Jump to content

Your kids aren't allowed to come to the wedding - What would you do?


  • Please log in to reply
177 replies to this topic

#76 SummerRain

Posted 10 April 2012 - 02:54 PM

What would I do?

I would find a babysitter, get dressed to the nines, go to wedding with my husband, get drunk and enjoy myself!!!

#77 MuppetGirl

Posted 10 April 2012 - 02:55 PM

While I agree that weddings are a family affair I also respect a couples right to choose. It may be that the choice was made for them by their parents but to keep costs down is a bloody good reason. Weddings are far too expensive as it is, they obviously love you and your husband enough to want you on the guest list so get a babysitter and go. Or don't, but you really have no reason to be peeved at them, their reason is very justified IMO.

#78 MGB

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:00 PM

Their wedding, their choice. Either accept or decline. I'm always surprised at how precious people get when their children aren't invited to such events. I would not offer to pay for your children to go, it could be awkward for them. Though it is rude if some children are invited and not others but ultimately the decision is theirs.

#79 LittleMissPink

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:02 PM

QUOTE (Spring Chickadee @ 10/04/2012, 01:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sometimes people don't have unlimited money to invite everyone they know to a wedding. By inviting kids the guest list may blown out beyond what they could handle.

It's actually pretty common for people to not invite kids at all. So I think they are being fair.

So you can
A - not go
B- only one of you go and the other stay home with the kids
C- get a babysitter.


This!

#80 The Old Feral

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:04 PM

Free alcohol and no kids?

I'd book a babysitter and be there with bells on!

#81 I'm Batman

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:21 PM

QUOTE
For me weddings are all about family, kids included.


Ah, I didn't realise it was your wedding, and your way of doing things was the only way......

Its their wedding, their choice. Don't make it about you.

#82 Madnesscraves

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:33 PM

My cousin didn't invite me to his wedding. Was I offended? Nope.

Look as other PPs said, if you can't find someone to mind the kids, don't go. I wouldn't be offended if they said no kids.

Though I am of the opinion kids should be allowed at weddings. It just makes the event even more beautiful.

#83 Raisinette

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:39 PM

If something this insignificant could cause a family rift your family obviously is not that close.

You and your dh have no right to peeved.  I would not want kids at my wedding either no matter who they were.

Get a babysitter, get over it and enjoy a night with just your dh!

#84 OzeMum

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:44 PM

Really OP?   Is this a trick question?  Truly, if I were you I'd be more than a little embarrassed that I expected my kids to be invited to their fathers, cousins wedding AND that I rang the bride about it.  Of course invites are made with consideration to family/friend closeness.  Otherwise you'd be obliged to invite everyone you'd ever met (and their kids!) to your wedding.  Oh, that's right ...   wacko.gif

As far as the possible family "rift" is concerned, I'd be making damn sure that MIL/FIL and Aunty knew how totally OK I was about my kids not being invited (whether I could attend or not).  I'd also take the Aunty's side in any family rift that may or may not occur and tell my DH to grow up.

Why on earth do people expect to be able to dictate the guest list at other people's functions?  Have your own party and then you can invite whoever you want.


#85 LittleDCJ

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:45 PM

I would be happy that kids aren't invited and we could have a night to enjoy ourselves.  Even if my kids were invited to a wedding I doubt I would ever bring them along.  Don't get angry with the bridal couple, go along and have a great time while the kids have a fun night with the babysitters.  Win, win.


#86 BetteBoop

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:46 PM

QUOTE (Oriental lily @ 10/04/2012, 01:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The op has said its not a child free wedding.

Makes a massive difference in my books.


I think the couple has to draw a line in the sand to limit numbers. I've missed out on my cousins' weddings but they've invited other cousins.

QUOTE (The Old Bag @ 10/04/2012, 03:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Free alcohol and no kids?

I'd book a babysitter and be there with bells on!


This would be how I'd react OP.

#87 IsolaBella

Posted 10 April 2012 - 03:56 PM

QUOTE
If MIL, nanna , anyone else, are upset or peeved (cant see why though) then thats their problem - you can arrange to see them another time, thats not the bride and groom's problem.



I agree with this. When I specifically did not include all cousins and even left off two uncles from my invite list I knew there could be some kickback from my Nan. I told mum to tell her that if she threatened not to go because X, Y & Z were not invited then I was OK with her not coming too (she had done that to other cousins over their invite list previously). In the end she decided to attend the ceremony but refused to attend the reception. Her choice.




