Jump to content

8 month old constant crying and temper tantrums
have you experienced this?


  • Please log in to reply
13 replies to this topic

#1 suzanne-j

Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:37 PM

My 8 month old son is not a happy child.  He is constantly crying and screaming when awake during the day.  He is on reflux medication which is continually reviewed by a very good pead so I don't think it's that.  I have been advised by the pead that he's a High Needs bub.  The experience is distressing to my 5 year old DD who is terrified to hear him carryo on the way he does.  Have any of you experienced this or anything like it?  Did it ever abate for you and how did you deal/cope with it?  What can I do to protect my DD from the anxiety it is causing her?

#2 Juju38

Posted 09 April 2012 - 05:54 PM

Hi, I don't have any personal experience, but I do have a very close friend with a 'Spirited' DD.  She was recommended and speaks very highly of the book 'Raising your Spirited Child' by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.  It has helped her no end.
I am a bit of a Dr Sears devotee and there is quite a bit of info on Spirited/High needs babies and children on his site too.
From all accounts, high needs children are often highly intelligent, creative little beings that can go on to do really well in life with guidance.
All the best.


#3 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 09 April 2012 - 06:03 PM

Has he always been this way, OP?  Or is it a recent development?
I'm sure you've thought of this, but it isn't teeth or sore ears or some other illness that is making him unhappy?
In what situations is he happy?  Is he sleeping well?
My DD2 is very clingy and needy, and she is most happy with held by me.  Obviously, that's not always possible!

#4 suzanne-j

Posted 09 April 2012 - 07:55 PM

he's always been this way since birth.  I had a stint in an MBU in Melbourne and the staff actually had him admitted in his own right as they needed extra support to help deal with him.  It's extreme.  I've have had and continue to have him monitored by a pead so there are no 'medical' issues as such, it's just the way he is built...I was just hoping someone might come on and say 'yes, I've got one like this and it does get easier'.  Oh well, back to the nut house for me then.

#5 halcyondays

Posted 09 April 2012 - 08:05 PM

I had one like that, but luckily it was my first. It improved when he learnt to walk and he became much more managable as a toddler. Still very intense and quite anxious.

I can imagine your 5 year old is getting quite anxious about him- you could try explaining that some babies cry a lot because they can't use words to tell us what they want, and wouldn't that be frustrating?

I found sticking to a rigid routine, keeping the house quiet, no TV,  not having him in artificial lighting and doing lots of sand and water play helped immensely.
I also got a few opinions from a few different paediatricians, as I was worried he had some sort of brain damage to be behaving this way!

#6 amandamac

Posted 09 April 2012 - 09:02 PM

Hello. My now 3 year old DD was very high needs/spirited. I guess it depends what you mean by high needs, but she slept very little, only wanted me, wouldn't tolerate being held or hardly looked at by anyone else, hated the car, hated the pram, and was easily overstimulated by the world. She seemed so different to my DS who is 4 years older and much more chilled out.

I also tried reflex medication with her when her sleeping was bad day and night. But it didn't improve things and I don't think she actually had reflux.

I also took her to a paed at around 7-8 months and said "she is wearing me down, she doesn't sleep" and he assured me that it was just her and to persist.

Here's what I did: I gave in! I know it sounds trite, but I changed my attitude towards her. I realised that this was her and nothing was changing her. So instead of thinking of her and talking about her negatively, I tried to think and act positively.

I carried her almost everywhere since she preferred being on me (in a baby carrier). I avoided the car whenever possible until she was less distressed (near 10+ months). I co-slept with her (until 2.5 years or older). I continued to breastfeed her (she's still an avid breastfeeder). I gave her what she wanted: me. That was quite hard both practically and emotionally. I felt swamped by her and felt guilty that my little boy was missing out.

He's a thoughtful, sensitive little soul and it did impact on him. The ladies at daycare started to be worried about him after 2 years of being well settled. He'd cry at drop off. He regressed with toilet training. I'd get angry at him because she was so hard to get to sleep and then he'd come looking for me and wake her. It was really hard.

But over time things improved. I too read the "Raising your spirited child book" as well as books by Dr Sears and by Pinky McKay. I got others to rally around my son, including his grandfather. My DD started to improve at around 12 months when she was walking and could go to the things she wanted or away from the things she didn't want. She improved even more at 24 months when she started talking. Things were still quite tough until she was probably 2.5. She's now 3 years 3 months and hasn't long been sleeping through the night (in her own bed). My DS struggled a little socially in his first year of school (which also coincided with me going back to work). But he's now 7 and they are best of friends, love spending time together, and he's settled well into school this year.

She's very, very active, needs much less sleep than him, and is still high strung, a drama queen, and a bit of a roughie. But she's very clever, funny and super adorable.

I realise now that I wouldn't have her any other way.

