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Another Wedding Question - Sorry

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38 replies to this topic

#1 BradandMak

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:37 AM

OK, SIL is finally engaged. YAY  eexcite.gif She has asked DD (5) & DS (7) to be flower girl and page boy. Which they are super excited about.

She has said that the kids will only be there for the ceremony and that there will not be any kids at the reception. No problems.

Then she tells me that the wedding will be held 3.5 HOURS away!!!!! WTF, so what am i supposed to do with the kids during the reception???

I am completely befuddled. I dont know what to do, what im expected to do.

I need your advice...

#2 3_for_me

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:41 AM

Personally I'd call her bluff and decline the request based on the fact that you have no care for them there, she'll either provide care or realise maybe she needs to make an exception if she really wants them there.

I have no issue with childfree weddings, etc but it has to be in the realms of intelligent and reasonable.  My brother is getting married in Bali in September, he thought my daughter was coming and told me he would organise a nanny to care for her(she isn't coming with me so doesn't matter but the point still stands)

#3 NannyPlum

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:43 AM

Can you take your Mum or someone you trust to watch your kids with you?

I'm assuming you're going to have to get a hotel for the night so I would just grab another room.  Then you can just take the kids back there for the reception.

#4 melaine

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:45 AM

That's tricky!

First off - I don't have an issue with children free weddings as long as the couple are happy that someone people might not come to the wedding because of that decision.

But seriously, asking children to be flower girl/page boy and then not letting them come to the reception is a bit rude, add in that you are 3.5 hours away and I assume not near anyone you know for babysitting then it sounds like your sister in law hasn't thought the logistics through. Before you have kids you don't necessarily think about babysitting issues!

If I had babysitting for the kids at home (which it sounds like you do since you said it wasn't a problem till you found out how far away the wedding was) then I think I'd make the decision that the kids might have to miss the whole thing, but I imagine they would be pretty upset by that.

WHy is the wedding in that particular place? DOes someone in the wedding party live there - would there be someone you could find to look after the kids for the time of the reception?

#5 CubaLulu

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:45 AM

Will you be staying at a hotel for the night or driving to the wedding and back? If staying just hire a babysitter for the hotel afterwards? If driving back, it's not really a reasonable request that they don't attend the reception. I'd just talk with her honestly about it and try to come up with a solution.

#6 lozoodle

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:45 AM

I'm all for no kids at weddings, but I find it strange to have them as part of the bridal party yet not allow them at the reception. I think that is something I would make an exception on!

Just explain the situation, say you'd love for them to be part of it however you will need to have them at the reception - otherwise you'll have to arrange other care for them and not have them as part of the wedding.

Or like a PP suggested, if staying at a hotel, check with the hotel as they often have lists of recommended babysitters - perhaps you could hire one for a few hours?

Edited by lozoodle, 13 April 2012 - 09:46 AM.

#7 **Xena**

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:46 AM

I'd talk to her and ask her what excatly you are expected to do with the children. It would be one thing if they were completely uninvited but she can't expect them to come to the ceremony and then not the reception when you aren't anywhere near home.

#8 EsmeLennox

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:46 AM

SIL probably hasn't thought it through, perhaps ask her what arrangements she plans to put in place for the kids while you're all at the reception?

You could organize a babysitter yourself I suppose, but I have to say I would be annoyed about it too (and generally I am one of those 'the couple gets to choose' types). I do think though, that if the children are part of the wedding party then they should go to the reception too, I find it rather odd that she wants to exclude them from that.

Surely common sense will prevail and she will see it's a bit of an unwieldy situation for you?

Edited by Jemstar, 13 April 2012 - 09:49 AM.

#9 PrincessPeach

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:47 AM

QUOTE (3_for_me @ 13/04/2012, 09:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Personally I'd call her bluff and decline the request based on the fact that you have no care for them there, she'll either provide care or realise maybe she needs to make an exception if she really wants them there.

I have no issue with childfree weddings, etc but it has to be in the realms of intelligent and reasonable. My brother is getting married in Bali in September, he thought my daughter was coming and told me he would organise a nanny to care for her(she isn't coming with me so doesn't matter but the point still stands)

Yep, i agree.

Even though, a lot of adult only weddings i have attended (most of them actually), the flower girl & page boy are at the reception & at 5 & 7, I would have thought they would be pretty easy to entertain quietly at a formal reception (books, ipad's, DS's).

#10 threelittlegems

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:48 AM

Just deal with it practically.

Tell SIL that your children will participate in the ceremony, but only if you can find a babysitter.

#11 niggles

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:50 AM

I'd ask her for ideas. She must have thought of this already. If she hasn't got any decent suggestions then I'd consider declining the request for them to be in the bridal party. Although since they are so excited about it I'd think about taking a sister or cousin or someone with me to watch them in the evening.

