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Parents drinking at school function
Is it ok?


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#251 PrizzyII

Posted 12 April 2012 - 05:26 PM

We (the adults of the house) drink wine with dinner every night, pretty much without fail. Sometimes one of us will choose not to but mostly, I have one with the pan, one with the plate original.gif If I go to late evening school events like the end of year disco etc we all bring wine and sharing plates of food.
Its quite normal you know, in life, for adults to choose to partake of wine, sensibly, without dire consequences or spontaneous combustion. My daughter is half-Portuguese so like all of that side of her family, she will probably drink like they do, in moderation and I have no doubt our modelling of healthy enjoyment of pleasures like food, wine, music will rub off.

#252 FreeRangeMum

Posted 12 April 2012 - 08:07 PM

I think it's fine! My DD goes to a catholic school and they provide alcohol to the parents at school fu cations, so it's the done thi g around here original.gif

#253 Guest_NinjahAlpaca_*

Posted 12 April 2012 - 08:54 PM

Oh, those boozy Catholics! It's clearly all their fault, lol!



#254 8yeargap

Posted 12 April 2012 - 08:55 PM

I can't believe how ridiculous some of the arguments have been on this thread.  It's no big deal AT ALL! FFS people get a life.

#255 ResultsNotTypical

Posted 12 April 2012 - 09:41 PM

QUOTE (opethmum @ 11/04/2012, 06:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
When it all boils down to it, they simply do not care about other people on a deeper level and happy in their own bubble and content with living in a mob mentality, damned what anyone else thinks.



I find this hilarious - my thoughts on this are my own, not the mobs. My DH is more on your side than mine. I do not live in a bubble, but you seem to be asking me to live in yours if I have any chance of potentially interacting with you or your children.


QUOTE (~DrSeussRules~ @ 11/04/2012, 09:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
EB land is different from my real world.


So very, very different. For which I am eternally grateful.

QUOTE (RoxieRouge @ 12/04/2012, 09:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
In my experience, those who bleat the loudest in this way are the ones most likely to have a problem with alcohol.  It is a textbook argument of the alcoholic actually - if you aren't willing to engage in the drinking behaviours that they are, then there must be something wrong with you.


I don't have a problem with alcohol, but I'll bleat when others dictate to me about what I should do. I like being a grown up and making grown up decisions all on my own without anyone preaching to me.

FWIW, I may or may not take wine to share at a school function, but I wouldn't have a conniption if I chose to stay sober and every other attendee chose to drink responsibly.


What a thread!!

Edited to fix atrocious typing, must be those three glasses of wine I had last night!!

Edited by NannaNapper, 12 April 2012 - 09:44 PM.


#256 DadOfPidgeons

Posted 12 April 2012 - 09:47 PM

QUOTE (RoxieRouge @ 12/04/2012, 04:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What are you - 12? I have students in my primary class that are more mature. wacko.gif
Whoa, you need to calm down a bit RR, perhaps a stiff drink .......

#257 EsmeLennox

Posted 12 April 2012 - 09:49 PM

I find I am more than able to focus on my children and drink a glass of wine at the same time actually, you know, multi-taking and all that.

#258 Froger

Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:06 PM

QUOTE (NannaNapper @ 12/04/2012, 09:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't have a problem with alcohol, but I'll bleat when others dictate to me about what I should do. I like being a grown up and making grown up decisions all on my own without anyone preaching to me.


I don't think it is "dictating" to suggest that a school function is not the best setting for consumption of alcohol. No one is saying to give up alcohol altogether. ohmy.gif  Just some people are saying that perhaps it might be preferrable, and more inclusive and more family friendly to just not have it at a school function.

#259 seepi

Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:12 PM

Inclusive is allowing for more options, rather than banning things, usually.

I don't take a big interest in what other parents are eating and drinking at our school functions.

#260 ResultsNotTypical

Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:18 PM

QUOTE (SarahM72 @ 12/04/2012, 10:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think it is "dictating" to suggest that a school function is not the best setting for consumption of alcohol. No one is saying to give up alcohol altogether. ohmy.gif  Just some people are saying that perhaps it might be preferrable, and more inclusive and more family friendly to just not have it at a school function.


Your suggestions are quite, um, forceful though, and assume that my stance and my intake must change to suit your sensibilities.

My suggestion is that I do it my way and you do it your way. I let you choose, and you step out of my business and let me choose.

