Jump to content

Possibility of a fourth child?


  • Please log in to reply
9 replies to this topic

#1 always awake

Posted 21 April 2012 - 02:52 PM

I'm wondering if anyone out there would be able to give helpful advice? We have 3 kids and would like to have a 4th. Currently I'm a SAHM and DH works fulltime. We are both very keen on having another baby in the next 12-24 months but we have received a lot of negative opinions from family and friends. I'm not concerned with other people's thoughts on our life but it has made me think a lot harder about whether we are doing the right thing for our family. I made a list of benefits and disadvantages I was hoping to share.
Benefits
Having a baby to love!Having 4 children and all the things that go with that like Christmases and birthdays etcAlready have a people moverHave a decent sized yard and a spare room as my 2 older kids want to share as it isFamily to help us close byKids go to public school so won't cost us a lot extra for educationOur youngest will be at kindy next year so I'll have more time for babyWe don't go on holidays or buy lots of clothes/toys and handmedowns are no issue for us
Disadvantages
I'm currently studying at uni and would need to consider whether birth and newborn stage would impact on exams and study loadDH works awayI suffered depression after last child which I would be scared of happening againWe have a large mortgage due to getting into the market late which would mean even further careful budgetingPossibility of me re-entering the workforce later than originally anticipated
What do you think of this? Would be best to reconsider or is it worth a few more years of being out of the workforce and frugal spending to afford another child? If we left it a few more years we may miss the boat completely due to our ages (I'm 37 DH is 42).
Are we selfish, crazy or can it be done well?


#2 FeralSis

Posted 21 April 2012 - 03:19 PM

My family circumstances are very simlilar to yours except I would be looking at number 5 lol.

I say if you want to do it then go for it! We love having 4.

My only advice would be to stop mentioning it to people IRL. In my experience people are only too willing to be negative in the context of just having a conversation whether you have actually asked for their advice or not!

#3 Snorlax

Posted 21 April 2012 - 03:22 PM

I shouldn't really answer this as I've never wanted more than 3 I often think my friends who have more are crazy for doing so, then again so do they! laughing2.gif

I come from a big family so I'm not anti big families, they're just not for me wink.gif

However we had long discussions about having more than our 2, we always wanted 3 but then life (mortgage, travel, schooling, Uni, work etc.) got in the way & made it seem impossible sad.gif

What decided me was that I was sure - maybe not now, maybe not until years from now - but I was sure that if I didn't have 3 (& was able to) that I'd regret it. It's no life living with the 'what if's'. Hence if you think this may be you, then have another!

#4 canuckmel

Posted 21 April 2012 - 04:27 PM

I had a surprise #4 and in retrospect, probably wouldn't have done it because it is such a big jump, but the older she gets the easier it gets. I had a couple of years of real regret when she was first born, but now it's fine, mostly original.gif

#5 mummyofour

Posted 21 April 2012 - 04:37 PM

As you can see from my sig I have four kids.  The first three are all three years apart and then the baby is 4 years younger than no3 - we had a m/c in there are well.

Like I PP I would say think about the "what if's".  I always wanted 4 and luckily DH agreed.

Just about everyone in the world knew we wanted 4 kids, except my mother and I copped a lot of negativity from her when we told them I was preg (even though she knew I'd not long had a m/c and was trying again....) however she is from a family of 5 kids and didn't like it (although gets on with all her siblings I suspect it's more about her issues with her mother)

I was 38 when DD3 was born (and on the flip side I still now get people asking me if I am going back for no 5 !!

DD3 is nearly 2 and some times I find it really hard.  Usually the days when all 4 kids are being really needy, and I don't get a lot of support from DH or either his or my family.  And we're struggling a bit this year money wise.  BUT I wouldn't change it for the world. (now typing one handed as she is sitting on my lap demanding a story!! rolleyes.gif


#6 MickeyBoo

Posted 21 April 2012 - 04:38 PM

If you want a baby you make it work, circumstances can change for the better or worse overnight and what you plan on now is likely not to be what you are actually working around by the time a baby comes into the picture. If it's not putting you into a massive black hole financially then there's always ways to change a budget, it depends on what your priorities and expectations are.

