Jump to content

Consequences for bullying


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 steppingonlego

Posted 17 April 2012 - 10:16 AM

My sons teacher today told me another mum had mentioned he was involved in a bullying incident at school.

I was shocked and upset as he has never done anything like this.

I am wondering how best to approach him this evening and what sort of consequences are appropriate. I need his side of the story of course as the boy who he was doing the bullying with has long history of bullying my son and others.

#2 joeyn

Posted 17 April 2012 - 10:21 AM

If it happened at school, the school needs to follow their policy on dealing with bullying.  You can discuss consequences for at home with them, but it needs to be addressed at school.

#3 EsmeLennox

Posted 17 April 2012 - 10:21 AM

Was it bullying or a one off incident?

Bullying is a sustained, continued and ongoing attack (verbal, physical etc) on another child. A one off incident is not bullying.

That said, if your child behaved inappropriately at school (even as a one off) I would be having a long chat to try and get to the bottom of it and then, if appropriate, I would mete out some kind of punishment (perhaps the loss of a privilege). I would say a written apology to the other child, however, if there is a long history of the other child being a bully this may actually exacerbate that problem.

Out of interest, what is the school doing? Are they doing any mediation with the children? Has your child been punished at school for his behaviour?

Edited by Jemstar, 17 April 2012 - 10:21 AM.


#4 Julie3Girls

Posted 17 April 2012 - 10:31 AM

Ok, bullying is not just "an incident".  Bullying is ongoing.

I would definitely start by talking to your son, getting his side of whatever happened in this particular incident.

Depending on how much detail the teacher gave you, I'd have a conversation about what happened.

I would also be talking to the teacher. Find out what the school is doing, if anything. If there have been past issues between these boys, I would also be making sure that the teacher was aware of this, that isn't one sided.

#5 Therese

Posted 17 April 2012 - 10:36 AM

I have moved this to the bullying forum original.gif

#6 beaglebaby

Posted 17 April 2012 - 10:46 AM

I'd want a lot more details than "another Mum told the teacher". We had another parent go on the warpath about kids bullying her son, she spoke to the teacher who tried to explain the situation to her, and when the teacher wouldn't act she came to the parents of the children she felt were bullying.  As the teacher had tried to tell her, her son was not being bullied.  Her son was fixated on one particular game and the other children had moved on from it and didn't want to play, so went and played something else, they didn't exclude him, the teacher witnessed other children encouraging him to participate, but the child was upset that they wouldn't play his game and when he told his Mum she went into mother bear mode.

We all spoke to our children, all were very upset that this boy felt bullied and some even felt that he was trying to bully them into playing his game.  The mother now keeps to herself, I'm not sure if she no longer likes us or is embarassed or if her son is just old enough to walk to school on his own now.

Please, just talk to your son about what is going on and about how the other child must be feeling.  Sometimes a lesson on empathy is far better than consequences.

#7 Rach42

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:18 AM

If it were my DS I would find out what consequences the school is giving and not worry about consequences myself as it's a first occurrence - although I would mention to him that there would be consequences if he kept doing it.

I would talk to DS about what had happened - firstly to get his version of events and then to ask about why he did what he did.  I'd talk about what led him to do something that was inappropriate and out of character and explain what he should/could have done instead.  With my children if they have shown inappropriate behaviour it's usually out of anger or frustration with something that is going on and they don't know how else to deal with it.  So I try and give them some options of what else they can do.

If your DS was joining in with another boy in doing some bullying (or whatever you want to call it) when it's out of his character then I'd ask him why - did he feel like this other boy would leave him alone if he joined in with him?

#8 steppingonlego

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:33 AM

Thanks everyone. I do of course  need my sons side of the story first of course.

The teacher said another parent had said that my son and x were threatening Grade 1's and Grade 3's with violence. I know X has a big history of threatening to kill other students (including my son) the reason I spoke to the teacher in the first place was because over the holidays my son had mentioned X had been threatening him and his friends for not playing the games he wanted to play.

I am a bit worried yesterday, as it was a one off, was a bit of if you can't beat them join them which is totally unacceptable and not like my son at all (who is no angel but has never done anything like this to my knowledge)

The school is discussing it with the boys and if they feel it is warranted they will be made to write apologies. I am also concerned as the school is not doing anything about X who is CONSTANTLY doing this sort of thing.

They have told me if I wish to deliver other consequences that is up to me. I guess I am quite upset at the moment but am determined to be calm when I speak to my son.

#9 FeralMinx

Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:34 AM

Sounds like your DS got caught up ganging up on a child, with the bully as a ringleader?  If thats the case, then lots of conversation (ongoing) about what bullying looks like (scenarios, why its wrong, what it feels like, why the long term bully is not to be backed up, how to walk away, how and when to tell a teacher, etc) is in order.  A first incident, when your DS was being caught up in a proper long-term bullies behaviour, is a teachable offence IMO.  But make it clear that if it continues, there will be harsh consequences at home because your home is a bully free zone.  hth x

PS I think the school should enforce the zero tolerence policy they probably presecibe to and at least give a 3 day (in school) suspension to your DS if its reasonable to say that he was involved.  As for what I think should happen to long term bullies  rant.gif don't get me started.  They are essentially free to screw up children for their 12 most formative years.

Edited by HillmanMinx, 17 April 2012 - 11:38 AM.


#10 steppingonlego

Posted 18 April 2012 - 10:35 AM

Just an update after speaking to my son and the parents of the other children involved it appears DS was not committing the act but he was with the child while he did it. I had a long talk with DS about why these things are wrong what he thought the children felt what he could have done instead.


My problem now is with the school who have done nothing to stop this as far as I and the other parents can see. This child has been a problem for a long time he punches children uses very strong language and threatens children with violence (kill them) my Ds burst into tears while I spoke to him as he is scared of this child.

