Jump to content

Pros & cons of the following age gaps...


  • Please log in to reply
19 replies to this topic

#1 BentoBaby

Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:10 PM

Some background...

Baby 1: Difficult pregnancy until around 20 weeks (very very VERY sick!). Easy pregnancy after this. Newborn-9 months, very unsettled, severe reflux that wasn't well controlled until then, not a good sleeper. Now at 15 months a very easy baby (still not sleeping through but otherwise very very easy).

Thinking about TTC towards the end of the year. Minimum age gap we'd consider would be around 2yrs 3momths. Initially I thought closer to 3yrs but now I'm beginning to think being pregnant/young baby with an older toddler that still has a day nap would be better (obviously with a 3yr old there would be no day nap once the bub comes and potentially no nap through my pregnancy).

What have your experiences been with a 2.3yr vs up to 3yr age gap? Obviously we can't pick exactly but we fell pregnant very easily with DS so there is a chance we could have some say.

#2 tibs

Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:25 PM

Well I'm sorry to say my 2 years and 2 months old no longer has day sleeps  wink.gif

I have 2 years 5 months between #1 and #2 and this worked well for me as my #1 could entertain himself to some extent plus help himself to snacks etc if I was feeding the baby.  He went to preschool at 3 for 2 days a week so I then had some time with the baby while she was still a baby and just starting to really do things.  Now they are 2 and 4 and get on so well they keep each other entertained and the gap isn't too big so they are interested in many of the same things e.g both still play duplo as my oldest isn't old enough to have moved on to lego which may happen with a bigger age gap.

We wanted a similar gap with #3 and I was due to have a 2 year 3 month gap but miscarried.  Got pregnant again expecting a 2 year 5 month gap and miscarried at 10 weeks, had to have a D&C which meant no TTC for a further 6 weeks.  Pregnant again now and should have a 2 year 8 month gap if things go well this time which is longer than we wanted but unfortunately beyond our control.

Good luck  original.gif

#3 Libertine

Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:34 PM

My Dd is 3 years, 3 months and still has a 2 hour nap every afternoon. I'm due with no.2 in October so she will be a couple of months short of 4 then.

Tbh I always wanted a close age gap but having seen pretty much all my friends have a second baby when the first was between 1-2 I am glad we didn't do it. If the first child is too young it is really hard on them and i am not sure  would have coped all that well. It took us 2 years ttc for no.2 and I am now beginning to think it may have turned out for the best (for us obviously. Everyone is different!)

I reckon my dd will be at the age where she understands, and can help out. She will also start kindy at 4 so she will be gaining some independance and I will also have some time alone with the new baby too which will be great.

I wouldn't over think it op. TTC is a funny thing, it rarely works out exactly as planned but age gaps tend to work whatever you get!

#4 No girls here

Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:39 PM

I wouldn't pick it based on whether or not your DS still has day sleeps.  My boys both gave up their day sleep at 2, my sister's boys gave theirs up at 4.  So either way DS may or may not be sleeping.

Personally I would choose the 2 year age gap.  With 3 years it takes a while longer until they play together well, but they're not really old enough to be all that useful either.

#5 ubermum

Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:40 PM

Unfortunately, you don't really get a say. I wanted 3 close together. I fell pregnant with my second when my first was 8 months. Since then ttc the third hasn't happened and then when it did I miscarried. My third will be 4.5 years younger than my second.

All children and families are different. It is hard to say which age gap is the best because so much is reliant on individual personalities and circumstances.

#6 Spartacus

Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:51 PM

Three year olds are pretty sucky. I would go for a larger gap, so that the older one is 3 1/2 or older when the younger one is born so they're not tantrumming and being awful with a crawler around the house.

#7 Julie3Girls

Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:52 PM

I wouldn't be timing based on day time naps. Simply because you cannot guarantee how long your child is going to nap. My older 2 girls both dropped regular naps at around age 2, gone completely by 2.5yrs.

That said, it is possible to get your child into the habit of "quiet time".   We used to do it after lunch. Put on a DVD, and just have quiet time.

