Jump to content

Another Wedding Question - Sorry

  • Please log in to reply
38 replies to this topic

#1 BradandMak

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:37 AM

OK, SIL is finally engaged. YAY  eexcite.gif She has asked DD (5) & DS (7) to be flower girl and page boy. Which they are super excited about.

She has said that the kids will only be there for the ceremony and that there will not be any kids at the reception. No problems.

Then she tells me that the wedding will be held 3.5 HOURS away!!!!! WTF, so what am i supposed to do with the kids during the reception???

I am completely befuddled. I dont know what to do, what im expected to do.

I need your advice...

#2 3_for_me

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:41 AM

Personally I'd call her bluff and decline the request based on the fact that you have no care for them there, she'll either provide care or realise maybe she needs to make an exception if she really wants them there.

I have no issue with childfree weddings, etc but it has to be in the realms of intelligent and reasonable.  My brother is getting married in Bali in September, he thought my daughter was coming and told me he would organise a nanny to care for her(she isn't coming with me so doesn't matter but the point still stands)

#3 NannyPlum

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:43 AM

Can you take your Mum or someone you trust to watch your kids with you?

I'm assuming you're going to have to get a hotel for the night so I would just grab another room.  Then you can just take the kids back there for the reception.

#4 melaine

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:45 AM

That's tricky!

First off - I don't have an issue with children free weddings as long as the couple are happy that someone people might not come to the wedding because of that decision.

But seriously, asking children to be flower girl/page boy and then not letting them come to the reception is a bit rude, add in that you are 3.5 hours away and I assume not near anyone you know for babysitting then it sounds like your sister in law hasn't thought the logistics through. Before you have kids you don't necessarily think about babysitting issues!

If I had babysitting for the kids at home (which it sounds like you do since you said it wasn't a problem till you found out how far away the wedding was) then I think I'd make the decision that the kids might have to miss the whole thing, but I imagine they would be pretty upset by that.

WHy is the wedding in that particular place? DOes someone in the wedding party live there - would there be someone you could find to look after the kids for the time of the reception?

#5 CubaLulu

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:45 AM

Will you be staying at a hotel for the night or driving to the wedding and back? If staying just hire a babysitter for the hotel afterwards? If driving back, it's not really a reasonable request that they don't attend the reception. I'd just talk with her honestly about it and try to come up with a solution.

#6 lozoodle

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:45 AM

I'm all for no kids at weddings, but I find it strange to have them as part of the bridal party yet not allow them at the reception. I think that is something I would make an exception on!

Just explain the situation, say you'd love for them to be part of it however you will need to have them at the reception - otherwise you'll have to arrange other care for them and not have them as part of the wedding.

Or like a PP suggested, if staying at a hotel, check with the hotel as they often have lists of recommended babysitters - perhaps you could hire one for a few hours?

Edited by lozoodle, 13 April 2012 - 09:46 AM.

#7 **Xena**

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:46 AM

I'd talk to her and ask her what excatly you are expected to do with the children. It would be one thing if they were completely uninvited but she can't expect them to come to the ceremony and then not the reception when you aren't anywhere near home.

#8 EsmeLennox

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:46 AM

SIL probably hasn't thought it through, perhaps ask her what arrangements she plans to put in place for the kids while you're all at the reception?

You could organize a babysitter yourself I suppose, but I have to say I would be annoyed about it too (and generally I am one of those 'the couple gets to choose' types). I do think though, that if the children are part of the wedding party then they should go to the reception too, I find it rather odd that she wants to exclude them from that.

Surely common sense will prevail and she will see it's a bit of an unwieldy situation for you?

Edited by Jemstar, 13 April 2012 - 09:49 AM.

#9 PrincessPeach

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:47 AM

QUOTE (3_for_me @ 13/04/2012, 09:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Personally I'd call her bluff and decline the request based on the fact that you have no care for them there, she'll either provide care or realise maybe she needs to make an exception if she really wants them there.

I have no issue with childfree weddings, etc but it has to be in the realms of intelligent and reasonable. My brother is getting married in Bali in September, he thought my daughter was coming and told me he would organise a nanny to care for her(she isn't coming with me so doesn't matter but the point still stands)

Yep, i agree.

