Jump to content

What to do with frozen embryos?


  • Please log in to reply
11 replies to this topic

#1 bussbee

Posted 26 April 2012 - 10:33 PM

Hi,

I posted this in another area but since what worries me most is my age I thought someone here might have some thoughts?
I have to make a final decision on what to do with 3 frozen embryos. I never imagined I would be in this position as all I originally cared about was getting pregnant. But now I have two beautiful boys 19months and 4 years, this decision is literally tormenting me and I have been thinking about it daily.
Our two DSs are from IVF and ICSI.
From the last cycle we have 3 frozen embryos. My youngest DS was a frozen embryo out of this cycle.
I had many problems conceiving with stage 4 endo. and we thought we may never have a child.
We were very blessed to have our first DS at 39 and then another miracle at 42.
We feel our family is complete and we are so blessed but I can't bear letting the other frozen embies go especially as our second DS came from this cycle.
I'm scared I'm too old to be pregnant again and I risk taking time away from my existing boys with possible illness. I was quite sick during my last pregnancy and missed precious time with my first DS.
I can't make up my mind whether to try the embies or not as I'm now 43 and should one of them work I would be 44.
We both feel very tired as our DSs are not good sleepers and our parents are too old to help out. My family think we are done and would consider us mad to even be thinking about another child.
For me I feel it is now or never to give the embryos a chance or should I just accept what my GP says, that the embryos are just a cluster of cells, and be happy with what we have?
On days when I feeling well and rested I think I should give it a go and then at other times when I'm tired and run down I think it would be crazy.

Any ideas on how to resolve this horrible indecision?


#2 PriLou

Posted 26 April 2012 - 10:45 PM

Hi OP,

I had to reply to you as I'm in a similar situation (although I'm meant to be working on my uni assignment). On our last ever cycle of IVF, the fresh transfer did not take and we were left with 3 frozen embryos. Our first frozen took and we now have a 2-yr old DS. After countless failed IVF cycle previous to this, I really didn't think we would ever get lucky again, but that was OK because I felt truly blessed. My FS was more optimistic and our second frozen took. We now have a 4-month old DD. But what to do with our third frozen embryo?

Both of my pregnancies were very hard and resulted in both DS and DD being delivered at 34 weeks. While pregnant with DD I missed DS second birthday as I was in hospital with complications. My pregnancy with DD resulted in three hospitalisations, surgery after my C-section and a 2-week stay. My OB has even told me not to try again. But I can't get the idea of number 3 out of my head. It's to the point where I have names.

For the moment we are keeping it on ice, as I just can't make a decision. Sorry that I can't give you any help, but wanted to let you know how hard being in this position actually is.

#3 NotBitzerMaloney

Posted 26 April 2012 - 10:54 PM

It sounds like you are putting this deadline on yourself. Why is it now or never?!?

#4 kez71

Posted 26 April 2012 - 10:58 PM

I'm not in your position. My last 2 frozen embryos both miscarried. If you want to try for another baby, then you could use a surrogate if you don't want to carry another yourself.

The other option giving them a chance is to adopt them out to couples who for whatever reason cann't use their own embryos.

Good luck..I hope you can resolve your problems.

#5 poppy3

Posted 26 April 2012 - 11:34 PM

I don't belong in this section, but your topic reminded me of an article I read by similar title.

It was about a few couples in this situation, although they had made their decision to definitely not have more children and they couldn't face donating the embryos.

One couple collected their embryos and "buried" them in a special spot and had a little family ceremony.

The other couple had them transferred at a time of her cycle when they knew she wouldn't fall pregnant.

I thought they were both really nice ideas for a difficult situation.

