Jump to content

Coping with the anniversary
One year on from mc first and only pregnancy


  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 eleven

Posted 09 April 2012 - 10:02 PM

Hi All,

It'll be a year this week, since I mc. I'm finding it difficult already and still have a few days to go. I am trying hard not to 'reminisce' but my mind keeps going there. It was horrific and I've felt the loss keenly.

We've been TTC since and still no luck. I'm starting to despair that the one I lost was the only opportunity I'll ever have had.

Anyway, I know others have suffered more than I, but I hope you may have some tips for me...

Thanks,

#2 key4

Posted 09 April 2012 - 10:45 PM

So sorry for your loss and that you are still TTC.

The only advice I have for you is not to fight the feelings you have on the day, if you know it is going to be a bad day do something special or if possible take the day off work go out to lunch.

The biggest of hugs to you

#3 Leapy

Posted 09 April 2012 - 10:47 PM

Hi Eleven,

Sorry for your loss.  I had 2 miscarriages in the one year - both missed miscarriages - and then nothing for over a year.  My husband and I were almost at the point of deciding not to go ahead and have children (mainly out of fear with a touch of selfishness thrown in) and then I discovered I was pregnant.

Hang in there!!

#4 2puzzled

Posted 09 April 2012 - 11:01 PM

Sorry to hear of your loss.  

Do you know if your partner is also feeling the same way - or is he aware you are feeling the anniversary date so acutely? I ask in case you are bearing the sadness on your own - I would certainly recommend taking the day off if you can and doing something special together if it is possible. Big hugs to you - as the PP said, don't fight off the sadness, but try to do something nice for you and your partner to celebrate the two of you and what you have together, and what you've been through together.

Best wishes to you both.



#5 rachrobo

Posted 10 April 2012 - 07:57 AM

I still feel sad when we drive past the place where we burried our baby (which we did on Sunday).

It is ok to be sad and to have a bad day.  The love you had for your unborn child is real and that is why it hurts.

Just be kind to yourself and take the day for what it is ... a day to remember your beautiful child who you miss.

#6 eleven

Posted 12 April 2012 - 09:59 PM

Thanks ladies,

Saturday is fast approaching. I spoke to my DH and he said he'd been thinking about it too but didn't want to upset me, then he carried on with what he'd been doing. I feel like I"m on my own with this. The night I mc he went out to see friends (not realising how horrific it was going to be) but when he did come home he sat with me for about an hour and then went to bed 'exhausted' while I suffered alone.

He's not usually insensitive... actually he's usually awesome, but with this he seems to just bury his head in the sand...

#7 mez70

Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:21 PM

Hi I found the first anniversary really hard and it was really a bundle of mixed emotions for me as we were doing IVF due to medical issues and I was really blessed to get preg first time lucky only to loose it very shortly after (at 7 weeks) the week after my M/C a blood test we had done prior to undertaking our first cycle showed another issue with me that would require medication for any PrEGNANCY to succeed so off we went on our merry way and did Cycle 2, and cycle 3 and cycle4 and all of them were failures and after each one we were doing more tweaking and adjusting and I my rational (or irrational) side could say was I got PG without all this other stuff so why am I doing all this and it keeps failing. That was the hardest was I got PG once so I KNEW my body could do it So why was it not happening again. That first year my EDD was hard as it was near hubby's birthday so hard to "forget" and the anniversary was tough . Allow yourself to grieve, if you own your place perhaps go an buy a plant you really like and plant it. I planted a Rosebush at my dads house and it flowers around the anniversary each year. I also saw a great counsellor who was great as they gave me the tools to help me articulate what I was feeling most of all be gentle to yourself and Hubby

#8 hushlittlebaby

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:01 AM

I know what you are going thru as I am in the same place.  
Two years ago tomorrow I had a miscarriage, it devastated us. After trying for the last two years I finally became pregnant 6w3d's ago and was totally over the moon. Tuesday I started spotting, this morning at 5:30 I lost my baby.
Life can seem so cruel, to loose my second pregnancy on the anniversary of the last is just so not fair.  My heart goes to you, I know people can't really say anything that really makes it better but do try and stay calm and if nothing else reflect on the joys you have in your life. Men deal with loss differently to us and I truly believe that they do grieve, just in their own way.
Take care xo

#9 mondayschild

Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:30 AM

If it helps know we will all be sending you strength tomorrow. The anniversaries will always be hard, but it eventually becomes something you can deal with and reflect on without the intensity of the pain - it may not seem like it now but it does. Once all the 'firsts' are out of the way (first anniversary of the due date etc) it will get easier.

