Jump to content

Your kids aren't allowed to come to the wedding - What would you do?


  • Please log in to reply
177 replies to this topic

#1 FerdiNando

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:02 PM


So DH's 1st cousin is getting married (MIL's sisters son).  We recieved the invite which had only mine & DH's name printed on it - not "........ Family" or all our names etc.

So I asked the bride to be about this she confirmed that her future inlaws (my DH's aunt and uncle) have decided that in order to keep costs down that only FIRST cousins are invited.  My children being second cousins are excluded.  unsure.gif

TBH am I little .... I guess, offended by it.  For me weddings are all about family, kids included.  I understand about keeping costs down but really, I know for sure that second cousins from the uncles side of the family will be there.

Anyway, DH doesn't want to go as he's a bit peeved at his aunt and uncle for excluding our kids but at the same time its not the fault of the bride and groom so we really don't know weather to go or not?

MIL (&FIL) will be really peeved at her sister & also DH's elderly nanna who adores our kids will be upset about them not being allowed to come.  It potentially can caused a rift in the family ......

We've never found ourselves in this sort of situation ..... what would you do?



#2 kreative

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:05 PM

QUOTE (JnrMurf @ 10/04/2012, 01:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So DH's 1st cousin is getting married (MIL's sisters son).  We recieved the invite which had only mine & DH's name printed on it - not "........ Family" or all our names etc.

So I asked the bride to be about this she confirmed that her future inlaws (my DH's aunt and uncle) have decided that in order to keep costs down that only FIRST cousins are invited.  My children being second cousins are excluded.  unsure.gif

TBH am I little .... I guess, offended by it.  For me weddings are all about family, kids included.  I understand about keeping costs down but really, I know for sure that second cousins from the uncles side of the family will be there.

Anyway, DH doesn't want to go as he's a bit peeved at his aunt and uncle for excluding our kids but at the same time its not the fault of the bride and groom so we really don't know weather to go or not?

MIL (&FIL) will be really peeved at her sister & also DH's elderly nanna who adores our kids will be upset about them not being allowed to come.  It potentially can caused a rift in the family ......

We've never found ourselves in this sort of situation ..... what would you do?


They want to keep costs down. How are you peeved at that. If you want additional people to go to the wedding, suggest to them that you will pay for it?

#3 Angelot

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:05 PM

If you can go, go.  If you can't, decline politely and don't.

Either way don't b**ch to extended family.  Your kids aren't owed an invitation, and if you carry on about it you'll just look self-centred.

#4 BVB09

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:06 PM

To be honest OP, it's their wedding not yours ! You just need to respect their wishes.

#5 Epitome

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:07 PM

What do I do?

I accept that I got to decide how I held my wedding and whom I did or didnt invite, based on what I thought a wedding was about...and what we wanted

Therefore everyone else has that right too.

I either go and have a good time, or politely decline.




#6 Rosepickles

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:08 PM

I think it is fairly common for kids not to be invited to weddings, I really don't understand the problem.

I often thought that not inviting kids is actually not so much about costs but that it is an event for adults to relax and enjoy themselves. Having kids there can sometimes change this. It is not about you or your kids, it is about the couple getting married.

#7 ~Nodnol~

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:08 PM

I would go. I don't think kids belong at weddings either.  ph34r.gif

#8 threeinnyc

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

Hire a babysitter to look after your kids so that you can go to the wedding?
Or don't go altogether?
But don't be offended by it. Their wedding; their choice.

Sorry but good luck!

#9 cinnabubble

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

I wouldn't go. Simple.

#10 Mpjp is feral

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

I seriously dont know how peopel think they are entitled to be 'peeved' about this. It's NOT YOUR WEDDING. You are not paying for it. And money aside - if they dont want kids at their wedding, then WHO CARES if you think weddings are all about family? It's their choice.

I love, adore and worshiop my kids, but I dont think they have to be included in everything. In fact I really enjoy a night out with my partner at a wedding!

Go. Don't go. But dont impose yourself on others by telling them you believe they should have invited your kids!

#11 Guest_Starletta_*

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

I would let your MIL deal with it if its her sister. If your MIL is really upset with it, and angry with her sister, then they can discuss it.

But I would also just respect their wishes.

#12 paddyboo

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:10 PM

At our wedding my neice & nephews came however no other children. It is pretty normal, I don't see what the big deal is? shrug.gif

#13 Spring Chickadee

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:10 PM

Sometimes people don't have unlimited money to invite everyone they know to a wedding. By inviting kids the guest list may blown out beyond what they could handle.

It's actually pretty common for people to not invite kids at all. So I think they are being fair.

So you can
A - not go
B- only one of you go and the other stay home with the kids
C- get a babysitter.

#14 Luci

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:11 PM

I also thought it was fairly common for children to not be invited to weddings......

Luci

#15 MummaDiva

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:11 PM

Only two things you need to do:

(1) Get a babysitter and enjoy the wedding.

(2) Take your kids to see the aunts and elderly nannas, etc, some other time.

#16 I'm Batman

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:12 PM

Offer to pay for your own kids

Accept not everything is about you and stopped feeling miffed. Don't b**ch to family.

or

Politely decline.


Pick one.

#17 lozoodle

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:12 PM

I would think "woohoo! kid free night!"

I don't think this is worth being annoyed about. If I could arrange babysitting I'd go and have a good time, if not I would just politely decline. Its not a big deal.

if I ever get married there sure as hell wont be kids at my wedding apart from a select few, so I wouldn't expect mine to be invited to someone elses.

