Jump to content

Your kids aren't allowed to come to the wedding - What would you do?


  • Please log in to reply
177 replies to this topic

#1 FerdiNando

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:02 PM


So DH's 1st cousin is getting married (MIL's sisters son).  We recieved the invite which had only mine & DH's name printed on it - not "........ Family" or all our names etc.

So I asked the bride to be about this she confirmed that her future inlaws (my DH's aunt and uncle) have decided that in order to keep costs down that only FIRST cousins are invited.  My children being second cousins are excluded.  unsure.gif

TBH am I little .... I guess, offended by it.  For me weddings are all about family, kids included.  I understand about keeping costs down but really, I know for sure that second cousins from the uncles side of the family will be there.

Anyway, DH doesn't want to go as he's a bit peeved at his aunt and uncle for excluding our kids but at the same time its not the fault of the bride and groom so we really don't know weather to go or not?

MIL (&FIL) will be really peeved at her sister & also DH's elderly nanna who adores our kids will be upset about them not being allowed to come.  It potentially can caused a rift in the family ......

We've never found ourselves in this sort of situation ..... what would you do?



#2 kreative

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:05 PM

QUOTE (JnrMurf @ 10/04/2012, 01:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So DH's 1st cousin is getting married (MIL's sisters son).  We recieved the invite which had only mine & DH's name printed on it - not "........ Family" or all our names etc.

So I asked the bride to be about this she confirmed that her future inlaws (my DH's aunt and uncle) have decided that in order to keep costs down that only FIRST cousins are invited.  My children being second cousins are excluded.  unsure.gif

TBH am I little .... I guess, offended by it.  For me weddings are all about family, kids included.  I understand about keeping costs down but really, I know for sure that second cousins from the uncles side of the family will be there.

Anyway, DH doesn't want to go as he's a bit peeved at his aunt and uncle for excluding our kids but at the same time its not the fault of the bride and groom so we really don't know weather to go or not?

MIL (&FIL) will be really peeved at her sister & also DH's elderly nanna who adores our kids will be upset about them not being allowed to come.  It potentially can caused a rift in the family ......

We've never found ourselves in this sort of situation ..... what would you do?


They want to keep costs down. How are you peeved at that. If you want additional people to go to the wedding, suggest to them that you will pay for it?

#3 Fyn Angelot

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:05 PM

If you can go, go.  If you can't, decline politely and don't.

Either way don't b**ch to extended family.  Your kids aren't owed an invitation, and if you carry on about it you'll just look self-centred.

#4 BVB09

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:06 PM

To be honest OP, it's their wedding not yours ! You just need to respect their wishes.

#5 Epitome

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:07 PM

What do I do?

I accept that I got to decide how I held my wedding and whom I did or didnt invite, based on what I thought a wedding was about...and what we wanted

Therefore everyone else has that right too.

I either go and have a good time, or politely decline.




#6 Rosepickles

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:08 PM

I think it is fairly common for kids not to be invited to weddings, I really don't understand the problem.

I often thought that not inviting kids is actually not so much about costs but that it is an event for adults to relax and enjoy themselves. Having kids there can sometimes change this. It is not about you or your kids, it is about the couple getting married.

#7 ~Nodnol~

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:08 PM

I would go. I don't think kids belong at weddings either.  ph34r.gif

#8 threeinnyc

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

Hire a babysitter to look after your kids so that you can go to the wedding?
Or don't go altogether?
But don't be offended by it. Their wedding; their choice.

Sorry but good luck!

#9 cinnabubble

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

I wouldn't go. Simple.

#10 Mpjp is feral

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

I seriously dont know how peopel think they are entitled to be 'peeved' about this. It's NOT YOUR WEDDING. You are not paying for it. And money aside - if they dont want kids at their wedding, then WHO CARES if you think weddings are all about family? It's their choice.

I love, adore and worshiop my kids, but I dont think they have to be included in everything. In fact I really enjoy a night out with my partner at a wedding!

Go. Don't go. But dont impose yourself on others by telling them you believe they should have invited your kids!

