Jump to content

Weird things you've said to your kids


  • Please log in to reply
82 replies to this topic

#1 EBmel

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:17 PM

This made me laugh - a dad in America has started making posters of some of the weird stuff he's found himself telling his kids (eg, "Get that toilet seat off your head. Now." "Stop riding that penguin. We're leaving.").

(You can see them all here).

Anyway, just thought I'd ask... what weird things have you found yourself telling your kids lately?

#2 NoReflection

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:34 PM

Evelyn, put the knife down...

#3 PixieVee

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:36 PM

Not to my kids but I said this to my dog today.

"I know you want to put one your jumper but there's no need to freak out!"

Yes, I talk to my dog and put jumpers on her.

#4 hoohoobump

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:38 PM

Just this morning - 'Don't put toothbrush in bottom'. We have since been for a trip to Woolies for a replacement.

#5 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:41 PM

"Don't rub your bum in your sister's face!"

#6 Zesty

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:44 PM

1. Your vagina is not a vase; and
2. Your vagina is not an extra set of hands.

#7 hoohoobump

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:47 PM

Toilet paper is not food!

#8 FeralSingleMum

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:47 PM

We don't put cats in the toilet

#9 JustMum08

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:48 PM

haha I've done the 'stop licking me' just encourages him to do it more because it grosses me out ! Lol

Edited by JustMum08, 13 April 2012 - 05:53 PM.


#10 Hellohellohello

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:49 PM

isnt this a spinoff via mods..

#11 hoohoobump

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:50 PM

QUOTE (Ferdinand @ 13/04/2012, 05:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Nothing happens if your bum is on your head.

No, you cannot make the Earth bigger by adding more rocks.

Feet are not for standing on.

Penises don't give birth.

Stop eating your dinner through your nose.



What are feet for at your house?

#12 Ingrid the Swan

Posted 13 April 2012 - 05:54 PM

Stop licking other people's balls.

#13 SeaPrincess

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:13 PM

Put down the machine gun and come to the dinner table NOW!

#14 Jenflea

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:18 PM

Toothpaste is not a food!

For a toddler who HATES having her teeth brushed, she seems to quite like toothpaste.

Oh and she's been known to lick me a few times recently. It's disturbing.

Edited by Jenflea, 13 April 2012 - 06:21 PM.


#15 snaugh

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:31 PM

QUOTE (Zesty @ 13/04/2012, 05:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
1. Your vagina is not a vase; and
2. Your vagina is not an extra set of hands.


That would be one handy vagina, that one.



I managed "Please put the coffee down and get your hand off your penis, ok?"

#16 podg

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:35 PM

Your sister doesn't need you to tickle her 'gina.

No, your sister doesn't want to suck your plait.

#17 ChickenNuggets

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:48 PM

Stop letting the rat eat your snot.

Whose rat is this, and why is it in my kitchen.

Whose bum-fingers can I smell?

Sweetie, we really need to remember to wear underpants to the doctors.

Get your head out of the freezer.

Just be quiet and eat your McDonalds/Icecream/Lollies

I could go on.....

#18 snaugh

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:55 PM

QUOTE (ChickenNuggets @ 13/04/2012, 06:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Stop letting the rat eat your snot.

Whose rat is this, and why is it in my kitchen.

Whose bum-fingers can I smell?

Sweetie, we really need to remember to wear underpants to the doctors.

Get your head out of the freezer.

Just be quiet and eat your McDonalds/Icecream/Lollies

I could go on.....



You just reminded me of


Don't fill up on grapes, the pizza will be here soon.

#19 Jenno

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:58 PM

Don't hit your sister with your hammer, and pls put some undies on.

Sadly this was this afternoon!!!

#20 *Lib*

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:03 PM

My DD who was about 4 at the time was throwing a tantrum.... I said, Grow up Sarah! Sometimes I forget shes a kid!

#21 Feral timtam

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:05 PM

Finish your chocolate first, THEN you can have an apple.

