Jump to content

Coping with the anniversary
One year on from mc first and only pregnancy


  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 eleven

Posted 09 April 2012 - 10:02 PM

Hi All,

It'll be a year this week, since I mc. I'm finding it difficult already and still have a few days to go. I am trying hard not to 'reminisce' but my mind keeps going there. It was horrific and I've felt the loss keenly.

We've been TTC since and still no luck. I'm starting to despair that the one I lost was the only opportunity I'll ever have had.

Anyway, I know others have suffered more than I, but I hope you may have some tips for me...

Thanks,

#2 key4

Posted 09 April 2012 - 10:45 PM

So sorry for your loss and that you are still TTC.

The only advice I have for you is not to fight the feelings you have on the day, if you know it is going to be a bad day do something special or if possible take the day off work go out to lunch.

The biggest of hugs to you

#3 Leapy

Posted 09 April 2012 - 10:47 PM

Hi Eleven,

Sorry for your loss.  I had 2 miscarriages in the one year - both missed miscarriages - and then nothing for over a year.  My husband and I were almost at the point of deciding not to go ahead and have children (mainly out of fear with a touch of selfishness thrown in) and then I discovered I was pregnant.

Hang in there!!

#4 2puzzled

Posted 09 April 2012 - 11:01 PM

Sorry to hear of your loss.  

Do you know if your partner is also feeling the same way - or is he aware you are feeling the anniversary date so acutely? I ask in case you are bearing the sadness on your own - I would certainly recommend taking the day off if you can and doing something special together if it is possible. Big hugs to you - as the PP said, don't fight off the sadness, but try to do something nice for you and your partner to celebrate the two of you and what you have together, and what you've been through together.

Best wishes to you both.



#5 rachrobo

Posted 10 April 2012 - 07:57 AM

I still feel sad when we drive past the place where we burried our baby (which we did on Sunday).

It is ok to be sad and to have a bad day.  The love you had for your unborn child is real and that is why it hurts.

Just be kind to yourself and take the day for what it is ... a day to remember your beautiful child who you miss.

#6 eleven

Posted 12 April 2012 - 09:59 PM

Thanks ladies,

Saturday is fast approaching. I spoke to my DH and he said he'd been thinking about it too but didn't want to upset me, then he carried on with what he'd been doing. I feel like I"m on my own with this. The night I mc he went out to see friends (not realising how horrific it was going to be) but when he did come home he sat with me for about an hour and then went to bed 'exhausted' while I suffered alone.

He's not usually insensitive... actually he's usually awesome, but with this he seems to just bury his head in the sand...

#7 mez70

Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:21 PM

Hi I found the first anniversary really hard and it was really a bundle of mixed emotions for me as we were doing IVF due to medical issues and I was really blessed to get preg first time lucky only to loose it very shortly after (at 7 weeks) the week after my M/C a blood test we had done prior to undertaking our first cycle showed another issue with me that would require medication for any PrEGNANCY to succeed so off we went on our merry way and did Cycle 2, and cycle 3 and cycle4 and all of them were failures and after each one we were doing more tweaking and adjusting and I my rational (or irrational) side could say was I got PG without all this other stuff so why am I doing all this and it keeps failing. That was the hardest was I got PG once so I KNEW my body could do it So why was it not happening again. That first year my EDD was hard as it was near hubby's birthday so hard to "forget" and the anniversary was tough . Allow yourself to grieve, if you own your place perhaps go an buy a plant you really like and plant it. I planted a Rosebush at my dads house and it flowers around the anniversary each year. I also saw a great counsellor who was great as they gave me the tools to help me articulate what I was feeling most of all be gentle to yourself and Hubby

#8 hushlittlebaby

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:01 AM

I know what you are going thru as I am in the same place.  
Two years ago tomorrow I had a miscarriage, it devastated us. After trying for the last two years I finally became pregnant 6w3d's ago and was totally over the moon. Tuesday I started spotting, this morning at 5:30 I lost my baby.
Life can seem so cruel, to loose my second pregnancy on the anniversary of the last is just so not fair.  My heart goes to you, I know people can't really say anything that really makes it better but do try and stay calm and if nothing else reflect on the joys you have in your life. Men deal with loss differently to us and I truly believe that they do grieve, just in their own way.
Take care xo

#9 mondayschild

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:30 AM

If it helps know we will all be sending you strength tomorrow. The anniversaries will always be hard, but it eventually becomes something you can deal with and reflect on without the intensity of the pain - it may not seem like it now but it does. Once all the 'firsts' are out of the way (first anniversary of the due date etc) it will get easier.

Your right to express your grief however will ALWAYS be valid so don't let the dismissal of it lightly by others make you feel differently. The behaviour of your husband as others have mentioned is a 'man thing'. They are not as close to it as us and yes I think a lot of the time they can't deal with it (or don't know how to deal with it) so just turn off. Mine is the same.