So to cut this long story short, I'd say that yes, it gets better. Your daughter will cope. Explain that babies are noisy and annoying at times, but that things will improve. Consider how you are talking and thinking about your DS. Give in a little if you need to. And rally family around your DD to make her feel super special.

This too shall pass!!

#7 amandamac

Posted 09 April 2012 - 09:07 PM

PS I wanted to add that it can be pretty difficult for people to understand these kinds of babies. My DD had, and still has to some extent, extreme stranger anxiety. If anyone so much as looked at her she'd start screaming in an absolutely ear piercing wail. It was very distressing and embarrassing.

One Christmas lunch my mother in law asked if she was autistic because "she certainly behaves as if she does". Nasty woman. But it was yet another example of people not understanding behaviour that doesn't seem "ordinary baby behaviour". I found it pretty exhausting and that still happens. But much less now.

I really sympathise if you are dealing with this sort of stuff!

PSS Another PP mentioned sand and water play. I too have read and found that my DD loved tactile play and that it was very soothing for her. She loves to wash things in the kitchen or bathroom sink, she loves play doh, she loves the sand pit and digging in dirt. I also used to put her in shallow baths when she was old enough to sit up and had lost the plot. I called them "dog baths" and let her paddle about at whatever time of the day she needed it.

PSSS I read somewhere about the concept of "love bombing" your child when they are struggling and I took this concept and used it on my older DS. So when my DD could finally be left with someone else, I'd take him out for the day to something he decided on. He has happy memories of both mum and dad taking him to the Easter Show "without my little sister" as he told anyone who would listen. He also used to tell people that "my sister screams really loud all the time". We talked a lot with him about her being difficult and he started to understand too that it was just what she was like. He recalls it fondly now; telling her that she was a screamer. So your DD will cope if you help her to interpret the behaviour going on around her.

Edited by amandamac, 09 April 2012 - 09:21 PM.


#8 seepi

Posted 09 April 2012 - 09:28 PM

I had a difficult one too, although not quite as hard as yours by the sounds. But he did improve also.

Mine cried for almost the entire first 3 months, unless asleep, or being rocked, walked in circles with a dummy and sung to (all of these, not one of them!).

The next 3 months he would be ok with just being rocked and sung to, or a dummy and walked around  or bounced on a fitball etc. Would still scream blue murder the instant he was put down. He spent a lot of time in the sling. In fact when he outgrew it at 12 months (or older) we tried to buy a bigger one, as we had such a need for it.

Once he started to crawl he improved quite a lot, (less high pitched screaming). Also we had a jolly jumper thing, which he loved. He just screamed and screamed in any other bouncers or rockers. I did wonder if being upright helped him, or the feeling of motion. We still had to hold him all the time though, or play with him intensely, or he would scream. Other people did not think he was that bad though, cos he was ok as long as we were holding him, and we just carried him around constantly. Soooo hard on the back.

Even at daycare they had to hold him the entire time. One day they told me they made a huge breakthough - they set up a mattress and let other kids play right in front of it and the staff member holding him could sit down, and after a few weeks of this for microseconds he would sit next to them, rather than being tightly held!

He was also a bad sleeper, would wake at the slightest sound and scream until picked up.

it was very hard on his older sister. She became very clingy to her dad as a response.

But he did improve and started sleeping more normally at 2. I can't remember when he stopped the screaming - he improved once he could crawl and a lot more once he could walk, but still cries a lot to this day if things go wrong for him.

I hope you find some solutions and have good support - it is very wearing.

Maybe time for another stint at the baby unit for a break?

#9 suzanne-j

Posted 11 April 2012 - 02:24 PM

Yes, my specialist is negotiating a stay at an MBU for me so that we can rest and get some attachment therapy going.  I'm having the hardest time accepting that this is 'him', this is his make up.  I think once I can wrap my head around the fact that he's going to be a handfull I'll be better off.

I wanted to thank all of you for your replies it really does help a lot.

Edited by suzanne-j, 11 April 2012 - 02:25 PM.


#10 MummaDiva

Posted 11 April 2012 - 02:38 PM

He sounds like my DD1.  She is now the most delightful little soul - very genuine, caring and empathetic.  She is also doing very well at school and loves her study.  She has lots of good friends that appreciate her kindness and gentleness.
As a baby, she used to be so clingy that she wouldn't like it in the stroller - and then, if she did go in the stroller, she would only let me push it - if someone else did, she would be a hot screaming mess in no time.  Her grandparents only needed to look at her, and she was in tears.   She was permanently attached to one particular teacher at day care, and spent much of the time crying.  We co-slept, as she would wake up the instant I left her side - no matter what the time.
It got better at about the age of three, when she could talk well.  She was still clingy for the start of FYOS, but after that settled down a lot.  A LOT of people have noticed the change that school has had on her - she seems to have "come into her own" and really blossomed there.

