Jump to content

m/c feeling really lost


  • Please log in to reply
11 replies to this topic

#1 anna_and_elsa

Posted 13 April 2012 - 10:56 AM

i had my dating scan done wednesday. I was really excited, took my husband so we could hear the baby's heartbeat. I should have been 9-10 weeks. The tech was young and b**chy and when she told me the scan showed only 6 weeks i said that cant be right. She took it as you're wrong and argued with me about it... instead of being nice and sympathetic and telling me some nice BS like if you have PCOS maybe you ovulated later than you thought, she insisted I was only 6 weekS and the bhcg values are broad and unreliable. She never showed me a picture and I ripped the report open in the U/s office when it was done. fetal pole of 6 wks, no hb repeat scan suggested in one week. you dont have to be a genius to know that if you had your bhcg at 1200 a month ago you probably are not only 6 weeks pregnant, something is wrong. I was thinking a missed miscarriage, what a sh*tty 30th bday present, but today I have just started to bleed. We've been trying so long to get pregnant, I feel so robbed. I feel lost. If you asked me 5 years ago where I thought I would be in 5 years I would have said married, 1 child and a 2nd on the way. I dont know where I will be in 5 years time now, and no idea where I want to be. This has been a hard climb for me and my husband, and although I care about him I feel like Im not in love with him anymore. He is very supportive and and when I said I was thinking of tossing everything to the wind and moving out, changing jobs, going where ever the winds blow me, he said he'd still support me if that what I think I need to do. I love my job and I love my life but I feel like I'm at a stalemale and I have no way to undo it without throwing the whole game in. what the hell do I do?

#2 kiwi-girl

Posted 13 April 2012 - 11:28 AM

I'm really sorry for what you are going through. I had a missed miscarriage late last year following fertility treatment (discovered by scan at 11 weeks but growth was measuring 8.5). I totally get your feelings of needing change - big and small. In the weeks that followed there were so many times that I wanted to run away - not sure where to, but I just wanted to get away from my life. My husband was incredibly supportive and I couldn't have got through without him - I made sure I kept reminding myself that it was 'our' baby that we lost, not just mine and he was grieving as well. I wanted to make huge changes as well, but I knew that being in the middle of the hardest grieving period I have ever gone through was not the time to make big decisions.
Miscarriages are unfair, they are a huge loss. I have a friend going through a mc at the moment, and she is also feeling really angry and let down - she had felt so positive about the pregnancy that she feels her body let her down in multiple ways. The best advice I could give her was to be gentle on herself and her partner, to just go with feelings as they turn up, and to rest.
I'm sorry you had a terrible experience with your ultrasound technician - I have also had that, and some need to have more bedside manner training. It may just be a scan to them, but it represents much more to us.
Best of luck with your recovery through this.

#3 Enharmonic

Posted 13 April 2012 - 01:40 PM

Very sorry for your loss. Hearing your story about the sonographer makes me want to go slap her. How callous. When you feel up to it, I'd suggest writing to the ultrasound place to give some 'constructive feedback' on how poorly the tech behaved towards you. She needs to know that her behaviour was very inappropriate. I once had a sonographer just plainly say, "no, there's no heartbeat here. It's not viable. You can get dressed now." No gentle or kind words, no empathy. When I asked in between sobs if I could have a printout, she promptly told me it would cost $32, do I still want one. I've had several miscarriages, I would've been due 29th November this time around. I'm numb. All the cautious excitement and expectations gone, just like that. I've tossed out all the +ve HPTs, cleaned and scrubbed the floors and walls and eaten an extraordinary amount of chocolate. The fuzz in your head will eventually clear, even if the hurt is still there. Take some time to look after yourself and do give DH a hug as well.

#4 bubzillaiscoming

Posted 13 April 2012 - 01:54 PM

I can't really offer any words of wisdom, but I'm so sorry to hear your story and that U/S lady needs a good dressing down.

Good luck with everything in the future

x

#5 Alacritous~Andy

Posted 13 April 2012 - 04:17 PM

OP, my heart breaks for you.  

There is a great book called "The Reality Slap" by Russ Harris that you might find helpful.  One of the analogies Russ uses is he talks about how in a time of chaos, it is like being in a boat during a storm - trying to work out what direction to sail can be pretty useless, and sometimes the best (and only) thing you can do to survive is to put down an anchor to help you keep your bearings until the storm passes.  When things have calmed, and you have survived the worst of the storm, then you can think about what direction to sail.  

I guess my point is to remember you are grieving, and don't make any rash decisions right now.  

bbighug.gif

#6 JKan

Posted 14 April 2012 - 12:29 AM

so sad to hear your story.  
Stay strong, tomorrow is another day.



#7 Turquoise1

Posted 14 April 2012 - 08:03 PM

I'm also so sad to hear your story. Everyone has given wonderful input. Be gentle with you and ... time is the only thing to help you.

Take care of you.

PS - if I'm really honest, my man and I were arguing before I knew we were pregnant and I kept thinking it was the end of the world and us. I think hormones have a bigger impact than we realise as I'm no longer looking at his...tricky qualities and now looking at what I love about him.

