Jump to content

Coping with the anniversary
One year on from mc first and only pregnancy


  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 eleven

Posted 09 April 2012 - 10:02 PM

Hi All,

It'll be a year this week, since I mc. I'm finding it difficult already and still have a few days to go. I am trying hard not to 'reminisce' but my mind keeps going there. It was horrific and I've felt the loss keenly.

We've been TTC since and still no luck. I'm starting to despair that the one I lost was the only opportunity I'll ever have had.

Anyway, I know others have suffered more than I, but I hope you may have some tips for me...

Thanks,

#2 key4

Posted 09 April 2012 - 10:45 PM

So sorry for your loss and that you are still TTC.

The only advice I have for you is not to fight the feelings you have on the day, if you know it is going to be a bad day do something special or if possible take the day off work go out to lunch.

The biggest of hugs to you

#3 Leapy

Posted 09 April 2012 - 10:47 PM

Hi Eleven,

Sorry for your loss.  I had 2 miscarriages in the one year - both missed miscarriages - and then nothing for over a year.  My husband and I were almost at the point of deciding not to go ahead and have children (mainly out of fear with a touch of selfishness thrown in) and then I discovered I was pregnant.

Hang in there!!

#4 2puzzled

Posted 09 April 2012 - 11:01 PM

Sorry to hear of your loss.  

Do you know if your partner is also feeling the same way - or is he aware you are feeling the anniversary date so acutely? I ask in case you are bearing the sadness on your own - I would certainly recommend taking the day off if you can and doing something special together if it is possible. Big hugs to you - as the PP said, don't fight off the sadness, but try to do something nice for you and your partner to celebrate the two of you and what you have together, and what you've been through together.

Best wishes to you both.



#5 rachrobo

Posted 10 April 2012 - 07:57 AM

I still feel sad when we drive past the place where we burried our baby (which we did on Sunday).

It is ok to be sad and to have a bad day.  The love you had for your unborn child is real and that is why it hurts.

Just be kind to yourself and take the day for what it is ... a day to remember your beautiful child who you miss.

#6 eleven

Posted 12 April 2012 - 09:59 PM

Thanks ladies,

Saturday is fast approaching. I spoke to my DH and he said he'd been thinking about it too but didn't want to upset me, then he carried on with what he'd been doing. I feel like I"m on my own with this. The night I mc he went out to see friends (not realising how horrific it was going to be) but when he did come home he sat with me for about an hour and then went to bed 'exhausted' while I suffered alone.

He's not usually insensitive... actually he's usually awesome, but with this he seems to just bury his head in the sand...

#7 mez70

Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:21 PM

Hi I found the first anniversary really hard and it was really a bundle of mixed emotions for me as we were doing IVF due to medical issues and I was really blessed to get preg first time lucky only to loose it very shortly after (at 7 weeks) the week after my M/C a blood test we had done prior to undertaking our first cycle showed another issue with me that would require medication for any PrEGNANCY to succeed so off we went on our merry way and did Cycle 2, and cycle 3 and cycle4 and all of them were failures and after each one we were doing more tweaking and adjusting and I my rational (or irrational) side could say was I got PG without all this other stuff so why am I doing all this and it keeps failing. That was the hardest was I got PG once so I KNEW my body could do it So why was it not happening again. That first year my EDD was hard as it was near hubby's birthday so hard to "forget" and the anniversary was tough . Allow yourself to grieve, if you own your place perhaps go an buy a plant you really like and plant it. I planted a Rosebush at my dads house and it flowers around the anniversary each year. I also saw a great counsellor who was great as they gave me the tools to help me articulate what I was feeling most of all be gentle to yourself and Hubby

#8 hushlittlebaby

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:01 AM

I know what you are going thru as I am in the same place.  
Two years ago tomorrow I had a miscarriage, it devastated us. After trying for the last two years I finally became pregnant 6w3d's ago and was totally over the moon. Tuesday I started spotting, this morning at 5:30 I lost my baby.
Life can seem so cruel, to loose my second pregnancy on the anniversary of the last is just so not fair.  My heart goes to you, I know people can't really say anything that really makes it better but do try and stay calm and if nothing else reflect on the joys you have in your life. Men deal with loss differently to us and I truly believe that they do grieve, just in their own way.
Take care xo

#9 mondayschild

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:30 AM

If it helps know we will all be sending you strength tomorrow. The anniversaries will always be hard, but it eventually becomes something you can deal with and reflect on without the intensity of the pain - it may not seem like it now but it does. Once all the 'firsts' are out of the way (first anniversary of the due date etc) it will get easier.

