Jump to content

This should probably be in the baby names section..
Sensitive, miscarriage mentioned.


  • Please log in to reply
15 replies to this topic

#1 Madlock

Posted 10 April 2012 - 10:29 AM

I'm not too sure how to put this but i'll give it a go.

I fell pregnant a few years ago and miscarried at 9wks. DH and I had a few names picked out but one in particular that we really liked, and everytime we referred to the pregnancy we would use it's 'name.' However it was still very early in the pregnancy so who who knows what we would have ended up naming him/her if the pregnancy had actually gone to term.

So my question is, if this was you, would you think it was ok to use the same name for your next child, or would it no longer be an option?

Edited by Madlock, 10 April 2012 - 10:31 AM.


#2 NotRocketScience

Posted 10 April 2012 - 10:35 AM

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

I think it is perfectly fine to use it. It's really up to you. Use it if you think you you won't constantly think of the other bub. Don't use it if it's going to upset you. Only you will really know the answer to your question.

edited - cause I couldn't type.

Edited by mrscanuck, 10 April 2012 - 10:36 AM.


#3 mummyofour

Posted 10 April 2012 - 10:38 AM

I m/c'ed at 10 weeks 3 years ago.  I don't know what sex the baby was and we, like you, hadn't got any names absolutely chosen.  We went on to have another baby afterwards, a girl.  I think of the baby we lost as a boy and I always think of him as the name he would have been if he had been born IYKWIM, but I know I won't be having any more babies so it's not a name I am going to use.  (I hope that makes sense...)

I think it's really up to you and your DH.  If you still think of your lost baby as "chosen" name then I probably wouldn't want to use that name again but that's just me.   You might be completely comfortable with using the same name.

I know in years gone by, when there were lots of kids in a family, often you would find 2 children with the same name where one had died in infancy and a later baby was given the same name.

#4 Oriental lily

Posted 10 April 2012 - 12:38 PM

I think it's a very personal thing and if you and your DH feel comfortable with it then I think its perfectly fine.

For things like this their is no wrong or right way you should feel.

Sorry to hear about the loss of your little one.

#5 Bel Rowley

Posted 10 April 2012 - 12:46 PM

I think only you and your DH can decide how closely attached the name is to the baby you lost. Personally I never attached a gender or name to my miscarried babies, so it wouldn't be an issue for me.

#6 PatG

Posted 10 April 2012 - 12:57 PM

I think it is fine to use the name, if you are happy doing so.  I know of a family who lost a baby at 41 weeks, they used that baby's first name as a mn for the next child (they already had an older child).  To them it was a way of honouring the baby that died.

#7 IsolaBella

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:01 PM

As PP said whatever suits you and your DH.

For me any of the names we considered early PG were NOT the names we ended up calling our children.

We even used totally different names for subsequent children (ie. DS2 did not get DS1's 2nd choice name - he got a totally new different name which had not been under consideration).

So any names we suggested pre 20wks PG were never used.

Even names we had spoken of and agreed on years before (William and Caroline) were not used for our children.



#8 Spring Chickadee

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:07 PM

DH and I had a name we used whenever we were referring to our future baby.  When we were talking about changing cars or house renovations we would say 'well when Maximus is here......' We also had a girls name picked out if our first born was girl.

After our first loss I wasn't sure if We would use the name again but it felt right to in the end. I guess that Name represents a full term born baby for us as thats what I visualise when i think of the name.

Just after our third loss the name (both first and middle) was used by my cousin (total coincidence) but my heart is still totally set on it if we have a boy. I'm not sure whether to keep trying to come up with another name or just use it anyway.

#9 WibbleWobble

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

I think it depends on what you feel ok with.

Something to consider though is when your (future) child asks why you chose the name you did would you be comfortable telling them it was the name chosen for another child?

#10 lovinmybaby

Posted 10 April 2012 - 05:23 PM

I think it's perfectly fine. A friend of mine has used her DS1 (stillborn) name as her DS2 first name and DS3 middlle name. I think it's nice, like he is still a part of them, that he is with them iykwim. Go for it OP, if it's what you both want to do.


#11 SusieGreen

Posted 10 April 2012 - 05:34 PM

QUOTE (WibbleWobble @ 10/04/2012, 01:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think it depends on what you feel ok with.

Something to consider though is when your (future) child asks why you chose the name you did would you be comfortable telling them it was the name chosen for another child?


Why would you shrug.gif

I'm in the 'whatever feels right for YOU' camp OP. I never attached names  to any of the babies I lost so for me it was never an issue. For each child I did have, I picked a boys name and a girls name and whichever one not used, I'd consider for the next child. I, personally, don't see an issue with using a name chosen previously.



#12 Guest_Starletta_*

Posted 10 April 2012 - 05:37 PM

I would, with no issue.

#13 MuppetGirl

Posted 10 April 2012 - 05:39 PM

Me personally? No I wouldn't.

However this is such a personal choice that only you and your DH can make. If you both want and agree to use it then that is all that matters.

#14 FeralDancesHere

Posted 10 April 2012 - 06:05 PM

I would use it.

I have a name picked for my second boy (if I have one), and a name picked for a girl as well.

When I was pregnant I thought it was going to be a boy and become "Name", but I miscarried and the baby never reached that stage. I still think it was a boy and he will always be my second, but the name belongs to a baby I can hold.