#11 Guest_Starletta_*

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

I would let your MIL deal with it if its her sister. If your MIL is really upset with it, and angry with her sister, then they can discuss it.

But I would also just respect their wishes.

#12 paddyboo

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:10 PM

At our wedding my neice & nephews came however no other children. It is pretty normal, I don't see what the big deal is? shrug.gif

#13 Spring Chickadee

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:10 PM

Sometimes people don't have unlimited money to invite everyone they know to a wedding. By inviting kids the guest list may blown out beyond what they could handle.

It's actually pretty common for people to not invite kids at all. So I think they are being fair.

So you can
A - not go
B- only one of you go and the other stay home with the kids
C- get a babysitter.

#14 Luci

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:11 PM

I also thought it was fairly common for children to not be invited to weddings......

Luci

#15 MummaDiva

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:11 PM

Only two things you need to do:

(1) Get a babysitter and enjoy the wedding.

(2) Take your kids to see the aunts and elderly nannas, etc, some other time.

#16 I'm Batman

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:12 PM

Offer to pay for your own kids

Accept not everything is about you and stopped feeling miffed. Don't b**ch to family.

or

Politely decline.


Pick one.

#17 lozoodle

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:12 PM

I would think "woohoo! kid free night!"

I don't think this is worth being annoyed about. If I could arrange babysitting I'd go and have a good time, if not I would just politely decline. Its not a big deal.

if I ever get married there sure as hell wont be kids at my wedding apart from a select few, so I wouldn't expect mine to be invited to someone elses.

#18 Oriental lily

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:12 PM

I am a little confused. So are you saying that some children are coming but only first cousins? Or are no children invited.

If its the first thing then it's pretty bizarre, not inviting someone due to we're they come in the family tree.

If its a ' no kid ' wedding then it's pretty much the norm these days and. I would not be offended about that.



#19 WibbleWobble

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:12 PM

QUOTE (melbelle @ 10/04/2012, 01:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What do I do?

I accept that I got to decide how I held my wedding and whom I did or didnt invite, based on what I thought a wedding was about...and what we wanted

Therefore everyone else has that right too.


This.

Either go and have a good (child free) time, or decline.

#20 Expelliarmus

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:14 PM

Your children are not second cousins. They are first cousins once removed.

What would I do? Find a babysitter.

#21 flowerpuff

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:14 PM

Personally I think weddings are Adult Only parties - just my opinion.... and I love the excuse to have a "child free" night out with my husband when we attend other people's weddings.... wub.gif

#22 FerdiNando

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:15 PM

Am certaintly not trying to "impose" my children on them.  As you say it's their choice who they invite and dont invite - totally get that & certainly know that no matter what you do with a wedding you can never please anybody.

We've never been faced with something like this so new territory for us.

I agree on letting MIL sort out the issues with her sister, definetely don't want to get involved in that discussion.

I'll leave it up to DH to decide, it's his cousin, so I'm happy to go with the flow.



#23 PatG

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:16 PM

I'm in the either go or don't go camp but don't whinge about your kids not being invited to anyone involved.  Whinge here instead!

I wouldn't do as PPs have suggested and offer to pay for your kids to go - that just gets messy.  They have probably invited approximately the number of guests that their venue holds and/or have decided not children and so can't really say, well yours can come if you pay, but no that other one from that family can't as we have run out of room.

#24 UncommonSense

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:16 PM

I fail to see how it could cause a rift in the family  huh.gif

#25 TheGreenSheep

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:17 PM

QUOTE (Kenji @ 10/04/2012, 01:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hire a babysitter to look after your kids so that you can go to the wedding?
Or don't go altogether?
But don't be offended by it. Their wedding; their choice.

Sorry but good luck!


Unfortunately it happens.

There have been numerous thread about this exact dilemma over the years, and really the consensus always comes back their wedding their choice.

Oh and this happened to us last year, BIL and SIL didnt want the 8 nieces and nephews at the wedding. But then turned around 5 days beforehand and said if theyd like to attend the ceremony as other cousins wanted to watch. It was a major inconvenience for us as it was an hours drive away each way, so our kids  were the ones missing from the family photos. Irritates me no end that they said no and then sort of yes. Just stick to it people, I can deal with certainty far easier.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Why I breastfed my son until he was three

The fact that I not only breastfed my son, but breastfed him for three and a half years, seems pretty incredible in retrospect.