#8 Soontobegran

Posted 14 April 2012 - 08:09 PM

I am so very sad for you.
When you are feeling a bit better please speak to the practice manager regarding the behaviour of the sonographer. She is in the wrong profession entirely if she does not know how to speak to the patients at times like this. sad.gif
Lots of luck for the future.

#9 spottydog

Posted 14 April 2012 - 08:13 PM

I just seen this in recent topics, but couldnt read and not reply.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, and of the way the technician treated you.

I had a miscariage 5 weeks ago after IVF treatment.

I too wanted to just do something big, different and quickly. I took a couple of weeks thinking about it and im now in a good place, i feel like im ready to do IVF again when the time comes.

Good luck, take your time and deal with your feelings day by day.

spotty.

#10 Lady Sybil Vimes

Posted 14 April 2012 - 08:17 PM

I'm sorry you're going through this and that the sonographer was so self-centred and inconsiderate. Your husband sounds like he cares very much about you. I'd suggest that you don't make any major decisions about your marriage right now but give yourself time and space to grieve this loss.

#11 anna_and_elsa

Posted 15 April 2012 - 09:12 AM

thank you for your kind thoughts and advice and my heart goes out to everyone touched by a m/c.  I am feeling better today. I am thinking I should take this as a good opportunity to reconnect with my husband. I think I'll be getting a D&C tomorrow at this rate unless the bleeding gets heavier, so it will be good to concentrate on our relationship for a month or so instead of just out frustrations of being infertile. hope you are all having a lovely weekend xoxo

#12 christmasiscoming

Posted 15 April 2012 - 11:07 AM

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I've had two myself and I know the feelings you are dealing with - they're brutal - but they do get better.

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better today.  Like the previous posters said, now is not the time to make any life-changing decisions but working on your relationship with your husband is something we all need to be doing, every day, so I think that is a fantastic place to start.  And I think too that your husband is suffering this loss too - and combined with that he's watching you from the sidelines endure the physical side of the miscarriage also which, from what my husband tells me from our experiences, is one of the hardest things for them to deal with - they want to help more but apart from just 'being there' they feel a little helpless.

I guess every day is a new day and every day the sun will shine a little brighter for you both.  I hope everything works out for you both.






0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

We can reduce gender inequality in housework – here’s how

Women shoulder the time-intensive and routine tasks - and they're also more likely to do the least enjoyable tasks like scrubbing the toilets versus washing the car.

Is it okay to reward children with food?

Does giving children food as a reward turn them into emotional eaters?

Exhausted mums share their 'sleepy selfies'

Two photos of mums have shown the world the physical impact of exhaustion in all its frazzled glory.

How to tell a million people: 'We're Having a Baby!'

Pregnancy announcement videos have become so popular they're becoming businesses all their own, with YouTube compilations, Pinterest pages and morning television segments.

The new family holiday: the maternitymoon

It's an idea that makes some people feel excited, while others shudder at the increased difficulty.

Mum's instinct busts hospital protocol

A terrifying car crash that left Danni Bett lying in hospital in a neck-brace wasn't enough to stop her from breastfeeding.

Mum shares pic of Gordon Ramsay's baby doppelganger

A Welsh couple have realised their newborn has a striking resemblance to a certain celebrity chef.

Photographer's charming photos of son's adventures with his toy truck

An adorable toddler and his toy truck in a photo series that'll melt your heart.

Do you hide your emotions from your kids?

I want my children to grow up and know it's okay to feel strong emotion and to display it. Vulnerability and imperfection do not equal weakness.

My in-laws snubbed our wedding

For your own husband's parents not to come to your wedding is an utter embarrassment.

Teenage boy has foetus removed from stomach

A teenage boy has undergone surgery to remove a foetus, complete with hair, legs, hands and genitals, removed from his stomach.

Your one-year-old is more creative than you might think

Even one-year-olds can be very exploratory, experimental and creative.

Researchers claim controlled crying 'does no harm'

The short and long term consequences of controlled crying are under the spotlight with new Australian research suggesting no harm results from the practice.

The pain of teething

If the tooth fairy takes teeth away, it must be something like a goblin who brings them in the first place.

Henry, 3, had a tummy ache. Within hours he was dead

Three-year-old Henry died in February this year, just a few hours after falling ill.

Husband shot obstetrician who saw wife naked

A Saudi man has been arrested after shooting the male obstetrician who delievered his baby because he was unhappy the doctor had seen his wife naked.

This 6-month-old just became 'the youngest water-skier'

First, baby Zyla tried her trick on cushy, beige carpet.

The bedtime bottle: will it really make your baby sleep?

How often have you been told "Just give your breastfed baby a bottle of formula at bedtime to make him sleep"? But does it work?

Why new mum Anne Hathaway cried at the gym

She might be a Hollywood superstar, but the gorgeous Anne Hathaway feels just as self-conscious as other new mums trying to get back in shape after having a baby.

An intimate story of infertility, told from a man's perspective

In a moving 3000-word Facebook post, Dan Majesky has shared a painful journey of infertility, with a big surprise at the end.

Does this photo offend you?

Facebook has come under fire after banning an ad featuring Tess Holliday, a plus-sized model, wearing a bikini.

Baby boy's birth filled with joy and sadness

It was a moment filled with joy but tinged with sadness. 

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.