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how did your toddler handle the new baby?
What were those early days like?


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#1 neaka

Posted 27 April 2012 - 02:17 PM

Hi all,

I am due to have #2 in 5 weeks time and i am starting to get anxious about how its going to change the family dynamic we have worked to hard up till now to establish!

Weve just entered a wonderful phase with DS who is sleeping perfectly and we are starting to feel human again! I am really concerned about how DS will handle it and how it will effect things like sleep and behaviour? I know every kid is different but how did bringing home your #2 effect #1?
Did your toddlers nightime sleep go up in smoke everytime the new baby woke for a feed or did they just get used to it?

Any advice on things i can do to make the introduction go as smoothly as possible?

many thanks!

#2 Mpjp is feral

Posted 27 April 2012 - 02:21 PM

Mine suggested we put the baby in the rubbish bin! But sleep was all good!

#3 FeralFerretOfDoom

Posted 27 April 2012 - 02:30 PM

Our little guy was 21 months old when DD arrived and he coped really well. If you don't already have it, I really recommend the book "There's a house inside my Mummy" - it was our bedtime reading every night in the leadup to her arrival! We also got a baby doll for DS before DD was born and encouraged him to look after his baby like Mummy would be looking after the new baby.

Some additional tips - when bringing him to the hospital for the first time to see you and meet the baby, have the baby in the bassinet so that you can cuddle him and make a fuss of him before bringing the baby into the equation. It also helps to have a little present "from the baby" for big brother.

DH and I split the work quite naturally so that he became the primary carer for DS for most of the time, allowing me to concentrate on DD. But we also made sure that I had some time when I'd do things like take DS to the park himself to have one-on-one time with me.

We also gave DS little jobs to do to help look after the baby, so he could pour some water over her head for bathtime, or fetch the nappy/wipes, put the nappy bag in the bin etc. I'd have a little pile of his books next to the couch so I could breastfeed with DS sitting next to me and read to him, or sing songs together.

Edited by RootFerretOfDoom, 27 April 2012 - 02:31 PM.


#4 sophiasmum

Posted 27 April 2012 - 02:33 PM

DD1 had just turned 2 yrs old when DS was born. She didn't like it. She took it out on us with acting out behaviour for the first 3 wks or so, and then she must have realised he wasn't going anywhere LOL he was here to stay & maybe she got used to it so she settled down after that. We tried to keep her routine pretty good, so he fit in with whatever we were doing. I made sure to give her lots of attention & take her out every day, even if it was to playgroup in the morning or the park in the afternoon, so we weren't stuck at home bored all day with the baby.

DS was 3 yrs & DD1 was 5 yrs when DD2 came along, they were that bit older to actually understand what having a baby was all about & be some help or at least able to be occupied on their own if I was stuck breastfeeding or settling her. The first few months of that was hardest on me I think, learning to spread myself thinner amongst 3 & juggle their different needs (newborn, day care, school, home etc).

#5 Isolabella

Posted 27 April 2012 - 02:36 PM

QUOTE
Some additional tips - when bringing him to the hospital for the first time to see you and meet the baby, have the baby in the bassinet so that you can cuddle him and make a fuss of him before bringing the baby into the equation. It also helps to have a little present "from the baby" for big brother.


We did this too.

22m between the boys. TBH DS1 had no real interest in DS2 until DS2 was about 6m of age and more interesting. Prior to that he basically ignored his sibling.

DS1's sleep etc stayed the same.

Very similar when DD arrived (for DS2 - 28m between them). DS2 basically ignored DD for the first months of her life. No changes in sleeping patterns.

DS1 and DS2 have been sharing a room since DS2 was 24m of age. Honestly we have had nightmares (crying hysterically), bad bouts of croup where we have ended up at the ED or even the occasional Chuck/Bedwetting incident which has required the bedding to be changed.... the boy unaffected sleeps straight through all the chaos.



