Jump to content

Implications of weaning my son


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 Spiritosa

Posted 23 April 2012 - 03:01 PM

Hi All

My son is now 13 months old and has 2 breastfeeds a day, just before breakfast and just before dinner.

My son is a 'sporadic' kind of feeder. Some feeds he'll have a big drink, at other times he's very disinterested and has little more than a few sucks. He is a voracious eater of solid food so I am fairly sure he is getting good 'conventional' nutrition, although I realise nothing can make up for the benefits of breastmilk.

I am now back at work in a role that has, traditionally, involved a lot of travel.

As I knew would happen sooner or later, I've been asked to go on an international business trip in late June (my son will be 15 months old). I have raised the issue at work of my son breastfeeding and there is a tacit (although not overwhelming) agreement by my employer that, if necessary, my son can accompany me on the trip.

Whilst this is a positive step, there are lots of disadvantages - not least dragging my son 24+ hours to Northern Europe and then back again in the space of a week. Other problems include leaving him in a hotel room with a stranger (nanny) while I am working and dealing with jet-lag in both directions. (At the moment, he is a great night sleeper in a solid routine.)

There is little prospect of the company paying for my husband to accompany me and even if he does, this won't make up for the discomfort and disruption that will be caused to my son.

Selfishly, this business trip is important for me as it is in connection with a recent promotion and would be very useful in my new role to attend. I have considered declining to go on the trip but, to be really honest, I think I would rather go than not - mainly for the prospects such a trip affords my career.


My question is, if, on balance I decide that the best thing to do is to a) go on the business trip and b) leave him at home with Dad, what are the health and psychological (his) impact of weaning at around 14 months?

I really am torn about the right thing to do!

The GP says that if I left him for a week he would almost certainly wean. I could also express but I am out of practice with the 'mind-state' needed to effectively express and I take about 1/2 an hour to get about 30mls at the moment (I struggle to get let down) so expressing is not a sure fire remedy either.

I know I've done well to breastfeed into his second year but I always imagined that he would lead the weaning process and I feel guilty as I feel that I am weaning him for my own selfish purposes. Some of you may agree.

Comments, advice appreciated.

Spiritosa

#2 Copper and May

Posted 23 April 2012 - 03:16 PM

As you say - you have done a marvellous job so far and given your son the best start in life. Some mums have to wean around 12 months, because of IVF, so don't feel terrible about this. I wouldn't be hauling him around Europe with people whom he doesn't recognize.

#3 Flutter Bug

Posted 23 April 2012 - 03:21 PM

When my DD1 was approx 13 months old I 'unintentionally' weaned her. She was BF first thing in the morning and before bed at night.  I got very sick with food poisoning one morning and as guilty as I felt about it I just couldn't bear to breastfeed her as I was so unwell. So I didn't BF her that morning. And she didn't miss it.  I didn't breastfeed her that night either and she didn't come looking for it and went straight to bed without making a fuss. I was shocked and surprised that she just coped with going cold-turkey with the BF just like that. From that day on I didn't BF her again. I felt a bit sad about it but she obviously didn't want it anymore - I think it had become more of a 'habit' than anything else as my breasts coped really well with going cold-turkey too so maybe my supply wasn't all that great by that stage anyway.

Not to say that it would be that easy for everbody but she coped very well and didn't miss it at all.

So perhaps your Dr is right - if you did leave him for a week he would most likely wean off the breastfeeds? You have done really well to BF into his 2nd year, I don't think you need to feel guilty about weaning him but I can definitely understand why you would feel that way!

Best of luck - sorry I don't really have any advice but thought I'd share my experience with you.





#4 Tesseract

Posted 23 April 2012 - 03:28 PM

I'll be watching this thread carefully as I face an almost identical dilemma! Except I'll be gone for two weeks and my DD will be 20 months. I'm pretty committed to breastfeeding, I know at that age it wouldn't bother most people, but I am still concerned...especially the emotional impact as you say OP.

Did your GP say that he would "almost definitely" wean because he would lose the habit/forget or because your supply would dwindle without regular pumping?

#5 mmk

Posted 23 April 2012 - 03:32 PM

If my two choices were a week of work in Europe with a 15mo or weaning him, I'm sorry, but I'd be weaning (unless there were extreme medical issues where bm was his main food source).  

