Jump to content

Does your mum/MIL freak out when your baby cries?
Should their anxiety be greater than mine?


  • Please log in to reply
41 replies to this topic

#26 Hooray Henry

Posted 23 April 2012 - 09:30 AM

My Mum is better with crying babies than I am, but sadly lives interstate so I miss out.   She is happy to cuddle and settle an upset infant for as long as it takes.  I wish she lived closer.


#27 Nobody Cool

Posted 23 April 2012 - 09:45 AM

QUOTE (soontobegran @ 23/04/2012, 09:16 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
No it's not 'their generation' so no sympathy needed. original.gif  Since I am that generation as are many of my peers who care for their grandchildren on a daily basis quite calmly and competently, I can assure you it is a personal thing.


Meggs can correct me if I'm wrong but I think she meant that parents nowadays are lucky to have so much more access to information about babies and their cognitive and physical development and understand that there could be any number of reasons why a baby might be unsettled and fussy whereas our mothers and grandmothers seem to attribute all crying to wind or teething for the most part.

I don't think she was saying that all women of a certain generation are hysterical and incompetent when dealing with babies. You guys did an awesome job. You raised us.  biggrin.gif

Edited by Shady Lane, 23 April 2012 - 09:56 AM.


#28 Bluenomi

Posted 23 April 2012 - 09:57 AM

I found MIL was terrible. Mum was ok but she had babies of her own much more recently and lots of little nieces around so she can remember what babies are like. MIL hasn't have to deal with a baby since BIL was one 30 years ago!

For the first 3 months everytime DD cried it was colic or wind. Every time. Never mind she was due a feed or had a dirty nappy, it had to be colic or wind. After 3 months everything was due to teething. She didn't get any teeth until 10 months but yet accordig to MIL they were bothering her from 3 months.

She got better when her friends started becoming grandparents and she spend time with other babies. I think she remembered how much they do cry.

She still dolled out the breastfeeding advice though wink.gif I never bothered listening, she never breastfed a day in her life so didn't really know what she was on about

#29 treefalls

Posted 23 April 2012 - 10:29 AM

QUOTE (Diana_Barry @ 22/04/2012, 10:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Still, they're absolute best friends and it is so adorable.  DP and I joke about having our feelings hurt - when DS is with his Grandma and either of us try to take him, or kiss him, or engage him in any way, he literally reaches out a hand and pushes us away.  He doesn't see her that often, you'd think he'd forget or take some time to warm up to her, but she appears and his whole face lights up and we lose him until she buggers off home again.  

So yes, not only did we feel like our parenting was being questioned all along, now his behaviour suggests that he knows she's the only one who loves him properly wink.gif

Totally! My son pretty much prefers his grandparents over us, he gets so much attention from them! It really is great that my kids have them.

I suppose what I was really wondering is whether or not I should be as worried as they suggest? Should I be cutting things out of my diet and and 'buying into' the panic. After reading what everyone here has posted I feel a lot more concrete in my own assessment of how things really are. But yesterday was the first time I really worried about her crying as I couldn't do anything to settle her!

QUOTE (bertiemum @ 23/04/2012, 09:30 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My Mum is better with crying babies than I am, but sadly lives interstate so I miss out.   She is happy to cuddle and settle an upset infant for as long as it takes.  I wish she lived closer.

Thanks for sharing that Bertiemum, I really hope I don't sound like I'm complaining because it's so great to have the support that I do. It's just amazing to me that my mum will do whatever it takes, too... She will walk her and rock her endlessly, but at the same time you can see her tension rising and rising and more and more talk about, "What's wrong? What's wrong?" in the hope that somehow we're going to figure it out!!  rolleyes.gif ....I think the question she should really be asking herself is, "How I can I prevent myself from feeling like this again?" - but the answer to that lies within herself, not with my boobs!

#30 mum201

Posted 23 April 2012 - 10:32 AM

With us it's my grandmother. I find it annoying to go to my mums because every time he is the tiniest bit unsettled she says 'oh you must be hungry'. This is the call for me to action this sage advice even if baby ate 30 mins prior and I have said 5 times that it's because he is overstimulated and due for a nap. Aaaaaaahhhhh

#31 PigNewton

Posted 23 April 2012 - 10:51 AM

QUOTE
Meggs can correct me if I'm wrong but I think she meant that parents nowadays are lucky to have so much more access to information about babies and their cognitive and physical development and understand that there could be any number of reasons why a baby might be unsettled and fussy whereas our mothers and grandmothers seem to attribute all crying to wind or teething for the most part.

