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This should probably be in the baby names section..
Sensitive, miscarriage mentioned.

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15 replies to this topic

#1 Madlock

Posted 10 April 2012 - 10:29 AM

I'm not too sure how to put this but i'll give it a go.

I fell pregnant a few years ago and miscarried at 9wks. DH and I had a few names picked out but one in particular that we really liked, and everytime we referred to the pregnancy we would use it's 'name.' However it was still very early in the pregnancy so who who knows what we would have ended up naming him/her if the pregnancy had actually gone to term.

So my question is, if this was you, would you think it was ok to use the same name for your next child, or would it no longer be an option?

Edited by Madlock, 10 April 2012 - 10:31 AM.

#2 NotRocketScience

Posted 10 April 2012 - 10:35 AM

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

I think it is perfectly fine to use it. It's really up to you. Use it if you think you you won't constantly think of the other bub. Don't use it if it's going to upset you. Only you will really know the answer to your question.

edited - cause I couldn't type.

Edited by mrscanuck, 10 April 2012 - 10:36 AM.

#3 mummyofour

Posted 10 April 2012 - 10:38 AM

I m/c'ed at 10 weeks 3 years ago.  I don't know what sex the baby was and we, like you, hadn't got any names absolutely chosen.  We went on to have another baby afterwards, a girl.  I think of the baby we lost as a boy and I always think of him as the name he would have been if he had been born IYKWIM, but I know I won't be having any more babies so it's not a name I am going to use.  (I hope that makes sense...)

I think it's really up to you and your DH.  If you still think of your lost baby as "chosen" name then I probably wouldn't want to use that name again but that's just me.   You might be completely comfortable with using the same name.

I know in years gone by, when there were lots of kids in a family, often you would find 2 children with the same name where one had died in infancy and a later baby was given the same name.

#4 Oriental lily

Posted 10 April 2012 - 12:38 PM

I think it's a very personal thing and if you and your DH feel comfortable with it then I think its perfectly fine.

For things like this their is no wrong or right way you should feel.

Sorry to hear about the loss of your little one.

#5 Bel Rowley

Posted 10 April 2012 - 12:46 PM

I think only you and your DH can decide how closely attached the name is to the baby you lost. Personally I never attached a gender or name to my miscarried babies, so it wouldn't be an issue for me.

#6 PatG

Posted 10 April 2012 - 12:57 PM

I think it is fine to use the name, if you are happy doing so.  I know of a family who lost a baby at 41 weeks, they used that baby's first name as a mn for the next child (they already had an older child).  To them it was a way of honouring the baby that died.

#7 Isolabella

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:01 PM

As PP said whatever suits you and your DH.

For me any of the names we considered early PG were NOT the names we ended up calling our children.

We even used totally different names for subsequent children (ie. DS2 did not get DS1's 2nd choice name - he got a totally new different name which had not been under consideration).

So any names we suggested pre 20wks PG were never used.

Even names we had spoken of and agreed on years before (William and Caroline) were not used for our children.

#8 Spring Chickadee

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:07 PM

DH and I had a name we used whenever we were referring to our future baby.  When we were talking about changing cars or house renovations we would say 'well when Maximus is here......' We also had a girls name picked out if our first born was girl.

After our first loss I wasn't sure if We would use the name again but it felt right to in the end. I guess that Name represents a full term born baby for us as thats what I visualise when i think of the name.

Just after our third loss the name (both first and middle) was used by my cousin (total coincidence) but my heart is still totally set on it if we have a boy. I'm not sure whether to keep trying to come up with another name or just use it anyway.

#9 WibbleWobble

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

I think it depends on what you feel ok with.

Something to consider though is when your (future) child asks why you chose the name you did would you be comfortable telling them it was the name chosen for another child?

#10 lovinmybaby

Posted 10 April 2012 - 05:23 PM

I think it's perfectly fine. A friend of mine has used her DS1 (stillborn) name as her DS2 first name and DS3 middlle name. I think it's nice, like he is still a part of them, that he is with them iykwim. Go for it OP, if it's what you both want to do.

#11 SusieGreen

Posted 10 April 2012 - 05:34 PM

QUOTE (WibbleWobble @ 10/04/2012, 01:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think it depends on what you feel ok with.

Something to consider though is when your (future) child asks why you chose the name you did would you be comfortable telling them it was the name chosen for another child?

Why would you shrug.gif

I'm in the 'whatever feels right for YOU' camp OP. I never attached names  to any of the babies I lost so for me it was never an issue. For each child I did have, I picked a boys name and a girls name and whichever one not used, I'd consider for the next child. I, personally, don't see an issue with using a name chosen previously.

#12 Guest_Starletta_*

Posted 10 April 2012 - 05:37 PM

I would, with no issue.

#13 MuppetGirl

Posted 10 April 2012 - 05:39 PM

Me personally? No I wouldn't.

However this is such a personal choice that only you and your DH can make. If you both want and agree to use it then that is all that matters.

#14 Grant Me Wings

Posted 10 April 2012 - 06:05 PM

I would use it.

I have a name picked for my second boy (if I have one), and a name picked for a girl as well.

When I was pregnant I thought it was going to be a boy and become "Name", but I miscarried and the baby never reached that stage. I still think it was a boy and he will always be my second, but the name belongs to a baby I can hold.

#15 fruitbat72

Posted 10 April 2012 - 06:23 PM

when I was PG with my first baby, I called her Niamh, a name I absolutely loved (and still do) - unfortunately, I lost her at 27 weeks

When we found out I was PG with DD2, I admit to feeling a bit "annoyed" that I had already used Niamh but I would never have considered reusing it. We ended up calling DD2 Phillippa instead.

#16 dlee

Posted 10 April 2012 - 06:58 PM

I don't think this is something EB can answer for you, we can only give our opinions from our own experiences.

My partner and I found out we were expecting at 8 weeks and had already picked out the names for the first two of each gender. (They're family ones so it was easier than having a list of random favourites and narrowing it down.) If I'd miscarried a week later, I think I'd be okay reusing the two names but we didn't feel "connected" to the blob on the screen then. By the time the second ultrasound came around at 19 weeks, we'd grown attached to him and I'd felt him moving enough that I know I wouldn't be able to reuse the name. It might be morbid but my partner and I have discussed this and he agreed that, if anything happens to little J, we'll use our second boy's name for the next one or choose a new one entirely.

So for me, the answer changed with time and it does depend on how you feel. It's a very personal decision and I wish you all the best in reaching it.

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