Jump to content

Socially Immature Teen....


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 *~*Kitty*~*

Posted 27 April 2012 - 08:30 PM

What do you do when your teen is the target of bullying from his peers due to his social immaturity?

My DS 14 (15 in Sept) has ALWAYS been the outsider, always the one that is last to be picked for something, regularly the target of bullying.

The problem is, a lot of it is because he's always been the square peg trying to fit in the round hole, he just doesn't fit, and he tries to overcompensate with silly or inappropriate actions/conversations/jokes etc to get kids to like him and it just alienates him more.  He gets good enough grades, it's just socially he struggles.

We've tried to tell him this, a couple of his friends have tried and he just doesn't listen....

I can imagine he would be very lonely and don't know what more I can suggest/try/do to help?

It doesn't matter what we say or suggest, he knows everything and we are wrong.

Any suggestions?  Will he grow out of it?  I'm worried now that he is getting older the physical aspects will get a lot more physical and dangerous.

I don't know, is this a boy thing, am I over analysing, will it all sort itself out, do I need to speak with the Principal - will that make him a bigger target???

So confused  unsure.gif

#2 morgansacre

Posted 28 April 2012 - 10:38 AM

No its not a boy thing, my DD is the same as your described, trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. She doesn't fit either.

My DD is now 22 and has always been this way. being socially inept isn't something you learn and it fixes it (as in DD's case), she just has no idea what so ever how to approach, talk to, or be appropriate at the right time. I found with her it was something she has or doesn't have.

She too was picked on all her school live, even by some of the teachers. I tried everything to help her, in the end she built a wall and wouldn't let anyone outside the family in. Which is really sad, but it protected her somewhat.

We found out at 18, that DD has Aspergers, all the challenges she has had now fit into place. Not that it matters now anyway, as there is nothing out there to help Asperger Adults.

I don't know of anything that will help a socially awkward teen become better. It seems the more they try the worse it gets. Some people just can't read faces, social situations and make appropriate reactions....its just not in them to be able to.

Lynn

#3 *~*Kitty*~*

Posted 28 April 2012 - 10:48 AM

Thanks for replying Lynn, even if you didn't have a solution, it helped to have a response and validation that it's not in my head or my expectations are too extreme.


#4 fezzy

Posted 28 April 2012 - 10:53 AM

Would he talk to someone (a professional) about self esteem issues? He obviously doesn't feel like he's going to be accepted by his peers being himself therefore trying to overcompensate to fit in- maybe his self esteem could do with a bit of work.

My oldest daughter (almost 5) tries to be 'cute' or 'funny' and it's just annoying. I try to explain to her that I find her the cutest and funniest when she is being geniune (and i do find her very cute and funny often!) and most of the time being funny or cute just happens, you can't create that moment. Or sometimes if we have a really funny moment she'll try to recreate it and it just doesn't happen. I hope she doesn't grow into the teen who does this!



#5 codswallop

Posted 28 April 2012 - 10:56 AM

Are the school generally supportive, OP?  Rather than going to the principal at first instance, could you discuss your concerns with his teacher(s)?

I'm thinking that if they are also seeing what you are seeing, you may be able to get a connection to a child psychologist, via the school.  Or bypass school and find a good child psych yourself.  I'm not implying that there's something "wrong" with your DS (although as PP mentioned, I did wonder if you've had him assessed, if the social immaturity is of sufficient gravity to mar his everyday living).  However, a good child psych will be able to draw him out, and perhaps give him some tools and coping mechanisms to assist him.

I hope you can find some help for him; I would definitely pursue it.

#6 AMPSyd

Posted 28 April 2012 - 10:59 AM

I had the initial thought as well that it may be well worth your while seeing a developmental paed to assess him.

However, you mention he does have friends - that is great. Is there a sport or hobby that he could spend time with like minded teens.

My DS (aged 11) only has a few friends - mainly girls. He just gravitates towards girls. Of the 13 kids at his last birthday party, 2 were boys. It was really funny. But that is just him. I am carefully choosing a high school for him at the moment that will cater to his sensitive side. Because if he went to the local state high school he will get bullied. I have been told this by a parent there.

#7 Sue Heck

Posted 28 April 2012 - 09:50 PM

O

Edited by Helen Magnus, 03 May 2012 - 01:20 AM.


#8 FrogIsAFrogIsAFrog

Posted 29 April 2012 - 07:10 AM

There are groups around, focusing on developing social skills in peer settings. I am referring one of my clients to one next week!  This lad is very socially competent with adults, great conversationalist, but his peer relationships suffer as he misreads the nuances in teen conversation. He suffers because of it, as he tries to be the joker, enter conversations inappropriately etc.

If there is no underlying issue,  I believe social skills can be taught to teens, they just to practice them in a safe setting until they develop naturally.


#9 Mummy Duck

Posted 29 April 2012 - 07:55 AM

QUOTE (~*~Olli~*~ @ 27/04/2012, 08:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What do you do when your teen is the target of bullying from his peers due to his social immaturity?

My DS 14 (15 in Sept) has ALWAYS been the outsider, always the one that is last to be picked for something, regularly the target of bullying.

The problem is, a lot of it is because he's always been the square peg trying to fit in the round hole, he just doesn't fit, and he tries to overcompensate with silly or inappropriate actions/conversations/jokes etc to get kids to like him and it just alienates him more.  He gets good enough grades, it's just socially he struggles.

We've tried to tell him this, a couple of his friends have tried and he just doesn't listen....

I can imagine he would be very lonely and don't know what more I can suggest/try/do to help?

It doesn't matter what we say or suggest, he knows everything and we are wrong.

Any suggestions?  Will he grow out of it?  I'm worried now that he is getting older the physical aspects will get a lot more physical and dangerous.

