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would you be offended


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#1 MO3G

Posted 17 April 2012 - 01:49 PM

if your family said they would not come to your childs christening ceremony at the church but will come to the reception afterwards?

Also would you call them up if they havent replyed by the rsvp date?

its at a reception centre so we need to know who is coming to get the final numbers to pay the final cost.

#2 hollysmama

Posted 17 April 2012 - 01:53 PM

Yes I would.


#3 PrincessPeach

Posted 17 April 2012 - 01:55 PM

Yes.

It's like not attending a church wedding ceremony, but the reception afterwards.

My dad is atheist, yet gladly walked me down the isle of my church wedding. He also has no issues attending anyone elses church wedding or christening.

I would call for late RSVP's.

#4 bakesgirls

Posted 17 April 2012 - 01:55 PM

Depends on what their reasons were.

#5 Lightning_bug

Posted 17 April 2012 - 01:55 PM

If they weren't religious in any way I wouldn't be offended.  I'd be annoyed but I'd understand.  If they were religious and were boycotting for some other reason I'd be furious.

As for the RSVPs... I'd only call those I really wanted to come and the others I'd assume weren't.

#6 CherrySunday

Posted 17 April 2012 - 01:55 PM

I would tell them that if they don't come to the ceremony, they aren't welcome at the reception.

Yes, I'd be offended.

edit: Even if they are uncomfortable with the church, I'd still be quite upset - if they aren't religious at all, a church poses no 'threat' to them.

Edited by *Browncoat*, 17 April 2012 - 01:56 PM.


#7 Froger

Posted 17 April 2012 - 01:58 PM

Depends, but I don't think so. Lots of people don't want to go to religious ceremonies, but like to go to the family event afterwards. I think opting out of religious events should be everyone's prerogative.

#8 follies

Posted 17 April 2012 - 01:58 PM

I consider anyone that does not RSVP by the date to not be coming. I do not bend over backwards to compensate for the rudeness of others.

#9 Guest_tigerdog_*

Posted 17 April 2012 - 01:58 PM

Yes I would be highly offended.  I had my DS2's christening over the Easter weekend, everyone came to the church (an extra-long Easter Mass, the priest wanted the baptims done during the Mass instead of after), some hungover and others put off other family Easter get-togethers to be there, which we were highly appreciative of.

Edited by tigerdog, 17 April 2012 - 01:59 PM.


#10 Bam1

Posted 17 April 2012 - 01:59 PM

No I wouldn't at all, a church is a religious place and some people would feel uncomfortable there. The fact that they are coming to the reception tells me they care for your family.

Everyone is free to make their own choices and it would be rude to pressure people into going to a church and disrespectful to the church itself if they only went to keep the peace.

#11 opethmum

Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:00 PM

Yes I think it is rude. Don't care what their stance on the religious aspect is. They should be an unconditional support to their grandchild/nieces etc and support your choice to have her christened.
I would just call the reception place with the RSVP's you have received by the cut off date and leave it at that.
I am sorry that they are doing this to you at what should be a special time in your family.
Good luck and I hope the Christening Service goes well and that your family is made to feel welcome in the community of Christ.

#12 Guest_tigerdog_*

Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:00 PM

QUOTE (SarahM72 @ 17/04/2012, 01:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Depends, but I don't think so. Lots of people don't want to go to religious ceremonies, but like to go to the family event afterwards. I think opting out of religious events should be everyone's prerogative.


I don't agree. The crux of the occasion is the child's initiation into that religion - if you aren't supportive enough of this to come to the ceremony then don't just come along for the free food.

#13 MO3G

Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:02 PM

the reason is that DP is greek orthodox and we are going to a maco orthodox church(i had another topic about this a few weeks ago)

Because of what happened 100,000s ofyears ago between the two countries that is why they arnt coming, even though Dps dad says that all orthodox are the same,they wont understand what is being said.

but in the end its our choice on what we do, DP said if whoever isnt going to come to church is not coming to the reception, but im not sure i want to go through with that.

#14 Fluster

Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:04 PM

QUOTE (Bam1 @ 17/04/2012, 01:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
No I wouldn't at all, a church is a religious place and some people would feel uncomfortable there. The fact that they are coming to the reception tells me they care for your family.

Everyone is free to make their own choices and it would be rude to pressure people into going to a church and disrespectful to the church itself if they only went to keep the peace.



All of this.  

Some people who may be Christians may be supportive of your aims but not supportive of the actual practice - I was raised in a denomination that rejects infant baptism.

#15 Mitis angelam

Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:04 PM

Yes to both questions.  I'd consider it hypocritical and selfish to turn up to the party celebrating an event you boycotted.  

I wouldn't pressure anyone to come and would respect a declined invitation; but I'd be mighty peeved if people didn't RSVP!

#16 2bellaboos

Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:05 PM

Yes - this happened to me. SIL thought her DS's soccer was more important.

ETA - I just saw your response and realise it's a more deep seated issue than a child's sporting event. I think your DH's family are being silly. I assume you got married in a Macedonian church - did they boycott that too? How will they "cope" being a reception with Maco's, let along the mass?