I fed DS until 12mo and then weaned him so I could have surgery (not life threatening).  We had a lot of dramas early on, so I get how much effort you've put in to get to 13/15 months.  In a 'normal' baby, by that age their getting top ups from the milk only, and their main source of food should be from food.  It's not like you're weaning a 4mo and not offering formula, you're weaning a child that is eating 3 meals a day.  I know 2yo is the recommendation, but I'd be feeling pretty chuffed that we got to 15 months and leave him home.  

And, if that's what you decide to do, please don't feel guilty!  You've done fantastic to get so far and I think the trip will make a big difference to you going back to being a person again and not just a mum.  The boys will cope perfectly fine without you, and the trip will be good for your career.  He's 15mo, nothing to feel guilty over!

#6 Tall Poppy

Posted 23 April 2012 - 03:41 PM

If you wish to try and continue the breastfeeding relationship I'm sure that the ABA ould have some advice for you 1800 MUM 2 MUM.

If you are happy to wean you've done a brilliant job and be proud of that. The advice I have heard is "don't offer a feed, don't refuse a feed" this will allow it to taper off slowly for the both of you as you still have a few months till your trip. The ABA can also offer advice about weaning as well if you're interested.

I'd be reluctant to have a stranger mind my baby but I know others who it wouldn't bother. Only you can decide this. Do you have family that could come along? The jet lag will be an issue and hard but not impossible.

#7 PurpleChicken

Posted 23 April 2012 - 03:41 PM

I had to return to work when DD was 9 months old and as a result, my milk supply dwindled rapidly and I had to wean her well before I was ready sad.gif.  

She on the other hand, didn't seem to mind at all.  She was already taking a bottle so I just stopped the remaining night time BF.  

As far as I can tell, she hasn't suffered either emotionally or physically.  She's put on weight still & seems to be a well adjusted (as adjusted as a 21mo can be anyway rolleyes.gif) little girl.

I think oftentimes that it's the mother who finds it more traumatic to wean than the child.  I know I really struggled with it emotionally as I wanted to continue much longer than we did.

Edited by PurpleChicken, 23 April 2012 - 03:42 PM.


#8 Spiritosa

Posted 23 April 2012 - 04:47 PM

Thanks for all the words of support ladies...I think I do feel guilty because I always imagined that it would be baby-led weaning rather than me driving the weaning for my own reasons.

I'm beginning to understand that it is hard to know what is the right balance to strike between family and career!

Bad Kitteh - it could be within the realm of possibility for my husband to come with me if I were to take the baby but it would come at considerable financial cost - he would have to take annual leave and the company is not currently offering to pay for a ticket for him. I get to fly business class for work but we couldn't afford to spring for a business class ticket for him out of our own pockets. So, even if we did consider it would be worthwhile to pay for an Economy class ticket for him (which would still be >$2k), that still causes lots of problems - would one of us sit in business and the other in economy? Would we both sit in economy and give the company a 'windfall' for want of a better term even though we are already paying for my husband's ticket? Plus, it would be hard on my husband to have to watch a baby in a hotel room on his own for a week on end (even if they do get out a bit) - As much as I'd like taking the baby to be the 'right solution' I just can't see a way where it will work well for everybody - or even 'most'.

Plus, you're all  right - I think I am really sad that this special time (breastfeeding) will be coming to an end for us.A bit melodramatic, perhaps, but as one of my friends puts it - it really marks the beginning of what they were born to do - leave you!! cry1.gif

Edited by Spiritosa, 23 April 2012 - 04:47 PM.


#9 FeralZupee

Posted 23 April 2012 - 08:27 PM

I think you've done a wonderful job to get to 15 months, so you should feel very proud of yourself regardless of which way you decide to go.

Just a quick thought, for business trips at my work, they allow you to 'cash' in your business class ticket to purchase two economy tickets instead if you want. Would your work consider this? I think they'd end up better off money wise, but on the other hand, it means you may have to allow yourself recovery time when you arrive to sleep off the cramped conditions before getting stuck into work. Might be something to think about though?

#10 Spiritosa

Posted 23 April 2012 - 08:54 PM

QUOTE (Tesseract @ 23/04/2012, 03:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Did your GP say that he would "almost definitely" wean because he would lose the habit/forget or because your supply would dwindle without regular pumping?