#88 JustBeige

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:01 PM

QUOTE (JnrMurf @ 10/04/2012, 01:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
what would you do?

Go if I can find a babysitter;  dont go if I cant.   Go if I want to actually go;  dont if I think it will be drunken uncles and painful family members.

Not inviting kids for whatever reason is fair and reasonable - TO THE PEOPLE WHO ARE ORGANISING IT - so it needs to be fair and reasonable to everyone else.  A wedding is a celebration of 2 people they way THEY want to celebrate it , not a frackin committee organised sponsored event, so everyone doesnt get a say and your DH and his family need to remember that fact.

QUOTE
Yes some children are invited - ie: MIL's other brother has 4 girls all under 10 & they are invited as they are considered 1st cousins. Also on the grooms uncles side there are 2 under 12 months who are also I guess considered 2nd cousins who are invited (maybe cos they are young babies).

So it's a "some kids" wedding but not ours if that make sense!!
Ok, I get your confusion if your kids are in the same (baby) age group.

There could be a million reasons that your kids havent been invited, or it could be that they are telling the truth about $$'s and had to draw the line somewhere.

Edited by JustBeige, 10 April 2012 - 04:08 PM.


#89 Beancat

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:03 PM

Get over it OP, its NOT YOUR WEDDING!!!  weddings should be a child free place.  There is no way I would be offended if my kids were not invited, in fact I'd be a little peeved if they were.  Take the opportunity to have a child fee night, both your and the the other guests will appreciate it.

PS - I have worked in lots of function venues and kids are a complete pain at weddings.  They get over tired and are demanding and really ruin the night for everyone

#90 Mis-Placed

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:08 PM

QUOTE (JnrMurf @ 10/04/2012, 01:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
For me weddings are all about family, kids included.  I understand about keeping costs down but really, I know for sure that second cousins from the uncles side of the family will be there.

MIL (&FIL) will be really peeved at her sister & also DH's elderly nanna who adores our kids will be upset about them not being allowed to come.  It potentially can caused a rift in the family ......

We've never found ourselves in this sort of situation ..... what would you do?


You say weddings are "all about family for you?" Luckily this is not your wedding so your opinion doesn't need to be considered.

"Your husband's family love your kids and will be dissappointed?" Luckily, they would see each other quite often, outside of this wedding, seeing that they adore each other, so again, not a problem.

What would i do? I would be excited and happy for this lovely couple getting married and go to the wedding without your children and without complaint. Think of it as a "date night?!" and an oppourtunity to have a lovely adult night....

This is not a personal thing. Couples have every right to request their own wedding to be an 'adult affair' if they so wish.... instead of complaining that you are being hard done by - perhaps you could think of all the problems and complaints this couple (and all couples) deal with in the lead up to a wedding and not contribute to it... but just attend and let them have their "one day" to celebrate as they wish?? One day is not much to ask - is it now.... wub.gif

#91 mum22boyz

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:14 PM

I would think that the B&G have thought long and hard about the guests they can invite and would just be honoured I was on the invite list!

We had some people not come to our wedding as we didn't have children and that was fine - it was their choice not to come - if people want to go badly enough, they'll find a babysitter.

I would never be offended if my kids weren't invited to a wedding - I, like PP, would be thrilled at the chance to have a night off!



#92 Last Goodbye

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:17 PM

I thought it was normally the mother of the bride that was the PITA when it came to weddings but the first cousin's wife.  rolleyes.gif  Seriously.....

It's their wedding which means they get to decide who is invited and who isn't. I'm sure they have their reasons so please dont make it difficult for them.  It really shouldn't be an issue and I'm sure the couple could do without the extra stress of the groom's Aunt starting on them about some kids who happen to be second cousins attending the wedding and taking the place of other guests who they would prefer to have there.

If it really means that much to you then ask if they can attend the ceremony but I wouldn't impose on them for the kids to attend the reception.

FWIW, I only had my kids and our nieces and nephews at our wedding.  If I was forced to invite my second cousins etc we would've had to have a loan bigger than our mortgage just to feed them all.  

Just remember, their wedding day is about them and only them, not about what you want.

