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Your kids aren't allowed to come to the wedding - What would you do?


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#1 FerdiNando

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:02 PM


So DH's 1st cousin is getting married (MIL's sisters son).  We recieved the invite which had only mine & DH's name printed on it - not "........ Family" or all our names etc.

So I asked the bride to be about this she confirmed that her future inlaws (my DH's aunt and uncle) have decided that in order to keep costs down that only FIRST cousins are invited.  My children being second cousins are excluded.  unsure.gif

TBH am I little .... I guess, offended by it.  For me weddings are all about family, kids included.  I understand about keeping costs down but really, I know for sure that second cousins from the uncles side of the family will be there.

Anyway, DH doesn't want to go as he's a bit peeved at his aunt and uncle for excluding our kids but at the same time its not the fault of the bride and groom so we really don't know weather to go or not?

MIL (&FIL) will be really peeved at her sister & also DH's elderly nanna who adores our kids will be upset about them not being allowed to come.  It potentially can caused a rift in the family ......

We've never found ourselves in this sort of situation ..... what would you do?



#2 kreative

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:05 PM

QUOTE (JnrMurf @ 10/04/2012, 01:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So DH's 1st cousin is getting married (MIL's sisters son).  We recieved the invite which had only mine & DH's name printed on it - not "........ Family" or all our names etc.

So I asked the bride to be about this she confirmed that her future inlaws (my DH's aunt and uncle) have decided that in order to keep costs down that only FIRST cousins are invited.  My children being second cousins are excluded.  unsure.gif

TBH am I little .... I guess, offended by it.  For me weddings are all about family, kids included.  I understand about keeping costs down but really, I know for sure that second cousins from the uncles side of the family will be there.

Anyway, DH doesn't want to go as he's a bit peeved at his aunt and uncle for excluding our kids but at the same time its not the fault of the bride and groom so we really don't know weather to go or not?

MIL (&FIL) will be really peeved at her sister & also DH's elderly nanna who adores our kids will be upset about them not being allowed to come.  It potentially can caused a rift in the family ......

We've never found ourselves in this sort of situation ..... what would you do?


They want to keep costs down. How are you peeved at that. If you want additional people to go to the wedding, suggest to them that you will pay for it?

#3 Mitis angelam

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:05 PM

If you can go, go.  If you can't, decline politely and don't.

Either way don't b**ch to extended family.  Your kids aren't owed an invitation, and if you carry on about it you'll just look self-centred.

#4 BVB09

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:06 PM

To be honest OP, it's their wedding not yours ! You just need to respect their wishes.

#5 Epitome

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:07 PM

What do I do?

I accept that I got to decide how I held my wedding and whom I did or didnt invite, based on what I thought a wedding was about...and what we wanted

Therefore everyone else has that right too.

I either go and have a good time, or politely decline.




#6 Rosepickles

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:08 PM

I think it is fairly common for kids not to be invited to weddings, I really don't understand the problem.

I often thought that not inviting kids is actually not so much about costs but that it is an event for adults to relax and enjoy themselves. Having kids there can sometimes change this. It is not about you or your kids, it is about the couple getting married.

#7 ~Nodnol~

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:08 PM

I would go. I don't think kids belong at weddings either.  ph34r.gif

#8 threeinnyc

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

Hire a babysitter to look after your kids so that you can go to the wedding?
Or don't go altogether?
But don't be offended by it. Their wedding; their choice.

Sorry but good luck!

#9 cinnabubble

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

I wouldn't go. Simple.

#10 Mpjp is feral

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

I seriously dont know how peopel think they are entitled to be 'peeved' about this. It's NOT YOUR WEDDING. You are not paying for it. And money aside - if they dont want kids at their wedding, then WHO CARES if you think weddings are all about family? It's their choice.

I love, adore and worshiop my kids, but I dont think they have to be included in everything. In fact I really enjoy a night out with my partner at a wedding!

Go. Don't go. But dont impose yourself on others by telling them you believe they should have invited your kids!

#11 Guest_Starletta_*

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

I would let your MIL deal with it if its her sister. If your MIL is really upset with it, and angry with her sister, then they can discuss it.

