I want another baby....
, Apr 17 2012 08:01 AM
17 replies to this topic
Posted 17 April 2012 - 08:01 AM
How on earth do you move on when you know another baby is just not going to happen???? Apart from not being able to handle the SK atm medically I have been told not to have another baby....I know deep down it would be stupid to have one so I wont do it but i get so sad to think I will not have another bub in my arms one day....
I start thinking ok well ill concentrate on me now my 2 kids are at school but I have such sad days it makes me think well maybe I could try for 1 more bub.Stupid!!!!!!!!
Obviuosly today is one of my sad days.............
Posted 17 April 2012 - 08:14 AM
I have no advice but I am sorry. I know how you feel though. I know we may never get another bub. It's a horrible thing. Do you work or have a hobby you put time into?
Posted 17 April 2012 - 08:25 AM
We are the same but over time I'm slowly accepting us.
It's worse when I dwell on the "chances" of it happening, if I think it won't happen it's easier to move on. Hoping that it can happen after dp finishes chemo adds stress. If anything the last few years of ttc and dp getting sick, not being able to try right now has helped me in some way because I'm not in that desperate ttc panic anymore.
I try not to dwell on things like dd not having siblings. I just get in a downward spiral.
Try to focus on the easiness of having one nine year old - financially we are in a great place, we can go on overseas holidays, out for dinner etc. only a few years and she's in high school and I can do what I want career wise. We can make spur of the moment decisions like let's go skiing next weekend - can't do that with a baby.
Posted 17 April 2012 - 08:49 AM
I have also been told no more, but i do have 4 and i know i have been blessed. Its just when the decision is made for you, its not fair
Posted 17 April 2012 - 09:00 AM
I know the feeling too. I dont know how you get past it, except to look at the practical reasons not to and repeat them to yourself often enough that it gives your some perspective. I dont think anything stops it from being completely heartwrenching though, no matter how many kids youve had or why you cant have more.
Posted 17 April 2012 - 10:48 AM
I understand how your feeling. My DH & I can not have children naturally, I have one child only & funding another cycle of IVF/ICSI is just so out of our realm that we will not be having anymore children.
My DD starts school next year so to cope we concentrate on all the positives that can come through not having another child & in turn me not having to be a sahm anymore.
I am currently studying and fingers crossed but it looks like I may be returning to full time work very soon. DH & I are planning a holiday & looking forward to having some financial stress removed from having two wages again after nearly 5 years of being on one wage.
I have had time to come to terms with not having any more children & after 12 mths I am OK with it. I am looking forward to getting a personal life back to some extent & although I do worry that DD may be lonely being an only child we know that once she is at daycare & then school full time she will make some good friendships.
Some days I look at babies or pregnant women & I get that little pang of jealousy but I just try & remind myself of the positives & just be thankful that I am able to experience motherhood at all.
Posted 17 April 2012 - 10:54 AM
I understand. I sometimes feel a pang when I see a pregnant woman or a newborn. But I need to be honest with myself, the pregnancy and newborn stage is the only bit that I truly love. I don't do toddlers well. So I just repeat to myself "babies turn into toddlers". Over and over again.
Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:59 AM
Thanks ladies...I am trying to get myself into work again.I have just doing cert 3 in child studies and hope to get into FDC one I do a couple of things to my house.I still want to be here for the kids morning and afternoon so this is the best job for me so I can be here ATM. I am hoping once I get stuck into that things will get better......
I was pretty much a single mum and loved the newborn- 4 year old stage lol....Now they drive me nuts but love them to pieces lol..
Edited by lovebeingamum76, 17 April 2012 - 12:01 PM.
Posted 17 April 2012 - 12:08 PM
It does get slightly easier as time goes on but you do have your days
Posted 18 April 2012 - 10:06 AM
I can't have anymore children we have one DS who is 8.
I pretty much feel the same way as KT1978.
It does get easier as the time goes on the hardest part for me was having the decision taken away from me thanks to cancer and having to have a hysterectomy.
It has been 6 years now and there are times I do still get a little sad, but no where near as much as I used to.
Posted 18 April 2012 - 11:22 AM
I know it's difficult, but I think it's easiest to think of different chapters in your life. Babies times are over, but it doesn't mean that there can't be other positive and enjoyable things to come.
Posted 18 April 2012 - 01:18 PM
We have actively decided to stop trying for number 3. After 2 years I hadn't even had a MC, just no pregnancies at all and my cycle and moods were getting worse, so I am back on the combined pill.
It is sad, but I am being positive and thinking of all the fun things we can do as a family now DD is getting older, more independent and TT'd (soon!!!) and in a few years no expense from childcare too. And as the gap got bigger, I was feeling less excited about going through the tiredness and weight gain again.
I'm sure when I start selling off the pram, giving away/selling the toys/bags of clothes etc I'll feel sad again. Mind you, the extra space will be amazing!
I guess just try to focus on positives and enjoy your two gorgeous children as they grow.
Posted 18 April 2012 - 02:30 PM
I know how you feel. I'm sorry - I have no advice for you, just wanted to let you know you are not alone (as you can see from the lovely responses here)
Posted 18 April 2012 - 02:36 PM
It is a pang, but it will ease.
And just think, you will have that much more time and energy to focus on your children and step-children and get things working properly in your newly blended family without the added issue of a pregnancy and then newborn. It really does sound like you have a lot ahead of you in that area.
Posted 19 April 2012 - 06:38 PM
Edited by HopeFaithLove, 20 April 2012 - 12:56 PM.
Posted 19 April 2012 - 07:23 PM
I'm so sorry.
I hope I'm not being insensitive in posting here.
I did feel like this too. I had trouble TTC #2 & had resigned myself to the fact that #1 would be an only child, then of course things changed. I always wanted 3 but due to past trouble I didn't think it would happen naturally for us & so we looking into foster caring. I was set on that when #3 came along & 'disrupted' things.
I agree with all the advice given. Hobbies & time will make it easier. I also (during my dark times) found myself comparing my situation to others who seemed to get pregnant at the drop of a hat & had no trouble TTC & that only brought me down. A good friend suggested viewing their situation as separate than mine - yes sounds easier than it was! - but in time I found that forcing myself to do this helped a little.
Big hugs. I'm so sorry.
Posted 19 April 2012 - 07:29 PM
I would dearly love a third child. We won't be having one though as DH refuses. I've thrown myself into a uni degree by correspondence, it is helping but hasn't stopped the feelings as yet. I also know a few pregnant women at the moment which I don't think is helping. Hopefully it eases with time for us all.
Posted 19 April 2012 - 07:37 PM
Edited by HopeFaithLove, 20 April 2012 - 12:56 PM.
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