Thing is, that leads to a whole nother kind of hysteria...it's why you get posters on here saying that they never go anywhere in the car because their baby might cry, stress, cortisol, blah blah, can't put their baby down for a single second because they might cry, stress, cortisol, blah blah, can't let baby entertain themselves because they might cry, can't let someone else babysit, because baby might cry, stress, permanent issues blah blah.
Sometimes too much knowledge is just as bad as not enough....I tend to think that the stressed out mothers and MIL's would do just as much freaking out if they had their babies now, they would just find different justifications for it and we'd be calling them helicopter parents. The more laid back mums would be the same whether they had their kids now or 35 years ago.
FTR both my mum and MIL aren't worried by crying babies at all, but MIL ran family daycare for 0-2 year olds, and my mum had twins 2 years after me, and one of them had reflux. Lots of crying for both of them, so they aren't fazed. My mum mentioned wind, but only in passing...apparently when she was in hospital all the mums had roast with cabbage one night, and every baby on the ward was screaming for hours, so she told me to be cautious with cabbage, turned out she was right!

#32 sjm218

Posted 23 April 2012 - 10:53 AM

Funny I never thoughtvabout this until I read your post....my sisters (in their 50s) are like this with regard to wind etc. My mum who had 8 children herself can stand my kids crying and will do anything to stop including feeding ice cream to my 5 1/2 month old (good girl spat it out!). I put my mums feelings down to the fact that she doesn't need to be the parent with rules etc, she just gets to love and comfort them.

My sisters Are most likely the same. I guess I was lucky in that it didn't get to me at all, I just thought it odd that my pretty windlesss bubbies suddenly got it everyvtime they visited!


#33 GoldenBlack

Posted 23 April 2012 - 11:25 AM

My MIL does not freak out, but she does think the baby cries because she hates her!  And she gets very stressed about it, worrying what she is doing wrong, saying 'Oh, she just doesn't like me'.

Both she and my mother cannot quite believe the howling is due to being overtired and worry that the kidlet is ill, but seem a bit better at taking on board my constant repetition of: She's tired, she just needs a nap, and you people are SO much more interesting than a nap that she's refusing to.

I have no idea what to do about the constant 'The baby hates me!' comments though, ugh.

#34 Soontobegran

Posted 23 April 2012 - 11:28 AM

QUOTE (Shady Lane @ 23/04/2012, 09:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Meggs can correct me if I'm wrong but I think she meant that parents nowadays are lucky to have so much more access to information about babies and their cognitive and physical development and understand that there could be any number of reasons why a baby might be unsettled and fussy whereas our mothers and grandmothers seem to attribute all crying to wind or teething for the most part.

I don't think she was saying that all women of a certain generation are hysterical and incompetent when dealing with babies. You guys did an awesome job. You raised us.  biggrin.gif



I guess it depends on what age group they are and perhaps their background. original.gif
I know I had access to lots of information but that was perhaps because I worked in the field but I (56) did come from an incredibly cruisy mum (86) and nana (would be 104) who took to mothering like ducks to water and I remember my mum being convinced that colic was a problem of the mother and not the baby. My mum demand fed when others had 'routine', she BF all babies until the next one arrived...she was a bit of a rebel for her time.

I do agree though with redkris. I think there is an information overload these days courtesy of the WWW. I think it has actually had a negative effect on many young mums ability to mother in a way that is right for her and her baby. sad.gif

Like I said in a PP, I feel as though I am the person my kids come to reassure them of normality, whether that is because I have always been a mellow type of mum or because of my job?
Either way I am happy to be anyone's go to girl original.gif

#35 Nobody Cool

Posted 23 April 2012 - 01:08 PM

QUOTE (redkris @ 23/04/2012, 10:51 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thing is, that leads to a whole nother kind of hysteria...

The more laid back mums would be the same whether they had their kids now or 35 years ago.


I actually think you are onto something here. For me I find all the info about baby development etc quite reassuring because it means that sometimes my baby is simply going to cry, I'm not necessarily going to know why, it has nothing to do with my "failure" as a mother, it is not uncommon, I don't need to have all the answers and all I can do is my best to try and comfort them as required.

Yet the very same information in someone else's hands can lead to a completely different interpretation, and the kind of over-anxious response that you are talking about. That's the catch-22. Knowledge is power. But too much knowledge can be dangerous because it has the capacity to create more anxiety than it alleviates.