Sorry I missed this question before Tesseract. Good question by the way! I am not entirely certain but I took it as meaning that he would lose the habit...if I see her again soon I'll ask her! She's a GP as well as a lactation consultant so I am fairly confident that her predictions are reliable.

QUOTE (Squeak's Mum @ 23/04/2012, 08:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just a quick thought, for business trips at my work, they allow you to 'cash' in your business class ticket to purchase two economy tickets instead if you want. Would your work consider this? I think they'd end up better off money wise, but on the other hand, it means you may have to allow yourself recovery time when you arrive to sleep off the cramped conditions before getting stuck into work. Might be something to think about though?


Thanks for the suggestion Squeak's Mum - its a good idea! Long story but we are a wholly owned Australian subsidiary of a European company. The European policy (being in the geographical confines of Europe) is that all travel is economy. Because we are so far away, we have bucked that policy and are allowed to travel business for international. It used to be the case that we could 'cash' a business ticket in for two economy ticket but this turned out to be very contentious - the Europeans saw that only only did we have the benefit of business, but we could also then milk the policy to take partners on a junket! So in the end, policy is business class only, no cashing in for partners.

Having said that, I probably could convince my boss that this would be an exceptional circumstance and to relax the policy BUT THEN the thought of 24+ hours in economy with a wriggly 15 month old vs 24 hours of lying down peace and quiet on my own....even though I love my son very, very much...you know the rest.

#11 FeralZupee

Posted 23 April 2012 - 09:06 PM

QUOTE (Spiritosa @ 23/04/2012, 08:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Having said that, I probably could convince my boss that this would be an exceptional circumstance and to relax the policy BUT THEN the thought of 24+ hours in economy with a wriggly 15 month old vs 24 hours of lying down peace and quiet on my own....even though I love my son very, very much...you know the rest.


Oh yes, I can definitely understand!! In the very near future I'm facing a 24 hr flight with my 11month old, and I know which one I'd prefer wink.gif

#12 lucky 2

Posted 23 April 2012 - 09:30 PM

I think there is a possibility that he will wean with a separation of one week but there is a possibility that he wont. You will only know after you return, he may jump into your arms and try to get under your top or he may not. Or he may look for your breast at any other time. He may associate you with your breasts and want them back.
You may need to consider taking a pump or being prepared to hand express even if you are not "good" at it. Your breast may be unimpressed with no bfing and may become uncomfortable.
I found warm packs and leaning forward a bit helped me to let down as quickly as possible. And deep breathing, calming me down.
All the best.

#13 Feral-chillibean

Posted 24 April 2012 - 06:57 AM

You could just see how it goes, as lucky2 said above. It may or may not be the end of BFing. I would still go in the trip though, and not take your son. I hated the babyjetlag and I Woul
Be worried about leaving my baby with a stranger.

I weaned DD1 for my own selfish reasons at 15 months. By that time she was down to 1-2 feeds per day, and was having cows milk in a bottle (she had some formula when I returned to work at 9 months). She would normally feed morning and night, sometimes skipping the morning. I just gave her a bottle instead and gradually stopped offering the breast. I felt a little sad, but also nice to have my body "back" and feel
more myself again....

#14 hunter4

Posted 24 April 2012 - 08:31 AM

It sounds like you're leaning in the opposite direction at the moment but I just thought I'd add my two cents worth in.

When DD was 16 months old my DH was sent on a work trip to Paris for 1 week.  No way was I letting DH go to Paris without me so DD and I decided to tag along (I was also 5 months pregnant at the time).  We didn't have quite as far to go as we were in North America (with stop overs a 12 hour trip) we all flew economy as thats all DH's company was paying for.  What we did was leave the Friday before, spent the weekend in Paris as a family then during the week  I spent the morning exploring the city, naps in the hotel in the afternoon and then met up with DH after work and we'd go out again have dinner out etc.  we then added another 2 weeks holiday on the end but if you didn't have the time available maybe you could just do the extra weekend, make a holiday out of it!

For us it was a great experience and I'd definitely do it again, but obviously it depends on whether you're DH WANTED to go with you, could you get a few extra days off on one end to make a holiday out of it etc.  Just wanted to let you know that it is doable (and fun for the other half) if that's what you end up wanting to do.