Even though, a lot of adult only weddings i have attended (most of them actually), the flower girl & page boy are at the reception & at 5 & 7, I would have thought they would be pretty easy to entertain quietly at a formal reception (books, ipad's, DS's).

#10 threelittlegems

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:48 AM

Just deal with it practically.

Tell SIL that your children will participate in the ceremony, but only if you can find a babysitter.

#11 niggles

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:50 AM

I'd ask her for ideas. She must have thought of this already. If she hasn't got any decent suggestions then I'd consider declining the request for them to be in the bridal party. Although since they are so excited about it I'd think about taking a sister or cousin or someone with me to watch them in the evening.

#12 hmmm...

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:56 AM

My friend got married a few weeks ago and had her 4 yr old neice as flower girl. Her 1 yr old neice was the only other child there. The wedding was 3 hours away from where most of the guests live. She booked a B&B for the night for her family (parents, grandparents, bridesmaid and partner, brothers and partners etc). She also asked a friend (who wouldnt have been invited to the wedding normally) to come to the wedding and then take the little ones back to the B&B to be looked after... friend was happy to help and understood the circumstances...

Maybe see if your brother can arrange something like this...

#13 Tiger Lilly

Posted 13 April 2012 - 02:54 PM

Take a babysitter with you. Don't see the issue myself.

#14 AlexandraI

Posted 13 April 2012 - 03:01 PM

She has probably thinking about crap like flowers and candles and forgot this major detail.

I would just take someone with you who can stay in a hotel with you and look after the kids.

#15 pod30

Posted 13 April 2012 - 03:05 PM

QUOTE (undomesticmumma @ 13/04/2012, 09:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But seriously, asking children to be flower girl/page boy and then not letting them come to the reception is a bit rude, add in that you are 3.5 hours away and I assume not near anyone you know for babysitting then it sounds like your sister in law hasn't thought the logistics through.

Totally agree. Kids in ceremony kids at recption. Very rude of her.

#16 ~Catherine~

Posted 13 April 2012 - 03:06 PM

Yep just take someone with you to babysit

#17 Mrscoolcoolpants

Posted 13 April 2012 - 03:07 PM

take your babysitter with you for nice break. don't see the issue either.

#18 JustBeige

Posted 13 April 2012 - 03:30 PM

QUOTE (threelittlegems @ 13/04/2012, 09:48 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just deal with it practically.

Tell SIL that your children will participate in the ceremony, but only if you can find a babysitter.

I would do this, but also have a think if I could bring a babysitter with me

#19 Canberra Chick

Posted 13 April 2012 - 06:40 PM

take your babysitter with you for nice break. don't see the issue either.

Joke, yes? Pay for a babysitter and a room for the babysitter for when you're back? Some people obviously have oodles of spare cash... And very obliging babysitters. We have two or three people we use and not one of them would just up and travel with us to a wedding 3.5 hours away a, stay overnight and basically wreck their weekend.

#20 BradandMak

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:11 PM

thanks Canberra Chick. wacko.gif

Adding a bit more info

[*]Everyone that would normally look after the kids will be at the wedding already.
[*]The only other person is my parents. I think its pretty rude to expect that my parents ruin their weekend to driver the 3 1/2 hours to look after the kids.
[*]We are staying at a hotel/villa complex. The whole place has been booked out for the wedding.
[*]There is no one even close (within an hours drive) from the place that could look after the kids.

Im hoping that when she really sits down and thinks about it that she will realise how impracticale it will be

#21 aluminium

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:15 PM

Maybe she expects you to miss the reception to stay with the kids? ...

She probably just hasn't thought it through.

I called my SIL out on the same thing. She's having my girls as flower girls but then wasn't inviting them tot he reception. Stupid and thoughtless, and I told her so. They are now invited to the reception.

#22 Expelliarmus

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:16 PM

You or DH might be expected to take them back to the villa? Does the hotel have a babysitting service?

#23 *LucyE*

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:31 PM

I don't really see the big deal either.

