Jump to content

This should probably be in the baby names section..
Sensitive, miscarriage mentioned.


  • Please log in to reply
15 replies to this topic

#1 Madlock

Posted 10 April 2012 - 10:29 AM

I'm not too sure how to put this but i'll give it a go.

I fell pregnant a few years ago and miscarried at 9wks. DH and I had a few names picked out but one in particular that we really liked, and everytime we referred to the pregnancy we would use it's 'name.' However it was still very early in the pregnancy so who who knows what we would have ended up naming him/her if the pregnancy had actually gone to term.

So my question is, if this was you, would you think it was ok to use the same name for your next child, or would it no longer be an option?

Edited by Madlock, 10 April 2012 - 10:31 AM.


#2 NotRocketScience

Posted 10 April 2012 - 10:35 AM

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

I think it is perfectly fine to use it. It's really up to you. Use it if you think you you won't constantly think of the other bub. Don't use it if it's going to upset you. Only you will really know the answer to your question.

edited - cause I couldn't type.

Edited by mrscanuck, 10 April 2012 - 10:36 AM.


#3 mummyofour

Posted 10 April 2012 - 10:38 AM

I m/c'ed at 10 weeks 3 years ago.  I don't know what sex the baby was and we, like you, hadn't got any names absolutely chosen.  We went on to have another baby afterwards, a girl.  I think of the baby we lost as a boy and I always think of him as the name he would have been if he had been born IYKWIM, but I know I won't be having any more babies so it's not a name I am going to use.  (I hope that makes sense...)

I think it's really up to you and your DH.  If you still think of your lost baby as "chosen" name then I probably wouldn't want to use that name again but that's just me.   You might be completely comfortable with using the same name.

I know in years gone by, when there were lots of kids in a family, often you would find 2 children with the same name where one had died in infancy and a later baby was given the same name.

#4 Oriental lily

Posted 10 April 2012 - 12:38 PM

I think it's a very personal thing and if you and your DH feel comfortable with it then I think its perfectly fine.

For things like this their is no wrong or right way you should feel.

Sorry to hear about the loss of your little one.

#5 Bel Rowley

Posted 10 April 2012 - 12:46 PM

I think only you and your DH can decide how closely attached the name is to the baby you lost. Personally I never attached a gender or name to my miscarried babies, so it wouldn't be an issue for me.

#6 PatG

Posted 10 April 2012 - 12:57 PM

I think it is fine to use the name, if you are happy doing so.  I know of a family who lost a baby at 41 weeks, they used that baby's first name as a mn for the next child (they already had an older child).  To them it was a way of honouring the baby that died.

#7 IsolaBella

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:01 PM

As PP said whatever suits you and your DH.

For me any of the names we considered early PG were NOT the names we ended up calling our children.

We even used totally different names for subsequent children (ie. DS2 did not get DS1's 2nd choice name - he got a totally new different name which had not been under consideration).

So any names we suggested pre 20wks PG were never used.

Even names we had spoken of and agreed on years before (William and Caroline) were not used for our children.



#8 Spring Chickadee

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:07 PM

DH and I had a name we used whenever we were referring to our future baby.  When we were talking about changing cars or house renovations we would say 'well when Maximus is here......' We also had a girls name picked out if our first born was girl.

After our first loss I wasn't sure if We would use the name again but it felt right to in the end. I guess that Name represents a full term born baby for us as thats what I visualise when i think of the name.

Just after our third loss the name (both first and middle) was used by my cousin (total coincidence) but my heart is still totally set on it if we have a boy. I'm not sure whether to keep trying to come up with another name or just use it anyway.

#9 Feral WibbleWobble

Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:09 PM

I think it depends on what you feel ok with.

Something to consider though is when your (future) child asks why you chose the name you did would you be comfortable telling them it was the name chosen for another child?

#10 lovinmybaby

Posted 10 April 2012 - 05:23 PM

I think it's perfectly fine. A friend of mine has used her DS1 (stillborn) name as her DS2 first name and DS3 middlle name. I think it's nice, like he is still a part of them, that he is with them iykwim. Go for it OP, if it's what you both want to do.


#11 SusieGreen

Posted 10 April 2012 - 05:34 PM

QUOTE (WibbleWobble @ 10/04/2012, 01:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think it depends on what you feel ok with.

Something to consider though is when your (future) child asks why you chose the name you did would you be comfortable telling them it was the name chosen for another child?


Why would you shrug.gif

I'm in the 'whatever feels right for YOU' camp OP. I never attached names  to any of the babies I lost so for me it was never an issue. For each child I did have, I picked a boys name and a girls name and whichever one not used, I'd consider for the next child. I, personally, don't see an issue with using a name chosen previously.



#12 Guest_Starletta_*

Posted 10 April 2012 - 05:37 PM

I would, with no issue.

#13 MahnaMahna

Posted 10 April 2012 - 05:39 PM

Me personally? No I wouldn't.

However this is such a personal choice that only you and your DH can make. If you both want and agree to use it then that is all that matters.

