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Buyer of our house "friend requested" me on Facebook
Do I accept or not?

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42 replies to this topic

#1 Praetor VitaeChel

Posted 11 April 2012 - 09:48 AM

Bit of long story - Sorry!
This morning I had a friend request pop up from the Buyer of our house (we settled about 3 weeks ago). She knows my dad and stepmum reasonably well, but it was just a co-incidence that she liked and bought our house as we did not know her.

BACK STORY - We built this house 2 years ago. I had 1/2 acre of land and had worked hard on the vegie garden and the front garden. The sale had some hiccups, which I suspect were mostly the fault of her conveyancer and later miscommunication from our Agent (who I used to work for, but frankly dropped the ball on our sale badly). My DH and I had a lot of stress and aggravation at the end of sale due to the final inspection - we cleaned top to bottom, including steam cleaning all carpets, but I missed a few little nooks (bottom edge of dishwasher door had a bit of dirt and when sun shone on cupboards you could see where I cleaned them... etc) and her conveyancer threatened to withhold $5000 for cleaning (WTF?!?!). We also had not finished collecting all our things, but as we had not settled this should not have been an issue. Our agent made it an issue even tho I had already told her partner we were picking up things. Apparently the message never got through. Also we had mowed lawns the weekend before, but as the weather had been perfect for grass growing it was a bit higher than buyer wanted. rolleyes.gif

I had left a bunch of vegies in garden (unharvested) and some chopped wood for her, as well as some shelves in the shed for her stuff. We figured she might like that. Well after all the stress DH went and removed all of it - leaving her no firewood and removing some more vegies at the end of their season (there were still a lot of vegies left that would be ready soon tho). We just threw away the shelves.

They had no right to withhold money anyway and our conveyancer told our Agent off for even suggesting such garbage. Yes OUR AGENT was ringing harassing us BEFORE it had even settled.  mad.gif Our conveyancer told them to stop being stupid as what they were suggesting was ridiculous. It turns out her conveyancer meant $500 and backpedalled his way out fast (knowing he was in the wrong). Nothing was withheld and settlement went through fine.

Now my stepmum does not believe most of this stuff came from buyer as she says she is actually a lovely person and would never complain about this sort of thing. She thinks my Agent suggested it wasn't clean enough. We are not obliged to clean it at all, but we had 4 people cleaning over 2 days. I admit to missing small areas, but it was darn clean according to everyone else who saw it. It was also only 2 years old, so not much time to collect lots of dirt. It has been suggested many times that I am OTT about making sure things are clean anyway, but I am pregnant and some VERY SMALL areas were missed. We know that the issue about removing stuff was the agents fault as we had already told her partner we would be back before settlement to do it.

There were also issues about the settlement date - which we said we didn't want to be over 60days, but in end was over 80. Then we asked to move forward a week which was denied. Then days before settlement her conveyancer asked if THEY could move forward 2 days. Which was when I had steam cleaners booked for. It turned out she had to rent a guest house for 3 weeks while waiting on settlement and if they message that we wanted to move sooner had ever been passed on we would all have been happier.

Now this Buyer had sent me a Facebook Friend request. I feel a bit of ickiness toward her - even tho I know it may not have been her fault. I also miss my house we built (the first we had owned) and the garden. We have moved into a rental until after baby is born and then we are moving back to the US, so selling was what we wanted, but I still feel sad.

Do I accept her request and potentially let in someone who MAY then harass me if things are not to her liking in house? Or do I trust she is actually a nice person who may want to keep me updated on the garden etc? unsure.gif
(she knows I am proud of garden and plans to do more work that I never got around too. My stepmum has also said the Buyer told her that my carrots are delicious LOL)

Edited by vitaechel, 11 April 2012 - 09:49 AM.

#2 prettypenny

Posted 11 April 2012 - 09:56 AM

I wouldn't but then again I'm one of those odd people whose Facebook friends are actually friends.

#3 strawberrycakes

Posted 11 April 2012 - 09:56 AM

if she isn't actually a friend of yours then I would not accept the request.

#4 gigglemobile

Posted 11 April 2012 - 09:57 AM

You could allow, than block and delete if she starts to demand things from you. But if you just want to 'move on' don't accept the friend request.  If asked why you did not accept the request just be truthful, you don't owe her anything original.gif

#5 CherrySunday

Posted 11 April 2012 - 10:06 AM

I'd just leave the request alone for a while. A friend request (IMO) should come from friends and acquaintances, but you said you don't actually know her.

So no, I wouldn't accept the request.

#6 ali27

Posted 11 April 2012 - 10:09 AM

No, I think leave the house selling/buying as a "business'arrangement and leave facebook for people you actually have a rreal connection with.

#7 Praetor VitaeChel

Posted 11 April 2012 - 10:14 AM

That is kind of what I am thinking. I have a few friends of friends who might play a game I have and I do have dance acquaintances on FB to share event info. But this kind of feels ... Odd.
She is good friends with my stepmums circle of friends, but I think I just want to move on. Nevertheless, I am a bit worried she might be offended (I don't want it to become an issue amongst my SM's friends). This is the problem with small towns sad.gif  I was worried I was being overly sensitive.