I am going to speak to his teacher tonight but I think I am going to have to take this up with the principal. Several other parents are at the same point as me. I can't believe things are allowed to get this bad. One child who has bee bullied since prep by this boy is leaving the school because of it.

Any advice is very welcome.

Just an update after speaking to my son and the parents of the other children involved it appears DS was not committing the act but he was with the child while he did it. I had a long talk with DS about why these things are wrong what he thought the children felt what he could have done instead.


My problem now is with the school who have done nothing to stop this as far as I and the other parents can see. This child has been a problem for a long time he punches children uses very strong language and threatens children with violence (kill them) my Ds burst into tears while I spoke to him as he is scared of this child.

I am going to speak to his teacher tonight but I think I am going to have to take this up with the principal. Several other parents are at the same point as me. I can't believe things are allowed to get this bad. One child who has bee bullied since prep by this boy is leaving the school because of it.

Any advice is very welcome.

#11 Rach42

Posted 18 April 2012 - 12:40 PM

Your poor DS sad.gif and the other children that are victims of this boy.  

Definitely speak to the principle as it sounds like the teacher is doing nothing about it.  If the principle isn't proactive then I'd be taking it further to the department of education.  At that age I feel sorry for the child doing the bullying too - what is  going on in his home life that he's bringing that attitude to school?  So taking it further maybe doing him a favour too.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Empowering bikini photo of 46-year-old mum goes viral

When a group of teenagers made rude remarks about her body as she walked past them in a bikini at the local beach, Julie Cross refused to cover up.

Devastated widow discovers she's pregnant the day before husband's funeral

They had been trying to conceive a baby for seven years. Tragically Kristy Kirchner found out she was pregnant the day before her husband Royce's funeral.

Gabriella Goat sues Peppa Pig

Every toddler's favourite television pig is being sued by an Italian woman who shares a name with a Peppa Pig character.

Meet the Mpregs, the male pregnancy enthusiasts

"Men can't have babies - that's something only women can do! But our community is full of like-minded people who wish otherwise."

Your new motherhood survival kit

Forget about the bright, pretty baby things - while you're in survival mode, all you'll need are the essentials.

More than 100,000 cars recalled globally after death of pregnant woman

The announcement of a mass recall comes as Malaysian police investigate the death of pregnant woman in July.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

I had a 'good baby' but still suffered from postnatal depression

I had a much wanted precious baby girl, a 'good baby' who slept well, self settled and was mostly content. It just seemed implausible to think I could succumb to depression.

There's no need to eclipse a babymoon

As long as pregnant women do their research, travelling during pregnancy can be done safely.

Mum and daughter have babies on same day

"It's not really something you ever want or think could happen. To have my mum going through it with me is probably the most special, amazing thing ever.”

Our baby's reflux caused the longest endurance test of our lives

I'm glad she wasn't my first child, or I would have thought that this was normal.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

The podcast that reminds mums they are not alone

A mum's complicated, gruelling labour gave birth to two lovely beings: her daughter and her delightful podcast, The Longest Shortest Time.

Is it too late to change my midwife?

My wife is nine months pregnant and we are planning a home birth - but we've had late problems with our midwife team.

The Very Hungover Caterpillar: a parody many can relate to

A new book released this month will be sure to have parents nodding and giggling in recognition the world over.

Babywearers unite against misinformation

Everyone has heard of people power, but what about passionate babywearing power?

Reliving the birth experience

When people ask about how my labour went, I usually respond: "Good, I think? Four hours long, and yeah it hurt, but I dunno, it's labour, it's giving birth, it's painful... but I guess it was good? As good as good gets?"

Literary baby name inspiration

From Harry Potter to Shakespeare and everything in between, we've scoured the library shelves for literary baby name inspiration.

Preparing your child to attend a sibling's birth

Thinking about having your kids at the birth of your baby? Here are some things to consider.

Counselling helps mum deal with triplets' early birth

When Kimberlee King's waters broke nine weeks before her triplets were due, she went into autopilot as she packed her hospital bag.

The women balancing babies with new businesses

Motherhood teaches us that we can be more tolerant, patient, and loving than we ever thought possible - and can also show us that we're innovative, creative and entrepreneurial, too.

It's true, kids grow up overnight

A dad ponders how his toddler daughter can change so much in just one 24 hour period.

Father sings to dying son days after losing wife

A heartbreaking video shows a new dad singing 'Blackbird' to his dying son just days after losing his wife.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Eating ice may give mental boost to the iron deficient: study

A new study proposes that, like a strong cup of coffee, ice may give those with insufficient iron a much-needed mental boost.

Tiny lives in caring hands: Thank U NICU Day

Each year in Australia, over 40,000 newborns need the help of a special care nursery or neonatal intensive care unit. One day a year, the staff are honoured by the parents they help through those dark days.

I paid $50,000 to have a girl

This time my husband and I hadn't taken any chances. We had paid $50,000 and travelled 13,000 kilometres to make sure the baby growing inside me was female.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Dear firstborn, I'm sorry

Being a first-time mum is tough for so many reasons – particularly because you really have no idea what you're doing.

A trace of sesame could kill my son

Helen Richardson son's had two anaphylactic reactions in a month. It's traumatic for everyone.

When you know before the test says yes

It wasn't a pregnancy test or missed period that told me I was pregnant with my second baby; it was too early for those things. A doner kebab told me I was going to be a mum again.

What not to do when your partner is in labour

Robbie Williams stole the show during his wife Ayda's labour, pretty much demonstrating everything on the "what not to do when your partner is in labour" list.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

Dad breastfeeds his babies

Trevor Macdonald has now been pregnant twice, and is successfully breastfeeding his newest family member.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.