#14 FeralDancesHere

Posted 10 April 2012 - 06:05 PM

I would use it.

I have a name picked for my second boy (if I have one), and a name picked for a girl as well.

When I was pregnant I thought it was going to be a boy and become "Name", but I miscarried and the baby never reached that stage. I still think it was a boy and he will always be my second, but the name belongs to a baby I can hold.

#15 fruitbat72

Posted 10 April 2012 - 06:23 PM

when I was PG with my first baby, I called her Niamh, a name I absolutely loved (and still do) - unfortunately, I lost her at 27 weeks

When we found out I was PG with DD2, I admit to feeling a bit "annoyed" that I had already used Niamh but I would never have considered reusing it. We ended up calling DD2 Phillippa instead.

#16 dlee

Posted 10 April 2012 - 06:58 PM

I don't think this is something EB can answer for you, we can only give our opinions from our own experiences.

My partner and I found out we were expecting at 8 weeks and had already picked out the names for the first two of each gender. (They're family ones so it was easier than having a list of random favourites and narrowing it down.) If I'd miscarried a week later, I think I'd be okay reusing the two names but we didn't feel "connected" to the blob on the screen then. By the time the second ultrasound came around at 19 weeks, we'd grown attached to him and I'd felt him moving enough that I know I wouldn't be able to reuse the name. It might be morbid but my partner and I have discussed this and he agreed that, if anything happens to little J, we'll use our second boy's name for the next one or choose a new one entirely.

So for me, the answer changed with time and it does depend on how you feel. It's a very personal decision and I wish you all the best in reaching it.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Recall: Another cot deemed unsafe

Parents are being warned to check their baby's cot is not one of those which have been recalled in recent weeks due to safety concerns.

The truth about breastfeeding and weightloss

Celebrities often state that their post-baby weight loss is down to breastfeeding, and breastfeeding alone. But that's not the reality for all women.

10 weird things little kids do

Most kids have their own personal brand of oddity. It's usually nothing to worry about, but every now and again you might find yourself scratching your head and asking, ?Really? Is that really a thing??

The app that helps detect signs of autism

Parents can assess their children's progress at critical developmental stages, thanks to this new app.

Long battle to learn the truth about Ariana's birth

Cerise and Tim Lawn spent two years fighting to find out how a healthy pregnancy turned into a nightmare birth, and why their daughter now suffers from disabilities she shouldn't have.

Christina Aguilera announces daughter's name

Christina Aguilera and her fiance, Matt Rutler, have welcomed their daughter into the world.

Couple caught in surrogacy crackdown

An Australian couple caught up in Thailand's surrogacy crackdown have said many parents are distraught and facing dire financial difficulties as are they are unable to bring their surrogate-born babies home.

'Tired' mum dies of undiagnosed diabetes

New mum Nicky Rigby thought her exhaustion was due to the demands of looking after her baby. But the 26-year-old was seriously ill with diabetes, and died due to her condition not being diagnosed.

5 co-sleeping myths busted

In case you are co-sleeping with your baby, and all the ?helpful? advice from others is sending you down the slippery slope of self-doubt, let?s bust a few myths on the topic.

When pregnancy takes you down memory lane

One mum-to-be discovers pregnancy hormones can give rise to some surprising emotions.

What?s your love language?

The secret to making your partner feel special is to know which language of love they favour ? and it?s the same for your kids, too.

Returning to exercise after a caesarean

I had my daughter four months ago via caesarean, and I want to get back into exercise. What are some good first steps I can take?

20 signs of a great relationship

The secret to a perfect relationship is admitting you are wrong after an argument, five kisses a day and sex twice a week, a new survey suggests.

Video: emotional 60-second Robin Williams tribute

Take a minute to remember some of the greatest films of your childhood ... and have a few tissues close at hand.

The realities of escaping domestic violence

?Why doesn?t she just leave?? is the common question people ask when trying to understand domestic violence. For many, leaving the relationship is far from straightforward.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Do you suffer from Precious Firstborn Syndrome?

Testing ?no more tears? shampoo in your own eyes, warming cucumber sticks so they're not cold straight from the fridge, waking a sleeping baby to check they?re still breathing: these are all symptoms of Precious Firstborn Syndrome.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

Mums hit hardest as flu cases skyrocket

The number of confirmed cases of influenza in Australia has doubled the number for the same time last year - and women are 25 per cent more likely to get it.

The mum who had four babies in nine months

Feeling exhausted due to the demands of caring for a baby? Imagine the life of this mum, who gave birth to three boys and one girl in just nine months.

Everything baby at Big W

Lowest prices on everything baby, only at Big W. Sale starts August 4 and ends August 20 2014.

Smiggle is painting the town red!

We have 3 Red Smiggle prize packs to give away! Enter by posting a photo of something red to your Instagram.

Mum gives birth at school

Whether they're out of favour traditional names, or the parents were a little creative, here are the least popular names of 2013.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.