Edited by 2bellaboos, 17 April 2012 - 02:10 PM.


#17 paddyboo

Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:05 PM

yes I would. Thats like saying I'm not coming to the wedding but I'll come to the reception.

#18 christmasiscoming

Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:07 PM

If you receive a formal invitation for something you HAVE to RSVP.  Nothing peeves me more than going to the trouble of sending invitations and having no response whatsoever.  So rude.

I always admire the attitude of people who say "if they dont RSVP, I'll assume they're not coming"  but then you're still the one that ends up in a pickle when they DO show up at the event, oblivious to the trouble they've caused, and you're then undercatered for the number of guests on the day.

In regards to being offended if they didn't come to the ceremony, and if it were my immediate family (ie. my own mum, dad, brothers/sisters) I'd be pretty peeved at that too.  Have they given you any reasons for not attending the ceremony?  It'd want to be a good one if you ask me ...

#19 Guest_tigerdog_*

Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:09 PM

QUOTE (Fluster @ 17/04/2012, 02:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
All of this.  

Some people who may be Christians may be supportive of your aims but not supportive of the actual practice - I was raised in a denomination that rejects infant baptism.


Then as myself and PPs have stated, don't just turn up for the party - politely decline the invitation.

#20 Froger

Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:12 PM

QUOTE (MO3G @ 17/04/2012, 02:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
the reason is that DP is greek orthodox and we are going to a maco orthodox church(i had another topic about this a few weeks ago)

Because of what happened 100,000s ofyears ago between the two countries that is why they arnt coming, even though Dps dad says that all orthodox are the same,they wont understand what is being said.

but in the end its our choice on what we do, DP said if whoever isnt going to come to church is not coming to the reception, but im not sure i want to go through with that.


Maco? Do you mean Macedonia orthodox? Sorry, I don't really know much about church. But if you mean the dispute between Macedonia and Greece (the countries, as opposed to the churches of which I don't know anything), but this dispute is quite recent, certainly well within living memory of older people. Sometimes you just have to make allowances for family, especially older family members who are set in their ways.

Edited by SarahM72, 17 April 2012 - 02:13 PM.


#21 qak

Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:13 PM

QUOTE (MO3G @ 17/04/2012, 02:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
the reason is that DP is greek orthodox and we are going to a maco orthodox church(i had another topic about this a few weeks ago)

Because of what happened 100,000s ofyears ago between the two countries that is why they arnt coming, even though Dps dad says that all orthodox are the same,they wont understand what is being said.

but in the end its our choice on what we do, DP said if whoever isnt going to come to church is not coming to the reception, but im not sure i want to go through with that.


OK I know there is a whole lot to the Greece/Macedonia conflict, I have no opinion on it.  I think if that's an issue to them then they shouldn't go to the reception either.
BTW I have been to weddings where I haven't understood anything either, I don't think that's a good reason to pike out. Even if you are not religious at all you can go to support the family.

#22 Ingrid the Swan

Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:14 PM

QUOTE (Bam1 @ 17/04/2012, 01:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
No I wouldn't at all, a church is a religious place and some people would feel uncomfortable there. The fact that they are coming to the reception tells me they care for your family.

Everyone is free to make their own choices and it would be rude to pressure people into going to a church and disrespectful to the church itself if they only went to keep the peace.


This.

After seeing the reason, I have sympathy to their view. In fact, I think it would be a tough ask to have them attend and participate in a ceremony that is against their own religious beliefs (worse even I think than if they were atheist with no belief system), where they would not know what was being said.

I can understand them wanting to be there in support but going to a church and participating in the prayers etc that are not only of an opposing church but in an unknown language would be confronting.

I think if you listened to their concerns and didn't try to steamroll them with "but it happened 100,000s of years ago" (which has to be a major exaggeration) and "they're all the same really" then they may feel that they have other options than to miss out entirely.

#23 YandiGirl

Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:16 PM

Ahhh.....the Greek/Maco problem. I understand this one well.

This is certainly not something that can be relegated to thousands of years ago. It is actually a problem that is current.

Now, help me understand. Your partner is Greek? You are...?

#24 Imaginary friend

Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:19 PM

I dont think I would be offended.

PP's who are saying decline the invitation altogether rather than just go to the church -  I can imagine some people would be more offended if their family member refused to go altogether.

I dont think a christening is on the same level as a wedding either.

And people are free to decline any invitation for reasons of their own - the invitee to whom a soccer match was more important - I guess that is her perogative as much as any other reason - to people for whom christenings are not relevant,  I can see that being the case.


I do think not RSVP-ing is rude, however  I would probably follow it up with a phone call anyway.

#25 Katie_bella

Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:20 PM

I'm an athiest, but have attended my neice and nephew's christening, sat in the church and taken the pics. I figure it's part of being a family. I did however (graciously) refuse to be a god parent as i don't think it's an appropriate roll for an athiest. I'm an awesome aunty tho wink.gif .
I don't know much about the greek/macedonian thing, so can't give my opinion, sorry.
I suppose, what you do depends on how close a family member it involves and whether you  feel it's worth the confrontation.




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