#12 hmmm...

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:56 AM

My friend got married a few weeks ago and had her 4 yr old neice as flower girl. Her 1 yr old neice was the only other child there. The wedding was 3 hours away from where most of the guests live. She booked a B&B for the night for her family (parents, grandparents, bridesmaid and partner, brothers and partners etc). She also asked a friend (who wouldnt have been invited to the wedding normally) to come to the wedding and then take the little ones back to the B&B to be looked after... friend was happy to help and understood the circumstances...

Maybe see if your brother can arrange something like this...

#13 Tiger Lilly

Posted 13 April 2012 - 02:54 PM

Take a babysitter with you. Don't see the issue myself.

#14 AlexandraI

Posted 13 April 2012 - 03:01 PM

She has probably thinking about crap like flowers and candles and forgot this major detail.

I would just take someone with you who can stay in a hotel with you and look after the kids.

#15 pod30

Posted 13 April 2012 - 03:05 PM

QUOTE (undomesticmumma @ 13/04/2012, 09:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But seriously, asking children to be flower girl/page boy and then not letting them come to the reception is a bit rude, add in that you are 3.5 hours away and I assume not near anyone you know for babysitting then it sounds like your sister in law hasn't thought the logistics through.

Totally agree. Kids in ceremony kids at recption. Very rude of her.

#16 ~Catherine~

Posted 13 April 2012 - 03:06 PM

Yep just take someone with you to babysit

#17 Mrscoolcoolpants

Posted 13 April 2012 - 03:07 PM

take your babysitter with you for nice break. don't see the issue either.

#18 JustBeige

Posted 13 April 2012 - 03:30 PM

QUOTE (threelittlegems @ 13/04/2012, 09:48 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just deal with it practically.

Tell SIL that your children will participate in the ceremony, but only if you can find a babysitter.

I would do this, but also have a think if I could bring a babysitter with me

#19 Canberra Chick

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:40 PM

take your babysitter with you for nice break. don't see the issue either.

Joke, yes? Pay for a babysitter and a room for the babysitter for when you're back? Some people obviously have oodles of spare cash... And very obliging babysitters. We have two or three people we use and not one of them would just up and travel with us to a wedding 3.5 hours away a, stay overnight and basically wreck their weekend.

#20 BradandMak

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:11 PM

thanks Canberra Chick. wacko.gif

Adding a bit more info

[*]Everyone that would normally look after the kids will be at the wedding already.
[*]The only other person is my parents. I think its pretty rude to expect that my parents ruin their weekend to driver the 3 1/2 hours to look after the kids.
[*]We are staying at a hotel/villa complex. The whole place has been booked out for the wedding.
[*]There is no one even close (within an hours drive) from the place that could look after the kids.

Im hoping that when she really sits down and thinks about it that she will realise how impracticale it will be

#21 aluminium

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:15 PM

Maybe she expects you to miss the reception to stay with the kids? ...

She probably just hasn't thought it through.

I called my SIL out on the same thing. She's having my girls as flower girls but then wasn't inviting them tot he reception. Stupid and thoughtless, and I told her so. They are now invited to the reception.

#22 Expelliarmus

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:16 PM

You or DH might be expected to take them back to the villa? Does the hotel have a babysitting service?

#23 *LucyE*

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:31 PM

I don't really see the big deal either.

Either bring along babysitters - yes, it'll interrupt your parent's weekend but is also a weekend away for them minus a few hours for the reception

Or, find a local babysitter and check on them periodically throughout the night

Or, either you or DH miss the reception and mind your own kiets

Or, the kids skip being part of the wedding party and stay with your parents.

Just because none of the options are ideal for you, they all fit in with the bride and groom's request.

#24 M1B2G

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:36 PM

I would ask if she has made any arrangements re child care options at the villa.  Explain that you can respect her choices but in doing so she has limited your ability to have the children looked after...
I don't think she has thought it through...  We had wedding away we allowed several children to attend ceremony and part of reception we then organized a sitter who entertained the children in two adjoining rooms that were later to be used by our family to stay the night....  It was close to reception...

Edited by LKandsoontobe3, 13 April 2012 - 07:40 PM.

#25 auntpriscilla

Posted 13 April 2012 - 10:30 PM

I wouldn't be happy with using a unknown babysitter, and my parents wouldn't be willing to travel that far, so I think I would either look after the kids myself so that DH could go to the reception, or tell SIL that the kids can't participate in the ceremony as there are no available babysitters.  

Option two would be disappointing to the bride I guess, but that can't be helped if she is going to have a child-free reception.

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