I would never consider getting drunk at a school (or at any child friendly) function. I may choose to drink a moderate amount, as is my right, I may choose to abstain.

QUOTE (seepi @ 12/04/2012, 10:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Inclusive is allowing for more options, rather than banning things, usually.

I don't take a big interest in what other parents are eating and drinking at our school functions.


yyes.gif

Edited by NannaNapper, 12 April 2012 - 10:20 PM.


#261 Melidia

Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:25 PM

QUOTE
If you were actually pointing out typical alcoholic behaviour, it would be more understandable. However, you are equating an occasional single glass of wine on a social occasion with rampant alcoholism. You clearly don't understand what typical alcoholic behaviour actually is, which is why your comments are being refuted.


If you had a relatively decent level of comprehension, you would already understand that it isn't the drinking I am referring to.  It is in fact the excessive "whats wrong with ya?!?!?!" posts that are coming from those who think drinking at school functions, indeed NEEDING a drink to get through a school function is 'normal'.  

The alcoholic behaviour I am referring to is the belief that if you don't do as they do, or think as they think, then there is something wrong with YOU.  There is plenty of that in this thread.

Having grown up with alcoholism I understand all too well what alcoholic behaviour is.  Far better than someone whose sole understanding comes from a DSM-IV manual I suspect.

#262 Froger

Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:30 PM

QUOTE (seepi @ 12/04/2012, 10:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Inclusive is allowing for more options, rather than banning things, usually.


Well it depends of course on what we are talking about. But in regards to alcohol, as obviously people don't have to drink alcohol, then not having alcohol should make it a welcoming experience for all comers.

I also think perhaps it does depend on the school enviroment. Some PP said it was alright at her school because they were upper middle class, LOL. But anyway I'm guessing that actually some schools most parents would not mind. But I know that in my area that alot of parents would feel alienated and left out by having alcohol served at a school function, and they would feel not welcome. Also, at a public school, I really think that it is important to be as inclusive as possible. Probably at private schools there is more leeway to serve alcohol as I assume there is less difference in the sort of people who attend private schools, whereas as public schools there is more difference, and also a need to be inclusive, as often the people sending their kids to public schools have no choice in the matter.

I don't see how I'm being forceful nannanapper. It's just a few hours that I'm suggesting that parents could go without alcohol, so that everyone feels welcome to attend a school event.

#263 JapNFeral

Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:39 PM

QUOTE (SarahM72 @ 12/04/2012, 10:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I also think perhaps it does depend on the school enviroment. Some PP said it was alright at her school because they were upper middle class, LOL. But anyway I'm guessing that actually some schools most parents would not mind. But I know that in my area that alot of parents would feel alienated and left out by having alcohol served at a school function, and they would feel not welcome. Also, at a public school, I really think that it is important to be as inclusive as possible. Probably at private schools there is more leeway to serve alcohol as I assume there is less difference in the sort of people who attend private schools, whereas as public schools there is more difference, and also a need to be inclusive, as often the people sending their kids to public schools have no choice in the matter.

In a setting where food and drink is being provided then options should be given. For those where its a picnic or BYO, I'm failing to understand the inclusive bit.

For example, many families at our public school are Jewish including myself. However, where I am self catering, I and my cohort can take food and drink that suits us and any dietary requirement we might have. I don't worry what others consume because no one is forcing me to consume it.

So when you say inclusive I'm not really understanding. Are you saying people won't attend because others may consume alcohol for what reasons exactly? They are opposed on religious grounds, because they themselves are alcoholics? Is there some other reasons they won't attend where there is alcohol they themselves are not being asked to consume??? Please explain why people should not feel welcome?

Edited by JAPN2, 12 April 2012 - 10:40 PM.


#264 Guest_NinjahAlpaca_*

Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:44 PM

QUOTE
Having grown up with alcoholism I understand all too well what alcoholic behaviour is


I'm very sorry to hear that you grew up with that, but it must be pointed out yet again, for the umpteenth time, that having one or two alcoholic drinks at a BBQ or picnic is not necessarily alcoholic behaviour.

Let me say that again.  Having one or two alcoholic drinks at a BBQ or picnic is not necessarily alcoholic behaviour.

In fact, I'd say it's downright close to being the opposite!  Show me the alcoholic who can have one or two then stop.

And another point to address is the one you made along the lines of "HAVING" to have alcohol.  It is possible to choose to have a glass of wine without feeling that one simply MUST have a glass of wine.  It's probably understandably hard to see that if you grew up in a household where drinking and alcoholism was a problem, and again, I'm so sorry you did, it must have been difficult, but please try to understand that what you experienced is not the only way to ever consume alcohol.

