Jump to content

m/c feeling really lost


  • Please log in to reply
11 replies to this topic

#1 Fantales

Posted 13 April 2012 - 10:56 AM

i had my dating scan done wednesday. I was really excited, took my husband so we could hear the baby's heartbeat. I should have been 9-10 weeks. The tech was young and b**chy and when she told me the scan showed only 6 weeks i said that cant be right. She took it as you're wrong and argued with me about it... instead of being nice and sympathetic and telling me some nice BS like if you have PCOS maybe you ovulated later than you thought, she insisted I was only 6 weekS and the bhcg values are broad and unreliable. She never showed me a picture and I ripped the report open in the U/s office when it was done. fetal pole of 6 wks, no hb repeat scan suggested in one week. you dont have to be a genius to know that if you had your bhcg at 1200 a month ago you probably are not only 6 weeks pregnant, something is wrong. I was thinking a missed miscarriage, what a sh*tty 30th bday present, but today I have just started to bleed. We've been trying so long to get pregnant, I feel so robbed. I feel lost. If you asked me 5 years ago where I thought I would be in 5 years I would have said married, 1 child and a 2nd on the way. I dont know where I will be in 5 years time now, and no idea where I want to be. This has been a hard climb for me and my husband, and although I care about him I feel like Im not in love with him anymore. He is very supportive and and when I said I was thinking of tossing everything to the wind and moving out, changing jobs, going where ever the winds blow me, he said he'd still support me if that what I think I need to do. I love my job and I love my life but I feel like I'm at a stalemale and I have no way to undo it without throwing the whole game in. what the hell do I do?

#2 kiwi-girl

Posted 13 April 2012 - 11:28 AM

I'm really sorry for what you are going through. I had a missed miscarriage late last year following fertility treatment (discovered by scan at 11 weeks but growth was measuring 8.5). I totally get your feelings of needing change - big and small. In the weeks that followed there were so many times that I wanted to run away - not sure where to, but I just wanted to get away from my life. My husband was incredibly supportive and I couldn't have got through without him - I made sure I kept reminding myself that it was 'our' baby that we lost, not just mine and he was grieving as well. I wanted to make huge changes as well, but I knew that being in the middle of the hardest grieving period I have ever gone through was not the time to make big decisions.
Miscarriages are unfair, they are a huge loss. I have a friend going through a mc at the moment, and she is also feeling really angry and let down - she had felt so positive about the pregnancy that she feels her body let her down in multiple ways. The best advice I could give her was to be gentle on herself and her partner, to just go with feelings as they turn up, and to rest.
I'm sorry you had a terrible experience with your ultrasound technician - I have also had that, and some need to have more bedside manner training. It may just be a scan to them, but it represents much more to us.
Best of luck with your recovery through this.

#3 Enharmonic

Posted 13 April 2012 - 01:40 PM

Very sorry for your loss. Hearing your story about the sonographer makes me want to go slap her. How callous. When you feel up to it, I'd suggest writing to the ultrasound place to give some 'constructive feedback' on how poorly the tech behaved towards you. She needs to know that her behaviour was very inappropriate. I once had a sonographer just plainly say, "no, there's no heartbeat here. It's not viable. You can get dressed now." No gentle or kind words, no empathy. When I asked in between sobs if I could have a printout, she promptly told me it would cost $32, do I still want one. I've had several miscarriages, I would've been due 29th November this time around. I'm numb. All the cautious excitement and expectations gone, just like that. I've tossed out all the +ve HPTs, cleaned and scrubbed the floors and walls and eaten an extraordinary amount of chocolate. The fuzz in your head will eventually clear, even if the hurt is still there. Take some time to look after yourself and do give DH a hug as well.

#4 bubzillaiscoming

Posted 13 April 2012 - 01:54 PM

I can't really offer any words of wisdom, but I'm so sorry to hear your story and that U/S lady needs a good dressing down.

Good luck with everything in the future

x

#5 Alacritous~Andy

Posted 13 April 2012 - 04:17 PM

OP, my heart breaks for you.  

There is a great book called "The Reality Slap" by Russ Harris that you might find helpful.  One of the analogies Russ uses is he talks about how in a time of chaos, it is like being in a boat during a storm - trying to work out what direction to sail can be pretty useless, and sometimes the best (and only) thing you can do to survive is to put down an anchor to help you keep your bearings until the storm passes.  When things have calmed, and you have survived the worst of the storm, then you can think about what direction to sail.  

I guess my point is to remember you are grieving, and don't make any rash decisions right now.  

bbighug.gif

#6 JKan

Posted 14 April 2012 - 12:29 AM

so sad to hear your story.  
Stay strong, tomorrow is another day.



#7 Turquoise1

Posted 14 April 2012 - 08:03 PM

I'm also so sad to hear your story. Everyone has given wonderful input. Be gentle with you and ... time is the only thing to help you.

Take care of you.

PS - if I'm really honest, my man and I were arguing before I knew we were pregnant and I kept thinking it was the end of the world and us. I think hormones have a bigger impact than we realise as I'm no longer looking at his...tricky qualities and now looking at what I love about him.

