Jump to content

Do some babies prefer to self settle?


  • Please log in to reply
32 replies to this topic

#1 ~Supernova~

Posted 11 April 2012 - 08:22 AM

I'm very confused here and not really sure what to do!

A couple of days ago DS (5 weeks) started to get harder and harder to get to sleep. I usually get him to sleep by rocking him in my arms and patting his bum. Yesterday it had been almost 2 hours of this, he would drift off then wake up constantly and have a little grizzle, and he was so overtired. I had to help DD with something so I put him down in his cot. He grizzled (NOT crying at all, just little grunting noises) for about 15-20 mins then he was asleep. So I figured I would try it for his next few sleeps...

I rock him until I see he is heavy lidded and sleepy, then put him down. Within 10-30 mins of little noises he puts himself to sleep (which is a LOT quicker than he falls asleep when I am rocking him). If I go in his room at all, or pat him, he gets cranky and wakes up! So I basically listen to the monitor and peek through his door lol.

Is it possible he just prefers to self settle? I'm not sure if I should be leaving him to grizzle at his age...I would like to point out that at NO stage do I leave him to cry, it is just little grunts and groans. I really miss cuddling him to sleep, but he seems to hate it sad.gif Do some babies just prefer this???

#2 Elleness

Posted 11 April 2012 - 08:28 AM

My 9 week old does, exactly the same as your guy. Grunts and grumbles, but if I go back in I wake him up more and takes double as long for him to back to sleep.

#3 Harmonica

Posted 11 April 2012 - 08:28 AM

Most people strive to get to the point you are at, so enjoy it! It becomes so difficult if they become dependent upon being rocked to sleep, especially as they get older/heavier.

#4 KrissyNkids

Posted 11 April 2012 - 08:30 AM

Edit for Double post

Edited by KrissyNkids, 11 April 2012 - 08:33 AM.


#5 KrissyNkids

Posted 11 April 2012 - 08:32 AM

Yes, my DD1 was like that from only a few weeks old. She was and still is the best sleeper of all my kids. How i wish they were all like that original.gif But i do admit i dont mind the newborn snuggles either but it does create bad habbits in some babies as then they want to be held rocked and patted for a long time later (EG my 2yo LOL)

Congrats and enjoy original.gif

#6 ~Supernova~

Posted 11 April 2012 - 08:36 AM

Part of me is saying it's great, and to enjoy it. The other part feels neglectful...I feel like I should be helping him get to sleep! Probably irrational, but anyway...

DD was a crap sleeper and would only sleep in our arms or her swing for many months, so I should probably just embrace it and make the most of snuggles when he is awake I guess lol.

I guess I feel like I am depriving him or something, like I should be cuddling him and helping him feel secure while he is so young. But that clearly only keeps him awake and creates a cranky, overtired baby!

#7 Feral timtam

Posted 11 April 2012 - 08:36 AM

Yep, some babies prefer it.
Drives friends mad when they visit and I put DD down for a nap, I just put her in the cot and walk away. If I don't do it that way she SCREAMS.
She was 8 weeks old when I figured that out, I went from 2 hours sleep total a night to 6 or more hours. It was very much a case of put her down and walk away or I would have killed her.

Not looking forward to when she comes out of the cot though. DS liked me to sit beside him until he fell asleep, I'm HOPING she will go to sleep with me beside her when she goes into a toddler bed otherwise bedtimes are going to be torture.

#8 lozoodle

Posted 11 April 2012 - 08:38 AM

Sounds fine to me, both of mien were like this. Picking them up and rocking etc just frustrated them.

#9 her mum

Posted 11 April 2012 - 08:43 AM

My 11 month old has been like this from about 4 weeks. She likes to get comfy her way rather than be stuck in my arms lol!

Don't feel neglectful...you can enjoy cuddles at other times, and enjoy not 'having' to give cuddles before sleep time every single day!

#10 crocodilessnap

Posted 11 April 2012 - 08:45 AM

My DD was like this as well right from the very beginning. I think I can count on 1 hand how many times she has fallen asleep in my arms since a few weeks old and they were only when sick.
We actually went to a sleep school at 5 mRonths where I was told to push the patting etc (instead of using the dummy) even though I said she doesn't respond well to it. On our last day the nurse agreed that that approach would never work for her biggrin.gif
I personally love the fact I put her in her cot, give her a dummy and her security blanket and while occasionally she will chat for up to 40 minutes she is happy and will go to sleep on her own

#11 Bluenomi

Posted 11 April 2012 - 08:50 AM

DD has always prefered to self settle, I could never rock her to sleep and I could only feed her to sleep if she was really tried and there wasn't the option of a bed. Even now as a toddler she donesn't want me in the room when she goes to sleep, I get sent out!