Otherwise as PPs have said you can alway try expressing as much as possible whilst away and hope he's willing to take the boob when you get back - even if your supply does dwindle whilst your away it's possible to get it back up again if you want and you (and bubs) are willing.  Otherwise 15 months is a good whack and well done for getting so far.  
.....and for the record, I wouldn't even contemplate not going - it sounds like too good an oportunity to miss!

Edited by hunter4, 24 April 2012 - 08:32 AM.


#15 Spiritosa

Posted 24 April 2012 - 10:14 PM

Thanks for all the additional replies everybody. Its nice to have a 'sounding board' for all these feelings.

I have considered not weaning and seeing how things are when I get back but I am mainly worried about the 'shock' to my son of no boobs and no mum. Finding time and privacy to express on the road might also be tricky but not insurmountable. I think I'll make an appointment to speak to my GP about options.

Hunter4 - sounds like an amazing holiday! We have considered doing something similar but we don't have the ability to extend our stay in Europe (and it is peak season so everything is expensive at that time) but my husband and I also used to live in Stockholm (where I am headed) so, whilst he will be able to entertain himself, the 'newness' is not there so much and we'd probably rather spend money on a holiday to somewhere new (as much as we love Stockholm).

Thanks again for all the advice ladies. Its so nice to have help from such a supportive bunch!




2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

eBay jacket may hold clue to murdered girl's identity

A jacket similar to the one found with the remains of a brutally murdered little girl in South Australia has been identified on eBay.

New mum forced back to work early due to paid parental leave 'technicality'

Shelley Parker had to keep driving buses until the date her baby was due and will have to rush back to work at the end of this week after being denied paid parental leave on a "technicality".

Pregnant Amanda Palmer poses naked for book drive

It has to be the most original way ever of promoting a children's book donation day.

The conception dilemma facing many parents today

Some parents who conceived through a sperm donor will be wary of telling the child, while others prefer to deal with it early on. But recent research suggests it makes little difference either way.

The wedding photo the bridesmaid would rather forget

We've probably all seen a passed-out bridesmaid at one wedding or another, but it usually happens towards the end of the night.

Pregnant TV meteorologist takes on haters

Pregnant TV meteorologist Katie Fehlinger has hit back at haters who called her a "sausage in casing".

Honest words from first-time mums

I didn't want to say anything negative to my pregnant friend, but I wish I'd been more honest.

Adorable baby experiences rain for the first time, couldn't be happier

Harper had seen rain from the comfort of indoors before, but had never had the pleasure of being outside and experiencing it first hand.

What it's really like to start a family in your fifties

Many people suppose that it must be much more tiring to have a baby in middle age, but all the mothers in the playground look exhausted, whatever their age.

'Biggest hypocrite ever': Josh Duggar admits to Ashley Madison account

An American reality TV star has been busted with a cheating website account, according to US media.

Long recovery ahead for girl hit by car weeks after baby brother's death

A little girl is more alert and starting to talk after being hit by a car a week ago, but still faces a long recovery.

How to react when a toddler lies

Q: My almost-3-year-old is starting to figure out that he can lie when asked if he ripped the book, threw the food, hit his brother, etc. Totally normal, I know. How do we respond?

The circular experience of a Centrelink client

A mum-to-be experiences the frustration of dealing with Centrelink, myGov and everything in between.

Kelly Clarkson announces live on stage: 'I'm pregnant!'

Singer Kelly Clarkson has announced she is pregnant with her second child during a concert in Los Angeles.

Hack

How to search the leaked Ashley Madison data

At least three sites are republishing Ashley Madison's user data on the public-facing internet.

Mum dances her way through labour

There are a fair few ways to distract yourself and beat pains while in labour, but it's probably a rare woman who chooses her dance her way through it.

'Rest in peace, my little lion': premmie baby Jacob passes away

Baby Jacob, whose photo of him born at just 27 weeks was deemed 'too graphic' for a fundraising site, has died.

Mum killed three young sons 'to help her daughter', prosecutor says

Niall Pilkington's death last summer apparently raised little alarm in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Tragic accidents happen, after all.

Shorter women have shorter pregnancies: study

When a group of researchers studied nearly 3500 mothers and their babies, they noticed a curious pattern.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Sydney!

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.