Jump to content

Your kids aren't allowed to come to the wedding - What would you do?


  • Please log in to reply
177 replies to this topic

#1 FerdiNando

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:02 PM


So DH's 1st cousin is getting married (MIL's sisters son).  We recieved the invite which had only mine & DH's name printed on it - not "........ Family" or all our names etc.

So I asked the bride to be about this she confirmed that her future inlaws (my DH's aunt and uncle) have decided that in order to keep costs down that only FIRST cousins are invited.  My children being second cousins are excluded.  unsure.gif

TBH am I little .... I guess, offended by it.  For me weddings are all about family, kids included.  I understand about keeping costs down but really, I know for sure that second cousins from the uncles side of the family will be there.

Anyway, DH doesn't want to go as he's a bit peeved at his aunt and uncle for excluding our kids but at the same time its not the fault of the bride and groom so we really don't know weather to go or not?

MIL (&FIL) will be really peeved at her sister & also DH's elderly nanna who adores our kids will be upset about them not being allowed to come.  It potentially can caused a rift in the family ......

We've never found ourselves in this sort of situation ..... what would you do?



#2 kreative

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:05 PM

QUOTE (JnrMurf @ 10/04/2012, 01:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So DH's 1st cousin is getting married (MIL's sisters son).  We recieved the invite which had only mine & DH's name printed on it - not "........ Family" or all our names etc.

So I asked the bride to be about this she confirmed that her future inlaws (my DH's aunt and uncle) have decided that in order to keep costs down that only FIRST cousins are invited.  My children being second cousins are excluded.  unsure.gif

TBH am I little .... I guess, offended by it.  For me weddings are all about family, kids included.  I understand about keeping costs down but really, I know for sure that second cousins from the uncles side of the family will be there.

Anyway, DH doesn't want to go as he's a bit peeved at his aunt and uncle for excluding our kids but at the same time its not the fault of the bride and groom so we really don't know weather to go or not?

MIL (&FIL) will be really peeved at her sister & also DH's elderly nanna who adores our kids will be upset about them not being allowed to come.  It potentially can caused a rift in the family ......

We've never found ourselves in this sort of situation ..... what would you do?


They want to keep costs down. How are you peeved at that. If you want additional people to go to the wedding, suggest to them that you will pay for it?

#3 Angelot

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:05 PM

If you can go, go.  If you can't, decline politely and don't.

Either way don't b**ch to extended family.  Your kids aren't owed an invitation, and if you carry on about it you'll just look self-centred.

#4 BVB09

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:06 PM

To be honest OP, it's their wedding not yours ! You just need to respect their wishes.

#5 Epitome

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:07 PM

What do I do?

I accept that I got to decide how I held my wedding and whom I did or didnt invite, based on what I thought a wedding was about...and what we wanted

Therefore everyone else has that right too.

I either go and have a good time, or politely decline.




#6 Rosepickles

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:08 PM

I think it is fairly common for kids not to be invited to weddings, I really don't understand the problem.

I often thought that not inviting kids is actually not so much about costs but that it is an event for adults to relax and enjoy themselves. Having kids there can sometimes change this. It is not about you or your kids, it is about the couple getting married.

#7 ~Nodnol~

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:08 PM

I would go. I don't think kids belong at weddings either.  ph34r.gif

#8 threeinnyc

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

Hire a babysitter to look after your kids so that you can go to the wedding?
Or don't go altogether?
But don't be offended by it. Their wedding; their choice.

Sorry but good luck!

#9 cinnabubble

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

I wouldn't go. Simple.

#10 Mpjp is feral

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

I seriously dont know how peopel think they are entitled to be 'peeved' about this. It's NOT YOUR WEDDING. You are not paying for it. And money aside - if they dont want kids at their wedding, then WHO CARES if you think weddings are all about family? It's their choice.

I love, adore and worshiop my kids, but I dont think they have to be included in everything. In fact I really enjoy a night out with my partner at a wedding!

Go. Don't go. But dont impose yourself on others by telling them you believe they should have invited your kids!

#11 Guest_Starletta_*

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

I would let your MIL deal with it if its her sister. If your MIL is really upset with it, and angry with her sister, then they can discuss it.

But I would also just respect their wishes.

#12 paddyboo

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:10 PM

At our wedding my neice & nephews came however no other children. It is pretty normal, I don't see what the big deal is? shrug.gif

#13 Spring Chickadee

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:10 PM

Sometimes people don't have unlimited money to invite everyone they know to a wedding. By inviting kids the guest list may blown out beyond what they could handle.