To my son before we worked out that chocolate was what was causing his behavioural difficulties. He'd been going through a stage where he would take a bite of a food then dump it in favour of another one and I was sick of the wastage.

#22 Monket

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:12 PM

To my son....

"hold your dress up when you go down the stairs or you might trip"

#23 Currywurst

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:19 PM

Dont put your fingers up your bottom and then touch my face.

Your doddle goes in your pants not in your socks.

#24 Aribika

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:35 PM

Similar to PP.  "No shooting at the dinner table."
Just then, "Don't touch your willy at the dinner table."

Lorraine

#25 Tea~for~two

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:50 PM

QUOTE (NannaNapper @ 13/04/2012, 08:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You just reminded me of


Don't fill up on grapes, the pizza will be here soon.


Bahahahaha!!!

I sing 'All you do is poo' to the tune of 'All you need is love' at nappy change time, and then it gets stuck in my head and I start singing it in public :-S

One of my friends came out with 'We don't use the toilet brush to brush our teeth'







0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How an inquest into one stillbirth is saving lives

A ground-breaking court case that has focused solely on one stillborn baby has already helped to save the lives of other babies.

Get them into reading early with a Nouk book subscription

There's no bonding activity quite like reading to your baby or toddler, and all the signs point to it being important for social and literacy development as well.

Vote in our Parents' Choice Awards - and WIN!

Vote and you could win a a share of $2500 worth of prizes - Hurry - voting closes midnight Monday September 19.

I don't want my husband to go on a buck's trip

My husband's best friend is getting married and has planned a men's bachelor party.

The celeb parents who needed a mediator to stop fighting over baby names

Deciding on a baby name can be a fraught experience for many parents.

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

May Gibbs' 'Gumnut Babies' turns 100 with a special edition, coins, stamps and more

It's time to celebrate the centenary of May Gibbs' very first book release, Gumnut Babies.

African baby names

We have some absolutely gorgeous selections of African baby names for you to consider for your baby.

The mum who retrained to became a plumber

One company refused to give her an apprenticeship because they believed she would be too much of a distraction to the males. 

Meningococcal meningitis: signs, treatment and prevention

What is meningococcal meningitis, why does it occur in seasons, and why does it strike fear into the hearts of so many?

I was scared of the dentist ... and my son paid the price

It was a moment where I could certainly learn from his behaviour, and not him from mine.

Family of toddler killed by alligator at Disney honours his third birthday

The family told supporters that they wanted to celebrate the boy's "first birthday in heaven".

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

7 tips to help you prepare your home for parenthood

Prep your home to make becoming a new parent as stress-free as possible.

Fatherhood to the beat of Daniel's drum

Daniel Gibney knew fatherhood would change him, but he didn't realise it would lead to a global business venture for his family.

A case of gastro and the mummy mean girls

I don't blame any first-time mother who is terrified of her or her baby catching gastro, but it will find you eventually.

Zooey Deschanel's cake smash fail for daughter Elsie

"I kept seeing on the Internet, 'You gotta make a smash cake for your one-year-old,' so I'm like, 'I'm making this cake just so she can smash it.'"

Five things mums should never do

Although I preach the "each to their own" method of parenting, it's unavoidable to have those moments of panic.

Mum allegedly 'groped' while holding toddler in Sydney pool

A mum has told of her horror after she was allegedly sexually assaulted while at a swimming centre with her two young children.

'It whacked me': Michelle Bridges on sleep deprivation and returning to exercise

Michelle Bridges knows a lot about health and fitness, but when she became a mum she had to learn a few lessons the hard way.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Vote in our Parents' Choice Awards - and WIN!

Vote and you could win a a share of $2500 worth of prizes - Hurry - voting closes midnight Monday September 19.

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

 

SYDNEY SHOW - 23-25 Sept

Essential Baby & Toddler Show - Sydney

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores, will be held in Sydney on 23-25 September. Register for your free ticket now to save $20!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.