Jump to content

Weird things you've said to your kids


  • Please log in to reply
82 replies to this topic

#1 EBmel

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:17 PM

This made me laugh - a dad in America has started making posters of some of the weird stuff he's found himself telling his kids (eg, "Get that toilet seat off your head. Now." "Stop riding that penguin. We're leaving.").

(You can see them all here).

Anyway, just thought I'd ask... what weird things have you found yourself telling your kids lately?

#2 NoReflection

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:34 PM

Evelyn, put the knife down...

#3 PixieVee

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:36 PM

Not to my kids but I said this to my dog today.

"I know you want to put one your jumper but there's no need to freak out!"

Yes, I talk to my dog and put jumpers on her.

#4 hoohoobump

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:38 PM

Just this morning - 'Don't put toothbrush in bottom'. We have since been for a trip to Woolies for a replacement.

#5 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:41 PM

"Don't rub your bum in your sister's face!"

#6 Zesty

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:44 PM

1. Your vagina is not a vase; and
2. Your vagina is not an extra set of hands.

#7 hoohoobump

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:47 PM

Toilet paper is not food!

#8 FeralSingleMum

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:47 PM

We don't put cats in the toilet

#9 JustMum08

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:48 PM

haha I've done the 'stop licking me' just encourages him to do it more because it grosses me out ! Lol

Edited by JustMum08, 13 April 2012 - 05:53 PM.


#10 Hellohellohello

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:49 PM

isnt this a spinoff via mods..

#11 hoohoobump

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:50 PM

QUOTE (Ferdinand @ 13/04/2012, 05:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Nothing happens if your bum is on your head.

No, you cannot make the Earth bigger by adding more rocks.

Feet are not for standing on.

Penises don't give birth.

Stop eating your dinner through your nose.



What are feet for at your house?

#12 Ingrid the Swan

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:54 PM

Stop licking other people's balls.

#13 SeaPrincess

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:13 PM

Put down the machine gun and come to the dinner table NOW!

#14 Marchioness Flea

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:18 PM

Toothpaste is not a food!

For a toddler who HATES having her teeth brushed, she seems to quite like toothpaste.

Oh and she's been known to lick me a few times recently. It's disturbing.

Edited by Jenflea, 13 April 2012 - 06:21 PM.


#15 ResultsNotTypical

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:31 PM

QUOTE (Zesty @ 13/04/2012, 05:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
1. Your vagina is not a vase; and
2. Your vagina is not an extra set of hands.


That would be one handy vagina, that one.



I managed "Please put the coffee down and get your hand off your penis, ok?"

#16 podg

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:35 PM

Your sister doesn't need you to tickle her 'gina.

No, your sister doesn't want to suck your plait.

#17 ChickenNuggets

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:48 PM

Stop letting the rat eat your snot.

Whose rat is this, and why is it in my kitchen.

Whose bum-fingers can I smell?

Sweetie, we really need to remember to wear underpants to the doctors.

Get your head out of the freezer.

Just be quiet and eat your McDonalds/Icecream/Lollies

I could go on.....

#18 ResultsNotTypical

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:55 PM

QUOTE (ChickenNuggets @ 13/04/2012, 06:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Stop letting the rat eat your snot.

Whose rat is this, and why is it in my kitchen.

Whose bum-fingers can I smell?

Sweetie, we really need to remember to wear underpants to the doctors.

Get your head out of the freezer.

Just be quiet and eat your McDonalds/Icecream/Lollies

I could go on.....



You just reminded me of


Don't fill up on grapes, the pizza will be here soon.

#19 Jenno

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:58 PM

Don't hit your sister with your hammer, and pls put some undies on.

Sadly this was this afternoon!!!

#20 *Lib*

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:03 PM

My DD who was about 4 at the time was throwing a tantrum.... I said, Grow up Sarah! Sometimes I forget shes a kid!

#21 Feral timtam

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:05 PM

Finish your chocolate first, THEN you can have an apple.

To my son before we worked out that chocolate was what was causing his behavioural difficulties. He'd been going through a stage where he would take a bite of a food then dump it in favour of another one and I was sick of the wastage.

#22 Monket

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:12 PM

To my son....

"hold your dress up when you go down the stairs or you might trip"

#23 Currywurst

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:19 PM

Dont put your fingers up your bottom and then touch my face.

Your doddle goes in your pants not in your socks.

#24 Aribika

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:35 PM

Similar to PP.  "No shooting at the dinner table."
Just then, "Don't touch your willy at the dinner table."

Lorraine

#25 Tea~for~two

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:50 PM

QUOTE (NannaNapper @ 13/04/2012, 08:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You just reminded me of


Don't fill up on grapes, the pizza will be here soon.


Bahahahaha!!!

