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Your kids aren't allowed to come to the wedding - What would you do?

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#76 SummerRain

Posted 10 April 2012 - 02:54 PM

What would I do?

I would find a babysitter, get dressed to the nines, go to wedding with my husband, get drunk and enjoy myself!!!

#77 MuppetGirl

Posted 10 April 2012 - 02:55 PM

While I agree that weddings are a family affair I also respect a couples right to choose. It may be that the choice was made for them by their parents but to keep costs down is a bloody good reason. Weddings are far too expensive as it is, they obviously love you and your husband enough to want you on the guest list so get a babysitter and go. Or don't, but you really have no reason to be peeved at them, their reason is very justified IMO.

#78 MGB

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:00 PM

Their wedding, their choice. Either accept or decline. I'm always surprised at how precious people get when their children aren't invited to such events. I would not offer to pay for your children to go, it could be awkward for them. Though it is rude if some children are invited and not others but ultimately the decision is theirs.

#79 LittleMissPink

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:02 PM

QUOTE (Spring Chickadee @ 10/04/2012, 01:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sometimes people don't have unlimited money to invite everyone they know to a wedding. By inviting kids the guest list may blown out beyond what they could handle.

It's actually pretty common for people to not invite kids at all. So I think they are being fair.

So you can
A - not go
B- only one of you go and the other stay home with the kids
C- get a babysitter.


#80 The Old Feral

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:04 PM

Free alcohol and no kids?

I'd book a babysitter and be there with bells on!

#81 I'm Batman

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:21 PM

For me weddings are all about family, kids included.

Ah, I didn't realise it was your wedding, and your way of doing things was the only way......

Its their wedding, their choice. Don't make it about you.

#82 Madnesscraves

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:33 PM

My cousin didn't invite me to his wedding. Was I offended? Nope.

Look as other PPs said, if you can't find someone to mind the kids, don't go. I wouldn't be offended if they said no kids.

Though I am of the opinion kids should be allowed at weddings. It just makes the event even more beautiful.

#83 JuniorMint

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:39 PM

If something this insignificant could cause a family rift your family obviously is not that close.

You and your dh have no right to peeved.  I would not want kids at my wedding either no matter who they were.

Get a babysitter, get over it and enjoy a night with just your dh!

#84 OzeMum

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:44 PM

Really OP?   Is this a trick question?  Truly, if I were you I'd be more than a little embarrassed that I expected my kids to be invited to their fathers, cousins wedding AND that I rang the bride about it.  Of course invites are made with consideration to family/friend closeness.  Otherwise you'd be obliged to invite everyone you'd ever met (and their kids!) to your wedding.  Oh, that's right ...   wacko.gif

As far as the possible family "rift" is concerned, I'd be making damn sure that MIL/FIL and Aunty knew how totally OK I was about my kids not being invited (whether I could attend or not).  I'd also take the Aunty's side in any family rift that may or may not occur and tell my DH to grow up.

Why on earth do people expect to be able to dictate the guest list at other people's functions?  Have your own party and then you can invite whoever you want.

#85 LittleDCJ

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:45 PM

I would be happy that kids aren't invited and we could have a night to enjoy ourselves.  Even if my kids were invited to a wedding I doubt I would ever bring them along.  Don't get angry with the bridal couple, go along and have a great time while the kids have a fun night with the babysitters.  Win, win.

#86 BetteBoop

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:46 PM

QUOTE (Oriental lily @ 10/04/2012, 01:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The op has said its not a child free wedding.

Makes a massive difference in my books.

I think the couple has to draw a line in the sand to limit numbers. I've missed out on my cousins' weddings but they've invited other cousins.

QUOTE (The Old Bag @ 10/04/2012, 03:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Free alcohol and no kids?

I'd book a babysitter and be there with bells on!

This would be how I'd react OP.

#87 Isolabella

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:56 PM

If MIL, nanna , anyone else, are upset or peeved (cant see why though) then thats their problem - you can arrange to see them another time, thats not the bride and groom's problem.

I agree with this. When I specifically did not include all cousins and even left off two uncles from my invite list I knew there could be some kickback from my Nan. I told mum to tell her that if she threatened not to go because X, Y & Z were not invited then I was OK with her not coming too (she had done that to other cousins over their invite list previously). In the end she decided to attend the ceremony but refused to attend the reception. Her choice.

#88 J*mistletoe*B

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:01 PM

QUOTE (JnrMurf @ 10/04/2012, 01:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
what would you do?

Go if I can find a babysitter;  dont go if I cant.   Go if I want to actually go;  dont if I think it will be drunken uncles and painful family members.

Not inviting kids for whatever reason is fair and reasonable - TO THE PEOPLE WHO ARE ORGANISING IT - so it needs to be fair and reasonable to everyone else.  A wedding is a celebration of 2 people they way THEY want to celebrate it , not a frackin committee organised sponsored event, so everyone doesnt get a say and your DH and his family need to remember that fact.

Yes some children are invited - ie: MIL's other brother has 4 girls all under 10 & they are invited as they are considered 1st cousins. Also on the grooms uncles side there are 2 under 12 months who are also I guess considered 2nd cousins who are invited (maybe cos they are young babies).

So it's a "some kids" wedding but not ours if that make sense!!
Ok, I get your confusion if your kids are in the same (baby) age group.

There could be a million reasons that your kids havent been invited, or it could be that they are telling the truth about $$'s and had to draw the line somewhere.

Edited by JustBeige, 10 April 2012 - 04:08 PM.

#89 Beancat

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:03 PM

Get over it OP, its NOT YOUR WEDDING!!!  weddings should be a child free place.  There is no way I would be offended if my kids were not invited, in fact I'd be a little peeved if they were.  Take the opportunity to have a child fee night, both your and the the other guests will appreciate it.