#18 Oriental lily

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:12 PM

I am a little confused. So are you saying that some children are coming but only first cousins? Or are no children invited.

If its the first thing then it's pretty bizarre, not inviting someone due to we're they come in the family tree.

If its a ' no kid ' wedding then it's pretty much the norm these days and. I would not be offended about that.



#19 Feral WibbleWobble

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:12 PM

QUOTE (melbelle @ 10/04/2012, 01:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What do I do?

I accept that I got to decide how I held my wedding and whom I did or didnt invite, based on what I thought a wedding was about...and what we wanted

Therefore everyone else has that right too.


This.

Either go and have a good (child free) time, or decline.

#20 Expelliarmus

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:14 PM

Your children are not second cousins. They are first cousins once removed.

What would I do? Find a babysitter.

#21 flowerpuff

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:14 PM

Personally I think weddings are Adult Only parties - just my opinion.... and I love the excuse to have a "child free" night out with my husband when we attend other people's weddings.... wub.gif

#22 FerdiNando

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:15 PM

Am certaintly not trying to "impose" my children on them.  As you say it's their choice who they invite and dont invite - totally get that & certainly know that no matter what you do with a wedding you can never please anybody.

We've never been faced with something like this so new territory for us.

I agree on letting MIL sort out the issues with her sister, definetely don't want to get involved in that discussion.

I'll leave it up to DH to decide, it's his cousin, so I'm happy to go with the flow.



#23 PatG

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:16 PM

I'm in the either go or don't go camp but don't whinge about your kids not being invited to anyone involved.  Whinge here instead!

I wouldn't do as PPs have suggested and offer to pay for your kids to go - that just gets messy.  They have probably invited approximately the number of guests that their venue holds and/or have decided not children and so can't really say, well yours can come if you pay, but no that other one from that family can't as we have run out of room.

#24 FeralsCommonSense

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:16 PM

I fail to see how it could cause a rift in the family  huh.gif

#25 TheGreenSheep

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:17 PM

QUOTE (Kenji @ 10/04/2012, 01:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hire a babysitter to look after your kids so that you can go to the wedding?
Or don't go altogether?
But don't be offended by it. Their wedding; their choice.

Sorry but good luck!


Unfortunately it happens.

There have been numerous thread about this exact dilemma over the years, and really the consensus always comes back their wedding their choice.

Oh and this happened to us last year, BIL and SIL didnt want the 8 nieces and nephews at the wedding. But then turned around 5 days beforehand and said if theyd like to attend the ceremony as other cousins wanted to watch. It was a major inconvenience for us as it was an hours drive away each way, so our kids  were the ones missing from the family photos. Irritates me no end that they said no and then sort of yes. Just stick to it people, I can deal with certainty far easier.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win $1000 with Sea-Band

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

Misery loves Facebook

Facebook users are often criticised for only showing the positive, fun parts of their lives. But what about when it swings the other way, when someone uses it for the purposes of ranting about their children all the time, never posting anything positive?

Toddler's adorable impersonation of pregnant mum

Little Ellis has noticed his mum is walking differently lately, and his impersonation of her is hilarious.

'Forgotten baby syndrome' can happen to any one of us

When my third child was two months old, I strapped her into her car seat, then promptly forgot all about her. But she survived, unharmed, because it was winter, and I was lucky.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

Ten things I've learned about motherhood

Never take a good night's sleep for granted. There is no logic like toddler logic. Standing on Lego hurts every time. These are the truths of parenthood.

Parenting past the toddler years: what's next?

Your baby has grown into a toddler, and now your toddler is fast approaching the preschooler stage. What can you expect as a parent?

Tips on what to pack in your hospital bag

Before giving birth I read countless lists, ended up overpacking just a little, and now know what I'll actually want to pack next time.

New app keeps tabs on your kids at childcare

Popular new technology lets parents know what their children are up to at childcare - but not everyone is a fan.

21 things I love about newborns

There?s an irresistible magic about newborns. Of course they're not all smiles and rainbows, but they are undeniably cute and remarkable in so, so many ways.

Kid-friendly hairdressers: who says haircuts can?t be fun?

I?ve found some salons who boast setups ideal for children ? you name it, they?ve thought of it. All are designed to make haircuts fun rather than stressful.

Labour pain relief may reduce risk of postnatal depression: study

Postnatal depression is a complex condition, but researchers say pain relief during labour may help some women.

Why we need better support for men after miscarriage

In a recent study, 85 per cent of men admitted feeling sadness after their partner miscarried, but almost half said they didn't share their feelings at all. What can be done to help them?

Mum in business: Kristy Chong

Kristy Chong is the managing director of Australian-made Modibodi underwear and a mum to Lucas, 6, Jason, 4, and Isaac, 6 months. She shares her advice for other mums thinking about starting their own businesses.

From toddler to preschooler: a developmental roadmap

So your toddler is growing up and will soon be entering the preschooler years. Here are a few ways to frame their development that will help you understand what?s going in those beautiful, funny, clever little heads of theirs.

Mum sacrifices an eye for her unborn baby

Motherhood is full of sacrifices, but this woman has made a life-altering one - and her baby hasn't even been born.

A grandparent by any other name

A growing number of grandparents are shunning tradition and going against conventional names - but a grandparent by any other name still gives the same awesome cuddles and kisses.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

When labour just doesn't happen

After three healthy kids, I can?t help feeling I?ve been a little ripped off. I missed out on something I had always wanted to experience, and now I?ll never get the chance.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Win $1000 with Sea-Band

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.