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Got told I'm a "hard-ass" parent?

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#1 MummyHayles

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:33 PM

Recently a close family member said to me I was too hard on my 5 year old DD. I was completely shocked! Her examples are -

I make her sit with the family at the table at meal times and she doesn't leave the table until she has eaten enough vegies - I don't serve her huge plates. She also has to ask to leave.

I make sure she uses her manners, and don't allow her to interrupt when people are talking. She has learnt to wait patiently, and is given our attention if she does so.

She has a set bedtime

She isn't allowed soft drink and sometimes gets juice, but only at dinner time.

DD is made to pick up toys and clothes she leaves on the floor, she sets the table at night and has just started learning to make her bed.

Her time playing things like iphones/dsi's/wii's is limited (her children including the 5 year old all have ipod touches which DD will NOT be getting anytime in the near future)

Oh and the last was a cracker - I won't let her go to the Lady Gaga concert this year, DH & I think there is plenty of time for that kind of thing when she's an adult - her middle child, 7 at the time - went to two years ago.

Now, every example is completely contradicted by the other persons style of parenting - though I have never judged or commented to her, its not my business what she does. Her kids eat and drink whatever - wherever, if they eat at all, stay up as late as they want, answer back, interrupt all the time and I've never heard the younger two use manners unless they are taking something from me because I don't hand it over without a thank you. btw her kids are 14, 9 and 5.

I was pretty insulted. DD is a well rounded little girl, she is polite, kind and gentle - and healthy. Rarely do we have problems with tantrums and she is well behaved a majority of the time.

Tell me - am I too "hard"? I considered what I was doing was teaching her to be polite and learn valuable lessons, but perhaps I'm wrong.

#2 Nofliesonme

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:37 PM

Sounds like my house, I must be a hard a*se tooo.lol

#3 Avogadro

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:37 PM

I think that you're just stricter than the other mum.

Also - your 5yo is your eldest, her 5yo is the youngest - with a 14 yo sibling.  Makes a huge difference (especially to things like drinking soft drink etc).

Don't lose any sleep over it.

#4 Zarlias

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:37 PM

Prefaced with *I am not yet a parent* but

If I could instil half of those traits into my future child I would be a happy mum.

I have worked with children for 15 years and everything that you want your DD to be is positive IMO.


#5 follies

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:37 PM

Your friend sound slack.

#6 Marchioness Flea

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:39 PM

My daughter's 2 next week and you sound like you're doing what we will be.
She's been taking the cat's dinner over to her for the last few months pretty much every night since she could walk.
She'll be helping out around the house when she's old enough. Same as I did as a child. I refuse to raise a rude kid who can't boil an egg when she leaves home!
And I HATE kids who interrupt adults constantly! Yes, I know they say "excuse me" but its still pretty rude. Adults wait their turn, kids can learn to as well!

#7 Guest_tigerdog_*

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:39 PM

At least your daughter isn't going to turn around and bite you on your (hard) ass!  I think your style of parenting will hold your child in good stead as she grows up into an adult - letting kids get away with murder is really doing them a disservice when it comes to preparing them for a functional, happy adulthood.

#8 Pearson

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:41 PM

who cares?
Instill your values in your child, and let her instill her values in her child.

IMO, I think what you are doing is great.

#9 ubermum

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:42 PM

I'm super tough by her "ahem" standards too.

#10 BadCat

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:43 PM

Sounds good to me.  shrug.gif

#11 bosker

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:43 PM

sounds like all the rules in our house for our DS who is also 5, same rules applied to DD who is 19 ( with the exception that I have given up trying to get her to keep her room clean) - although she has repeatedly told me that I am too harsh - she does atleast have very good manners

Bec& dh

#12 Cyaira

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:45 PM

Well is your child happy, and does she feel that she's able to express herself? Do YOU think there is any reason to worry? If not, why care what she thinks?

My mother was like you and I grew up just fine. original.gif Although I occasionally resented the strictness (aka 'my friends are allowed to do this, why can't I???).

#13 Canberra Chick

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:46 PM

you sound sensible to me. I won't say normal, because it seems teaching manners and setting boundaries is no longer normal...

#14 baking101

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:46 PM

Take it as a compliment???

#15 MummyHayles

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:47 PM

QUOTE (Willow Angel @ 13/04/2012, 06:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
who cares?
Instill your values in your child, and let her instill her values in her child.

I've long had the problem at family gatherings hearing from DD "But she doesn't have to do." I've always kind of replied, well her mum said she didn't have to but you still do. - This in regards to eating lunch. Last time we were there it was a bbq - DD had salad, meat etc - her cousin had a piece of bread with nothing on it, ate half of it and ran off.....that was it. DD was left on her own eating where as I would have dragged her back and made her eat something decent. She finished the day off throwing glasses of water all over their lounge room (carpeted) floor. Her mum walked in, looked for a second and just walked back out. rolleyes.gif Not in my house!

#16 Floral Arrangement

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:47 PM

Your friend sounds like my SIL. It is just different styles of parenting.

#17 mks81

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:48 PM

How did you respond to that?

You sound exactly like me in everything except DD9 lives for her ipod and I was thinking of a concert ticket as  chrissy present this year. Not that any part of it is finally I can go and see someone I like that OH refuses to go with me to as its too pop.

#18 wallofdodo

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:50 PM

I was reading it thinking ,yes, mmm, uh uh... Oh crap I am hardarse too.

I think some of those things come under manners and respect. but you do your thing, let her do hers.

#19 *lalah*

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:52 PM

I wouldn't judge your parenting - or hers. Every family is different.  It sounds a bit like you are both equally judging each other though!

*toxic families*

#20 9021OH

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:53 PM

Sign me up as your type of parent please.

#21 Logging out

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:54 PM

I agree with what you every child should be taught manners, but I do think setting the table at five is a bit early in my opinion.  ninja.gif

#22 annasue

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:54 PM

Yep OP I too am often called a hard ass parent. Usually by someone with feral kids. rolleyes.gif

I just grin and delight in the fact that my child is often welcome where others are not  cool.gif

#23 au*lit

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:54 PM

You're doing a great job. She's slack.

DH & I hope to raise my DS (and any other children we have) like you are raising your girls. Hard a*se all the way!

FTR I think we'll be the strictest out of both our families.

#24 JazzyWeasel

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:57 PM

Nope you sound like me except mine is 8yrs old and has to also wipe dishes and feed the dogs.

#25 JustBeige

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:58 PM

No I dont think you are a hard ass, cause that means I am too biggrin.gif

I do think your friends style of parenting will come back to bite her eventually - if it hasnt already with a 14yrold.

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