#11 JamJah

Posted 13 April 2012 - 11:41 AM

Hi Suzanne-J

I have tried a few times today to PM you on here but it keeps throwing up an error on me.  It's basically a "in the same boat" message.  If interested, can you try and send me a PM and I will respond to it to see if I can get it through.

original.gif

#12 Guest_Retro_Mumma_*

Posted 13 April 2012 - 11:45 AM

My son started temper tantrums at around 11 months but one of my friends babies started at 8 months.

It gets worse as they get older but it also gets better.

For example my son went through a stage of biting (to the point he drew blood) at around 8 months but then grew out of it. Then at around 13th months he started hitting constantly but he grew out of it and then at around 15 months he started kicking me repeatedly in the stomach when he got his nappy changed but then he grew out of it.

He still has really bad seperation anxiety, he stills throws a tantrum everytime I leave the room to go to the loo!

#13 Tesseract

Posted 13 April 2012 - 11:54 AM

What Amandamac has said is really good. My DD isn't quite as full on as yours, but I have had to go through phases of wearing her constantly and co-sleeping because she needs to the contact. The hardest thing is that I notice that when I lose patience and get grumpy and withdraw from her a bit, she is a lot worse. It is very draining being attentive and loving 24/7 when you are exhausted and all the baby does is b*tch at you! But the contact does help her immensely, she is a lot more secure and hence able to be put down.

Another one to second the sensory play thing. My DD gets frustrated and angry when surrounded by lots of traditional toys - but give her a box with a toilet roll in it, or some water to splash and she is happy as a lark. Also having things spread out throughout the house but at her level has been really great, she loves exploring now. (I have read a bit on Montessori design and this has some great ideas that really engage her.)

#14 MrsWright

Posted 13 April 2012 - 11:59 AM

I know a lady who had a baby like this. She said no one would ever believe how bad he was until they'd stayed with them and saw it. Apparently it eased up once he became more mobile and independent, and was able to crawl and then walk. Her theory is he just hated being a baby original.gif He is now a perfectly happy pleasant twenty-something year old. I hope you can get the help/peace you need to start enjoying each other some more.




2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN a $500 Visa debit card

Are you a parent? Simply take our survey for your chance to win a $500 pre-paid VISA debit card.

Breastfeeding doesn't make you a better mum - feeding your baby does

Given my immense dislike of Hopkins and her opinions, I was genuinely shocked to discover that last week she actually said something that I agreed with.

'Toni, another baby has died': the anguish of watching governments fail our babies

It has been six years since whooping cough claimed the life of four-week-old Dana McCaffery. Her parents are angry that lessons learnt weren't enough to save other babies.

Longer breastfeeding linked to higher IQ

A study of 3500 infants has found that babies who are breastfed grow up to be more intelligent and wealthy.

The 2015 flu vaccine: what's new, who should get it

For certain members of the community, catching flu can lead to severe illness or death. A vaccination can be lifesaving.

Dealing with a nappy escape artist

I hear about the tots that have a penchant for ripping their nappies off and the odd one that even smears the brown stuff on the walls and fine home furnishings, and I shudder.

Hospital apologises for 'traumatising' baby mix-up

St Vincent's Hospital has apologised "unreservedly" for a baby mix-up that left one new mum traumatised.

Tips for flying with a baby

Travelling with kids requires a whole other set of skills - ones that I have learned through (sometimes unfortunate) trial and error.

How to stay calm in an emergency

I’m not expecting you to be as calm as you might be right now. What I mean is that if your panic levels are through the roof during a stressful situation, let’s bring them down to just under the ceiling.

Toddler gets 'drunk' after cranberry juice mix-up

A toddler was taken to hospital after a waitress served her sangria instead of cranberry juice at a US restaurant.

We need to stop using this word when we talk about childbirth

Is it shaming to point out that women are often being let down in birth?

The certificate helping parents deal with pregnancy loss

For some people, this certificate will offer a sense of validation that their child was acknowledged as being here and now gone, and will help them with life post-loss.

Grieving families give warnings after toddler deaths

Two Queensland families are grieving the loss of their toddler sons after the boys drowned in separate incidents last week.

The phenomenon of phantom pregnancy kicks

'Phantom pregnancy kicks’ are encountered by many mums months - or even years - after their pregnancy is over.

The health insurance advice you can't afford to ignore

There's one simple switch that could save you hundreds of dollars a year in private health insurance.

4D scans show how smoking affects babies still in the womb

The harmful effects of smoking during pregnancy on unborn babies may be seen in tiny movements in their faces using 4D ultrasound scans, research has found.

How to babyproof your job interview

Once upon a time, I was a fan of job interviews. That all changed after I'd switched careers, had a baby and decided to spend the first year at home with her.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

The most dangerous toddler food trends

Pete Evans' paleo cookbook for kids caused a storm, but there are plenty of other unsafe food trends for babies and toddlers.

Infection killed new mum of twins

Modern medicine could not save 19-year-old Sophie Burgess who died 48 hours after giving birth to twins in the UK.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.