Jump to content

1 child with illness - having another baby...


  • This topic is locked This topic is locked
26 replies to this topic

#1 anon000

Posted 17 April 2012 - 10:56 AM

thanks all original.gif

Edited by anon000, 17 April 2012 - 11:38 AM.


#2 sandgropergirl

Posted 17 April 2012 - 10:59 AM

for me personally? I'd choose C

#3 ubermum

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:00 AM

It would depend on the financial position of my family. I would choose B or C.

#4 ani1

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:02 AM

C would the best option.

#5 anon000

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:04 AM

sorry, I am wondering if I am misunderstanding the seriousness of the illness. I wonder if anyone would TTC naturally with no intention of terminating...

#6 2bellaboos

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:05 AM

I couldn't terminate a featus or discard an emryo so for me the options are A or D.

OP - this is a very personal decision to make. I know you are just putting your feelers out beause understanding how other's think and feel on the topic somehow how gives you some comfort when it comes time to make the decision but in these circumstances I don't think anyone really knows what they would do unless they've ACTUALLY been in that situation, so please take these responses with a grain of salt.

#7 ~LTM~

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:09 AM

If possible I would use IVF to screen for the disease, but not choose the gender if that makes sense.

#8 onyerbikeluv

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:11 AM

I'd choose C.

However we were actually thinking about this as our DD has a genetic condition (non-life threatening once managed, doesn't leave her in pain or affect development but a PITA nonetheless). After looking into gender selection for medical reasons we decided to take whatever we were given and try naturally. BUT if DD's condition had been such that the child would be in pain or have a poor quality of life, etc - then no doubt we would have gone with gender selection to rule that out.

In the end our decision was made easy for us as we found out that DD's was a "new mutation" (so genetic condition was not from us), so we are now waiting for #2 who can now expect to be unaffected.

I'm all for letting 'fate' or whatever decide, but then you think about how you would do anything to make life better for your affected child after birth, so why not before birth if you can?

#9 Guest_holy_j_*

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:12 AM

If money is no object, c). If it was, a) I would research absolute everything on conceiving a girl & follow it to a tee (i know there are no guarantees). If it didn't work, and if I got a boy which was 50/50 chance, I would accept it as being meant to be.

OP, you have to do what's right for you not a bunch of strangers who unless they have been in a similar situation would have no idea on what you are feeling and your options. Probably better to talk to people that have been in a similar position. Best wishes OP.

#10 anon000

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:13 AM

ok, so for those who say they would use IVF to either have a girl, or as LTM said, screen for the disease (not sure if that is possible) - what if you couldnt afford IVF so you could only choose A, B or D?

#11 mez70

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:13 AM

I would go for option
E : undertake an IVF cycle using PGD which would then be able to screen any embyro's for MD. This would allow any healthy male embyro's as well as Femal embryo's a chance to be transferred.

We have faced a similar choice re sex selection for medical reasons and it is possible. It is more complicated than regular IVF as you are required to have genetics counselling and then you need to submit an application to the Infertility Treatment Authoriity (or what ever the current name for this board is) outlining the medical reasons EG sex determined medical condition and then wait for the verdict. To determine sex prior to transfer you are using PGD anyway so I would prefer to screen for the condition rather than sex as it would mean you have a greater chance of another child as all healthy males will still be able to be transferred as well as any females.  It would be a great idea to contact your states genetics department and ask if you could speak to some of the genetic counsellors as they are great sounding boards and know what options and what risks etc


#12 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:13 AM

It would depend on finances and severity of son's disability.

If there was enough money to provide whatever my son needs by way of aids and assistance, and  it looked like he would be able to lead a reasonably independent life then I'd do IVF if I wanted another child.

Is it possible to use PGD to screen for the actual illness, rather than manage the risk by gender selection?

#13 anon000

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:15 AM

for the record, this is not for me, it is a theoretical question.

#14 Kemma

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:18 AM

I'm not sure if your question is hypothetical but here's something to consider.

My uncle by marriage has MD. Out of his and my aunty's 3 children - 1 boy and 2 girls - only 1 child has MD. And she's a girl.

How does that fit with your situation?