My age gaps with the girls are 2yr 6mths, and then 2yr 9mths.  Love the age gaps.  They are close enough in age to play together really well, get on really well. Old enough to understand about being gentle with the baby, and to entertain themselves a little bit.

During pregnancy with DD2, DD1 and I would cuddle together on the lounge, lying down, with a movie on.  Half the time, I'd dose off, she'd occasionally sleep as well.

If you wait until the slightly older end, closer to 3, you might be able to put your oldest in preschool, and get one or two days a week with just the baby, where you can catch up on a bit of rest when the baby sleeps.

#8 Xiola

Posted 09 April 2012 - 02:03 PM

DS1 was 2 and 4 months when DS2 was born.  He was still napping for at least 2 hours but this stopped after a couple of months.  It didn't really make much difference really.  I can say though that I wish DD was closer in age to them (they're 4.5 and 7 now and DD is nearly 8 months old).  All the running around with school runs etc I find quite hectic with a baby in tow and it was very draining whilst I was pregnant.

#9 Stronger

Posted 09 April 2012 - 02:07 PM

Hmmm don't think as well just because your DS was easy to conceive that the second one will be too...our DD was conceived second month off the pill we were trying and yet we are going on for 4yrs TTC#2 and have just done our first round of IVF.

I hope it is not the case for you but just trying to say don't assume anything in TTC!!

Good luck - I would just start TTC whenever you are ready and whatever is meant to be, is meant to be and you will work around it!

original.gif

#10 jess1980

Posted 09 April 2012 - 02:17 PM

My 2 daughters are 2yrs 3m apart and my eldest had stopped her daytime nap around two. I think it's a fine age gap but I do recommend getting onto the toilet training before your next baby is born as I didn't and changing 2 lots of nappies was a pain in the bum! My girls are quite close and play well together.

#11 2boys2cute

Posted 09 April 2012 - 02:18 PM

I have 2 years 2 months between my boys.  

The good:

DS1 used to go to bed fairly early back when DS2 was a baby (ie around 6-7pm).
They are at ages (5 & 3) now where they are playing quite well together at times, which is good

The bad:
Having a newborn and a high-maintenance toddler (like DS1 was) was hard work.  Damn hard work.
DS1 dropped his day sleeps 2 weeks after we brought DS2 home from hospital.  That sucked!
TT'ing DS1 while DS2 was still a baby was hard
DS1 was still fairly dependent on me for many things such as dressing, bathing, feeding (to an extent) which made it hard - I think it would've been easier if he was a bit more independent like he is now ie he can have a shower/bath with limited supervision, go to the toilet by himself, get himself a basic snack or drink, get dressed, follow instructions, isn't so clingy & is willing to help etc etc
- dealing with the terrible 2's (which lasted well into the 3's) as well as a newborn wasn't much fun at all.

I guess it really comes down to what your kids are like ie easy, high-maintenance etc etc, which you aren't always going to know until its too late.  It seemed like the moment I fell pregnant with DS2, DS1's terrible 2's hit early, and he was a shocker.  Had I known back then what I know now, I would definitely have waited and had at least a 4 year age gap, because he is the most delightful little boy now compared to what he was like in his toddler years, and I really think having him and a baby now would have been SO much easier than having them as close as I did.  They have very different personalities, and even though they are capable of playing well together for some of the time, they fight terribly as well.  If I could turn the clock back and wait a few more years, I definitely would, for the sake of my sanity.

Just my experience of course!  I have friends who swear by a  2 year gap as opposed to a larger gap.

#12 BentoBaby

Posted 09 April 2012 - 02:22 PM

I'm sorry to hear of your losses Libertime & Ubermum sad.gif

You are right, you can't control things at all. I guess I'm just wondering whether we start ttc with the 2yr3mth gap & go from there or whether we hold off for closer to 3yrs. If we start at 2yr3mth there is a chance we'd get that so I wouldn't want to start ttc if that was a shocking age gap! We fell pregnant straight away last time (& I'd expected it to take a little while) so I don't want a huge shock again if that is too close a gap.

It sounds like it would be a good starting point though from your posts above!