But I would also just respect their wishes.

#12 paddyboo

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:10 PM

At our wedding my neice & nephews came however no other children. It is pretty normal, I don't see what the big deal is? shrug.gif

#13 Spring Chickadee

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:10 PM

Sometimes people don't have unlimited money to invite everyone they know to a wedding. By inviting kids the guest list may blown out beyond what they could handle.

It's actually pretty common for people to not invite kids at all. So I think they are being fair.

So you can
A - not go
B- only one of you go and the other stay home with the kids
C- get a babysitter.

#14 Luci

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:11 PM

I also thought it was fairly common for children to not be invited to weddings......

Luci

#15 MummaDiva

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:11 PM

Only two things you need to do:

(1) Get a babysitter and enjoy the wedding.

(2) Take your kids to see the aunts and elderly nannas, etc, some other time.

#16 I'm Batman

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:12 PM

Offer to pay for your own kids

Accept not everything is about you and stopped feeling miffed. Don't b**ch to family.

or

Politely decline.


Pick one.

#17 lozoodle

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:12 PM

I would think "woohoo! kid free night!"

I don't think this is worth being annoyed about. If I could arrange babysitting I'd go and have a good time, if not I would just politely decline. Its not a big deal.

if I ever get married there sure as hell wont be kids at my wedding apart from a select few, so I wouldn't expect mine to be invited to someone elses.

#18 Oriental lily

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:12 PM

I am a little confused. So are you saying that some children are coming but only first cousins? Or are no children invited.

If its the first thing then it's pretty bizarre, not inviting someone due to we're they come in the family tree.

If its a ' no kid ' wedding then it's pretty much the norm these days and. I would not be offended about that.



#19 WibbleWobble

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:12 PM

QUOTE (melbelle @ 10/04/2012, 01:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What do I do?

I accept that I got to decide how I held my wedding and whom I did or didnt invite, based on what I thought a wedding was about...and what we wanted

Therefore everyone else has that right too.


This.

Either go and have a good (child free) time, or decline.

#20 Expelliarmus

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:14 PM

Your children are not second cousins. They are first cousins once removed.

What would I do? Find a babysitter.

#21 flowerpuff

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:14 PM

Personally I think weddings are Adult Only parties - just my opinion.... and I love the excuse to have a "child free" night out with my husband when we attend other people's weddings.... wub.gif

#22 FerdiNando

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:15 PM

Am certaintly not trying to "impose" my children on them.  As you say it's their choice who they invite and dont invite - totally get that & certainly know that no matter what you do with a wedding you can never please anybody.

We've never been faced with something like this so new territory for us.

I agree on letting MIL sort out the issues with her sister, definetely don't want to get involved in that discussion.

I'll leave it up to DH to decide, it's his cousin, so I'm happy to go with the flow.



#23 PatG

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:16 PM

I'm in the either go or don't go camp but don't whinge about your kids not being invited to anyone involved.  Whinge here instead!

I wouldn't do as PPs have suggested and offer to pay for your kids to go - that just gets messy.  They have probably invited approximately the number of guests that their venue holds and/or have decided not children and so can't really say, well yours can come if you pay, but no that other one from that family can't as we have run out of room.

#24 UncommonSense

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:16 PM

I fail to see how it could cause a rift in the family  huh.gif

#25 TheGreenSheep

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:17 PM

QUOTE (Kenji @ 10/04/2012, 01:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hire a babysitter to look after your kids so that you can go to the wedding?
Or don't go altogether?
But don't be offended by it. Their wedding; their choice.

Sorry but good luck!


Unfortunately it happens.

There have been numerous thread about this exact dilemma over the years, and really the consensus always comes back their wedding their choice.

Oh and this happened to us last year, BIL and SIL didnt want the 8 nieces and nephews at the wedding. But then turned around 5 days beforehand and said if theyd like to attend the ceremony as other cousins wanted to watch. It was a major inconvenience for us as it was an hours drive away each way, so our kids  were the ones missing from the family photos. Irritates me no end that they said no and then sort of yes. Just stick to it people, I can deal with certainty far easier.




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