#36 zogee

Posted 24 April 2012 - 05:39 PM

QUOTE (redkris @ 23/04/2012, 10:51 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thing is, that leads to a whole nother kind of hysteria...it's why you get posters on here saying that they never go anywhere in the car because their baby might cry, stress, cortisol, blah blah, can't put their baby down for a single second because they might cry, stress, cortisol, blah blah, can't let baby entertain themselves because they might cry, can't let someone else babysit, because baby might cry, stress, permanent issues blah blah.
Sometimes too much knowledge is just as bad as not enough....I tend to think that the stressed out mothers and MIL's would do just as much freaking out if they had their babies now, they would just find different justifications for it and we'd be calling them helicopter parents. The more laid back mums would be the same whether they had their kids now or 35 years ago.
FTR both my mum and MIL aren't worried by crying babies at all, but MIL ran family daycare for 0-2 year olds, and my mum had twins 2 years after me, and one of them had reflux. Lots of crying for both of them, so they aren't fazed. My mum mentioned wind, but only in passing...apparently when she was in hospital all the mums had roast with cabbage one night, and every baby on the ward was screaming for hours, so she told me to be cautious with cabbage, turned out she was right!

I completely agree with this!!  original.gif I am lucky in that I haven't so far had many times where my baby has cried or been unsettled for more than an hour or so, and I know I would find that pretty stressful. Good on you for being so cool, calm and collected!

But I do understand what you mean OP, my MIL always asks what's wrong the minute either of my kids makes a peep. I also do believe that wind and colic exists  ph34r.gif but I don't think there's much you can do about it!

Edited by zogee, 24 April 2012 - 05:40 PM.


#37 Relish*

Posted 25 April 2012 - 12:34 PM

Ah yes my Mum does this and it drives me nuts! There's NOTHING I can say, no expert I can quote that will get her to stop the passive aggressive stuff - talking to the baby but aiming the message at me sort of thing. I'm spending the day with Mum tomorrow and am quietly dreading it! (Even though she'll probably help me with my housework and I am grateful for that!)

It's very difficult but try not to let it grate on you, from now on I'm going to take a deep breath and brush it off where I can, or just tell her straight up 'I get the feeling you're trying to imply I'm doing the wrong thing by DS, but I really feel comfortable with how we're going, so perhaps if you relax a bit you'll find being with us less stressful'.  Mum hates confrontation so this should get her back in her box a bit! Good luck!

#38 Velvetta

Posted 25 April 2012 - 12:54 PM

My littlest is 3 and a half years but  last time mum was over she thought he looked red in the cheeks and before I knew it, she had her fingers in his mouth feeling for new teeth!!

I pretty much gagged myself.

Have definitely been told about the wind/colic/gas thing for all 5 of mine from birth.

Mum's other thing is sun in their eyes. She has gone to great lengths and acrobatics in the car trying to shade them if the sun is on their face for 30 metres/ 10 seconds or more. We'll be driving along and suddenly she'll launch her self from the front seat over the back to try to hold up a newspaper or her cardie to shield them from the burning death rays .
Mum, they can close their eyes...

Better I suppose than one who doesn't care, or the type that say "Let 'em cry"

Edited by Dorothea, 25 April 2012 - 12:54 PM.


#39 Flutter Bug

Posted 25 April 2012 - 12:55 PM

Oh dear OP, my Mum is the same!

Except she does this irritating thing of  talking 'through' my child instead of talking to me.

For example, if DD is crying she'll say something to her like "oh, what did we feed Mummy tonight that's upset your tummy" (I'm BF too)! Ahh, drives me mental!

She insists that we (myself and 3 sisters) didn't ever cry so she doesn't know what to do with a crying baby! I find this hard to believe so maybe they just don't remember!  She finds it very difficult to listen to any amount of whingeing or crying whereas I can cope with it a bit better (if Mum's not around that is). The endess "what's wrong, what's wrong" drives me crazy.

But like you I am so grateful for the endless amount of help and support I get from her that I find it hard to complain. I haven't said anything to her but my anxiety levels do escalate if she is around when DD is unsettled or crying.  And I'm sure it makes DD worse, babies definitely pick up on the anxiety and tension.

Take deep breaths, someone taught me to 'breath in the calm and blow out the worry', it helps!!

I'm really of no help, just thought you'd like to know you're not alone!

#40 Lifesgood

Posted 25 April 2012 - 01:07 PM

Normal, normal, normal.

Your baby sounds like they are behaving in a normal, new baby way.

Your mum and MIL sound like they are behaving in a normal grandparent way.

You sound like you are reacting in a normal mummy way.

I had the exact same situation with DD when she was a new bub. You just need to roll your eyes to yourself and try to ignore them.