Good luck with your decision

#6 coolbreeze

Posted 27 April 2012 - 05:51 PM

Well I just applied yesterday to VARTA to extend my embryo storage for another 5 years (which will make it 15 years in total. Embryos made in November 2002 oomg.gif )

I ma 42 and have two beautiful children from this batch, an 8year old and 4 year old)

We cannot ever have children naturally and feel quite strongly that I want the 'chance' to have children to the end of my natural reproductive life. 5 years time I will be 48 years old.
The likelihood of this is remote, but feel its only fair to have the opportunity like the rest of the fertile community.
I would say to you don't rush the decision, you are an older mum but your kids are very little and it is a foggy time. just wait a few years and see how you feel.
Good luck
CB

Edited by coolbreeze, 27 April 2012 - 05:52 PM.


#7 Cyaira

Posted 27 April 2012 - 06:07 PM

Forgive me if I am misunderstanding something.

Why would you advocate waiting? Isn't one option she's thinking of using the embies? I thought waiting would reduce the chances of a successful pg due to age.

I would suggest the OP has a good chat to her DP and see what he thinks. Or have a chat with her fertility specialist/OB and maybe s/he could give her some well educated advice or options.

#8 coolbreeze

Posted 27 April 2012 - 08:33 PM

Embryos remain statistically the same age as the day they were made.
My embryos were made at 32years old (with 32 year old eggs and older sperm 42)
The embryos are frozen and remain that age forever.
Thats why older women (plus 45) have very good outcomes with donor embryos and frozen embryos made from younger gametes (ie eggs and sperm) A uterus can support a pregnancy at any age. Some very advanced maternal pregnancies worldwide are proof of this. Most if not all celebrity pregnancies at reproductively speaking, advanced ages, (46-50 years old) are from younger donated eggs or embryos. Embryos frozen stay the same age. Unfortunately it is eggs and sperm in their natural state that age, reducing the likelihood of pregnancy in the later reproductive years from age 35 onwards, taking another dip at 40 and then in the most case declining rapidly post 43-45years old.
So yes, waiting will not reduce pregnancy rate with younger frozen embryos, so she can wait and see how she feels. I am sure the op understands this being through the rollercoaster of ivf.
Believe me, one of the very few positives to come out of ivf treatment.
CB

Edited by coolbreeze, 27 April 2012 - 08:41 PM.


#9 libbylu

Posted 27 April 2012 - 08:41 PM

I agree there is no rush to make a decision about what to do with the embryo's - just keep them in storage for now.  There are other options besides destroying or transferring anyway.

The decision about weather to try for another child is separate in a lot of ways.  Disregard the fact that you have some on ice - pretend do didn't for the sake of it.  Would you choose to start TTC another child this year, next year etc.?  I don't think the fact that there are embryo's waiting there should influence the decision about whether another child is right for your family.

#10 aidensmum

Posted 27 April 2012 - 11:20 PM

I'd keep them. We disposed of some when we thought for sure we were done. Five years later we changed our mind. It's so much more expensive now that I'm kicking myself. Keep telling myself they were 10 years frozen and the science is more advanced now. But then I'm 10 years older and not responding like I did in my 20s. Your embryos might be more valuable than you think if you decide your family is not done.


#11 bussbee

Posted 14 May 2012 - 09:41 PM

Thank you all so much for your replies. It is really helpful reading the responses and has made me feel calmer waiting longer with the decision.
I have felt time is running out because I will be 44 for this year and I also think I'm probably too old for a third child. If I was still in my 30s I would not hesitate to try them.
I don't know anyone who has had a successful pregnancy at this age and I have to admit I'm scared I'm too old to be trying for another baby.
I am totally content with the wonderful sons I have, but the problem is I feel so guilty not giving the frozen embryos a chance as well.  
My DH will not consider donating the embryos and our Dr. said they need to be from a women 35 or younger to be eligible for donation.

#12 trdl

Posted 14 May 2012 - 09:48 PM

I would love to think that i could donate mine to someone who couldnt produce their own eggs through IVF. I would love to give that gift to someone. But we are just starting with our IVF Journey and have only just started talking about that idea.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Why I breastfed my son until he was three

The fact that I not only breastfed my son, but breastfed him for three and a half years, seems pretty incredible in retrospect.