Your right to express your grief however will ALWAYS be valid so don't let the dismissal of it lightly by others make you feel differently. The behaviour of your husband as others have mentioned is a 'man thing'. They are not as close to it as us and yes I think a lot of the time they can't deal with it (or don't know how to deal with it) so just turn off. Mine is the same.

#10 eleven

Posted 13 April 2012 - 04:29 PM

QUOTE (hushlittlebaby @ 13/04/2012, 08:01 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I know what you are going thru as I am in the same place.  
Two years ago tomorrow I had a miscarriage, it devastated us. After trying for the last two years I finally became pregnant 6w3d's ago and was totally over the moon. Tuesday I started spotting, this morning at 5:30 I lost my baby.
Life can seem so cruel, to loose my second pregnancy on the anniversary of the last is just so not fair.  My heart goes to you, I know people can't really say anything that really makes it better but do try and stay calm and if nothing else reflect on the joys you have in your life. Men deal with loss differently to us and I truly believe that they do grieve, just in their own way.
Take care xo



Words cannot express my sympathy for you... I'm so sorry for your loss...x

#11 eleven

Posted 13 April 2012 - 04:31 PM

QUOTE (mondayschild @ 13/04/2012, 09:30 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If it helps know we will all be sending you strength tomorrow. The anniversaries will always be hard, but it eventually becomes something you can deal with and reflect on without the intensity of the pain - it may not seem like it now but it does. Once all the 'firsts' are out of the way (first anniversary of the due date etc) it will get easier.

Your right to express your grief however will ALWAYS be valid so don't let the dismissal of it lightly by others make you feel differently. The behaviour of your husband as others have mentioned is a 'man thing'. They are not as close to it as us and yes I think a lot of the time they can't deal with it (or don't know how to deal with it) so just turn off. Mine is the same.



Thank you... it does help in some small way to know I have support out there in the world. I want desperately to share my grief with my closest friends, but they work with me and other things I've shared have in turn been shared with other colleagues and this is too personal to be 'water cooler' gossip...

#12 cordyline

Posted 13 April 2012 - 04:53 PM

Eleven, I am coming up to an anniversary too. I remember your miscarriage last year. I read your story while I was waiting to miscarry, after seeing a heartbeat then getting told a few weeks later it had stopped, so I remember your story vividly. You posted a fairly graphic description which debunked all the "it will just be like a heavy period" messages I was getting told by health professionals.

Thank you for your story last year, as my miscarriage was similar to how you described yours and NOT at all like a heavy period. Your story was what stopped me from panicking, thinking this wasn't normal, or rushing off to the ED to be dealt with coldly in a cold hospital in the middle of the night. Your story, even though it must have been hard to share it, gave me some confidence.

I am feeling your apprehension of the anniversary date, and the frustration and disappointment that we still arent pregnant or holding a baby, and the fear that that might have been our only chance. I dont have any advice to get through it, other than to just take each day as it comes.

#13 eleven

Posted 13 April 2012 - 08:35 PM

QUOTE (cordyline @ 13/04/2012, 04:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Eleven, I am coming up to an anniversary too. I remember your miscarriage last year. I read your story while I was waiting to miscarry, after seeing a heartbeat then getting told a few weeks later it had stopped, so I remember your story vividly. You posted a fairly graphic description which debunked all the "it will just be like a heavy period" messages I was getting told by health professionals.

Thank you for your story last year, as my miscarriage was similar to how you described yours and NOT at all like a heavy period. Your story was what stopped me from panicking, thinking this wasn't normal, or rushing off to the ED to be dealt with coldly in a cold hospital in the middle of the night. Your story, even though it must have been hard to share it, gave me some confidence.