And FWIW, I've kind of been where you were to a point.  My father would have escalated from heavy social drinking into full-blown alcoholism if he hadn't have developed diabetes and had my mother threaten to leave him.  I remember the pre-diabetes years.  It wasn't always pretty, but I am lucky in that it was never violent or abusive.

Not to us, anyway.  The risks he took drinking and driving with a wife and 2 young children at home raise the hairs on my neck even now.

But I also had the other side of the coin to see.  My mother has maybe 2 half glasses of wine a year these days, but back then she'd maybe have one glass every few weeks at a social gathering.  Many of the people my parents socialised with were also my teachers at the time, and while a few got a bit silly on occasion, they never got dangerous or abusive.

There is some middle ground, I guess that's what I'm trying to say.



#265 Jane F. Jetson

Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:44 PM

QUOTE (RoxieRouge @ 12/04/2012, 10:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The alcoholic behaviour I am referring to is the belief that if you don't do as they do, or think as they think, then there is something wrong with YOU.  There is plenty of that in this thread.


Yep. Lots. The "think as I think or there's something wrong with you" attitude is mostly coming from you.

You've also assumed that any clinical understanding of alcoholism precludes any direct experience. I've seen it too growing up, and it's quite far removed from what we're talking about here: having one glass of wine at a school function.

Again, it's not a case of "what's wrong with ya". It's a case of you deciding that you should get to make the rules about what everybody else does, and hysterically declaring us alcoholics because we simply don't agree with your stance.

For the record, I don't need a drink to get through a school function. Nobody here has said they do, apart from a couple of people who were clearly joking.

#266 threelittlegems

Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:45 PM

QUOTE (RoxieRouge @ 12/04/2012, 10:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Having grown up with alcoholism I understand all too well what alcoholic behaviour is.  Far better than someone whose sole understanding comes from a DSM-IV manual I suspect.


And I come from a very strict fundamentalist family who did everything they could to ensure we were not exposed to alcohol at all. That didn't prepare us for the real world at all.

We come from opposite extremes, with resulting opposite view points. There is no right or wrong.



#267 Expelliarmus

Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:59 PM

QUOTE (SarahM72 @ 12/04/2012, 10:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well it depends of course on what we are talking about. But in regards to alcohol, as obviously people don't have to drink alcohol, then not having alcohol should make it a welcoming experience for all comers.

I also think perhaps it does depend on the school enviroment. Some PP said it was alright at her school because they were upper middle class, LOL. But anyway I'm guessing that actually some schools most parents would not mind. But I know that in my area that alot of parents would feel alienated and left out by having alcohol served at a school function, and they would feel not welcome. Also, at a public school, I really think that it is important to be as inclusive as possible. Probably at private schools there is more leeway to serve alcohol as I assume there is less difference in the sort of people who attend private schools, whereas as public schools there is more difference, and also a need to be inclusive, as often the people sending their kids to public schools have no choice in the matter.

I don't see how I'm being forceful nannanapper. It's just a few hours that I'm suggesting that parents could go without alcohol, so that everyone feels welcome to attend a school event.

What? What on earth does this even mean?

Who feels unwelcome because other people BYO? Or a beer tent at a fete.

Why are the 'people at private school' less different to each other than those poor public school people who have no choice in the matter.

I say again, WTF?

People's level of comfort with alcohol is directly related to whether or not they chose private school, if they had a choice in education and the poor saps at public school are a vast array of people who ...

See I don't even know what you are suggesting here - that public schooling is some sort of second class non choice - the place that's left over when you are not privileged enough for private school. That those people with kids at public school are not the kind of people who can handle alcohol at a function? Who shouldn't be tempted with alcohol? Who can't afford to buy alcohol?

FYI Those people who CHOOSE to send kids to public school don't suddenly become people who feel excluded if there is alcohol at an event.

I don't even DRINK alcohol and it doesn't make me feel excluded if there is a few glasses of champers at a school fete.

See THEY have the beer/wine/champers and I have a can of lemonade. Everybody's included. the presence of alcohol doesn't exclude anyone!

I say again WTF?!?!?!?

Edited by howdo, 12 April 2012 - 11:00 PM.


#268 Dionysus

Posted 12 April 2012 - 11:03 PM

Well said H.  I read that post shaking my head wondering what the hell she was on about.  I couldn't even come up with a reply as I had no idea what she was getting at.



