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Weird things you've said to your kids

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#1 EBmel

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:17 PM

This made me laugh - a dad in America has started making posters of some of the weird stuff he's found himself telling his kids (eg, "Get that toilet seat off your head. Now." "Stop riding that penguin. We're leaving.").

(You can see them all here).

Anyway, just thought I'd ask... what weird things have you found yourself telling your kids lately?

#2 NoReflection

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:34 PM

Evelyn, put the knife down...

#3 PixieVee

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:36 PM

Not to my kids but I said this to my dog today.

"I know you want to put one your jumper but there's no need to freak out!"

Yes, I talk to my dog and put jumpers on her.

#4 hoohoobump

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:38 PM

Just this morning - 'Don't put toothbrush in bottom'. We have since been for a trip to Woolies for a replacement.

#5 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:41 PM

"Don't rub your bum in your sister's face!"

#6 Zesty

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:44 PM

1. Your vagina is not a vase; and
2. Your vagina is not an extra set of hands.

#7 hoohoobump

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:47 PM

Toilet paper is not food!

#8 FeralSingleMum

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:47 PM

We don't put cats in the toilet

#9 JustMum08

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:48 PM

haha I've done the 'stop licking me' just encourages him to do it more because it grosses me out ! Lol

Edited by JustMum08, 13 April 2012 - 05:53 PM.

#10 Hellohellohello

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:49 PM

isnt this a spinoff via mods..

#11 hoohoobump

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:50 PM

QUOTE (Ferdinand @ 13/04/2012, 05:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Nothing happens if your bum is on your head.

No, you cannot make the Earth bigger by adding more rocks.

Feet are not for standing on.

Penises don't give birth.

Stop eating your dinner through your nose.

What are feet for at your house?

#12 Ingrid the Swan

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:54 PM

Stop licking other people's balls.

#13 SeaPrincess

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:13 PM

Put down the machine gun and come to the dinner table NOW!

#14 Marchioness Flea

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:18 PM

Toothpaste is not a food!

For a toddler who HATES having her teeth brushed, she seems to quite like toothpaste.

Oh and she's been known to lick me a few times recently. It's disturbing.

Edited by Jenflea, 13 April 2012 - 06:21 PM.

#15 snaugh

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:31 PM

QUOTE (Zesty @ 13/04/2012, 05:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
1. Your vagina is not a vase; and
2. Your vagina is not an extra set of hands.

That would be one handy vagina, that one.

I managed "Please put the coffee down and get your hand off your penis, ok?"

#16 podg

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:35 PM

Your sister doesn't need you to tickle her 'gina.

No, your sister doesn't want to suck your plait.

#17 ChickenNuggets

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:48 PM

Stop letting the rat eat your snot.

Whose rat is this, and why is it in my kitchen.

Whose bum-fingers can I smell?

Sweetie, we really need to remember to wear underpants to the doctors.

Get your head out of the freezer.

Just be quiet and eat your McDonalds/Icecream/Lollies

I could go on.....

#18 snaugh

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:55 PM

QUOTE (ChickenNuggets @ 13/04/2012, 06:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Stop letting the rat eat your snot.

Whose rat is this, and why is it in my kitchen.

Whose bum-fingers can I smell?

Sweetie, we really need to remember to wear underpants to the doctors.

Get your head out of the freezer.

Just be quiet and eat your McDonalds/Icecream/Lollies

I could go on.....

You just reminded me of

Don't fill up on grapes, the pizza will be here soon.

#19 Jenno

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:58 PM

Don't hit your sister with your hammer, and pls put some undies on.

Sadly this was this afternoon!!!

#20 *Lib*

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:03 PM

My DD who was about 4 at the time was throwing a tantrum.... I said, Grow up Sarah! Sometimes I forget shes a kid!

#21 Feral timtam

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:05 PM

Finish your chocolate first, THEN you can have an apple.

To my son before we worked out that chocolate was what was causing his behavioural difficulties. He'd been going through a stage where he would take a bite of a food then dump it in favour of another one and I was sick of the wastage.

#22 Monket

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:12 PM

To my son....

"hold your dress up when you go down the stairs or you might trip"

#23 Currywurst

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:19 PM

Dont put your fingers up your bottom and then touch my face.

Your doddle goes in your pants not in your socks.

#24 Aribika

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:35 PM

Similar to PP.  "No shooting at the dinner table."
Just then, "Don't touch your willy at the dinner table."


#25 Tea~for~two

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:50 PM

QUOTE (NannaNapper @ 13/04/2012, 08:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You just reminded me of

Don't fill up on grapes, the pizza will be here soon.


I sing 'All you do is poo' to the tune of 'All you need is love' at nappy change time, and then it gets stuck in my head and I start singing it in public :-S

One of my friends came out with 'We don't use the toilet brush to brush our teeth'

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