Jump to content

Another Wedding Question - Sorry


  • Please log in to reply
38 replies to this topic

#1 BradandMak

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:37 AM

OK, SIL is finally engaged. YAY  eexcite.gif She has asked DD (5) & DS (7) to be flower girl and page boy. Which they are super excited about.

She has said that the kids will only be there for the ceremony and that there will not be any kids at the reception. No problems.

Then she tells me that the wedding will be held 3.5 HOURS away!!!!! WTF, so what am i supposed to do with the kids during the reception???

I am completely befuddled. I dont know what to do, what im expected to do.

I need your advice...

#2 3_for_me

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:41 AM

Personally I'd call her bluff and decline the request based on the fact that you have no care for them there, she'll either provide care or realise maybe she needs to make an exception if she really wants them there.

I have no issue with childfree weddings, etc but it has to be in the realms of intelligent and reasonable.  My brother is getting married in Bali in September, he thought my daughter was coming and told me he would organise a nanny to care for her(she isn't coming with me so doesn't matter but the point still stands)

#3 B.L.J

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:43 AM

Can you take your Mum or someone you trust to watch your kids with you?

I'm assuming you're going to have to get a hotel for the night so I would just grab another room.  Then you can just take the kids back there for the reception.

#4 melaine

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:45 AM

That's tricky!

First off - I don't have an issue with children free weddings as long as the couple are happy that someone people might not come to the wedding because of that decision.

But seriously, asking children to be flower girl/page boy and then not letting them come to the reception is a bit rude, add in that you are 3.5 hours away and I assume not near anyone you know for babysitting then it sounds like your sister in law hasn't thought the logistics through. Before you have kids you don't necessarily think about babysitting issues!

If I had babysitting for the kids at home (which it sounds like you do since you said it wasn't a problem till you found out how far away the wedding was) then I think I'd make the decision that the kids might have to miss the whole thing, but I imagine they would be pretty upset by that.

WHy is the wedding in that particular place? DOes someone in the wedding party live there - would there be someone you could find to look after the kids for the time of the reception?



#5 CubaLulu

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:45 AM

Will you be staying at a hotel for the night or driving to the wedding and back? If staying just hire a babysitter for the hotel afterwards? If driving back, it's not really a reasonable request that they don't attend the reception. I'd just talk with her honestly about it and try to come up with a solution.

#6 lozoodle

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:45 AM

I'm all for no kids at weddings, but I find it strange to have them as part of the bridal party yet not allow them at the reception. I think that is something I would make an exception on!

Just explain the situation, say you'd love for them to be part of it however you will need to have them at the reception - otherwise you'll have to arrange other care for them and not have them as part of the wedding.

Or like a PP suggested, if staying at a hotel, check with the hotel as they often have lists of recommended babysitters - perhaps you could hire one for a few hours?

Edited by lozoodle, 13 April 2012 - 09:46 AM.


#7 **Xena**

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:46 AM

I'd talk to her and ask her what excatly you are expected to do with the children. It would be one thing if they were completely uninvited but she can't expect them to come to the ceremony and then not the reception when you aren't anywhere near home.


#8 EsmeLennox

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:46 AM

SIL probably hasn't thought it through, perhaps ask her what arrangements she plans to put in place for the kids while you're all at the reception?

You could organize a babysitter yourself I suppose, but I have to say I would be annoyed about it too (and generally I am one of those 'the couple gets to choose' types). I do think though, that if the children are part of the wedding party then they should go to the reception too, I find it rather odd that she wants to exclude them from that.

Surely common sense will prevail and she will see it's a bit of an unwieldy situation for you?

Edited by Jemstar, 13 April 2012 - 09:49 AM.


#9 PrincessPeach

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:47 AM

QUOTE (3_for_me @ 13/04/2012, 09:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Personally I'd call her bluff and decline the request based on the fact that you have no care for them there, she'll either provide care or realise maybe she needs to make an exception if she really wants them there.

I have no issue with childfree weddings, etc but it has to be in the realms of intelligent and reasonable. My brother is getting married in Bali in September, he thought my daughter was coming and told me he would organise a nanny to care for her(she isn't coming with me so doesn't matter but the point still stands)


Yep, i agree.

Even though, a lot of adult only weddings i have attended (most of them actually), the flower girl & page boy are at the reception & at 5 & 7, I would have thought they would be pretty easy to entertain quietly at a formal reception (books, ipad's, DS's).

