Jump to content

Weird things you've said to your kids


  • Please log in to reply
82 replies to this topic

#1 EBmel

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:17 PM

This made me laugh - a dad in America has started making posters of some of the weird stuff he's found himself telling his kids (eg, "Get that toilet seat off your head. Now." "Stop riding that penguin. We're leaving.").

(You can see them all here).

Anyway, just thought I'd ask... what weird things have you found yourself telling your kids lately?

#2 Meatspin

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:34 PM

Evelyn, put the knife down...

#3 PixieVee

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:36 PM

Not to my kids but I said this to my dog today.

"I know you want to put one your jumper but there's no need to freak out!"

Yes, I talk to my dog and put jumpers on her.

#4 hoohoobump

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:38 PM

Just this morning - 'Don't put toothbrush in bottom'. We have since been for a trip to Woolies for a replacement.

#5 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:41 PM

"Don't rub your bum in your sister's face!"

#6 Zesty

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:44 PM

1. Your vagina is not a vase; and
2. Your vagina is not an extra set of hands.

#7 hoohoobump

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:47 PM

Toilet paper is not food!

#8 FeralSingleMum

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:47 PM

We don't put cats in the toilet

#9 JustMum08

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:48 PM

haha I've done the 'stop licking me' just encourages him to do it more because it grosses me out ! Lol

Edited by JustMum08, 13 April 2012 - 05:53 PM.


#10 Hellohellohello

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:49 PM

isnt this a spinoff via mods..

#11 hoohoobump

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:50 PM

QUOTE (Ferdinand @ 13/04/2012, 05:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Nothing happens if your bum is on your head.

No, you cannot make the Earth bigger by adding more rocks.

Feet are not for standing on.

Penises don't give birth.

Stop eating your dinner through your nose.



What are feet for at your house?

#12 Ingrid the Swan

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:54 PM

Stop licking other people's balls.

#13 SeaPrincess

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:13 PM

Put down the machine gun and come to the dinner table NOW!

#14 Jenferal

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:18 PM

Toothpaste is not a food!

For a toddler who HATES having her teeth brushed, she seems to quite like toothpaste.

Oh and she's been known to lick me a few times recently. It's disturbing.

Edited by Jenflea, 13 April 2012 - 06:21 PM.


#15 ResultsNotTypical

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:31 PM

QUOTE (Zesty @ 13/04/2012, 05:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
1. Your vagina is not a vase; and
2. Your vagina is not an extra set of hands.


That would be one handy vagina, that one.



I managed "Please put the coffee down and get your hand off your penis, ok?"

#16 podg

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:35 PM

Your sister doesn't need you to tickle her 'gina.

No, your sister doesn't want to suck your plait.

#17 ChickenNuggets

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:48 PM

Stop letting the rat eat your snot.

Whose rat is this, and why is it in my kitchen.

Whose bum-fingers can I smell?

Sweetie, we really need to remember to wear underpants to the doctors.

Get your head out of the freezer.

Just be quiet and eat your McDonalds/Icecream/Lollies

I could go on.....

#18 ResultsNotTypical

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:55 PM

QUOTE (ChickenNuggets @ 13/04/2012, 06:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Stop letting the rat eat your snot.

Whose rat is this, and why is it in my kitchen.

Whose bum-fingers can I smell?

Sweetie, we really need to remember to wear underpants to the doctors.

Get your head out of the freezer.

Just be quiet and eat your McDonalds/Icecream/Lollies

I could go on.....



You just reminded me of


Don't fill up on grapes, the pizza will be here soon.

#19 Jenno

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:58 PM

Don't hit your sister with your hammer, and pls put some undies on.

Sadly this was this afternoon!!!

#20 *Lib*

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:03 PM

My DD who was about 4 at the time was throwing a tantrum.... I said, Grow up Sarah! Sometimes I forget shes a kid!