It's actually pretty common for people to not invite kids at all. So I think they are being fair.

So you can
A - not go
B- only one of you go and the other stay home with the kids
C- get a babysitter.

#14 Luci

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:11 PM

I also thought it was fairly common for children to not be invited to weddings......

Luci

#15 MummaDiva

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:11 PM

Only two things you need to do:

(1) Get a babysitter and enjoy the wedding.

(2) Take your kids to see the aunts and elderly nannas, etc, some other time.

#16 I'm Batman

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:12 PM

Offer to pay for your own kids

Accept not everything is about you and stopped feeling miffed. Don't b**ch to family.

or

Politely decline.


Pick one.

#17 lozoodle

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:12 PM

I would think "woohoo! kid free night!"

I don't think this is worth being annoyed about. If I could arrange babysitting I'd go and have a good time, if not I would just politely decline. Its not a big deal.

if I ever get married there sure as hell wont be kids at my wedding apart from a select few, so I wouldn't expect mine to be invited to someone elses.

#18 Oriental lily

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:12 PM

I am a little confused. So are you saying that some children are coming but only first cousins? Or are no children invited.

If its the first thing then it's pretty bizarre, not inviting someone due to we're they come in the family tree.

If its a ' no kid ' wedding then it's pretty much the norm these days and. I would not be offended about that.



#19 Feral WibbleWobble

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:12 PM

QUOTE (melbelle @ 10/04/2012, 01:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What do I do?

I accept that I got to decide how I held my wedding and whom I did or didnt invite, based on what I thought a wedding was about...and what we wanted

Therefore everyone else has that right too.


This.

Either go and have a good (child free) time, or decline.

#20 Expelliarmus

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:14 PM

Your children are not second cousins. They are first cousins once removed.

What would I do? Find a babysitter.

#21 flowerpuff

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:14 PM

Personally I think weddings are Adult Only parties - just my opinion.... and I love the excuse to have a "child free" night out with my husband when we attend other people's weddings.... wub.gif

#22 FerdiNando

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:15 PM

Am certaintly not trying to "impose" my children on them.  As you say it's their choice who they invite and dont invite - totally get that & certainly know that no matter what you do with a wedding you can never please anybody.

We've never been faced with something like this so new territory for us.

I agree on letting MIL sort out the issues with her sister, definetely don't want to get involved in that discussion.

I'll leave it up to DH to decide, it's his cousin, so I'm happy to go with the flow.



#23 PatG

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:16 PM

I'm in the either go or don't go camp but don't whinge about your kids not being invited to anyone involved.  Whinge here instead!

I wouldn't do as PPs have suggested and offer to pay for your kids to go - that just gets messy.  They have probably invited approximately the number of guests that their venue holds and/or have decided not children and so can't really say, well yours can come if you pay, but no that other one from that family can't as we have run out of room.

#24 UncommonSense

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:16 PM

I fail to see how it could cause a rift in the family  huh.gif

#25 TheGreenSheep

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:17 PM

QUOTE (Kenji @ 10/04/2012, 01:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hire a babysitter to look after your kids so that you can go to the wedding?
Or don't go altogether?
But don't be offended by it. Their wedding; their choice.

Sorry but good luck!


Unfortunately it happens.

There have been numerous thread about this exact dilemma over the years, and really the consensus always comes back their wedding their choice.

Oh and this happened to us last year, BIL and SIL didnt want the 8 nieces and nephews at the wedding. But then turned around 5 days beforehand and said if theyd like to attend the ceremony as other cousins wanted to watch. It was a major inconvenience for us as it was an hours drive away each way, so our kids  were the ones missing from the family photos. Irritates me no end that they said no and then sort of yes. Just stick to it people, I can deal with certainty far easier.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Toddler attacked at gym creche

Two-year-old girl Eva Ness was left with a black eye and bite marks on her face and body after an altercation with an older child at a health club's child-minding facilities. Now her parents are calling for the centre to be closed.

Carseats have twice as many germs as a toilet

Most parents know their child's carseat is not always squeaky clean, but they might not realise just how dirty it really is.

Doctors remove foetus from 'medical marvel' after 36 years

Doctors in India have removed the skeleton of a foetus that had been inside a woman for 36 years.

Nine months in six seconds: new parents' Vine clip a hit

We?ve seen some memorable time-lapse pregnancy and birth announcement videos before. Now one new couple has taken it to the extreme, capturing it all in just a six-second Vine video.