#13 BentoBaby

Posted 09 April 2012 - 02:27 PM

QUOTE (raffi06 @ 09/04/2012, 02:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hmmm don't think as well just because your DS was easy to conceive that the second one will be too...our DD was conceived second month off the pill we were trying and yet we are going on for 4yrs TTC#2 and have just done our first round of IVF.

I hope it is not the case for you but just trying to say don't assume anything in TTC!!

Good luck - I would just start TTC whenever you are ready and whatever is meant to be, is meant to be and you will work around it!

original.gif


You are totally right & I don't take the ease at which we fell pregnant for granted at all. I hope 2012 is your year original.gif

#14 3inthebed

Posted 09 April 2012 - 02:36 PM

QUOTE (ubermum @ 09/04/2012, 02:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
All children and families are different. It is hard to say which age gap is the best because so much is reliant on individual personalities and circumstances.


I agree with this. Everyone will give you an opinion based on their own experience.
Mine are 3 years apart and different sexes and adore each other so much, play well etc. plus my 4 1/2 year old still has a day sleeps. It worked out perfectly for me.

I am planning my 3rd now and will let the universe decide.

#15 prettypenny

Posted 09 April 2012 - 02:38 PM

My girls have a 2y 9month gap (a 3yo and 3 month old) and so far I've loved it. DD1 dropped her nap at 2 years (cold turkey) but can do quiet time well. Like a few other PPs, this age gap wasn't planned but perhaps a blessing in hindsight.

I was able to have DD1 TT, in a bed and without dummy well before DD2 arrived. She was basically able to transition from toddler to a little girl without relating all these big changes to the new baby.

Since DD2's birth she has been great. Helps with nappy changes, sings to DD2 and understands that sometimes the baby takes up a bit of mummy and daddy's time.

Good luck and you'll find that you just adjust to whatever age gap you end up with.

#16 Kay1

Posted 09 April 2012 - 02:53 PM

We were aiming for a 2.5 year gap but ended up with just shy of 3yr gap (despite conceiving DS1 first try). It worked well for us. DS1 was still napping at 3 - up until 3.5 actually. So I had time to rest in the afternoons. However DS2 was a very difficult newborn (even worse than DS1!) so day sleeps were non existent until about 4 months - after that he did sleep though and I would often get a snooze in the afternoon when both of them slept. original.gif Even when DS1 no longer napped I would let him watch tv then (only way to keep him awake!) and lie on the couch next to him and rest. He was not TTed until 3.5 yrs so I did have two in nappies for about 6 months.

This time we will have a 4 year gap. DS2 is 3.5yrs and no longer napping but I still use the tv to get a snooze in the afternoon if I am very tired. He goes to preschool two days a week so I have that time as well. He is now TTed, day and night so I have a brief gap between changing nappies!!! ddance.gif

The 3 year gap has been great for us. It was challenging at times in the beginning because DS1's behaviour was more difficult at 3 than at 2 so I often had meltdowns to deal with as well as a newborn. However they are great buddies now, they are inseparable and DS1 takes such good care of DS2. I hope they are similar with their soon to be baby brother. original.gif

Edited by Kay1, 09 April 2012 - 02:58 PM.


#17 samshine

Posted 09 April 2012 - 03:06 PM

QUOTE
My Dd is 3 years, 3 months and still has a 2 hour nap every afternoon


This is us, I know we're lucky but at 3y 4m DS still has a day sleep of 1-2 hours.  We really have the best of both worlds though as if we need to he can go without out it at a stretch so we're not bound by staying home either.  But even if naps have been abandoned, you can still implement some down time.  Our older DD obviously doesn't have a nap but we inisist on quiet time when DS naps.

We've just had a 3y 3m age gap between DS and DD2 and it's (so far, touch wood) fantastic.  A great age where he can understand some things have to wait and can help with little things.  He's pushing the boundaries with his behaviour at times, but that's to be expected with all the changes.  He's also at an age where he really enjoys the baby.

Overall, I thought I enjoyed my 18 month age gap between my first two, but this age gap has been so much more enjoyable and smooth.