Do babies and young children see ghosts?

Do babies and young children see ghosts? If you’ve pondered the question, you’re not alone.

15 years with Essential Baby: meet Therese

"Life has a funny way of giving you what you need when you need it the most."

Mum causes a stir by taking a stand against leggings

A mum has found herself the subject of debate after claiming tight bottoms cause lustful thoughts in men.

Don't set a parenting goal for 2015 - do this instead

The problem with goal setting as a parent is the measure. How do we really know if we’re succeeding?

5 pregnancy myths that just won't go away

When you're expecting, it often seems like everyone is keen to offer advice about what you should and shouldn't do in the interests of your health and wellbeing.

RPA hospital contacting mums after discovering vaccine storage fault

Sydney's Royal Prince Alfred Hospital (RPA) is trying to contact women who had babies at the facility after discovering a fault in a refrigerator containing vaccines.

'Nutella' not a baby name, French court says

A French court has blocked parents from naming their baby girl after the hazelnut spread Nutella, arguing it would make her the target of mockery.

Why I'm never calling myself 'just a mum' again

I’ve grown three human beings. I feed them, dress them, teach them, care for them and love them 24 hours a day. Yet for eight years, when I meet new people and they’ve asked me what I do, I tell them: “I’m just a mum”.

Rosie Batty named 2015 Australian of the Year

One year ago, Rosie Batty could not have imagined she'd be where she is. Tonight the grieving mum who put domestic violence on the national agenda was named Australian of the Year.

Five reasons to hug more

Hugging – some of us thrive on it, even depend on it – and then there are those who don't care for it really. So, are they missing out?

Help - my three-year-old has started throwing tantrums

My daughter never went through the "terrible twos" but began throwing wild tantrums shortly after her third birthday.

That's commitment

First peek at Sonia Kruger's daughter Maggie

"She smells so good, I could eat her," Kruger tells co-host David Campbell.

Mum assists in own caesarean surgery

A mum who partly delivered her own twins during a caesarean has encouraged other women to take control of their birthing experience.

How to handle common childhood regressions

Regression can be a natural and common part of development prompted by a variety of factors, but that doesn't make it less frustrating.

Disgruntled dad's pram ad goes viral

When buying a second hand pram, there are lots of things to take into consideration. 

Man discovers he's a dad after finding 55-year-old letter

Discovering you are about to father a baby is startling enough - never mind finding out you have a 61-year-old son.

15 thoughts mums have during a tantrum

Ranging from mild to feral and triggered by events both minor and major, tantrums certainly keep life interesting.

Natural pain relief in the early stages of labour

While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Forgotten Baby Syndrome claims the life of toddler

One baby dies every eight days in the back of a car in the US, victims of 'forgotten baby syndrome'.

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel. You stole my heart, and changed me into the women I am today.

Chinese woman gives birth to quintuplets

After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.

Chrissie Swan has reached her "sex quota"

Chrissie Swan says she and her partner have sex once a year due to her fear of falling pregnant.

Stars help save choking babies

It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.

New Girl star Zooey Deschanel pregnant

Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.

16 times 'dad reflexes' saved the day

Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.

Couple's 'non-traditional' pregnancy announcement goes viral

Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.

The trials and tribulations of identical triplet newborns

Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Earthquake baby thriving five years on

Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.

Please don't say I'm lucky because I was adopted

On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?

An open letter to non-parents who offer advice on child-rearing

Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.

Couple arrested over baby gun video

A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.

NSW Health dumps 10-year limit on frozen embryos

A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.

How my happy-go-lucky husband became a monster

Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes, too

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.

'They were just doing their job': mum of toddler killed in police chase gone wrong

"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."

Miscarriages to be formally recognised by NSW government

Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.

Cafe cubby house 'too noisy' for neighbours

Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.

Dad films baby playing with snake

Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Back to School Offer

Findababysitter.com.au

We've got you covered for this school year. Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.