#6 Isolabella

Posted 27 April 2012 - 02:36 PM

QUOTE
Some additional tips - when bringing him to the hospital for the first time to see you and meet the baby, have the baby in the bassinet so that you can cuddle him and make a fuss of him before bringing the baby into the equation. It also helps to have a little present "from the baby" for big brother.


We did this too.

22m between the boys. TBH DS1 had no real interest in DS2 until DS2 was about 6m of age and more interesting. Prior to that he basically ignored his sibling.

DS1's sleep etc stayed the same.

Very similar when DD arrived (for DS2 - 28m between them). DS2 basically ignored DD for the first months of her life. No changes in sleeping patterns.

DS1 and DS2 have been sharing a room since DS2 was 24m of age. Honestly we have had nightmares (crying hysterically), bad bouts of croup where we have ended up at the ED or even the occasional Chuck/Bedwetting incident which has required the bedding to be changed.... the boy unaffected sleeps straight through all the chaos.



#7 Xander2

Posted 27 April 2012 - 02:39 PM

My post would have been almost word for word the same as Rootferretofdoom's post.  My DS was 22 months old when DD was born.  We had the same book and did all the same things (got DS to do little jobs etc).  DS still loves putting DD's nappies in the bin and considers it his job and gets annoyed when anyone else does it  rolleyes.gif

DS has just turned 3 and DD is 15 months old, they still get along really well and are starting to play together which is lovely  original.gif

Good luck  biggrin.gif



#8 Natttmumm

Posted 27 April 2012 - 02:43 PM

DD1 was 22 months when DD2 was born. We were really lucky as DD1 was great. The day DD2 came home she was a bit all over the place but more because I was home after 2 weeks in hospital. I remember he wanting all the babies things so we just let her have them and after a day she lost interest and was all back to normal. Her sleep was only messed up for that one day. She didnt wake up when I fed DD2 and it had no impact on her sleep or her behaviour.

I think its a good age gap

#9 Leha

Posted 27 April 2012 - 02:54 PM

I had the same age gap as you and had no dramas at all really. I was worried as their doors are right next to each other but DD slept through almost everything. She is a heavy sleeper though. We bought a giant macca packa cuddle toy to DD from DS and I think that helped.

We also talked to DD about what would happen when DS came and tried to et er excited about it. I think at that age jealously isn't really a big issue but I guess also depends on personality of the child.

Edited by Leha, 27 April 2012 - 02:55 PM.


#10 new~mum~reenie

Posted 27 April 2012 - 02:56 PM

DS lives babies, but it will still be interesting to see how it works out in 10 weeks or so....

We are having a home birth again, and I'd love for him to be there and maybe even involved. I think it will go a long way towards connection....

Sleep I'm not so worried about if breastfeeding goes well, as I like baby right next to me in a bassinet, so I can feed when baby starts the grunts before s/he starts to cry and wake DH - DS sleeps at the other end of the house, so doubt it will be an issue.
And he is down to about on accident a week at night, so hopefully that continues... So only one set of nappies to deal with, thankfully!

But still - will be interesting to see how the dynamic changes here too.

#11 neaka

Posted 27 April 2012 - 09:45 PM

Thanks so much for all the great tips and advice, i am feeling a little more confident now that we can keep everything on track!

We have already bought him a baby and a pram which he adores, i  should start doing the nappy thing and involving him with the baby doll abit more though. I have also ordered 'Theres a house inside my mummy' so hopefully that arrives soon and we can get reading, i have heard good things about it.

I think im just being overly anxious. DS seems so spoilt being the only child with the attention always soley focused on him i guess im just very aware of the massive change he is about to deal with, but it sounds like you have all done it well so hopefully we can too!

Thanks so much again, im sure ill be referring back to this thread often!
Good luck new mum reenie, id be interested to hear how you go! Good luck with your home birth, i wish i could home birth but im too chicken! All the best original.gif

#12 ubermum

Posted 27 April 2012 - 09:54 PM

Mine are 17months apart and we never had an issue. We were having the house remodelled when they were little and both their cots were in our room from the start. We just had a gap so the older one couldn't touch the baby.

I included the oldest one in everything and it was fine.




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