I sing 'All you do is poo' to the tune of 'All you need is love' at nappy change time, and then it gets stuck in my head and I start singing it in public :-S

One of my friends came out with 'We don't use the toilet brush to brush our teeth'







1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

Child in suitcase 'could have died eight years ago'

A child whose remains were dumped in a suitcase in the South Australian bush is believed to have been a girl aged between two-and-a-half to four.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

Portable pools 'more dangerous than permanent ones'

Inflatable and portable children's pools may be required to be sold with compulsory fencing to prevent backyard drownings, with some experts even floating the idea of a ban.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

Six-week-old baby found dead, believed stabbed

A neighbour heard a child screaming before a baby was found dead, believed to have been stabbed, in a house in Newcastle.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Beaneasy: sweet nursery furniture with a twist

If you're looking to introduce an organic element into your baby's nursery but want to step away from natural timber, we have the perfect alternative.

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

Woman adopts best friend's four daughters after cancer tragedy

Best friends share everything - and for these two life-long friends, that includes family.

Baby Leo's mum excluded from $500K trust 'for her own protection'

Samuel Forrest didn't want his wife as a trustee of their baby Leo's half million dollar trust for her own "protection", it has emerged.

Confirmed: men gain weight when they become dads

Men who become fathers experience weight gain and an increase in body mass index, a measurement of body fat based on height and weight, according to a new, large-scale study

Carer investigated over washing machine photo posted 'for a laugh'

She said the photo of a boy with Down syndrome in a washing machine was taken just for fun, but no one else was laughing.

Mum's premature labour nightmare after high tea salmonella outbreak

An opulent high tea at a luxury Melbourne hotel has left 44 people with salmonella poisoning - including a pregnant woman, who went into early labour.

The day my son started a fire

Would you know what to do in a fire emergency? How safe is your home and family?

Prince George celebrates second birthday

Prince George's second birthday has been marked by the release of an official picture showing the toddler smiling as he is held by his proud beaming father.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

Review: Cybex Platinum PRIAM pram

I'm not usually one who believes in love at first sight but that's exactly what happened when I first saw the Cybex PRIAM.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Why I'm choosing to be a single mother right from the start

I believe that you get out of families what you put into them, and I will give mine my all.

Mother and baby units are a necessity for mental health, not a luxury

I have had two postnatal psychotic episodes. The first when my eldest child was six weeks old, and another after my second child was born.

30 French baby names

French names are always in fashion, but a few have risen in popularity in recent years.

New mum's Spanish maternity nightmare

A British woman who gave birth in Spain has told of her ordeal after spending weeks trying to convince medics the baby girl was hers.

Preparing Rover to be a good dog with baby

Some friends of ours say that it's dangerous to have a dog around a newborn and that we should start looking for a new home for him. Is it?

Company offers to ship working mums' breast milk home

First Apple and Facebook announced they would pay $20,000 towards the cost of their female employees freezing their eggs, now IBM in the US has come up with an innovative new policy aimed at retaining female employees.

Prince William speaks of his pride at wife Kate and 'little joy of heaven' Charlotte

The Duke of Cambridge opened up about family life and his plans for the future in an interview to mark his first day as an air ambulance pilot.

'Glowing' eye saves baby Mason's life

A simple photo taken in front of an evening fire gave new mother Sarah Bowers the power to save her baby's life. 

Parenting and decision overload

Of all the advice people told me before having a baby, no one warned me about the amount of decisions involved.

Proof that toddlers can't be left unsupervised - ever

Parents of toddlers all know the moment when realise your child is being suspiciously quiet. It can only mean one thing - trouble!

Meet Jeremy Ryan, The Voice contestant with seven kids

If you have trouble recalling the ages of Jeremy Ryan's seven children on The Voice, you're not alone. So does he.

Baby's adorable reaction to wearing glasses for the first time

Getting glasses can be a formative moment in a person's life.

Police officer buys supplies for family after mum of six caught shoplifting

When a mum of six was caught shoplifting nappies, clothes and shoes for her kids, the last thing she expected was for a stranger to pay for her haul.

Why pregnant women on antidepressants shouldn’t panic about birth defect claims

The risk of having uncontrolled depression is far greater than the small increased risk of birth defects that may be associated with specific antidepressants.

Arrests made over children's birthday party brawl

Police have raided properties and arrested a number of people over a brawl at a child's birthday party at a play centre in Sydney's west.

Family shares awesome drone baby announcement

Looking for a creative way to share some big news? Look to the skies, like this family did.

Young warrior Owen defies doctors' predictions

Little Owen DiCandilo's name means "young warrior", and it's a description that perfectly fits the inspiring 18-month-old

Advice for dads: when to approach your wife for sex

The exhaustion that comes with caring for young children often means romance between parents becomes a thing of the past.

I might be fat, but I don't need saving

I've been fat for pretty much most of life, besides a few crazy moments of being less-fat, but for the most part I've existed on this earth with a little more meat on my bones than desirable.

The rookie mistakes we make as parents

Since the dawn of civilisation, generation after generation of new parents have had to rely on instinct, trial and error - and sometimes get it wrong.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.