#10 eleven

Posted 13 April 2012 - 04:29 PM

QUOTE (hushlittlebaby @ 13/04/2012, 08:01 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I know what you are going thru as I am in the same place.  
Two years ago tomorrow I had a miscarriage, it devastated us. After trying for the last two years I finally became pregnant 6w3d's ago and was totally over the moon. Tuesday I started spotting, this morning at 5:30 I lost my baby.
Life can seem so cruel, to loose my second pregnancy on the anniversary of the last is just so not fair.  My heart goes to you, I know people can't really say anything that really makes it better but do try and stay calm and if nothing else reflect on the joys you have in your life. Men deal with loss differently to us and I truly believe that they do grieve, just in their own way.
Take care xo



Words cannot express my sympathy for you... I'm so sorry for your loss...x

#11 eleven

Posted 13 April 2012 - 04:31 PM

QUOTE (mondayschild @ 13/04/2012, 09:30 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If it helps know we will all be sending you strength tomorrow. The anniversaries will always be hard, but it eventually becomes something you can deal with and reflect on without the intensity of the pain - it may not seem like it now but it does. Once all the 'firsts' are out of the way (first anniversary of the due date etc) it will get easier.

Your right to express your grief however will ALWAYS be valid so don't let the dismissal of it lightly by others make you feel differently. The behaviour of your husband as others have mentioned is a 'man thing'. They are not as close to it as us and yes I think a lot of the time they can't deal with it (or don't know how to deal with it) so just turn off. Mine is the same.



Thank you... it does help in some small way to know I have support out there in the world. I want desperately to share my grief with my closest friends, but they work with me and other things I've shared have in turn been shared with other colleagues and this is too personal to be 'water cooler' gossip...

#12 cordyline

Posted 13 April 2012 - 04:53 PM

Eleven, I am coming up to an anniversary too. I remember your miscarriage last year. I read your story while I was waiting to miscarry, after seeing a heartbeat then getting told a few weeks later it had stopped, so I remember your story vividly. You posted a fairly graphic description which debunked all the "it will just be like a heavy period" messages I was getting told by health professionals.

Thank you for your story last year, as my miscarriage was similar to how you described yours and NOT at all like a heavy period. Your story was what stopped me from panicking, thinking this wasn't normal, or rushing off to the ED to be dealt with coldly in a cold hospital in the middle of the night. Your story, even though it must have been hard to share it, gave me some confidence.

I am feeling your apprehension of the anniversary date, and the frustration and disappointment that we still arent pregnant or holding a baby, and the fear that that might have been our only chance. I dont have any advice to get through it, other than to just take each day as it comes.

#13 eleven

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:35 PM

QUOTE (cordyline @ 13/04/2012, 04:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Eleven, I am coming up to an anniversary too. I remember your miscarriage last year. I read your story while I was waiting to miscarry, after seeing a heartbeat then getting told a few weeks later it had stopped, so I remember your story vividly. You posted a fairly graphic description which debunked all the "it will just be like a heavy period" messages I was getting told by health professionals.

Thank you for your story last year, as my miscarriage was similar to how you described yours and NOT at all like a heavy period. Your story was what stopped me from panicking, thinking this wasn't normal, or rushing off to the ED to be dealt with coldly in a cold hospital in the middle of the night. Your story, even though it must have been hard to share it, gave me some confidence.

I am feeling your apprehension of the anniversary date, and the frustration and disappointment that we still arent pregnant or holding a baby, and the fear that that might have been our only chance. I dont have any advice to get through it, other than to just take each day as it comes.



Thanks Cordy... I'm sorry you too have suffered the loss of a child. My mc was horrific and all the 'specialists' telling me it was going to be just like a heavy period obviously had never had one. I know my post upset a few people then, but I'm glad I told it like it was. It shocked me. I'm glad you had some warning.

I wish you all the best with your journey to create a baby to cherish forever...xx


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Finding baby name inspiration in unusual places

Sometimes the greatest baby name ideas come from the most unexpected places, as these EB members show.

The case for inducing at 37 weeks

While we often think of pregnancy as a 40 week affair, experts agree that 37 weeks is actually “full term". So is there an argument for inducing all births at 37 weeks?

Does controlled crying really work?

Controlled-crying techniques may help some babies sleep through the night, but for many exhausted new parents, it's just a recipe for more tears all round.

How I taught my infant to use a toilet

As people become more aware of these benefits, I hope more parents will practice this method, so we can cut down on nappies and improve baby bonding.

'I thought it was impossible': Emily Symons pregnant at 45

Aussie actress Emily Symons has announced she is pregnant with her first baby.

Shallow water blackout kills fit, healthy dad

A little girl will grow up without her father after the fit and healthy 34-year-old passed away while doing something he had practised his whole life.

