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TTC #1 after Miscarriage #29
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#201 clarisse83

Posted 07 May 2012 - 03:59 PM

Happy anniversary Jayne original.gif

Wishing & kmaharaj  bbighug.gif

I stopped trying to look for a purpose or reason behind the miscarriage and am trying to accept that bad things just happen to good people for some unknown reason. None of us deserve this pain so I can't see why there would be a reason for it.

Also, Wishing, if you need to talk about your miscarriage with your friends then do so. You might be surprised that some of them have also had miscarriages too so know exactly how you feel. That's been my experience.

Stay positive lovelies, hopefully this thread will be empty soon xx

#202 Jaynen81

Posted 07 May 2012 - 04:14 PM

Thanks ladies original.gif time has flown when having fun Xo

#203 kmaharaj

Posted 07 May 2012 - 04:54 PM

jaynen happy 10th anniversary hun. That is a wonderful thing to celebrate. I had my 8th one on 17/4 and if nothing else i appreciate that i married DH. He is such a wonderful husband - touch wood.

clarisse you are right but it's still hard some days not to question. It seems to me that everywhere i go, there are pregnant woman and they all seem to be having boys (and i keep thinking of my poor little boy). It's like the universe is having a laugh at me. Thanks for the hug babe. Right back at you hhugs.gif

Anyhow, being the proactive person that i am and living up to my motto of "I will never give up my dream and hope of having a bub of my own" and "I will do whatever it takes", I rushed off at lunch time and bought myself some nice warm slippers, gorgeous bed socks, and pyjamas (cute ones which i think DH will like) from Sussans :-). Also have a wheat bag which I have been heating and just keeping on my lap/tummy to warm it right up. I don't eat cold foods anyway but I DO drink a lot of ice cold water (always have) and drink fizzy ice cold coke zero on an empty stomach (which is even worse blush.gif ). Ok well I pledge that until i have held my bub in my arms, I QUIT both.  And if i break the pledge then i will come here and fess up and I will take whatever punishment is meted out. No more ice cold stuff of any sort. nno.gif  Anything it takes!!



#204 Kazz33

Posted 07 May 2012 - 09:31 PM

Aww Kmaharaj i just wanted to give you a great big hug (hmm cant find the hug smilie). What an absolutely horrible thing to have to go through. My m/c experience pales in comparison. You will get your bubby one day, when all the stars align. I dont know that i agree with your "cold" uterus diagnosis, & it was very harsh to blame you & say you will probably m/c again. But hey as you say, try everything & do whatever it takes.

Everyone - On the count of 3 you all need to give me a great big smile. 1, 2, 3 GO! Feel a bit better? Thought it would wink.gif

#205 kmaharaj

Posted 08 May 2012 - 10:11 AM

Hello lovelies

Kazz33 thanks for the cue to smile. It did make me smile. As for what you have said about my experiences, it was horrid for sure and for that reason I never resent anyone their BFP's or their bubs. We don't always know what those other people have gone through and plus I would never wish my pain and suffering on anyone. As for me having suffered more than you, I don't see it that way. All our losses are bad and equally painful and none of us deserved any of it.

Having a horrid day at work already. Lots of love to you and hurry up and post some BFP's cos that will make me really smile and give me some hope.

xo.

#206 2puzzled

Posted 08 May 2012 - 10:36 AM

day 35 after D&C and no AF... rargh! sorry just needed to vent. poor DH - when I mention how frustrating it is he tells me to stop stressing about it. then I feel like punching him. could that be PMT LOL - I hope so!!!

hope everyone is doing OK. sorry no time for PMs (again).

my assignment due yesterday is yet to be started... going to be a long day and night I think. If only AF would appear so I could stop thinking about it and just concentrate. trying to get pregnant, then a m/c in the final semester of study was perhaps a crazy idea.

might take my books out into the sun, away from this distracting machine, and taken some notes the good old fashioned way - pen to paper.

enjoy your day ladies. hope it is a happy one for every body.
happy.gif

#207 2puzzled

Posted 08 May 2012 - 11:19 AM

Just an addition - trying to work out how long it may take for my wretched period to turn up: http://pregnancyloss.info/ has a great section "Healing" which has some really useful Q&A info on the whole process.