#10 threelittlegems

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:48 AM

Just deal with it practically.

Tell SIL that your children will participate in the ceremony, but only if you can find a babysitter.



#11 niggles

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:50 AM

I'd ask her for ideas. She must have thought of this already. If she hasn't got any decent suggestions then I'd consider declining the request for them to be in the bridal party. Although since they are so excited about it I'd think about taking a sister or cousin or someone with me to watch them in the evening.

#12 hmmm...

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:56 AM

My friend got married a few weeks ago and had her 4 yr old neice as flower girl. Her 1 yr old neice was the only other child there. The wedding was 3 hours away from where most of the guests live. She booked a B&B for the night for her family (parents, grandparents, bridesmaid and partner, brothers and partners etc). She also asked a friend (who wouldnt have been invited to the wedding normally) to come to the wedding and then take the little ones back to the B&B to be looked after... friend was happy to help and understood the circumstances...

Maybe see if your brother can arrange something like this...

#13 Tiger Lilly

Posted 13 April 2012 - 02:54 PM

Take a babysitter with you. Don't see the issue myself.

#14 AlexandraI

Posted 13 April 2012 - 03:01 PM

She has probably thinking about crap like flowers and candles and forgot this major detail.

I would just take someone with you who can stay in a hotel with you and look after the kids.

#15 pod30

Posted 13 April 2012 - 03:05 PM

QUOTE (undomesticmumma @ 13/04/2012, 09:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But seriously, asking children to be flower girl/page boy and then not letting them come to the reception is a bit rude, add in that you are 3.5 hours away and I assume not near anyone you know for babysitting then it sounds like your sister in law hasn't thought the logistics through.


Totally agree. Kids in ceremony kids at recption. Very rude of her.

#16 ~Catherine~

Posted 13 April 2012 - 03:06 PM

Yep just take someone with you to babysit

#17 Mrscoolcoolpants

Posted 13 April 2012 - 03:07 PM

take your babysitter with you for nice break. don't see the issue either.

#18 JustBeige

Posted 13 April 2012 - 03:30 PM

QUOTE (threelittlegems @ 13/04/2012, 09:48 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just deal with it practically.

Tell SIL that your children will participate in the ceremony, but only if you can find a babysitter.

I would do this, but also have a think if I could bring a babysitter with me

#19 Canberra chick

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:40 PM

QUOTE
take your babysitter with you for nice break. don't see the issue either.


Joke, yes? Pay for a babysitter and a room for the babysitter for when you're back? Some people obviously have oodles of spare cash... And very obliging babysitters. We have two or three people we use and not one of them would just up and travel with us to a wedding 3.5 hours away a, stay overnight and basically wreck their weekend.

#20 BradandMak

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:11 PM

thanks Canberra Chick. wacko.gif

Adding a bit more info
[list]

[*]Everyone that would normally look after the kids will be at the wedding already.
[*]The only other person is my parents. I think its pretty rude to expect that my parents ruin their weekend to driver the 3 1/2 hours to look after the kids.
[*]We are staying at a hotel/villa complex. The whole place has been booked out for the wedding.
[*]There is no one even close (within an hours drive) from the place that could look after the kids.


Im hoping that when she really sits down and thinks about it that she will realise how impracticale it will be


#21 aluminium

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:15 PM

Maybe she expects you to miss the reception to stay with the kids? ...

She probably just hasn't thought it through.

I called my SIL out on the same thing. She's having my girls as flower girls but then wasn't inviting them tot he reception. Stupid and thoughtless, and I told her so. They are now invited to the reception.


#22 Expelliarmus

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:16 PM

You or DH might be expected to take them back to the villa? Does the hotel have a babysitting service?

#23 *LucyE*

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:31 PM

I don't really see the big deal either.

Either bring along babysitters - yes, it'll interrupt your parent's weekend but is also a weekend away for them minus a few hours for the reception

Or, find a local babysitter and check on them periodically throughout the night

Or, either you or DH miss the reception and mind your own kiets

Or, the kids skip being part of the wedding party and stay with your parents.

Just because none of the options are ideal for you, they all fit in with the bride and groom's request.