I am feeling your apprehension of the anniversary date, and the frustration and disappointment that we still arent pregnant or holding a baby, and the fear that that might have been our only chance. I dont have any advice to get through it, other than to just take each day as it comes.



Thanks Cordy... I'm sorry you too have suffered the loss of a child. My mc was horrific and all the 'specialists' telling me it was going to be just like a heavy period obviously had never had one. I know my post upset a few people then, but I'm glad I told it like it was. It shocked me. I'm glad you had some warning.

I wish you all the best with your journey to create a baby to cherish forever...xx


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Life with anxiety

At times, I feel pretty worthless. In those moments, all I want to do is curl up into a ball and hide in the dark. I can try to quiet my mind, but it won?t shut up.

IVF leaves woman pregnant with another couple's twins

An Italian woman has been told the twins she is three months pregnant with are not hers.

'My mother-in-law found out our baby's gender behind our backs'

My husband and I mutually decided that we didn?t want to know our baby's sex before the birth, but his mother couldn't handle that.

What you need for the 'fourth trimester'

In my opinion, the first three months after the birth are the most intense. Here's what got me through that time after welcoming my baby.

Weaning a toddler off a dummy: a 15-day plan

Weaning your child off the dummy can be a traumatic experience for both of you. Here are some tips to help you through.

Choosing to be a solo parent

Two women share their stories of longing for a baby so much that they each decided not to wait for a partner before becoming a mum.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Rescue dog Zoey and BFF Jasper star in adorable pics

Photographer, self-professed "crazy dog lady" and mum Grace Chon takes photos of rescue dog Zoey and her 10-month-old son Jasper together. The results are just too cute. See more on Instagram @thegracechon.

The ultimate travel stroller: the Mountain Buggy nano

We tried the Mountain Buggy nano and give it an enthusiastic thumbs up. As the ultimate travel stroller, it's practical, has great features, and looks fab, too.

Mum's heartbreak as son dies in road accident

Daly Thomas and her two young sons were walking home from church on Tuesday afternoon. Her youngest son never made it.

New Kate Spade baby bag designs

Don?t adjust your screen: this bright beauty is coming to you in full colour.

Easter gifts for babies, no chocolate in sight!

If this is your little one?s first Easter you might want to mark the occasion with something a little extra special. Here are 10 Easter gift ideas, which won't harm little teeth.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win the brand new phil&teds vibe

Check out the good looking new release of the Vibe 3 and the Verve 4-wheeler inline strollers. To celebrate their release, we have a Vibe with double kit to give away.

Baby sleep

From birth to one year and beyond, read about baby sleep, soothing techniques, routines, and sleep school experiences.

Easter gifts for babies, no chocolate in sight!

If this is your little one?s first Easter you might want to mark the occasion with something a little extra special. Here are 10 Easter gift ideas, which won't harm little teeth.

7 tips for a kid-free trip, not a guilt trip

Although I?m jumping out of my skin to take my child-free holiday, I?m dreading the goodbye. But I?m determined to make the most of it without tarnishing it with guilt or sadness about leaving the kids.

Itchibubs: clothes for babies and toddlers with eczema

Parents of children who suffer from eczema will know only too well the scratching that occurs around the clock. A new clothing range aims to help make everyone more comfortable.

Ear piercing: what age is best?

What is it that shapes our opinions on what?s an 'appropriate' age for our children to get their ears pierced? Parents share their views on how young is too young when it comes to piercing.

Caring for kids helps grandmothers stay mentally alert

Looking after grandchildren can help grandmothers ward off brain disease - but it's also possible to get too much of a good thing, researchers say.

Why I loved my third home water birth

After two water births at home, I was determined to give birth to my son the same way. I just hoped this birth would be quicker than my last two.

Revealed: 7 ways food marketers try to trick consumers

If you?re confused by food labels, you?re not alone. Next time you?re shopping for food, look out for these seven common labelling tricks.

'My mother-in-law found out our baby's gender behind our backs'

My husband and I mutually decided that we didn?t want to know our baby's sex before the birth, but his mother couldn't handle that.

 

Free Printable Activities

Keeping little hands busy

Free printable acitivity pages like colouring in, cutting, word finders, mazes, maths activities and puzzles.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.