moment I felt like a mum and I thought of my own mum.
Posted 28 April 2012 - 12:17 PM
DS is almost 11 month and I think I still don't feel it, I only really felt that 'omg aha' moment with him maybe a month or so ago
Posted 03 May 2012 - 08:35 PM
I still sometimes hear "Mum" from my 10 yr old and think how can i possibly be that 'mum'. I'm just a person that has kids all the time......
Posted 04 May 2012 - 04:24 PM
Yeh I think it was a couple of months in, infact maybe more. I'd day about 5 or 6 months when I was heading back to work and putting DD in daycare. I think it took a while for it to sink in.
Posted 04 May 2012 - 05:21 PM
I don't know really. I do remember when daycare asked my what DD's routine was on her first day and realising they were asking me because I was her mum and therefore in charge of what she was doing. It felt really odd!
Posted 04 May 2012 - 05:47 PM
I still don't, really.
It's not about connection - I adore them - but I still haven't really given up that feeling of being a non-mum looking after a child, as opposed to one of those MUCH older (
) and more sensible people known as 'mothers'.
Posted 04 May 2012 - 05:55 PM
When I arrived back at the ward after having DS after midnight and exhausted from labour, and was told by the midwife that DS was going to special care for a little bit for monitoring, but would be back in time for his feed in 3 hours, and that from that moment forward he was to be woken and fed on the clock every 3 hours day and night.
I remember thinking 3 hours? But i'm tired... and then it hit, I'm responsible for that little thing there, I'm his mother and I can kiss all thoughts of myself goodbye!
Posted 06 May 2012 - 09:22 PM
For me, it was about 12months after DD was born. I loved her, she was mine, but I didn't feel grown up enough to be her Mum.
With my second, it happened really quickly.
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