Good luck

#18 Another one

Posted 09 April 2012 - 03:24 PM

My two are 2 days off being 2 years apart.  DD was an awful baby but is an independent well behave little girl and was so excited by her little brother that she has helped from day 1, reading books to DS while I fed, trying to change nappies etc.  She even pulls his blind down and turns his 'music' (white noise) on when he goes to bed (and the reverse when he wakes up).

She has only just dropped her afternoon nap completely (2y8m) but was having one at least every other day until then.  When she became difficult ot get to sleep I started to call it rest time and she had an hour in her room, 8/10 times she'd get in bed and fall asleep, otherwise she would play with teddy, read him a book and so on for the hour.

I didn't, but should have, TT'd DD before DS came along as she was ready but resisted.  After 2 months of 2 lots of nappies (MCN) I just did it with her and we haven't looked back.

She also dresses herself every morning (and has done since before DS was born - although she did need a little help back then).  She has now taken to choosing his clothes for the day as well.  They don't have to be older to be helpful.

I wanted a small gap though as we had IVF with DD and I was 35 when I had her and 37 for DS.  I stopped BF'g her at 12mths so we could get straight back into the IVF.

I know two people with 13/14 mth age gaps and they love it.

Edited by Isabelle Thomas, 09 April 2012 - 03:27 PM.


#19 judy_

Posted 09 April 2012 - 03:29 PM

My boys are 3 years 2 months apart.
DS1 was an easy 3 year old and was no problem with a baby.
DS2 is a horrible 3 year, it would be a nightmare with a new baby.


#20 Working_Mummy

Posted 09 April 2012 - 03:35 PM

My DS was 3 in Feb, he has only just dropped the 2nd sleep and gone to 1 sleep per day.

We have a baby due this month so 3 years + 2 months difference.

Loving the independence DS has got in the last 6 months, not sure if it is because we are 'preparing' him for the new baby or it would have happened already.  But he can now get himself fruit / drink from the fridge, a biscuit & put cheese on it for a snack.

Take himself to the toilet without any assistance.

Turn the TV on when he wakes up quietly without waking anyone else - if he happens to wake before us.

Feed himself dinner and just be overall quite helpful.  I wouldn't have got this 6 months ago.

I am also finding that when reasoning with him it is a lot easier (ie no you cannot have a snack now, i am  cooking dinner and will call you when its ready) but again i don't know if this is us cracking down a little bit extra and helping create this extra independence or it would have happened anyway.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a copy of 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

To celebrate the launch of EB member and contributor Julia's Watson's first book, we have five copies of Breakfast, School Run, Chemo give away.

Electronic tags may keep newborns safe

The possibility of using electronic bracelets for mothers and their newborn babies is being investigated by Adelaide's Women's and Children's Hospital. 

Baby steps: when your little one starts walking

As a parent there are so many milestones to look forward to. That first smile, first word - and, of course, that first step.

Julia Watson's new book 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

Tomorrow my friend Julia launches her first book. And while we're all overjoyed, the success is tinged with sadness. You see, Julia has stage 4 bowel cancer.

How not to name twins

Call me boring, but I don't think that when it comes to choosing my twins' names is the right time to use a good pun.

Fun Sunny Life pool inflatables just for babies

The babies of 2015 will thus be thrilled to paddle their happy baby legs in these brand new flamingo and swan baby inflatables.

Breastfeeding basics for beginners

Here are 10 tips to help make breastfeeding successful and stress free for both you and your baby as quickly as possible.

Girl smothers baby brother with peanut butter

This mum had a big clean up job on her hands.

How to hide those under eye shadows

Pandas are the only ones who benefit from under-eye shadows. If you're not fluffy and cute, you'll just look tired.

Young mum dies after being denied pap smear

A mother has died after she was denied a pap smear because she was deemed "too young" to need it.

Birthday cakes banned at childcare centre

A childcare centre in Sydney has banned birthday cakes after parent complaints about excessive sugar and children with allergies being left out.

Triplet surprise for newlyweds

As the radiographer moved the wand over her abdomen, Shelley King got the surprise of her life.

3 yummy Thermomix baby and toddler recipes

Louise Fulton Keats shares her recipes for babies and toddlers, including corn and sweet pikelets, pumpkin and pea risotto, and cheesy bunny biscuits.