When she was little she'd grumble or cry a little as she settled but I could tell it was her going to sleep cry not a distressed cry. After a bit of that she's drift off to sleep happily all on her own.

#12 Pearlberry

Posted 11 April 2012 - 09:10 AM

Mine went through stages. One month I would be able to just leave her, the next I needed to be with her. It may change when separation anxiety kicks in (or it may not)

#13 Schmig

Posted 11 April 2012 - 09:19 AM

QUOTE (Bluenomi @ 11/04/2012, 09:50 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
DD has always prefered to self settle, I could never rock her to sleep and I could only feed her to sleep if she was really tried and there wasn't the option of a bed. Even now as a toddler she donesn't want me in the room when she goes to sleep, I get sent out!

When she was little she'd grumble or cry a little as she settled but I could tell it was her going to sleep cry not a distressed cry. After a bit of that she's drift off to sleep happily all on her own.


This is my daughter all over. Never liked being rocked, never fed to sleep and hated being swaddled. She loves her own room and having her own bed. I had to put her in her own room in the cot at 12 weeks (rather than a bassinet in our room) earlier than I wanted to as I was waking her up at night!  She is 3 now and a very independant child. She has always wanted to do things herself and I guess I just treated her like an adult from day 1. If she looked or acted tired I put her to bed and just left her to go to sleep. Always worked a treat for me. She is still a great sleeper.

#14 Fanny McPhail

Posted 11 April 2012 - 09:24 AM

OP you appear to be discribing my DD! Rocking, patting, shushing always annoyed the crap out of her. Putting her down in bed and letting her sort it out for herself has always been her way.
I remember feeling sad because she didn't "need" me. Now at 19 months she is very affectionate and, while awake, is always kissing or cuddling me. When its time for sleep, I plonk her down in her cot and walk out of her room.
The only time she has fallen asleep on me was on a long haul flight.

#15 niggles

Posted 11 April 2012 - 09:36 AM

My son is nearly 4 months now and still shows no signs of preferring to be held to sleep. He's always been happy to be swaddled and put down in his bed. From time to time my Dad (who needs to be cajoled to pry himself away from the baby wink.gif) will rock him to sleep and he's happy enough doing that when he's away from home. At home he settles best alone. As soon as we go in his room he starts to calm, as he is wrapped he grizzles a little but as soon as I pop in his dummy and put him in the cot it's almost like he sighs with relief.

#16 Balto1

Posted 11 April 2012 - 09:39 AM

DS is like this. I have never needed to rock or pat him to sleep. He is six months now and still has never fallen asleep in my arms.

In fact, he will not sleep while I am in the room. Took me until he was six weeks to figure that he would drop off quickly once I was out of his line of sight.

#17 eskimoo

Posted 11 April 2012 - 09:48 AM

Yep.  DD has always settled herself to sleep. In fact, the only time she cries is when she is tired and being held. As soon as she's in her cot, she's happy and goes off to sleep by herself.
Only downside is that the cot is so comfy that she won't sleep in the car or pram wacko.gif

#18 50ftqueenie

Posted 11 April 2012 - 09:58 AM

DD (now 3yo) was like this.  If I tried to rock her to sleep she would scream.  She was and still is very happy to go to bed.  Many times she has asked to go to bed because she is tired.  I think because difficult sleepers are so exhausting no one really hears much about the babies/toddlers who have no troubles.  They do exist, it's just not polite to talk about it when others are doing it so tough  wink.gif

DS (6months) loved being rocked when he was younger and I have to say there is something delightful about having a baby fall asleep in your arms, but I'll take a self-settling baby any day.

#19 mm1981

Posted 11 April 2012 - 11:26 AM

Yep, my 11 week old has from around 4 weeks.

Like you, I have a 2 year old. One night after 'helping' my baby to sleep for about an hour, I had to just leave him to attend to my 2 year old. Admirable he was crying quite hard, but my Toilet training son had had a poo accident that needed cleaning up. My baby screamed for about 10 mins before he fell asleep.

I gradually discovered that he actually stopped screaming as soon as I left the room, or of he did scream it was for less than one minute (with another child it was impossible to comfort him all the time).

Like you, I feel terrible (probably irrational) that he self settles at such a young age.  My guilt gets to me sometimes and I go in and ''help" him when he is whining and he moves onto crying hystically and takes forever to go to sleep. So I have learnt to leave him.

He is such a happy boy, a bit different to my older son who was feed to sleep until he was almost one and still requires me to sing for about 20 mins before he will fall asleep.


#20 BadgerBasher

Posted 11 April 2012 - 11:37 AM

Bean used to just grizzle intermittently for a while, then *plop* sleeping baby.
Recently she's had illnesses and now I have to carry her in the boba until she falls asleep and then transfer her to her cot.
I have to say I preferred her self-settling!