#15 fruitbat72

Posted 10 April 2012 - 06:23 PM

when I was PG with my first baby, I called her Niamh, a name I absolutely loved (and still do) - unfortunately, I lost her at 27 weeks

When we found out I was PG with DD2, I admit to feeling a bit "annoyed" that I had already used Niamh but I would never have considered reusing it. We ended up calling DD2 Phillippa instead.

#16 dlee

Posted 10 April 2012 - 06:58 PM

I don't think this is something EB can answer for you, we can only give our opinions from our own experiences.

My partner and I found out we were expecting at 8 weeks and had already picked out the names for the first two of each gender. (They're family ones so it was easier than having a list of random favourites and narrowing it down.) If I'd miscarried a week later, I think I'd be okay reusing the two names but we didn't feel "connected" to the blob on the screen then. By the time the second ultrasound came around at 19 weeks, we'd grown attached to him and I'd felt him moving enough that I know I wouldn't be able to reuse the name. It might be morbid but my partner and I have discussed this and he agreed that, if anything happens to little J, we'll use our second boy's name for the next one or choose a new one entirely.

So for me, the answer changed with time and it does depend on how you feel. It's a very personal decision and I wish you all the best in reaching it.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How I learnt to relax about routines

After many routine-led, tough years, we've realised that being parenting isn't about being perfect. It isn't about following a schedule to a T.

Should you have a third child or not?

I thought our family had been complete with our two boys. I had no idea how much I needed my daughter until she was here.

Helping a toddler embrace an adopted sibling

A single parent by choice, I am preparing to adopt a second baby from Morocco. And I face a special challenge.

When pregnancy messes with your self-esteem

Pregnancy doesn't make all women feel beautiful. It certainly doesn't raise every woman's self-esteem.

Join us in The BIG nappy change

Introducing the new Coles Little Explorer Nappies! You can confidently rely on Coles Little Explorer nappies at each stage of your child's growth, so take the Big Nappy Change and try new Coles Little Explorer nappies for yourself!

Robbie Williams live tweets wife's labour

And the award for most patient woman in labour goes to ... Robbie Williams' wife, Ayda Field.

Vaccine ignorance is deadly and contagious

In the absence of credible, strong political leadership, paranoia about disease can go viral.

Parenting differently based on birth order

All children have unique personalities, but keeping birth order in mind could help when parenting.

How to get rid of the mum guilt

Motherhood and guilt seem to go hand in hand, but there are ways to focus

Paid parental leave scheme grinds to a halt

The future of Prime Minister Tony Abbott's paid parental leave scheme appears to be up in the air, despite the fact it is due to begin in less than nine months.

The devastation of foetal alcohol spectrum disorders

No one's sure how many Australians are affected by foetal alcohol spectrum disorders, but the consequences for those who are can be devastating.

The pros and cons of finding out the sex of your unborn baby

It’s often one of the biggest choices parents make during the course of their pregnancy; to find out, or not to find out, the sex of their baby before it’s born.

Toddler's awesome dress up month

Two-year-old Willow and her photographer mum, Gina Lee, made October "Dress Up Willow Month". She posted photos of Willow's costumes on her Instagram account, and her creative takes on popular culture are simply adorable.

Childhood around the world

It can be easy to assume our ideas around childhood are universal, but they are particular to where we live, as these practices show.

Best picks for baby and toddler shoes

Here's a great selection of footwear from pre-walker to walker ensuring comfort and style for growing feet.

I lost my wife and daughters to Ebola - then it came for my son

Sunday, September 21, is a day I will never forget.

The 'yucky' illness that took over my life

I have a chronic illness nobody likes to discuss. It involves toilet talk, and probably caused my miscarriage. But it needs to be talked about.

Prenatal testing: the facts

Prenatal testing is done to check if a baby has certain medical conditions before birth. Here is some important information about what the tests are for and the risks involved.

5 things to do with your baby?s old clothes

Did you think your only option for your baby?s old clothes was to pack them away or give them to the Salvos? Think again.

Why it's possible to not realise you're pregnant until the baby arrives

After hearing about 'surprise babies' born to mums who didn't know they were pregnant, it's common to ask "how did she not realise?" But experts say it's entirely possible for it to happen.

'My miracle is finally here'

How has the world continued on its pace when mine has been altered so drastically?

Dairy can help older women fall pregnant: study

Ice cream may be the ultimate comfort food, but a study suggests it could also help older women to have children.

Megan Gale goes topless for 'sexiest people' cover

Six months after a heavily pregnant Megan Gale posed nude for Marie Claire, the glowing new mum has gone topless for the cover of another magazine.

A new perspective on life from living with two diseases

A mother shares her personal story about the difficulty of living with two conditions, one of which stops her from being able to see her daughter's face.

Warning about Children's Panadol dosage

The Therapeutic Goods Administration has issued a safety advisory warning parents about confusion when using the dosing syringe supplied with Children's Panadol.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Take 'The Coles Big Nappy Change' Challenge

You could become part of our Test Drive team and win one of 200 packs of Coles Little Explorer Nappies as part of our 5-day challenge.

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Join us in The BIG nappy change

Introducing the new Coles Little Explorer Nappies! You can confidently rely on Coles Little Explorer nappies at each stage of your child's growth, so take the Big Nappy Change and try new Coles Little Explorer nappies for yourself!

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

Weird trend

Couple has five babies in 14 months

Julie and David Grygla weren't sure they'd ever have kids - but their dreams have now well and truly come true.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.