#208 Wishing2011

Posted 08 May 2012 - 01:37 PM

good afternoon ladies waves.gif I always seem so negative in here. But I am okay really. I just have moments where I feel so alone and so sad and just wish I was pregant again already.. I do struggle with people around me especiallyu the ones due around the same time. How do you do it? Like be around them especially when everyone seems to be pregnant and talking about it all. that's the part I find hard.

anyways.. I tested today as I'm due tomorrow and it was a BFN dammit.. the month we fell pregnant I tested the night I was due as I had no signs of AF coming and it was the faintest line but was definately there.. it got darker the next morning and throughout the next day hehe. I couldnt believe it I had to keep testing.. I have a feeling we missed it this month though as we BD'd all the way up to the day I got EWCM but nothing afterwards until about 5 days later.. I think I O a few days after the EWCM as the one time we kept going is the time we got our BFP! Anyways we'll see.

2puzzled have you taken a test just in case? Have you spoken with your specialist? My periods came back pretty much on time (a few days early actually) after my miscarriage..  Good luck with your assignment. it is a beautiful day to be outside *here anyway* so it sounds like a great way to get some fresh air and time to think.

kmaharaj sorry work is crappy today. I know the feeling hun...

Kazz33 grin.gif thanks hun original.gif

oh and I just rememberd I can get my tests back today for my CD21 BT. I should call up hey.. or maybe I will need to talk to the GP..

Edited by Wishing2011, 08 May 2012 - 01:40 PM.


#209 2puzzled

Posted 08 May 2012 - 03:37 PM

Hi Wishing. Actually I did do a test using first response this morning and it was negative. We were following advice not to TTC until after my first period, so have been ummm keeping it covered! The website I referred to in my previous post indicates that 7 weeks until first period is pretty normal so, while feeling less stressed about it (marginally) I just wish I could hit FFWD and get on with it!

My neighbour is pregnant and due 2 weeks before what was my EDD. She has been walking outside with her DD, who will be 20 mths old when the new one comes along. I was out checking mail so we had a chat and she told me her new bub is also a girl - she just found out. I am happy for her but just wanted to cry. A few days after my D&C we had her and her DH over for dinner, with other neighbours, which is when she told the news she was pregnant. I feel like grabbing her bump and putting it on me! I did't realise I wanted this, this much. Driving me crazy.  sad.gif

I had a vent to a lovely buddy about the whole thing - like Clarisse83 I haven't looked for reasons why this happened. I guess because I fell pregnant quickly the first time it was such a shock that I sort of felt my body wasn't ready for it. I know that is not how it works, but mentally it feels that way.

My mother, who is mostly a nightmarish pain, proved her capacity for tact recently when she told me that it was really no surprise I miscarried, because I "burn the candle at both ends" (i.e. I work full time and study part time, and have as active a social life as I can muster in between). To top it off I told her I miscarried with non-progressing pg at 8.5 weeks and she rang the next day to ask me if I knew it was a boy or a girl... tactful and, despite having had 3 children herself, not really aware of when these sorts of details become obvious...   wacko.gif

sigh. I feel so in the dumps today! Stupid assignment isn't helping.  cry1.gif

Sorry for the self-pitying moaning. Just one of them days. At least I know you know where I am coming from. Wishing - don't worry about being negative in here - we're here to share the ups and downs. If it was all happy chit chat then there'd be no need for the thread. hugs to you and anyone else who's having a tough one!




#210 kmaharaj

Posted 08 May 2012 - 06:03 PM

2puzzled and wishing I am so feeling it today. Just so emotional and down and tired. It's just too much, i want this to be over with almost. Am also in the dumps.

2puzzled, I feel exactly the same way. I get really upset when i hear people are having their 3rd of 4th and they have toddlers running around and I think Dear God, please just give me the 1, you are giving them 4,5,6 whatever, go ahead, shower them with 20 but just please please please give me one. Just one, I am not greedy, I have so much love to give a bub and it's killing me from the inside. hands.gif  hands.gif  hands.gif All i want is one healthy and happy bub of my own. Not sure if any of you feel that way, ever.