#15 Bluenomi

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:20 AM

I would use IVF and get screened for the disease (provided it is once they can test for)

#16 la di dah

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:20 AM

QUOTE (anon000 @ 17/04/2012, 11:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
ok, so for those who say they would use IVF to either have a girl, or as LTM said, screen for the disease (not sure if that is possible) - what if you couldnt afford IVF so you could only choose A, B or D?


If its a combined recessive from both parents, I would look at donor sperm or ova. AFAIK donor sperm is cheaper than IVF.

#17 Guest_~Karla~_*

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:20 AM

C or D. It would depend on which type of MD.

I have twins with multiple medical conditions. One just underwent muscle and liver biopsies to rule out MD, and we are now looking at some kind of metabolic/mitochondrial disorder that, judging by the recent deterioration, is likely to be degenerative. There's no way I would deliberately have another child if we knew there was 25% chance they would have it too.

Before we even realized that our boys' condition was going to be degenerative, we had decided not to have anymore children because of the incredible amount of care they require. We already had an older child who we felt was missing out on so much as it was. I fell pregnant accidentally (we were using contraception, but it obviously failed) and we thought long and hard about bringing another child into our family. In the end, we did and I'm very glad of that now because I'm absolutely besotted with him, but I do wish DH had organized his vacetomy earlier.

I think you really need to organize some genetic counselling for yourself and also you need to speak to your sons specialists about his future. Depending on which type of MD, the prognosis may be vastly different to what you are imagining.

Good luck. It's not an easy decision and there's so many more elements to consider than most people will realise.

#18 anon000

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:21 AM

QUOTE (Kemma @ 17/04/2012, 11:18 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm not sure if your question is hypothetical but here's something to consider.

My uncle by marriage has MD. Out of his and my aunty's 3 children - 1 boy and 2 girls - only 1 child has MD. And she's a girl.

How does that fit with your situation?


ahh! This is what I was wondering. From the information I read it said it was much more common to affect boys, however there is a small percentage of girls that are affected. It didn't say if it was genetic in the sense that if you had 1 child it would be highky likely to pass on to other children.

#19 Kemma

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:24 AM

As far as  aware it's no more likely to affect one sex than another. So that means that each child, regardless of their gender, has the same chance of having MD. Having a child with the disease previously has no affect on subsequent outcomes.

#20 mez70

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:24 AM

Ok if this is not for you WHY do you need to know??? Are you trying to understands someones thoughts or actions on this matter.

This is a very personal matter and I am actually sorry in way I replied earlier. There is no right or wrong answer and what is the best thing for one family is not another. It is also very painful and intimate. There are a lot of mums on these boards who have face this very choice those who have elected to use almost every option you have suggested and what each family has done is right for them, for their families. There a a lot of mums who chose not to undergo IVF however they had risky CVS and amnio's which could have caused a perfectly healhty babe to M/C or put the parents in a horrible place of having to choose.

If you are a friend or family member of someone facing this I suggest you support WHATEVER they choose as THEY are the ones who have to live with it


#21 anon000

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:28 AM

mez70 - no no, I don't know anyone, just hypothetical. I realise it is a personal decision. I was just trying to understand how the illness works really and then I started thinking about this side of it. I hope I haven't offended anyone...

Edited by anon000, 17 April 2012 - 11:29 AM.


#22 la di dah

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:30 AM

QUOTE (anon000 @ 17/04/2012, 11:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
ahh! This is what I was wondering. From the information I read it said it was much more common to affect boys, however there is a small percentage of girls that are affected. It didn't say if it was genetic in the sense that if you had 1 child it would be highky likely to pass on to other children.


It depends which type of the disease it is.

QUOTE
There are three primary types of inheritance in which the faulty gene that causes MD can be passed along to offspring:

X-linked recessive: Genes that are X-linked recessive are carried by the female on one of the X chromosomes that determine the sex of the child. As such, only boys will inherit conditions determined by these genes. Their mothers, known as carriers, will usually not show signs of the disease. A son of a carrier of MD has about a 50 percent chance of developing the disease, while a daughter of a carrier has a 50 percent chance of being a carrier. If a boy is unaffected, he cannot pass on MD; however, daughters from a man with an X-linked dystrophy will all be carriers. Duchenne/Becker and Emery-Dreifuss are X-linked recessive.

Autosomal recessive: For this type of inheritance, both parents must carry and pass on the faulty gene. Neither parent shows any symptoms, but each of their offspring, regardless of gender, will have a 25 percent chance of developing the disease. Limb-girdle type 2 MD and distal myopathy are autosomal recessive.