#269 Froger

Posted 12 April 2012 - 11:09 PM

Well Howdo, I only mentioned it because a PP said it would be alright at their school because they were upper middle class. And yes, quite frankly it is often the case that public schooling is the place that's left over for those not priveleged enough for private school. Which is why, IMO, public school events should be inclusive and welcoming events for all who attend the school.



#270 Froger

Posted 12 April 2012 - 11:14 PM

And while I don't know the statistics, I would have thought it was a fair assumption that the people going to private schools were more "homogenous" than those of public schools, especially in certain areas. I would have thought that was a fair call.

Edited by SarahM72, 12 April 2012 - 11:15 PM.


#271 Expelliarmus

Posted 12 April 2012 - 11:15 PM

Well I don't know what public schooling you are talking about but we choose our public school it's in an upper middle class area and guess what? We're pretty homogeneous in actual fact. Because we live in the same area and share the same socio-economic class. That's what a community is. It's not a fair assumption at all that private schools are more homogeneous than public schools - all are based on 'sameness' you are either in the same religion, same geographical area or same income bracket. These things overlap. And until you have statistics for me I don't buy a word of it. (In fact I have seen school context statements that would argue against the point you are making)

My niece also chose the public school that her children attend. Her BIL recently chose between that one and the one we are at - fancy that choosing between two public schools when there are several private schools nearby ... surgeon and a lawyer ... quite privileged enough for private school wouldn't you say?

It's not 'often the case' at all. Public schooling is not a poor second rate substitute for schooling that is a bloody annoying and blatantly untrue stereotype. (and a gross generalisation)

Still doesn't explain how having BYO or a beer tent is NOT inclusive. How does the presence of a bottle of fermented something exclude anyone?!?!?! HOW?

Edited by howdo, 12 April 2012 - 11:19 PM.


#272 Guest_NinjahAlpaca_*

Posted 12 April 2012 - 11:17 PM

QUOTE
Well Howdo, I only mentioned it because a PP said it would be alright at their school because they were upper middle class. And yes, quite frankly it is often the case that public schooling is the place that's left over for those not priveleged enough for private school. Which is why, IMO, public school events should be inclusive and welcoming events for all who attend the school.


blink.gif

How is a picnic blanket at a school evening function with a couple of adults have a glass of wine whilst the children frolic exclusive?  Where does privilege come into it?  I'm rollickingly poor and have all my kids at public schools and I manage to feel included at school events whether or not there is a drop of wine floating around or no.

Where is the connection?



#273 Froger

Posted 12 April 2012 - 11:29 PM

Well Howdo, try asking people who send their kids to Woodridge State High, or Auburn Public School or Guildford Public School, or Lansvale, Lakemba,  Berrinba, Chester Hill or whaterver. Most of them don't have a choice.

Jolly good that some people get to choose to send their kids to Pennant Hills or Cherrybrook or Brisbane State High or whatever. rolleyes.gif




#274 EBeditor

Posted 12 April 2012 - 11:31 PM

I think sometimes we assume that people of different ethnic or religious backgrounds may be offended instead of just asking them.

As long as drinking isn't the focus of the occasion I don't see why anyone would mind. In fact I sometimes go to the pub with a friend who doesn't drink but that doesn't stop me from having a couple myself.

#275 MummaDiva

Posted 12 April 2012 - 11:36 PM

QUOTE (SarahM72 @ 12/04/2012, 11:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
And while I don't know the statistics, I would have thought it was a fair assumption that the people going to private schools were more "homogenous" than those of public schools, especially in certain areas. I would have thought that was a fair call.


I earn six figures very comfortably and send my child to a public school.  One of my DDs best friends is on a sole parents pension.  Our outlook is pretty homogenous - we all want what is best for our kids.

The other night, lo and behold, we had a class party at our place (I mean, a class at school, not an "upper class / lower class" party), and WE HAD ALCOHOL there.  The majority of us imbibed.  Some of us imbibed a few times over.  Some of us, a recovering drug addict included, did not.  AND WE ALL HAD A GREAT TIME.  Woohoo.  No wowsers in our class (I mean, a class at school, not as in "upper class" or "lower class").

The local Catholic school always has alcohol at their events - I am often invited.  They have "plenty of poor kids" there, according to the woman across the road, who screwed up her nose and waved like the air was soiled.  Apparently they don't even pay to go there.




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