Do babies and young children see ghosts?

Do babies and young children see ghosts? If you’ve pondered the question, you’re not alone.

15 years with Essential Baby: meet Therese

"Life has a funny way of giving you what you need when you need it the most."

Mum causes a stir by taking a stand against leggings

A mum has found herself the subject of debate after claiming tight bottoms cause lustful thoughts in men.

Don't set a parenting goal for 2015 - do this instead

The problem with goal setting as a parent is the measure. How do we really know if we’re succeeding?

5 pregnancy myths that just won't go away

When you're expecting, it often seems like everyone is keen to offer advice about what you should and shouldn't do in the interests of your health and wellbeing.

RPA hospital contacting mums after discovering vaccine storage fault

Sydney's Royal Prince Alfred Hospital (RPA) is trying to contact women who had babies at the facility after discovering a fault in a refrigerator containing vaccines.

'Nutella' not a baby name, French court says

A French court has blocked parents from naming their baby girl after the hazelnut spread Nutella, arguing it would make her the target of mockery.

Why I'm never calling myself 'just a mum' again

I’ve grown three human beings. I feed them, dress them, teach them, care for them and love them 24 hours a day. Yet for eight years, when I meet new people and they’ve asked me what I do, I tell them: “I’m just a mum”.

Rosie Batty named 2015 Australian of the Year

One year ago, Rosie Batty could not have imagined she'd be where she is. Tonight the grieving mum who put domestic violence on the national agenda was named Australian of the Year.

Five reasons to hug more

Hugging – some of us thrive on it, even depend on it – and then there are those who don't care for it really. So, are they missing out?

Help - my three-year-old has started throwing tantrums

My daughter never went through the "terrible twos" but began throwing wild tantrums shortly after her third birthday.

That's commitment

First peek at Sonia Kruger's daughter Maggie

"She smells so good, I could eat her," Kruger tells co-host David Campbell.

Mum assists in own caesarean surgery

A mum who partly delivered her own twins during a caesarean has encouraged other women to take control of their birthing experience.

How to handle common childhood regressions

Regression can be a natural and common part of development prompted by a variety of factors, but that doesn't make it less frustrating.

Disgruntled dad's pram ad goes viral

When buying a second hand pram, there are lots of things to take into consideration. 

Man discovers he's a dad after finding 55-year-old letter

Discovering you are about to father a baby is startling enough - never mind finding out you have a 61-year-old son.

15 thoughts mums have during a tantrum

Ranging from mild to feral and triggered by events both minor and major, tantrums certainly keep life interesting.

Natural pain relief in the early stages of labour

While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Forgotten Baby Syndrome claims the life of toddler

One baby dies every eight days in the back of a car in the US, victims of 'forgotten baby syndrome'.

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel. You stole my heart, and changed me into the women I am today.

Chinese woman gives birth to quintuplets

After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.

Chrissie Swan has reached her "sex quota"

Chrissie Swan says she and her partner have sex once a year due to her fear of falling pregnant.

Stars help save choking babies

It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.

New Girl star Zooey Deschanel pregnant

Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.

16 times 'dad reflexes' saved the day

Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.

Couple's 'non-traditional' pregnancy announcement goes viral

Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.

The trials and tribulations of identical triplet newborns

Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Earthquake baby thriving five years on

Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.

Please don't say I'm lucky because I was adopted

On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?

An open letter to non-parents who offer advice on child-rearing

Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.

Couple arrested over baby gun video

A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.

NSW Health dumps 10-year limit on frozen embryos

A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.

How my happy-go-lucky husband became a monster

Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes, too

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.

'They were just doing their job': mum of toddler killed in police chase gone wrong

"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."

Miscarriages to be formally recognised by NSW government

Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.

Cafe cubby house 'too noisy' for neighbours

Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.

Dad films baby playing with snake

Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Back to School Offer

Findababysitter.com.au

We've got you covered for this school year. Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.