#8 Soontobegran

Posted 14 April 2012 - 08:09 PM

I am so very sad for you.
When you are feeling a bit better please speak to the practice manager regarding the behaviour of the sonographer. She is in the wrong profession entirely if she does not know how to speak to the patients at times like this. sad.gif
Lots of luck for the future.

#9 spottydog

Posted 14 April 2012 - 08:13 PM

I just seen this in recent topics, but couldnt read and not reply.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, and of the way the technician treated you.

I had a miscariage 5 weeks ago after IVF treatment.

I too wanted to just do something big, different and quickly. I took a couple of weeks thinking about it and im now in a good place, i feel like im ready to do IVF again when the time comes.

Good luck, take your time and deal with your feelings day by day.

spotty.

#10 whelmed

Posted 14 April 2012 - 08:17 PM

I'm sorry you're going through this and that the sonographer was so self-centred and inconsiderate. Your husband sounds like he cares very much about you. I'd suggest that you don't make any major decisions about your marriage right now but give yourself time and space to grieve this loss.

#11 Fantales

Posted 15 April 2012 - 09:12 AM

thank you for your kind thoughts and advice and my heart goes out to everyone touched by a m/c.  I am feeling better today. I am thinking I should take this as a good opportunity to reconnect with my husband. I think I'll be getting a D&C tomorrow at this rate unless the bleeding gets heavier, so it will be good to concentrate on our relationship for a month or so instead of just out frustrations of being infertile. hope you are all having a lovely weekend xoxo

#12 christmasiscoming

Posted 15 April 2012 - 11:07 AM

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I've had two myself and I know the feelings you are dealing with - they're brutal - but they do get better.

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better today.  Like the previous posters said, now is not the time to make any life-changing decisions but working on your relationship with your husband is something we all need to be doing, every day, so I think that is a fantastic place to start.  And I think too that your husband is suffering this loss too - and combined with that he's watching you from the sidelines endure the physical side of the miscarriage also which, from what my husband tells me from our experiences, is one of the hardest things for them to deal with - they want to help more but apart from just 'being there' they feel a little helpless.

I guess every day is a new day and every day the sun will shine a little brighter for you both.  I hope everything works out for you both.






1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

A mum's tragic battle against inflammatory breast cancer

At just 37 years of age, with two young sons, Vicki was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. Now her family wants all women to know the symptoms.

The business of babies around the world

Pregnancy and birth is an intriguing process no matter where you are in the world. One soon-to-be father gleans wisdom from a new guide.

Finding a positive path through IVF

It’s not surprising that IVF is often seen as a negative journey towards the ultimate positive, but having a glass-half-full approach can make a big difference to the experience.

Giving strangers the gift of parenthood

A mum explains why she and her husband are choosing to gift their leftover embryos to help strangers achieve their dream of parenthood.

Does morning sickness get better or worse with each child?

Just as every baby is unique, so is every pregnancy. And that means morning sickness can vary a lot, too.

What's so wrong with looking 'mumsy', anyway?

Why is it that the word ‘mumsy’ has connotations of such a negative nature – but seems to be the only other option apart from ‘yummy’?

Trying to speed up the inevitable

As the waiting game of late pregnancy continues, this mum considers a few things that might hurry things up a little.

One month later: where is William Tyrell?

It has been a little over a month since William Tyrell disappeared from his grandmother's home, 33 long sleepless nights for his family as they mourn the absence of their cheeky young boy.

Winter's child less likely to be moody: study

Babies born in the summer are much more likely to suffer from mood swings when they grow up, while those born in the winter are less likely to become irritable adults, scientists claim.

Single mum of two creates award-winning baby app

Suddenly single with a baby and an 11-year-old son, Tara O?Connell developed an app to improve the lives of mothers who were similarly overwhelmed.

Food for thought: looking after yourself as a new mum

As soon as your baby enters the world, everything else takes a back seat - even the necessities of daily life such as eating are severely compromised, right when you need energy the most.

'Grabbable guts' campaign aims to cut toxic fat

The Live Lighter campaign will take people inside the human body to show the internal dangers of being overweight.

The best and worst month of my life

A new mum's first month of motherhood didn't pan out as expected when she lost a family member weeks after her baby's birth.

Facebook and Apple offer to pay female staff to freeze their eggs

Facebook and Apple are hoping to provide women with the freedom to build their careers without the added pressure of having children at or by a certain age.

How a pregnancy contract could work for you and your partner

The idea of making a 'pregnancy contract' with your partner may sound a bit silly at first, but it can help make the transition to parenthood a lot smoother.

Finding a mum-friendly personal trainer

Burping babies vs burpees – yes, new mums and personal trainers live in different worlds. But they can work together - once you find the right match for you and your lifestyle.

Alleged baby snatch incident a ?misunderstanding?, say police

Police say that an incident in which a man pulled on a woman?s pram while walking a popular Sydney route late last month was a misunderstanding.

Ebola killed my aunt and is shutting down my country

Three weeks ago, my auntie, a midwife, developed a fever. Sitting here in Sydney basked in Australian sunshine, that shouldn't be big news.

The night my ovary burst

One mum shares her frightening experience and vows to never take her health for granted again.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

The 'yucky' illness that took over my life

I have a chronic illness nobody likes to discuss, as it involves toilet talk. But it needs to be talked about.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.