I don't know, is this a boy thing, am I over analysing, will it all sort itself out, do I need to speak with the Principal - will that make him a bigger target???

So confused  unsure.gif

We have a similar issue with ss14 and he has whatever age been more immature than his peers. We have recently had to cut all internet/social media/ph access from ss14 because he was not able to use it appropriately and it was making it worse. He also has few friends and they often come and go, he rarely is invited to parties or out of school activities. When ss was younger we would all hear a joke and ss would try to tell it again hoping to get the same reaction that the orginal joke teller got. He didnt understand that you couldnt use the same teabag twice.

Ss will often behave badly to try and impress other kids and be more liked or will follow what other kids are doing to try and bond and develop a stronger friendship. Sadly kids like this end up being the sheep and getting into a lot of trouble.

We try to talk to ss about making decisions and selecting friends. I also try to encourage movies and books that have a message. We are looking at taking him to a child psychiatrist to give him someone to talk to almost as a life mentor.

I will be reading this thread for any other ideas.




#10 *~*Kitty*~*

Posted 29 April 2012 - 08:14 AM

Thank you for all the replies ladies, so many of the responses mirror what I'm talking about and describe better than my frazzled self can articulate at the moment.

#11 José

Posted 29 April 2012 - 11:20 AM

i think he probably does need to speak with someone else. He probably doesnt want to acknowledge to you how hard things are for him. He may feel like there is nothing he can do about the situation he is in- and a professional external to the family may help with this.
i might also talk with the school- maybe year advisor, school counsellor so there is a plan for your son. if he is experiencing bullying he may need a safe zone he can go to at any time and may need to identify teachers he feels comfortable with that he can report any bullying to.
One poster mentioned a diagnosis of aspergers at 18 but said 'not that it matters now' There are people who have been diagnosed in adulthood who describe feeling relieved by their diagnosis, it helps them to understand and make sense of the difficulties they have been experiencing. Not saying ur son is asperger's but if there were other indicators it would be worth checking it out.




2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Life with anxiety

At times, I feel pretty worthless. In those moments, all I want to do is curl up into a ball and hide in the dark. I can try to quiet my mind, but it won?t shut up.

IVF leaves woman pregnant with another couple's twins

An Italian woman has been told the twins she is three months pregnant with are not hers.

'My mother-in-law found out our baby's gender behind our backs'

My husband and I mutually decided that we didn?t want to know our baby's sex before the birth, but his mother couldn't handle that.

What you need for the 'fourth trimester'

In my opinion, the first three months after the birth are the most intense. Here's what got me through that time after welcoming my baby.

Weaning a toddler off a dummy: a 15-day plan

Weaning your child off the dummy can be a traumatic experience for both of you. Here are some tips to help you through.

Choosing to be a solo parent

Two women share their stories of longing for a baby so much that they each decided not to wait for a partner before becoming a mum.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Rescue dog Zoey and BFF Jasper star in adorable pics

Photographer, self-professed "crazy dog lady" and mum Grace Chon takes photos of rescue dog Zoey and her 10-month-old son Jasper together. The results are just too cute. See more on Instagram @thegracechon.

The ultimate travel stroller: the Mountain Buggy nano

We tried the Mountain Buggy nano and give it an enthusiastic thumbs up. As the ultimate travel stroller, it's practical, has great features, and looks fab, too.

Mum's heartbreak as son dies in road accident

Daly Thomas and her two young sons were walking home from church on Tuesday afternoon. Her youngest son never made it.

New Kate Spade baby bag designs

Don?t adjust your screen: this bright beauty is coming to you in full colour.

Easter gifts for babies, no chocolate in sight!

If this is your little one?s first Easter you might want to mark the occasion with something a little extra special. Here are 10 Easter gift ideas, which won't harm little teeth.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win the brand new phil&teds vibe

Check out the good looking new release of the Vibe 3 and the Verve 4-wheeler inline strollers. To celebrate their release, we have a Vibe with double kit to give away.

Baby sleep

From birth to one year and beyond, read about baby sleep, soothing techniques, routines, and sleep school experiences.

Easter gifts for babies, no chocolate in sight!

If this is your little one?s first Easter you might want to mark the occasion with something a little extra special. Here are 10 Easter gift ideas, which won't harm little teeth.

7 tips for a kid-free trip, not a guilt trip

Although I?m jumping out of my skin to take my child-free holiday, I?m dreading the goodbye. But I?m determined to make the most of it without tarnishing it with guilt or sadness about leaving the kids.

Itchibubs: clothes for babies and toddlers with eczema

Parents of children who suffer from eczema will know only too well the scratching that occurs around the clock. A new clothing range aims to help make everyone more comfortable.

Ear piercing: what age is best?

What is it that shapes our opinions on what?s an 'appropriate' age for our children to get their ears pierced? Parents share their views on how young is too young when it comes to piercing.

Caring for kids helps grandmothers stay mentally alert

Looking after grandchildren can help grandmothers ward off brain disease - but it's also possible to get too much of a good thing, researchers say.

Why I loved my third home water birth

After two water births at home, I was determined to give birth to my son the same way. I just hoped this birth would be quicker than my last two.

Revealed: 7 ways food marketers try to trick consumers

If you?re confused by food labels, you?re not alone. Next time you?re shopping for food, look out for these seven common labelling tricks.

'My mother-in-law found out our baby's gender behind our backs'

My husband and I mutually decided that we didn?t want to know our baby's sex before the birth, but his mother couldn't handle that.

 

Free Printable Activities

Keeping little hands busy

Free printable acitivity pages like colouring in, cutting, word finders, mazes, maths activities and puzzles.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.