Your right to express your grief however will ALWAYS be valid so don't let the dismissal of it lightly by others make you feel differently. The behaviour of your husband as others have mentioned is a 'man thing'. They are not as close to it as us and yes I think a lot of the time they can't deal with it (or don't know how to deal with it) so just turn off. Mine is the same.

#10 eleven

Posted 13 April 2012 - 04:29 PM

QUOTE (hushlittlebaby @ 13/04/2012, 08:01 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I know what you are going thru as I am in the same place.  
Two years ago tomorrow I had a miscarriage, it devastated us. After trying for the last two years I finally became pregnant 6w3d's ago and was totally over the moon. Tuesday I started spotting, this morning at 5:30 I lost my baby.
Life can seem so cruel, to loose my second pregnancy on the anniversary of the last is just so not fair.  My heart goes to you, I know people can't really say anything that really makes it better but do try and stay calm and if nothing else reflect on the joys you have in your life. Men deal with loss differently to us and I truly believe that they do grieve, just in their own way.
Take care xo



Words cannot express my sympathy for you... I'm so sorry for your loss...x

#11 eleven

Posted 13 April 2012 - 04:31 PM

QUOTE (mondayschild @ 13/04/2012, 09:30 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If it helps know we will all be sending you strength tomorrow. The anniversaries will always be hard, but it eventually becomes something you can deal with and reflect on without the intensity of the pain - it may not seem like it now but it does. Once all the 'firsts' are out of the way (first anniversary of the due date etc) it will get easier.

Your right to express your grief however will ALWAYS be valid so don't let the dismissal of it lightly by others make you feel differently. The behaviour of your husband as others have mentioned is a 'man thing'. They are not as close to it as us and yes I think a lot of the time they can't deal with it (or don't know how to deal with it) so just turn off. Mine is the same.



Thank you... it does help in some small way to know I have support out there in the world. I want desperately to share my grief with my closest friends, but they work with me and other things I've shared have in turn been shared with other colleagues and this is too personal to be 'water cooler' gossip...

#12 cordyline

Posted 13 April 2012 - 04:53 PM

Eleven, I am coming up to an anniversary too. I remember your miscarriage last year. I read your story while I was waiting to miscarry, after seeing a heartbeat then getting told a few weeks later it had stopped, so I remember your story vividly. You posted a fairly graphic description which debunked all the "it will just be like a heavy period" messages I was getting told by health professionals.

Thank you for your story last year, as my miscarriage was similar to how you described yours and NOT at all like a heavy period. Your story was what stopped me from panicking, thinking this wasn't normal, or rushing off to the ED to be dealt with coldly in a cold hospital in the middle of the night. Your story, even though it must have been hard to share it, gave me some confidence.

I am feeling your apprehension of the anniversary date, and the frustration and disappointment that we still arent pregnant or holding a baby, and the fear that that might have been our only chance. I dont have any advice to get through it, other than to just take each day as it comes.

#13 eleven

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:35 PM

QUOTE (cordyline @ 13/04/2012, 04:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Eleven, I am coming up to an anniversary too. I remember your miscarriage last year. I read your story while I was waiting to miscarry, after seeing a heartbeat then getting told a few weeks later it had stopped, so I remember your story vividly. You posted a fairly graphic description which debunked all the "it will just be like a heavy period" messages I was getting told by health professionals.

Thank you for your story last year, as my miscarriage was similar to how you described yours and NOT at all like a heavy period. Your story was what stopped me from panicking, thinking this wasn't normal, or rushing off to the ED to be dealt with coldly in a cold hospital in the middle of the night. Your story, even though it must have been hard to share it, gave me some confidence.

I am feeling your apprehension of the anniversary date, and the frustration and disappointment that we still arent pregnant or holding a baby, and the fear that that might have been our only chance. I dont have any advice to get through it, other than to just take each day as it comes.



Thanks Cordy... I'm sorry you too have suffered the loss of a child. My mc was horrific and all the 'specialists' telling me it was going to be just like a heavy period obviously had never had one. I know my post upset a few people then, but I'm glad I told it like it was. It shocked me. I'm glad you had some warning.

I wish you all the best with your journey to create a baby to cherish forever...xx


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Wondersuit heaven: Bonds & Disney launch exclusive collection

Bonds and Disney fans with babies to buy for will be celebrating this news. Bonds and Disney have just released collaboration Wondersuits.

Town welcomes first baby in 28 years

Since the 1980s, the Italian town of Ostana had not seen the birth of a single baby.

Great-great-grandma delivers great grandchild in her own home

''I've delivered calves, lambs, dogs and cats, but nothing like this.'' This 'Super Gran' calmly peeled the amniotic sac over her great-grandson's head before discovering the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck ... twice.

How to start teaching your kids road safety

It's something that can be taught as early as possible and reinforced as they get older and more mobile - even from toddlerhood.