We wanted a #4 and had lots of support for that, but when we mentioned a #5 got a lot of negative feedback. I second the PP who said to just stop telling people about it and leave the answer as 'open and undecided' and decide what you feel is right for you. We started TTC #5 and didn't tell anyone, held off on announcing the pregnancy for a little while as well in case of negative reactions, but when we did announce it everyone was really excited and happy for us, so if we had of let their negative opinions sway us initially we never would have this little girl due in just 4 weeks!

#7 I'm Batman

Posted 21 April 2012 - 05:13 PM

If you are at the end of your rope emotionally financially or otherwise you shouldnt be having more kids...if you are prepared, feel you can accommodate another child into your life, yeah that makes sense..

I would stop asking those other peoples opinions. Its not like you rely on them to pay your mortgage and look after all your children.

#8 ubermum

Posted 21 April 2012 - 05:36 PM

Good luck. I am pregnant with my third and final baby. No way will I be having another.

#9 always awake

Posted 21 April 2012 - 10:24 PM

Thank you for all the replies. I think I'll stop telling people because it does get to me when I hear rude responses.

I think I would absolutely regret not having another baby as would DH. Money is very tight but our kids don't go without. I think we would be able to manage financially especially with less daycare costs next year with my youngest going to school.

I guess my major concern is the transition between 3 to 4 kids. It took me a long time to get over depression and with DH working away I'd hate to fall back into that. Could anyone give me advice on how to manage or try prevent depression or how much harder it is having an extra child? I don't want to go into this without thinking of every angle.


#10 BentoBaby

Posted 21 April 2012 - 10:38 PM

Did your DH work away when you had the other kids? For me this would make a huge difference. If he was around before but I'll be away this time I'd have to really think that through as it would be a significant factor for me.

Other than that I'd say go for it original.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Show us your DUPLO creations to win!

We love to see the cool creations kids build when they play with LEGO DUPLO. Enter and share a picture of your childs creation for a chance to WIN 1 of 10 LEGO DUPLO prize packs worth over $100 each.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Anti-vaccination mum's seven children contract whooping cough

A Canadian woman who had declined to have her children immunised against pertussis, better known as whooping cough, has changed her position now that all seven of her children have come down with the disease.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Tips for flying with a baby

Travelling with kids requires a whole other set of skills - ones that I have learned through (sometimes unfortunate) trial and error.

How to stay calm in an emergency

I’m not expecting you to be as calm as you might be right now. What I mean is that if your panic levels are through the roof during a stressful situation, let’s bring them down to just under the ceiling.

Toddler gets 'drunk' after cranberry juice mix-up

A toddler was taken to hospital after a waitress served her sangria instead of cranberry juice at a US restaurant.

Show us your toddlers LEGO DUPLO creations

We love to see the cool creations kids build when they play with LEGO DUPLO. Enter and share a picture of your childs creation for a chance to WIN 1 of 10 LEGO DUPLO prize packs worth over $100 each.

We need to stop using this word when we talk about childbirth

Is it shaming to point out that women are often being let down in birth?

The certificate helping parents deal with pregnancy loss

For some people, this certificate will offer a sense of validation that their child was acknowledged as being here and now gone, and will help them with life post-loss.

The phenomenon of phantom pregnancy kicks

'Phantom pregnancy kicks’ are encountered by many mums months - or even years - after their pregnancy is over.

The health insurance advice you can't afford to ignore

There's one simple switch that could save you hundreds of dollars a year in private health insurance.

4D scans show how smoking affects babies still in the womb

The harmful effects of smoking during pregnancy on unborn babies may be seen in tiny movements in their faces using 4D ultrasound scans, research has found.

The most dangerous toddler food trends

Pete Evans' paleo cookbook for kids caused a storm, but there are plenty of other unsafe food trends for babies and toddlers.

Infection killed new mum of twins

Modern medicine could not save 19-year-old Sophie Burgess who died 48 hours after giving birth to twins in the UK.

How to babyproof your job interview

Once upon a time, I was a fan of job interviews. That all changed after I'd switched careers, had a baby and decided to spend the first year at home with her.

Grieving families give warnings after toddler deaths

Two Queensland families are grieving the loss of their toddler sons after the boys drowned in separate incidents last week.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

SIGN UP NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby for just the month of April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.