Either bring along babysitters - yes, it'll interrupt your parent's weekend but is also a weekend away for them minus a few hours for the reception

Or, find a local babysitter and check on them periodically throughout the night

Or, either you or DH miss the reception and mind your own kiets

Or, the kids skip being part of the wedding party and stay with your parents.

Just because none of the options are ideal for you, they all fit in with the bride and groom's request.

#24 M1B2G

Posted 13 April 2012 - 07:36 PM

I would ask if she has made any arrangements re child care options at the villa.  Explain that you can respect her choices but in doing so she has limited your ability to have the children looked after...
I don't think she has thought it through...  We had wedding away we allowed several children to attend ceremony and part of reception we then organized a sitter who entertained the children in two adjoining rooms that were later to be used by our family to stay the night....  It was close to reception...

Edited by LKandsoontobe3, 13 April 2012 - 07:40 PM.

#25 auntpriscilla

Posted 13 April 2012 - 10:30 PM

I wouldn't be happy with using a unknown babysitter, and my parents wouldn't be willing to travel that far, so I think I would either look after the kids myself so that DH could go to the reception, or tell SIL that the kids can't participate in the ceremony as there are no available babysitters.  

Option two would be disappointing to the bride I guess, but that can't be helped if she is going to have a child-free reception.

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


The day my daughter almost drowned

We had six adults standing there, so I felt like I could relax a bit. After all, what could go wrong with so much supervision?

Sydney siege survivor names baby after victim Katrina Dawson

A Sydney barrister who survived the Lindt cafe siege has named her newborn daughter after her best friend who died in the tragedy.

Banishing bloat

How to avoid a bloated tummy

Here are some foods to eat in order to escape feeling ghastly and gassy.

The great new picture book for anxious kids

My son is a worrier by nature. I learnt long ago that it was completely pointless to say to him "Don't worry about it!".

Budget stripped more than $15b from families

The combined impact of the two budgets for low and middle income people was "devastating", new analysis by the Australian Council of Social Service shows.

Pregnant women urged to get flu shots

As the winter chill starts to arrive, NSW Health is urging pregnant women to get their flu shots.

65-year-old gives birth to quadruplets

A 65-year-old German woman, who already has 13 children, has given birth to quadruplets.

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.


Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

'I had a lotus birth and I loved it'

Lotus birthing is not all that common, but for a number of women it feels like the most natural thing to do.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Is your family's car part of the world's biggest safety recall?

More than 50 million vehicles recalled for potentially lethal airbag fault - is your car affected?

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

Mother-in-law faceplants during proposal

He had it all planned: a romantic proposal on a windswept beach. The whole family would be there so they'd all be able to celebrate the joyous moment together.

A preschooler suddenly goes mute - and it's not just shyness

When our son stopped talking, our sense of loss was painful and acute.

The mums who ask for a 'wife bonus'

They run their homes like domestic CEOs and work tirelessly to improve their family's social standing. And now, according to a new book, they want an annual perk from their husbands.

Woman shares photo of dimple on breast to warn others of cancer risk

A widely-shared Facebook photograph of a British woman's breast has raised awareness of a more subtle breast cancer symptom.

Starting a family despite a low sperm count

"I'd never really failed a test - how could I fail this particularly manly test?"

It's official: we must better protect our kids from toxic lead exposure

New guidelines have been released, aimed at reducing children's harmful exposure to lead. But they still don't go far enough.

Trouble-shooting toddler social skills

Chances are your toddler's behaviour is all completely normal - but here's how to tackle some common social problems.

Helping your first-born welcome a sibling

We did sigh with joy at the arrival of a royal princess - but, mostly, we sighed with pity at the sight of Prince George being taken to meet her.

Farewell, daytime nap

I've been in denial and I'm not too proud to beg, but it appears I must accept the fact that you have gone. I need to let you go.

The identical triplets who are one in 50 million

The father of identical triplets born in a Texas hospital says his three daughters, including conjoined twins, are "a miracle" sent by God.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.


What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Welcome to Winter

Now that the colder months are here, Essential Baby as all the information you need for staying healthy and happy during the chilly season.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.


Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.