#24 M1B2G

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:36 PM

I would ask if she has made any arrangements re child care options at the villa.  Explain that you can respect her choices but in doing so she has limited your ability to have the children looked after...
I don't think she has thought it through...  We had wedding away we allowed several children to attend ceremony and part of reception we then organized a sitter who entertained the children in two adjoining rooms that were later to be used by our family to stay the night....  It was close to reception...

Edited by LKandsoontobe3, 13 April 2012 - 07:40 PM.


#25 StinkerSlinker

Posted 13 April 2012 - 10:30 PM

I wouldn't be happy with using a unknown babysitter, and my parents wouldn't be willing to travel that far, so I think I would either look after the kids myself so that DH could go to the reception, or tell SIL that the kids can't participate in the ceremony as there are no available babysitters.  

Option two would be disappointing to the bride I guess, but that can't be helped if she is going to have a child-free reception.






1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Life with anxiety

At times, I feel pretty worthless. In those moments, all I want to do is curl up into a ball and hide in the dark. I can try to quiet my mind, but it won?t shut up.

IVF leaves woman pregnant with another couple's twins

An Italian woman has been told the twins she is three months pregnant with are not hers.

'My mother-in-law found out our baby's gender behind our backs'

My husband and I mutually decided that we didn?t want to know our baby's sex before the birth, but his mother couldn't handle that.

What you need for the 'fourth trimester'

In my opinion, the first three months after the birth are the most intense. Here's what got me through that time after welcoming my baby.

Weaning a toddler off a dummy: a 15-day plan

Weaning your child off the dummy can be a traumatic experience for both of you. Here are some tips to help you through.

Choosing to be a solo parent

Two women share their stories of longing for a baby so much that they each decided not to wait for a partner before becoming a mum.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Rescue dog Zoey and BFF Jasper star in adorable pics

Photographer, self-professed "crazy dog lady" and mum Grace Chon takes photos of rescue dog Zoey and her 10-month-old son Jasper together. The results are just too cute. See more on Instagram @thegracechon.

The ultimate travel stroller: the Mountain Buggy nano

We tried the Mountain Buggy nano and give it an enthusiastic thumbs up. As the ultimate travel stroller, it's practical, has great features, and looks fab, too.

Mum's heartbreak as son dies in road accident

Daly Thomas and her two young sons were walking home from church on Tuesday afternoon. Her youngest son never made it.

New Kate Spade baby bag designs

Don?t adjust your screen: this bright beauty is coming to you in full colour.

Easter gifts for babies, no chocolate in sight!

If this is your little one?s first Easter you might want to mark the occasion with something a little extra special. Here are 10 Easter gift ideas, which won't harm little teeth.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win the brand new phil&teds vibe

Check out the good looking new release of the Vibe 3 and the Verve 4-wheeler inline strollers. To celebrate their release, we have a Vibe with double kit to give away.

Baby sleep

From birth to one year and beyond, read about baby sleep, soothing techniques, routines, and sleep school experiences.

Easter gifts for babies, no chocolate in sight!

If this is your little one?s first Easter you might want to mark the occasion with something a little extra special. Here are 10 Easter gift ideas, which won't harm little teeth.

7 tips for a kid-free trip, not a guilt trip

Although I?m jumping out of my skin to take my child-free holiday, I?m dreading the goodbye. But I?m determined to make the most of it without tarnishing it with guilt or sadness about leaving the kids.

Itchibubs: clothes for babies and toddlers with eczema

Parents of children who suffer from eczema will know only too well the scratching that occurs around the clock. A new clothing range aims to help make everyone more comfortable.

Ear piercing: what age is best?

What is it that shapes our opinions on what?s an 'appropriate' age for our children to get their ears pierced? Parents share their views on how young is too young when it comes to piercing.

Caring for kids helps grandmothers stay mentally alert

Looking after grandchildren can help grandmothers ward off brain disease - but it's also possible to get too much of a good thing, researchers say.

Why I loved my third home water birth

After two water births at home, I was determined to give birth to my son the same way. I just hoped this birth would be quicker than my last two.

Revealed: 7 ways food marketers try to trick consumers

If you?re confused by food labels, you?re not alone. Next time you?re shopping for food, look out for these seven common labelling tricks.

'My mother-in-law found out our baby's gender behind our backs'

My husband and I mutually decided that we didn?t want to know our baby's sex before the birth, but his mother couldn't handle that.

 

Free Printable Activities

Keeping little hands busy

Free printable acitivity pages like colouring in, cutting, word finders, mazes, maths activities and puzzles.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.