#21 ~Supernova~

Posted 11 April 2012 - 03:10 PM

He is definitely not a perfect sleeper...so I'm not bragging by any means lol He catnaps for most of the day and it drives me batty, but when he DOES sleep, he prefers to do it by himself.

Anyway, thank you all, it's reassuring to know I'm not a horrible neglectful mother, and I'll try to let go of the guilt and just enjoy it original.gif It was getting to the point where I was spending ZERO time with DD because my whole day was full of settling and re-settling ad nauseum.

#22 ~ky~

Posted 11 April 2012 - 10:21 PM

If I wrap my DD and plug a dummy in she sucks it a couple of times and drops off to sleep. If I'm holding her, she never quite settles properly and only catnaps.

#23 Feral_Pooks

Posted 12 April 2012 - 03:28 PM

OP I just discovered the same thing about my 7 week old DS yesterday... it's working well, like PP I wrap him, tuck him in tight, give him his dummy, pat him and tell him goodnight. He grizzles for a while but drifts off to sleep. My theory is that me settling him doesn't work because he is so interested in things, he gets stimulated even by just me being there and doesn't want to sleep and miss anything. But alone in his bassinet it is so boring he sleeps Tounge1.gif

#24 Liv_DrSperm_sh

Posted 12 April 2012 - 03:35 PM

Yep, same with my two...it was almost like being held was overstimulting for them, like they were trying to stay awake because they were being held, if that makes any sense!

DD used to take quite a while to get to sleep and would be grunting and carrying on for about 30 minutes at night, but if I went in to try and settle her then she should just take another 30 minutes to settle!

#25 QueenOfTheDesert

Posted 12 April 2012 - 03:40 PM

DS1 wouldn't have a bar of self settling for a Very Long Time!
DS2 preferred it from a very young age!
No difference in parenting but a massive difference in personality/temperament of babies.

Do what works for your little one. They are all individual.





2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

eBay jacket may hold clue to murdered girl's identity

A jacket similar to the one found with the remains of a brutally murdered little girl in South Australia has been identified on eBay.

New mum forced back to work early due to paid parental leave 'technicality'

Shelley Parker had to keep driving buses until the date her baby was due and will have to rush back to work at the end of this week after being denied paid parental leave on a "technicality".

Pregnant Amanda Palmer poses naked for book drive

It has to be the most original way ever of promoting a children's book donation day.

The conception dilemma facing many parents today

Some parents who conceived through a sperm donor will be wary of telling the child, while others prefer to deal with it early on. But recent research suggests it makes little difference either way.

The wedding photo the bridesmaid would rather forget

We've probably all seen a passed-out bridesmaid at one wedding or another, but it usually happens towards the end of the night.

Pregnant TV meteorologist takes on haters

Pregnant TV meteorologist Katie Fehlinger has hit back at haters who called her a "sausage in casing".

Honest words from first-time mums

I didn't want to say anything negative to my pregnant friend, but I wish I'd been more honest.

Adorable baby experiences rain for the first time, couldn't be happier

Harper had seen rain from the comfort of indoors before, but had never had the pleasure of being outside and experiencing it first hand.

What it's really like to start a family in your fifties

Many people suppose that it must be much more tiring to have a baby in middle age, but all the mothers in the playground look exhausted, whatever their age.

'Biggest hypocrite ever': Josh Duggar admits to Ashley Madison account

An American reality TV star has been busted with a cheating website account, according to US media.

Long recovery ahead for girl hit by car weeks after baby brother's death

A little girl is more alert and starting to talk after being hit by a car a week ago, but still faces a long recovery.

How to react when a toddler lies

Q: My almost-3-year-old is starting to figure out that he can lie when asked if he ripped the book, threw the food, hit his brother, etc. Totally normal, I know. How do we respond?

The circular experience of a Centrelink client

A mum-to-be experiences the frustration of dealing with Centrelink, myGov and everything in between.

Kelly Clarkson announces live on stage: 'I'm pregnant!'

Singer Kelly Clarkson has announced she is pregnant with her second child during a concert in Los Angeles.

Hack

How to search the leaked Ashley Madison data

At least three sites are republishing Ashley Madison's user data on the public-facing internet.

Mum dances her way through labour

There are a fair few ways to distract yourself and beat pains while in labour, but it's probably a rare woman who chooses her dance her way through it.

'Rest in peace, my little lion': premmie baby Jacob passes away

Baby Jacob, whose photo of him born at just 27 weeks was deemed 'too graphic' for a fundraising site, has died.

Mum killed three young sons 'to help her daughter', prosecutor says

Niall Pilkington's death last summer apparently raised little alarm in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Tragic accidents happen, after all.

Shorter women have shorter pregnancies: study

When a group of researchers studied nearly 3500 mothers and their babies, they noticed a curious pattern.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Sydney!

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.