Just announced: Bugaboo Cameleon³ Classic+ Collection update

Meet the brand new understated chic model from Bugaboo.

The emotional moment a mum hears her late son's heartbeat

It's been two and a half years since Heather Clark's seven-month-old son Lukas passed away.

Nine reasons why you have 'brain fog'

One minute your productivity is skyrocketing and the next you're sitting there trying to focus – just like that you draw blank, your brain, mush.

I had a caesarean and it was beautiful

Guess what? Despite not pushing him out, I cried, and my heart skipped, and I felt the rush of love and pride when I saw him for the first time.

Microcephaly still a mysterious condition around the world

For parents, having a child with microcephaly can mean a life of uncertainty.

7 baby firsts you won't see on milestone charts

Here are a few 'other' baby firsts you may not have been expecting, but you'll want to be ready for.

Why it's important to vaccinate on time

My son was born on the 1 July 2014. It's a fabulous birthday, don't you think? Not only does the first of July ring in a new financial year, but it also means we've hit the year's half way mark.

Naturopath treatment allegedly left baby "days from death"

A naturopath whose treatment of a baby boy allegedly led to the infant being severely ill has pleaded not guilty to charges against her. 

Andy Murray's emotional speech to pregnant wife after Australian Open

A teary-eyed Andy Murray promised pregnant wife Kim he'd be on the next plane home after his turbulent two weeks at the Australian Open came to an end.

This toddler and his duck BFF will melt your heart

A small boy in the US has struck up a quacking good friendship with an unlikely companion ... his pet duck. 

Great news for coffee drinkers - caffeine is good for your heart

Researchers have found that, contrary to prior belief, caffeine does not cause health-threatening heart palpitations.

I always wanted children - but I've found other ways to be maternal

I've always been one of the most maternal women I know.

When only one parent wants to know the gender

For some couples you either both want to know the gender of your unborn baby, or you don't. For others, it's not that simple.

'No jab no play' could hurt disadvantaged children, experts fear

Tough new "no jab no play" laws could hurt children who have not been immunised due to family dysfunction, poverty, or poor access to medical support, experts warn.

Zika virus: Airlines offer refunds to pregnant women

Airlines and cruise companies across the world are offering refunds or travel credits to pregnant women who are scheduled to visit countries struck by the devastating Zika virus.

#meditateonthis: Mums fight back against PND ignorance

Not all women will require medication, but many will. And there isn't and shouldn't be any shame in that.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Penny Wong

'The most hurtful argument in the marriage equality debate'

Labor frontbencher Penny Wong is used to to hearing arguments against same-sex marriage. But for Australia's most prominent gay politician, one hurts more than others.

Does exercise have to be fun to work?

Some things in life are inherently served with a big scoop of fun: balloons, bubbles, cupcakes to name but a few, but exercise?

Hair dye gives woman second-degree burns

She wanted a fresh colour for 2016, but instead she got chemical burns.

Kelly Slater saves mum and toddler from 'freak wave'

A Perth family has thanked US surfing "legend" Kelly Slater after the star saved a mother and a young toddler from "a freak wave" in Hawaii.

Apple recalls millions of power adapters

Tech giant instigates massive international recall of power point adapters due to risk of electric shock.

Toddler's adorable alphabet goes viral

It's impossible not to share this little boy's excitement  about the alphabet.

Tot's nighttime waking saves family's life

Like all tired parents, Monique and Kyle Ruppel were looking forward to the day their 15-month-old daughter Celia would start sleeping through the night. 

Australian mum gives birth to quintuplets

An Australian mum who has shared the ups and downs of carrying quintuplets has welcomed her five babies into the world.

Dad of four girls faints at gender reveal for fifth baby

It was all too much excitement for this dad.

The simple way you can help your baby's language development

The way parents respond to their child's babbling can shape how their infants communicate.

Zika virus is 'spreading explosively': WHO

The World Health Organization announced that it will convene an emergency meeting about Zika.

National database recommended for child protection cases

Baby Ebony was repeatedly failed by the agencies tasked with her protection before her horrific death at the hands of her father, South Australia's deputy coroner says.

Hospitals put babies at risk by ignoring policy on elective caesareans

Thirty-eight weeks or 39? Non-medical factors are pushing women to have elective caesareans earlier than official guidelines - and hospitals are playing along.

Police help deliver baby on busy roadside

Two police officers delivered more than a traffic fine by the side of a busy Melbourne road yesterday.

1D's Louis Tomlinson shares first photo of baby

One Direction's Louis Tomlinson has posted the first picture of his baby boy, Freddie, on social media.

 

FREE TICKET

Free first aid demonstrations daily

Get your free ticket to the Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.