#21 Feral timtam

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:05 PM

Finish your chocolate first, THEN you can have an apple.

To my son before we worked out that chocolate was what was causing his behavioural difficulties. He'd been going through a stage where he would take a bite of a food then dump it in favour of another one and I was sick of the wastage.

#22 Monket

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:12 PM

To my son....

"hold your dress up when you go down the stairs or you might trip"

#23 Currywurst

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:19 PM

Dont put your fingers up your bottom and then touch my face.

Your doddle goes in your pants not in your socks.

#24 Aribika

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:35 PM

Similar to PP.  "No shooting at the dinner table."
Just then, "Don't touch your willy at the dinner table."

Lorraine

#25 Tea~for~two

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:50 PM

QUOTE (NannaNapper @ 13/04/2012, 08:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You just reminded me of


Don't fill up on grapes, the pizza will be here soon.


Bahahahaha!!!

I sing 'All you do is poo' to the tune of 'All you need is love' at nappy change time, and then it gets stuck in my head and I start singing it in public :-S

One of my friends came out with 'We don't use the toilet brush to brush our teeth'







1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win $1000 with Sea-Bands!

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

Misery loves Facebook

Facebook users are often criticised for only showing the positive, fun parts of their lives. But what about when it swings the other way, when someone uses it for the purposes of ranting about their children all the time, never posting anything positive?

Toddler's adorable impersonation of pregnant mum

Little Ellis has noticed his mum is walking differently lately, and his impersonation of her is hilarious.

'Forgotten baby syndrome' can happen to any one of us

When my third child was two months old, I strapped her into her car seat, then promptly forgot all about her. But she survived, unharmed, because it was winter, and I was lucky.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

Ten things I've learned about motherhood

Never take a good night's sleep for granted. There is no logic like toddler logic. Standing on Lego hurts every time. These are the truths of parenthood.

Parenting past the toddler years: what's next?

Your baby has grown into a toddler, and now your toddler is fast approaching the preschooler stage. What can you expect as a parent?

Tips on what to pack in your hospital bag

Before giving birth I read countless lists, ended up overpacking just a little, and now know what I'll actually want to pack next time.

New app keeps tabs on your kids at childcare

Popular new technology lets parents know what their children are up to at childcare - but not everyone is a fan.

21 things I love about newborns

There?s an irresistible magic about newborns. Of course they're not all smiles and rainbows, but they are undeniably cute and remarkable in so, so many ways.

Kid-friendly hairdressers: who says haircuts can?t be fun?

I?ve found some salons who boast setups ideal for children ? you name it, they?ve thought of it. All are designed to make haircuts fun rather than stressful.

Labour pain relief may reduce risk of postnatal depression: study

Postnatal depression is a complex condition, but researchers say pain relief during labour may help some women.

Why we need better support for men after miscarriage

In a recent study, 85 per cent of men admitted feeling sadness after their partner miscarried, but almost half said they didn't share their feelings at all. What can be done to help them?

Mum in business: Kristy Chong

Kristy Chong is the managing director of Australian-made Modibodi underwear and a mum to Lucas, 6, Jason, 4, and Isaac, 6 months. She shares her advice for other mums thinking about starting their own businesses.

From toddler to preschooler: a developmental roadmap

So your toddler is growing up and will soon be entering the preschooler years. Here are a few ways to frame their development that will help you understand what?s going in those beautiful, funny, clever little heads of theirs.

Mum sacrifices an eye for her unborn baby

Motherhood is full of sacrifices, but this woman has made a life-altering one - and her baby hasn't even been born.

A grandparent by any other name

A growing number of grandparents are shunning tradition and going against conventional names - but a grandparent by any other name still gives the same awesome cuddles and kisses.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

When labour just doesn't happen

After three healthy kids, I can?t help feeling I?ve been a little ripped off. I missed out on something I had always wanted to experience, and now I?ll never get the chance.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Win $1000 with Sea-Bands!

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.