Sonia Kruger speaks of baby joy

Celebrity mum-to-be Sonia Kruger has spoken candidly about using donor eggs and IVF to fall pregnant at age 48.

Dressing to not impress: life through the eyes of a three-year-old

When it comes to getting dressed, my three-year-old has only one criterion: ?I don?t want to look beautiful.? And now I've worked out why.

Special nappies made with love for angel babies

Angel Baby Nappies make and provide tiny bereavement cloth nappies for pre-term stillborn babies and premature babies who pass away in the NICU.

Inside the brain of a tantruming toddler

What's going on in your child's mind in the lead-up to a tantrum? And what?s the best way to respond?

5 secrets to a long-lasting relationship

When it comes to keeping your relationship strong, it?s what you do - and not what you want - that really matters.

When 'furbabies' meet real babies

I am obsessed with my dogs, and can't imagine loving them any less once my baby arrives. But that doesn't stop everyone from telling me I will.

The least popular baby names of 2013

Looking for a baby name that?s nowhere near the top 10 ? or even the top 1000? Try the bottom five.

'I was so sleep deprived I crashed my car'

There are no laws regulating driving while tired, but statistics show that driver fatigue is one of the top three contributors to the road toll.

Why are there so few sexy maternity bras?

Rather than feeling ashamed of their post-baby bodies, women should be free to buy lingerie that makes them look attractive and pretty - no matter what stage of life they're in.

Toddler Alliyah one step closer to first trip home

She has lived the first 14 months of her life in a hospital intensive care unit, but Alliyah Broadby's parents hope to finally take their little girl home with them.

'Put people before IVF profits': IVF pioneer Alan Trounson

IVF could be done for hundreds of dollars in Australia instead of $8500 if clinics stopped charging what ''the market will handle'', a pioneer of the technology says.

Expectant parents urged to swap the pub for bub

Nearly one in five women drink while pregnant, but a current campaign is trying to drive down that unhealthy statistic.

Nutella supplies threatened by bad weather

There's bad news for fans of Nutella, the gooey, chocolatey hazelnut spread.

The cost of growing your own vegies

Does it make financial sense to grow your own veggies, or are you better off ordering produce from the local food co-op?

Breastfeeding mums less likely to suffer from PND, but all need support

A new study has shown the a complex relationship between a mother?s intention to breastfeed, her ability to do so, and postnatal depression.

The #loveyourlines Instagram account taking on body issues

A new Instagram account, LoveYourLines, has put the call out for to change the way we view stretch marks.

Mum gets diploma 51 years after being thrown out of school over pregnancy

Sandra Lantz was about six months pregnant and four months from graduation when she was forced to leave high school. Now, more than half a century later, she has finally graduated.

The lowdown on male midwives

How would you feel about having a male midwife assist your baby's birth? For a growing number of mums, the idea is a reality - and the experts all agree that it's something that should be encouraged.

Bomb threat at daycare centre

Worried parents took to social media yesterday after their children's daycare was evacuated due to a bomb threat.

Unusual celebrity baby names

Celebrities love to use their imaginations when it comes to naming their kids! Here's a gallery of some of the most memorable monikers in show biz families.

5 fears I've overcome since becoming a mum

Motherhood has a way of putting any phobias you had pre-parenthood into perspective: you either realise they?re a pointless waste of energy or they simply vanish in a sleep-deprived haze.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Do you suffer from Precious Firstborn Syndrome?

Testing ?no more tears? shampoo in your own eyes, warming cucumber sticks so they're not cold straight from the fridge, waking a sleeping baby to check they?re still breathing: these are all symptoms of Precious Firstborn Syndrome.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

Mums hit hardest as flu cases skyrocket

The number of confirmed cases of influenza in Australia has doubled the number for the same time last year - and women are 25 per cent more likely to get it.

The mum who had four babies in nine months

Feeling exhausted due to the demands of caring for a baby? Imagine the life of this mum, who gave birth to three boys and one girl in just nine months.

Everything baby at Big W

Lowest prices on everything baby, only at Big W. Sale starts August 4 and ends August 20 2014.

Smiggle is painting the town red!

We have 3 Red Smiggle prize packs to give away! Enter by posting a photo of something red to your Instagram.

Going viral

Mum gives birth at school

A video of a three-year-old taking the ice bucket challenge has gone viral, but many aren't impressed.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.