#41 treefalls

Posted 25 April 2012 - 07:13 PM

QUOTE (Dorothea @ 25/04/2012, 12:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Mum's other thing is sun in their eyes. She has gone to great lengths and acrobatics in the car trying to shade them if the sun is on their face for 30 metres/ 10 seconds or more. We'll be driving along and suddenly she'll launch her self from the front seat over the back to try to hold up a newspaper or her cardie to shield them from the burning death rays .

roll2.gif Ahhh! I'd forgotten she does this one too!!!.... We won't talk about whether or not seat belts remained fastened, either  unsure.gif

I'm usually pretty good at remaining cool, but I guess that was one of those days where it WASN'T going to happen.
huge THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO SHARED - I feel SO much better!!! Really gotta love EB for this kind of support, there's nothing else like it biggrin.gif

#42 chicken_bits

Posted 25 April 2012 - 07:21 PM

YES!!! I thought it was just me! My mum was babysitting DD when she was 10 weeks and timed her screaming then felt the need to tell me how long it was. She's a gp and she basically forced me to go to the doctor and put her on reflux meds. We tried it for 3 days to appease her and of course it made no difference. Babies cry! Plus I think my mum stressing out makes DD cry more! I was so mad at myself for giving into her. Next time I'll trust my instincts.




2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tot meets his heroes, falls apart with excitement

Two-year-old Quincy finished his potty training last week, and as part of his reward he was able to meet his idols.

Beautiful in our eyes: Georgia's story

I will never deny the fact that grief has a place when you give birth to a child who brings a set of circumstances very different to what you imagined. Because for nine months, I thought I knew my Georgie.

'It's been phenomenal': widower dad of quads thankful for support

There was nothing Erica and Carlos wanted more than a baby.

Vin Diesel names daughter after actor Paul Walker

The actor said there was "no other person" he was thinking about when he chose the name.

How midwives can help women who experience domestic violence

More than half of women who live with abusive partners experience violence during pregnancy.

Mum describes giving birth during Cyclone Pam

A new mother was told she must flee Port Vila hospital with her baby as Cyclone Pam bore down.

6 signs you're done having babies

There were a few signs I'm never going back to the land of maternity jeans, breast pumps and bassinets.

Marta Dusseldorp reveals breastfeeding cost her an acting job

Australian actress Marta Dusseldorp has revealed she was forced to withdraw from a Sydney Theatre Company production because a director did not approve of her breast feeding.

Female celebs (or their babies) with traditionally male names

Looking for a name that's a little bit different for a girl? Turn to names that have been traditionally used for males, as these celebs (or their parents) did.

'If you're anti-immunisation ... take a look at this picture of my son'

Greg Hughes is "an absolute shell of a man" as he and his wife Catherine struggle to come to terms with the loss of their newborn son Riley to whooping cough.

How an extrovert can raise an introvert

Introverts are often misunderstood as shy, and sometimes even rude. A timid child can be difficult to build rapport with, but it's important we nurture their sensitive natures.

Sheryl Sandberg's advice

'Choreplay': Help out at home to get more sex, Sandberg tells men

Forget foreplay. The new and improved route to intercourse is "choreplay" - it's good for your spouse, good for your house, and comes with the imprimatur of feminist du jour Sheryl Sandberg.

How to play with your baby

The first time your child learns a new skill at playtime is very exciting - for both you and your baby! Play is important to your child's development for a variety of reasons - here are some simple ideas for you to try at home.

I'm a single mother by choice

For me, being the best mother I can be means being a mum alone, at least for now. Thinking of my friends with inadequate partners, I wonder why more people don’t choose single motherhood.

Awkward wedding photos

Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.

Four-week-old baby Riley Hughes dies of whooping cough

The mother of a four-week-old Perth baby who died after contracting whooping cough says her family has been left devastated by the loss of her "gorgeous, sweet" son.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Oh boy! Video shows family's reaction to baby surprise

Little Peyton Williams thought she was getting a baby sister named Charlee. But the two-year-old has had to settle for a doll dressed in pink after her baby "sister" turned out to be a boy.

How to help build up your baby's immune system

We all know that having a strong immune system is the best way to stay healthy – but what can we do to help it along?

'Nick, you need to call an ambulance': home birth mum's tragic death

A Melbourne mum who died after the home birth of her baby pleaded with her husband to call an ambulance because she felt she was going to die, the Victorian Coroners Court has heard.

When dads believe their baby doesn't 'like' them

Q: My two-month-old baby doesn't like me. He's perfectly content with my wife, but when I try to hold him, he gets upset and cries. I've backed off a little, thinking that he just needs a little time to get used to me, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm starting to think I'm just not a very good dad. Is it too late for me to build a relationship with my baby?

When was the last time a stranger praised your parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great to get some nice feedback every now and then? After all, everyone likes to hear positive praise, particularly when it comes to parenting.

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

15 names on the verge of extinction

If you're looking to revive an older name, or don’t want anything near the top 1000 list, check out these rare monikers for your unique baby.

5 characteristics of great dads

It’s great to see a generation of dads who are more actively involved with caring, nurturing and loving their kids.

Why doesn't Australia have more breast milk banks?

When there’s no question that milk banks are important, why don’t we have more of them in Australia?

Carrie Bickmore announces birth of daughter

Television personality Carrie Bickmore has given birth to her second child.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.