Autosomal dominant: In the case of autosomal dominant inheritance, an affected person will have MD even though only one faulty gene has been passed along. This faulty gene can come from either parent, and it can affect either sex. Each child of an affected parent will have a 50 percent chance of developing MD. For this type of inheritance, the severity of MD can vary greatly. It can be so mild that it is not recognized, but it can also be severe. Myotonic dystrophy, facioscapulohumeral dystrophy (FSHD), and oculopharyngeal muscular dystrophy (OPMD) are autosomal dominant.


So there's a type where the woman can be a carrier but rarely show signs; in that case it would make sense to try for a girl.

#23 anon000

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:32 AM

thankyou ladidah....that is exactly what i was trying to find when I was googling original.gif

again, sorry, I hope my curiosity hasn't upset anyone.

#24 onyerbikeluv

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:32 AM

Edited out post cos I just read more recent replies ...

Edited by onyerbikeluv, 17 April 2012 - 11:34 AM.


#25 anon000

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:37 AM

QUOTE (Lani ♥ @ 17/04/2012, 11:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
(because lets face it any child could be born with a disability)


good point Lani.

in the interest of not upsetting anyone, and now that I have the information I was originally after before my brain went off on a weird tangent, I might just leave it there. Thanks for your thoughts info original.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

eBay jacket may hold clue to murdered girl's identity

A jacket similar to the one found with the remains of a brutally murdered little girl in South Australia has been identified on eBay.

New mum forced back to work early due to paid parental leave 'technicality'

Shelley Parker had to keep driving buses until the date her baby was due and will have to rush back to work at the end of this week after being denied paid parental leave on a "technicality".

Pregnant Amanda Palmer poses naked for book drive

It has to be the most original way ever of promoting a children's book donation day.

The conception dilemma facing many parents today

Some parents who conceived through a sperm donor will be wary of telling the child, while others prefer to deal with it early on. But recent research suggests it makes little difference either way.

The wedding photo the bridesmaid would rather forget

We've probably all seen a passed-out bridesmaid at one wedding or another, but it usually happens towards the end of the night.

Pregnant TV meteorologist takes on haters

Pregnant TV meteorologist Katie Fehlinger has hit back at haters who called her a "sausage in casing".

Honest words from first-time mums

I didn't want to say anything negative to my pregnant friend, but I wish I'd been more honest.

Adorable baby experiences rain for the first time, couldn't be happier

Harper had seen rain from the comfort of indoors before, but had never had the pleasure of being outside and experiencing it first hand.

What it's really like to start a family in your fifties

Many people suppose that it must be much more tiring to have a baby in middle age, but all the mothers in the playground look exhausted, whatever their age.

'Biggest hypocrite ever': Josh Duggar admits to Ashley Madison account

An American reality TV star has been busted with a cheating website account, according to US media.

Long recovery ahead for girl hit by car weeks after baby brother's death

A little girl is more alert and starting to talk after being hit by a car a week ago, but still faces a long recovery.

How to react when a toddler lies

Q: My almost-3-year-old is starting to figure out that he can lie when asked if he ripped the book, threw the food, hit his brother, etc. Totally normal, I know. How do we respond?

The circular experience of a Centrelink client

A mum-to-be experiences the frustration of dealing with Centrelink, myGov and everything in between.

Kelly Clarkson announces live on stage: 'I'm pregnant!'

Singer Kelly Clarkson has announced she is pregnant with her second child during a concert in Los Angeles.

Hack

How to search the leaked Ashley Madison data

At least three sites are republishing Ashley Madison's user data on the public-facing internet.

Mum dances her way through labour

There are a fair few ways to distract yourself and beat pains while in labour, but it's probably a rare woman who chooses her dance her way through it.

'Rest in peace, my little lion': premmie baby Jacob passes away

Baby Jacob, whose photo of him born at just 27 weeks was deemed 'too graphic' for a fundraising site, has died.

Mum killed three young sons 'to help her daughter', prosecutor says

Niall Pilkington's death last summer apparently raised little alarm in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Tragic accidents happen, after all.

Shorter women have shorter pregnancies: study

When a group of researchers studied nearly 3500 mothers and their babies, they noticed a curious pattern.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Sydney!

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.