I might leave the request alone and suss out what my Stepmum thinks too.

#8 Jembo

Posted 11 April 2012 - 10:14 AM

No, it sounds like she is a friend of your step parents and not yours, so I wouldn't.

#9 More than a Mother

Posted 11 April 2012 - 10:16 AM

You have to ask?

#10 Fabulous

Posted 11 April 2012 - 10:20 AM

Wow I can't believe that you wrote such a long post about the matter. It's pretty simple really, if you don't want her as a friend don't accept the request. You don't owe her anything.

Edited by Fabulous, 11 April 2012 - 10:20 AM.

#11 follies

Posted 11 April 2012 - 10:22 AM

I think you have answered your own question, you are not comfortable with it.

#12 Guest_pessi_*

Posted 11 April 2012 - 10:25 AM

I'd probably accept - this is exactly the sort of thing Facebook is for, IMO. It's easy enough to delegate her to the acquaintances list, and block her access to much of your facebook, if you don't feel comfortable. And it is also very easy to just ignore the request to begin with. Do what feels right to you. But I'd be inclined to think she might also feel bad about all the stuff-ups and is just trying to say there's no bad blood?

#13 Praetor VitaeChel

Posted 11 April 2012 - 10:28 AM

QUOTE (ssorrrento @ 11/04/2012, 10:16 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You have to ask?

No, I don't have to ask. I was curious what others thought and as to whether my uncomfortable feelings about it were the "norm".  wink.gif Again - small town - big attitudes. It can cause all sorts of issues if someone gets "offended".  rolleyes.gif

But I'd be inclined to think she might also feel bad about all the stuff-ups and is just trying to say there's no bad blood?

Pessi - that is a good point. As I have been told she is a nice person this is quite possible. Thanks - I hadn't really thought if it that way  original.gif

#14 Fanny McPhail

Posted 11 April 2012 - 10:30 AM

I wouldn't accept.

I only use it for friends and people I want to develop better friendships with. It doesn't sound like either is true for you.

#15 Z-girls rock

Posted 11 April 2012 - 10:34 AM

no I would not accept her friend request.

#16 SeaPrincess

Posted 11 April 2012 - 10:35 AM

QUOTE (prettypenny @ 11/04/2012, 07:56 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I wouldn't but then again I'm one of those odd people whose Facebook friends are actually friends.

It wouldn't stop me having a look at her page though - whatever she has public anyway.

#17 Charli73

Posted 11 April 2012 - 10:40 AM

Nope dont accept it. It was a business transaction, she is friends with your stepmum, not you, and why would you bother accepting if you only want to block it down the track?

If its just to have a sticky nose at what she has been doing to yur place then dont do it because she may rip out the vege garden, paint or knock down walls and do you reallyt want to see that and get a little disturbed by it?

I would leave it be, FB is for friends and it will prob just get more tricky down the track esp if she starts messaging you and asking questions etc or telling you she thonks you left the pklace in a mess... leave it.

#18 Liv_DrSperm_sh

Posted 11 April 2012 - 10:56 AM

No way! What a nutcase putting in a friend request to your vendor...sheesh some people are weird!

The settlement you went through sounds horrific, I'm about to go through the same thing (as the buyer)...judging by the behaviour of the agent and vendors solicitor before exchange I am expecting a shambles!

#19 soapy

Posted 11 April 2012 - 11:09 AM

I wouldn't.

#20 Praetor VitaeChel

Posted 11 April 2012 - 11:13 AM

QUOTE (Livsh @ 11/04/2012, 10:56 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
No way! What a nutcase putting in a friend request to your vendor... sheesh some people are weird!

The settlement you went through sounds horrific, I'm about to go through the same thing (as the buyer)...judging by the behaviour of the agent and vendors solicitor before exchange I am expecting a shambles!

Good Luck! I hope it goes better for you than ours did.  original.gif

#21 Madnesscraves

Posted 11 April 2012 - 11:17 AM

I wouldn't.

Look what happened to poor daisy goat.

#22 tres-chic

Posted 11 April 2012 - 11:22 AM

I would definitely not accept. Why open yourself up to any potential problems? Life is hard enough.

#23 NightRain

Posted 11 April 2012 - 11:26 AM

I wouldn't. It's a buisness deal not a friendship, I often delete friend requests. I was once told and shown, I don't know if you still can, that if you friend request someone and they just leave it and not reply you can then see a portion of their profile if it is on private.

** What happened to daisy goat***

#24 I'm Batman

Posted 11 April 2012 - 11:28 AM

No,shes not your friend, you dont actually know her, why would you trust her with all that information about your life.

#25 Let_it_Rain

Posted 11 April 2012 - 11:31 AM

I wouldn't, but I only have family and people who are as close as family to me on my facebook.

If I had more random people I might, but would probably restrict access till I sussed her out properly.

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