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Wedding Question

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#1 jusstyce

Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:09 PM

My Best friend is getting married this year. I am matron on honour so obviously will be in the bridal party. She is inviting my DH and letting him bring a friend. My DH does not know her family or anyone going to the wedding at all other than the bride and groom and myself. DH doesn't want to go to the reception as he thinks it's a bit suss rocking up with his best mate to a wedding his best mate knows no one at [and who's wife might not like it lol] and DH doesn't want to go alone as he knows no one and I will be sitting at the bridal party table and going for photo's etc. My best friend thinks it's rude and horrible he isn't coming I sort of don't blame DH.
Just wondering what others think?

#2 podg

Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:12 PM

Does DH have a sister/niece/favourite aunty etc who he gets on with and would like to go to a wedding? That might seem less suss than a best mate, no worries with the wives or people wondering who the male couple are...

My dad took his recently widowed SIL to a wedding while my mum was away. She loved it and he had company. It worked for everyone.

#3 jusstyce

Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:14 PM

Nope he doesn't, he only has a brother and thats it, he doesn't have any family really

#4 niggles

Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:14 PM

What is suss about taking a friend to an event you've been invited to? I must be missing something. I guess I'd be miffed too. She's made an attempt to make him comfortable by giving him a +1 and he's still not coming. Since you are matron of honour I assume he is a part of her life?

He doesn't have to come but he should admit his reasons are to please himself and not because he wasn't properly thought of or accomodated for.

#5 Spring Chickadee

Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:15 PM

If it were important to the bride I would ask my dh to just go along and have a good time, it's a free feed and a good dance with a friend he can bring along.  It doesn't sound that painful!

#6 Jellyblush

Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:15 PM

Hi - I can see why it'd be hard for your DH on the day. but sorry, I think he needs to suck it up. It's only a few hours, it's for your best friend and therefore for you ...you  might eat at the head table but will be there for dancing etc.
He should be able to have a good chat to others on his table - wedding receptions are friendly places, and it's easy to chat about the day to break the ice.

#7 jusstyce

Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:18 PM

Nope he doesn't, he only has a brother and thats it, he doesn't have any family really

#8 Like a tiger

Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:20 PM

so he doesn't want to witness your best friends making a commitment to her partner because he doesn't know other guests? I think that's slightly rude as he's been given the opportunity to bring a guest he knows to the wedding but is saying he won't come as he doesn't want to socialise with others he doesn't know. It is a few hours in a whole lifetime that they want to share with yourself and you husband, I think he should suck it up and take a friend or family member and share in their happiness.

#9 jusstyce

Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:23 PM

DH rarely sees my best friend she lives 5 hours away and he has only met her fiance once. Maybe I am too lenient I sort of didn't blame him as he does suffer anxiety but thinking I should tell him to suck it up.

#10 JustBeige

Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:31 PM

can he take his brother then?  Does he get on with someone from your side?  maybe your mum or sibling?   I know my mum would go with DH if he needed her to.

I understand the social awkwardness of going solo to a wedding, but he's not really. You will be there funnily enough.

His brother is more to keep him company for when you are off doing MoH duties. Apart from eating and photos, my BM's and MOH's were no were near our table at our wedding.  They were with their partners/friends.

Another thought.  Do you have a decent camera?  Maybe your DH can tag along to the photos take free shots for your friend.  This will give him something to do and he wont need to take an extra person or feel totally awkward.

#11 jusstyce

Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:34 PM

I;m thinking mum might be a good idea lol  my friend and my DH's brother have a history toether so probably not a good idea my bil goes lol

#12 opethmum

Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:36 PM

I would just tell him to suck it up for one night, weddings go by so quickly and if he gets nervous perhaps a stiff drink maybe in order and the best thing is that he does not have to pay for it, your friend does.
I am sure that he will be able to find someone to talk to on his table for a little while and I am sure that you will be able to dance and go to him at times during the day and evening.
I am sure that you will able to make it up to him afterwards.

#13 JustBeige

Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:37 PM

QUOTE (jusstyce @ 10/04/2012, 08:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I;m thinking mum might be a good idea lol  my friend and my DH's brother have a history toether so probably not a good idea my bil goes lol

So there is your plan.  Tell him he is taking your mum and not to whinge or you will pull out the hairs on the back of his knees.  wink.gif

#14 mrsshero

Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:40 PM

I'd tell him to suck it up and choose a +1 (which I think your friend is being extremely generous of offering for him to) or go alone and try and make a new friend for the evening.
I am sure your friend will put him at a table where he would have something in common with other guests.

#15 Mamabug

Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:42 PM

I don't see the issue with your DH not going. I was in the bridal party for one of my best friends. DH had only met her a handful of times, he wouldn't know anyone else there.

I told my friend not to even bother inviting him! She was fine with that since I was - it gave me a chance to focus on her, not worry about DH being stuck in limbo not knowing anyone.

#16 EsmeLennox

Posted 10 April 2012 - 09:12 PM

I would be p*ssed with my DH if he pulled that crap. He needs to suck it up and go. It is extremely rude not to, especially as you are in the bridal party IMO, and considering what an effort the bride has gone to to make him feel comfortable by asking him to bring a friend.

FWIW, both DH and I have attended weddings where one of us knew very few of the guests, you just have to get over it and make polite chit chat.

#17 jusstyce

Posted 10 April 2012 - 09:25 PM

Thanks Mama bug that is how I feel but anyway will see cloder to the date. Honestly I want to focus on my best friend for the night too and not stress dh is uncomfortable and have to organise babysitter etc for my kids.

#18 follies

Posted 10 April 2012 - 09:46 PM

For my brother's BIL's wedding, he was the widowed Mother of the Grooms date while his partner was a bridesmaid.

#19 Mitis angelam

Posted 10 April 2012 - 10:00 PM

I think he has every right not to go if he so wishes - there's no obligation for him to do so.

However, perhaps another possibility - when I was matron of honour last year I was dreading just this problem of DH being isolated from people he knew, but the bride actually sat him next to me at the head table.  I thought that was very classy and a lovely solution to potential awkwardness.

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