Afternoon naps may be bad for toddlers' sleep

You could be doing yourself a disservice by encouraging your toddler to have an afternoon nap, according to new research.

Best gifts for newborns, new mums and christenings

We've compiled a guide to some of the most popular presents for newborns and new mums, and for christenings and naming days.

Jaime King to be a mum again

Actress Jaime King is pregnant with her second child, giving 16-month-old James a sibling.

Nannies should receive government funding

The Abbott government should extend funding to nannies, and direct childcare payments to low and middle income families, a landmark study on childcare has found. 

Common skin irritations in newborns (and how to treat them)

As many as one in two newborn babies suffer from skin irritations in their first few weeks. So what are the most common rashes and irritations to look out for?

10 wall decals for the nursery or playroom

Wall decals are the answer to creating a beautiful nursery or children's space without lifting a paint brush, a spirit level or even a hammer.

Preschooler walks 2.4km home alone

Three-year-old Cain Trainor headed off home after his first day at a new preschool without telling anyone.

Video: Why mums get nothing done

In spite of being in an almost constant state of motion while looking after the kids and trying to keep things together at home, it can seem as though parents have managed to get nothing on the to-do list done by the end of the day.

The middle name game

The middle name is no longer an afterthought, and parents' inspiration comes from many places.

Have a baby or your money back - but there's a catch

A new IVF scheme offers couples the chance to fall pregnant and give birth - or get their money back. But there's more to it than you might think.

A rare glimpse inside the womb

A baby born still inside the amniotic sac gave US doctors a rare glimpse at life inside the womb.

Battered mum forced to write to her attacker ex in jail

Three years ago Jason Hughes viciously attacked his ex-partner. Now she has to write to him three times a year.

Woman pleads not guilty to ultrasound scam

A West Australian woman will fight allegations that she scammed expectant mums by selling them fake ultrasound pictures of babies.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Brain damaged mum receives compensation

A Sydney mother who suffered brain damage when she was hit by a car while pushing her newborn baby in a pram has reached a confidential out-of-court settlement with the driver's insurance company.

Indigenous midwives break down the barriers

A culturally sensitive midwifery service has gained the trust and respect of Aboriginal women.

The Katering Show's next big delivery

Most mums-to-be plan to take things easy and perhaps have a little break from work as the birth of their baby draws near. Not Kate McCartney.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

Why I have mixed feelings about Cindy Crawford's leaked photo

Last week an un-retouched photo of model Cindy Crawford surfaced, showing the 48-year-old mother-of -two posing in underwear.

How to create a Peppa Pig pancake

Thought your toddler could not love pancakes any more than they already do? How about if the breakfast treat came in the shape of every two-year-old's favourite cartoon character?

'It's a little life, not a little loss': pregnancy after miscarriage

I thought I was never going to be able to have a successful pregnancy. I decided that I wasn't going to form an emotional attachment with this baby.

Bonds Baby Search 2015: what you need to know

February 18 marks the start of one of the most prolific annual baby competitions in Australia: the Bonds Baby Search. And this year is going to be more special than ever.

Who will manage your Facebook account when you're gone?

This is not something that people like to talk about, but Facebook has announced that it will grant users more control over what happens to their pages after they die.

Struggling mum of four wins $188 million

Mother of four Marie Holmes was financially struggling after quitting her jobs at Walmart and McDonald's in order to care for her children.

Pregnant obese women a 'relatively new problem', coroner hears

A first-time mother whose daughter died hours after her frightening birth insists she was never told of the risks of being obese and pregnant.

'I'm angry as hell': the story behind mum's passionate vaccination plea

She has labelled parents who do not vaccinate their children "misinformed imbeciles" - and for that, she makes no apologies.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

8 different kinds of tantrums

I never thought I’d say this, but for a brief moment last week, Kim Kardashian and I had something in common: both our kids had public tantrums.

Polycystic ovary syndrome: symptoms, treatment and your fertility

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female hormonal condition, affecting roughly one in 12 Australian women.

What's the best position for giving birth?

If doing it on your back is out, what's the best position for labour and birth?

Wife forgives snake catcher husband for car surprise

With Valentine's Day coming up, Nat Gilbert could be forgiven for thinking her husband might be planning a surprise for her.

Kids who meet milestones at their own pace

We usually only hear the success stories: tales of the two-year-old who’s talking, running and completely toilet trained. But other stories need to be told too.

Ruby shines as Bonds Baby

Sarah Kiss has a word of advice for proud mums and dads who are keen to enter their babies in this year's Bonds Baby Search Competition - just have fun.

Why dads should go to sleep school

If your family needs to go to sleep school, go with them. You are part of that family and you are part of the solution.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Win a KitchenAid Mixer

Let's celebrate 300,000 fans on Facebook

To celebrate, and to thank our amazing fans, we?re giving away a KitchenAid Artisan Tilt-Head Stand Mixer.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.