#93 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:23 PM

We just went to a wedding without a kids - they weren't invited.  It was GREAT!
We sat through the whole ceremony without any crying, whinging, needing to go to the toilet or anyone being hungry.
At the reception, we ate and drank and danced without worrying about the kids getting tired, throwing tantrums, having anything to eat and going home early.
I highly recommend weddings without kids!
FWIW, I think that if it's not your wedding, you don't get to dictate how it's organised.  If it offends you so much, don't go.  But I do think you are being precious.

#94 katniss

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:26 PM

TBH, I don't think that weddings are "family events" exclusively. Weddings are a special gathering to share with those closest to you. Why should someone invite 2nd, 3rd cousins who they may not see often just because they are related?

If I had invited every family member plus partners plus kids, my wedding would've had 200 odd people. I can't afford that. I have about 20 first cousins on my dad's side and only invited the few that I am close to. I also didn't get invited to many of my first cousins weddings and I'm not offended by that.

This cousin may just be closer to the other kids invited than they are to your kids.


QUOTE (fairyflossfart @ 10/04/2012, 12:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So why is it okay to tell the OP to get over her kids not being invited, but awhile ago when someone said something about her relatives wanting to bring a houseguest to her wedding they were basically told they should invite them(a stranger).


I didn't read that thread but if I had I would've said a stranger shouldn't be invited just because other people are saying so! And if every person in this post who say kids don't have to be invited said in the other post that the stranger should have then fine you do have a point. Otherwise your comment has nothing to do with this topic!

#95 Jembo

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:27 PM

It wouldn't offend me if my kids were not invited, they do not need to be invited to every thing on the planet.

I would just find a babysitter and enjoy the night out, and if not, stay at home.

#96 opethmum

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:29 PM

Their wedding, their choice.

I would find a babysitter if you want to go if not decline and have a night in or whatever.

No need to get yourself worked up.

I have been in the situation where I was still breastfeeding my DD and was invited to a wedding, I sucked it up and went sans DD and got my in laws to mind her. We had a great time and it was the first event that I could just relax.


#97 FerdiNando

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:40 PM

Wow some very passionate responses!  Glad I asked.

For what it's worth, the rest of the family (ie: MIL etc) don't know as yet.  & no we have no intention of making a fuss with the bride and groom or the aunt and uncle over this.  BUT having said that Dh & I are pretty certain on how MIL/FIL will react.  Again thier business if they choose to question it.




#98 sunnyfran

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:41 PM

I will start by saying i love children... At any other event they r more than welcome but i will not be having children at y wedding when the time comes except nephews and nieces who woild be included in the wedding somehow... I recently went to a wedding with wu ok te a few children who were absolutely out of control... Dp was the besr man... After the wedding i said see why i dont want children at a wedding...

#99 JRA

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:46 PM

What is it to do with your MIL/FIL. They are not the parents of the participants in the wedding are they?

#100 FerdiNando

Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:51 PM

QUOTE (JRA @ 10/04/2012, 05:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What is it to do with your MIL/FIL. They are not the parents of the participants in the wedding are they?



you are right, they are not but i guess based on the relationship between the 2 couples my ILs would have expected differently?  






2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Teaching our son to say no to violence against women

Today, on White Ribbon Day - and every other day - we're teaching our son to say no to violence against women.

Mothers told to breastfeed in 'spacious' toilet

If there is one thing the owners of Tillings Cafe can be certain of, it is that the eatery won't win the award for Britain's best baby-friendly coffee shop any time soon.

Mother gives name to son dumped down drain

A woman who admitted to dumping her newborn baby down a Sydney drain has reportedly been allowed to give him a name.

Taking small steps to reduce stress

Are you feeling used up by life's stress, family problems and a demanding job you can't turn off? Many people are way beyond work-life exhaustion. They are functioning as robots.

Bad news: we're running out of chocolate

The world's biggest chocolate-maker says we're running out of chocolate.

Born at 23 weeks, 'Chopstick Baby' survives first week

A baby who was born at 23 weeks has survived her first week of life outside the womb.

Manic stations: the nesting instinct in pregnancy

It might sound like temporary insanity, but almost obsessive nesting as you near your due date isn’t uncommon – even if you’re not usually a particularly clean person.

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

Love has nothing to do with mental illness. But love may drive a mother to do something about it.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong'

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

Twin brothers have become dads on the same day ? with their partners giving birth in the same hospital, and even the same birthing pool.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.