PS - I have worked in lots of function venues and kids are a complete pain at weddings.  They get over tired and are demanding and really ruin the night for everyone

#90 Mis-Placed

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:08 PM

QUOTE (JnrMurf @ 10/04/2012, 01:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
For me weddings are all about family, kids included.  I understand about keeping costs down but really, I know for sure that second cousins from the uncles side of the family will be there.

MIL (&FIL) will be really peeved at her sister & also DH's elderly nanna who adores our kids will be upset about them not being allowed to come.  It potentially can caused a rift in the family ......

We've never found ourselves in this sort of situation ..... what would you do?

You say weddings are "all about family for you?" Luckily this is not your wedding so your opinion doesn't need to be considered.

"Your husband's family love your kids and will be dissappointed?" Luckily, they would see each other quite often, outside of this wedding, seeing that they adore each other, so again, not a problem.

What would i do? I would be excited and happy for this lovely couple getting married and go to the wedding without your children and without complaint. Think of it as a "date night?!" and an oppourtunity to have a lovely adult night....

This is not a personal thing. Couples have every right to request their own wedding to be an 'adult affair' if they so wish.... instead of complaining that you are being hard done by - perhaps you could think of all the problems and complaints this couple (and all couples) deal with in the lead up to a wedding and not contribute to it... but just attend and let them have their "one day" to celebrate as they wish?? One day is not much to ask - is it now.... wub.gif

#91 mum22boyz

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:14 PM

I would think that the B&G have thought long and hard about the guests they can invite and would just be honoured I was on the invite list!

We had some people not come to our wedding as we didn't have children and that was fine - it was their choice not to come - if people want to go badly enough, they'll find a babysitter.

I would never be offended if my kids weren't invited to a wedding - I, like PP, would be thrilled at the chance to have a night off!

#92 Last Goodbye

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:17 PM

I thought it was normally the mother of the bride that was the PITA when it came to weddings but the first cousin's wife.  rolleyes.gif  Seriously.....

It's their wedding which means they get to decide who is invited and who isn't. I'm sure they have their reasons so please dont make it difficult for them.  It really shouldn't be an issue and I'm sure the couple could do without the extra stress of the groom's Aunt starting on them about some kids who happen to be second cousins attending the wedding and taking the place of other guests who they would prefer to have there.

If it really means that much to you then ask if they can attend the ceremony but I wouldn't impose on them for the kids to attend the reception.

FWIW, I only had my kids and our nieces and nephews at our wedding.  If I was forced to invite my second cousins etc we would've had to have a loan bigger than our mortgage just to feed them all.  

Just remember, their wedding day is about them and only them, not about what you want.

#93 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:23 PM

We just went to a wedding without a kids - they weren't invited.  It was GREAT!
We sat through the whole ceremony without any crying, whinging, needing to go to the toilet or anyone being hungry.
At the reception, we ate and drank and danced without worrying about the kids getting tired, throwing tantrums, having anything to eat and going home early.
I highly recommend weddings without kids!
FWIW, I think that if it's not your wedding, you don't get to dictate how it's organised.  If it offends you so much, don't go.  But I do think you are being precious.

#94 katniss

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:26 PM

TBH, I don't think that weddings are "family events" exclusively. Weddings are a special gathering to share with those closest to you. Why should someone invite 2nd, 3rd cousins who they may not see often just because they are related?

If I had invited every family member plus partners plus kids, my wedding would've had 200 odd people. I can't afford that. I have about 20 first cousins on my dad's side and only invited the few that I am close to. I also didn't get invited to many of my first cousins weddings and I'm not offended by that.

This cousin may just be closer to the other kids invited than they are to your kids.

QUOTE (fairyflossfart @ 10/04/2012, 12:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So why is it okay to tell the OP to get over her kids not being invited, but awhile ago when someone said something about her relatives wanting to bring a houseguest to her wedding they were basically told they should invite them(a stranger).

I didn't read that thread but if I had I would've said a stranger shouldn't be invited just because other people are saying so! And if every person in this post who say kids don't have to be invited said in the other post that the stranger should have then fine you do have a point. Otherwise your comment has nothing to do with this topic!

#95 Jembo

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:27 PM

It wouldn't offend me if my kids were not invited, they do not need to be invited to every thing on the planet.

I would just find a babysitter and enjoy the night out, and if not, stay at home.

#96 opethmum

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:29 PM

Their wedding, their choice.

I would find a babysitter if you want to go if not decline and have a night in or whatever.

No need to get yourself worked up.

I have been in the situation where I was still breastfeeding my DD and was invited to a wedding, I sucked it up and went sans DD and got my in laws to mind her. We had a great time and it was the first event that I could just relax.

#97 FerdiNando

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:40 PM

Wow some very passionate responses!  Glad I asked.

For what it's worth, the rest of the family (ie: MIL etc) don't know as yet.  & no we have no intention of making a fuss with the bride and groom or the aunt and uncle over this.  BUT having said that Dh & I are pretty certain on how MIL/FIL will react.  Again thier business if they choose to question it.

#98 sunnyfran

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:41 PM

I will start by saying i love children... At any other event they r more than welcome but i will not be having children at y wedding when the time comes except nephews and nieces who woild be included in the wedding somehow... I recently went to a wedding with wu ok te a few children who were absolutely out of control... Dp was the besr man... After the wedding i said see why i dont want children at a wedding...

#99 JRA

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:46 PM

What is it to do with your MIL/FIL. They are not the parents of the participants in the wedding are they?

#100 FerdiNando

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:51 PM

QUOTE (JRA @ 10/04/2012, 05:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What is it to do with your MIL/FIL. They are not the parents of the participants in the wedding are they?

you are right, they are not but i guess based on the relationship between the 2 couples my ILs would have expected differently?  

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