Man arrested over toddler Nikki's death

A 31-year-old man has been arrested over the death of two-year-old Nikki Francis-Coslovich in Mildura.

Adoption ban on pregnant women to be lifted

Pregnant women will no longer be barred from adoption waiting lists in NSW, after the Baird Government decided the practice was discriminatory.

Are you getting enough magnesium?

Magnesium is the fourth most abundant mineral in the body, but we don't talk enough about it and the vital role it plays in great health and energy, as well as disease prevention.

5 workplace lessons for new parents

Take heart in these principles that will transfer seamlessly from the workplace into your new life as a parent.

Mums to follow on Instagram

A creative outlet for many, there are some savvy women complementing their blogs and businesses with riveting Instagrams feeds. We've chosen a few which have bucketloads of appeal; there are some big time players and some smaller local ones, and they each bring their special brand of magic to the Instagram experience.

Review: The Volvo 2015 XC90 SUV has all the safety features your family needs

The new Volvo XC90 SUV's focus on keeping you safe does not come at the expense of comfort in the XC90.

Kim Kardashian reveals she may have hysterectomy

Kim Kardashian has revealed complications during pregnancy means she might have to have a hysterectomy after the birth of her second child.

Why late night snacks wreak havoc on weight loss

 Loath as you may be to admit it, chances are that at some point you have found yourself in the kitchen late at night, devouring food.

Toddler twins pretend to be asleep to fool mum

They say twins have a unique connection. If this cute clip is anything to go by, these toddler sisters like to use their special bond to try to fool their mother.

Dad bags: 10 picks for out and about

Getting out of the house is a big priority in the early years of parenthood and you need to take a well-stocked kit with you. We've chosen 10 of the best nappy bags sure to appeal to dads in style and function.

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Dads who do their share have more sex: study

For women trying to encourage their partners to take more interest in fatherhood, it could be the ultimate incentive.

Think you might have IBS, coeliac disease or Crohn's?

Conditions affecting the gastrointestinal tract are common in modern humans, and many are on the rise - including irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) and coeliac disease.

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer.

The exercises you know you should be doing (but probably aren't)

I bet your to-do list today is long. But somewhere on that massive list, are you making time for your pelvic floor?

This baby really loves the family cat

Some babies get excited when mum or dad come to get them from their cot after a nap.

Designer kids clothing good enough to eat by Oeuf

Even if you aren't heading to the Northern hemisphere in the next six months, you can't help but love the amazing food-themed knits for babies and kids by cult kids brand Oeuf.

Early exposure to peanuts recommended for allergy prevention

A paediatricians' group is recommending that infants at high risk of peanut allergies be given foods containing peanuts before they turn one.

Home brand foods contain less salt than pricier rivals

Supermarket home brand foods, long derided as cheap and inferior, contain far lower levels of salt than pricier, branded rivals, new research shows.

Nannies for hire, wherever you're flying

Ever dreaded the prospect of a long flight, dreaming about how wonderful it would be for a nanny to entertain the kids?

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer: with an unusual photo shoot with their 'baby', a groodle (poodle/golden retriever cross) named Humphrey. The talented Elisha from Elisha Minnette Photography caught all the precious shots.

Is it okay to name your baby with a sense of humour?

My husband was sure that Danger was a good option for a boy. And as the pregnancy progressed, it actually started to sound really good.

Woman gives birth after having her own mother's uterus transplanted

In a world first, a healthy baby has been born from the same womb that nurtured his own mother.

So hot right now: double-barrelled baby names on the rise

It's one way to make your baby stand out from the pack – giving them not one, but two first names.

Second time around: is it really better the devil you know?

When I fell pregnant with my second child I was, naturally, very excited. Then it all started to come back to me - and I freaked.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

How did we have babies before apps came along?

Three months ago, my wife, Chrysta, and I were driving along Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles when she let out a harrowing cry.

When your toddler disagrees

There comes a time when your child starts having different views to you. I didn't realise that time would come so soon.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

 

FREE TICKET

Discover the magic of the LEGOŽ DUPLOŽ Play Area in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.