2puzzled - i think you don't realise how insensitive and hurtful people can be, whether meaning to or not. As i said a few posts ago, i also got the "was it a girl or boy?" (ummm why does it matter and why does it matter to them!!!), what did you do to cause this? oh you must have worked too hard, next time don't do this or that...oh my favourite was "why are you crying so much, it wasn't like it was born yet" rant.gif .if i got a $1 for the number of times ppl said that to me...I swear I have cut so many people out from my life. At least this experience gave me the strength to stop being a doormat and taking c r a p from anyone. I don't fight back, I just cut them out from my life without saying a word. And i think i am all the more happier for it now. At least now i can grieve in peace and not have to justify myself to anyone. Now i don't even ask ppl whether they have kids or not when i meet them because who knows they may be trying and it's not happening for them or they have lost a bub. I don't want to be insensitive.

Nightmare and stressful day at work. Can't wait to go home.

2puzzled good luck with your assignment hun. What are you studying???

xo.

Edited by kmaharaj, 08 May 2012 - 06:06 PM.


#211 2puzzled

Posted 08 May 2012 - 06:16 PM

kmaharaj I hope you're on your way home now! A bad day for a few of us hey? crappy. I hope your day gets better as you walk out the door for home.

in my final semester of law. been long haul (started studying p/t in 2005). Can't WAIT to finish.

yep - so many people don't think before opening their mouths, so often! I am sure I have done the same myself. I know I have said to someone who had a m/c that at least they know they can get pregnant... I have now heard that many times myself. After reading these forums and seeing how many people have experienced multiple m/cs, I understand that getting pregnant is really just one hurdle to get over in a long race to the finish. I will never say that to anyone again. It's just not over until a baby is fully delivered, alive and kicking.

humph. back to the assignment.  sad.gif

#212 clarisse83

Posted 08 May 2012 - 07:58 PM

2puzzled I feel your pain on the final semester of law! I finished my law degree in 2006 and that last year was slow and painful ... Good luck with it all!

wishing were you able to get your CD21 blood test results hun?

hugs for everyone else, sounds like it was a really tough day for a few of you.

I'm doing ok, busy at work today. Still no AF and getting nervous about whether or not it'll arrive or if I'll be testing on the weekend!

#213 Jaynen81

Posted 08 May 2012 - 10:24 PM

Hi Ladies im sorry some of you had a bad day today  bbighug.gif hopefully tomorrow will be better original.gif

2puzzled - hope the assignment is going well. I hear you with people not thinking before they open there mouths. I went to a wedding earlier in the year and met a couple who had two kids and the wife turned around and said that its time for me to start having kids so I politely said it will happen when its suppose to and walked away.. (even though I felt like saying I had a mc a few months ago just to shut her up and make her realise you cant say that to people)

kmaharaj - hope you are at home relaxing now original.gif

wishing - I dont think you are negative at all. We are all going through the same thing and this is where we vent so by all means go for it original.gif we all write what eachother is thinking, I too feel alone sometimes and wish I would hurry up and be pregnant already!!

Blue cup - how you going hun?

Kazz - I did feel better after ready your post and big smiles to you!

clarisse - how late are you?

AFM - had my CD21 blood test this morning so should get the results hopefully by friday. I started getting cramps yesterday and they have continued on and off today but feeling them a bit now as I type so im not feeling confident this month  sad.gif  also had a bit of creamy CM this afternoon.. Cant wait for this weekend when we go away for the night. Im thinking of testing on Sunday morning  unsure.gif

Edited by Jaynen81, 08 May 2012 - 10:27 PM.


#214 Wishing2011

Posted 09 May 2012 - 08:59 AM

morning girls thank you so much original.gif

Yes I did get my CD21 results yesterday and it was all good. It confirmed I had ovulated this cycle yay! Although I think we missed it sad.gif We BD’d right until the day I got EWCM but I’m pretty sure I O a few days later dammit.. Anyway we’ll see. AF is due today and the month we got our BFP I tested the night that AF was due as it hadn’t arrived. I tested thismorning and it was negative. Not even a hint of a line sad.gif  oh well...

I think I am guilty of saying the wrong things too. I don’t know if I ever said it but I think I may have thought. Well at least you can get pregnant I can’t even do that!! And when it finally happened I lost it sad.gif I even thought it could be karma to teach me a lesson for even thinking that way.. Anyway....

Jaynen81 I have my fingers crossed for you hun. If you had your CD21 blood tests and are already getting some cramps it might be a sign of implantation maybe?? I don’t usually get cramping until AF is just about to start.. But I know we are all different. Don’t lose hope just yet original.gif

2puzzled it really is a long road hey.. I know that when I finally get pregnant again I am going to probably be over the top cautious and probably worried and won’t relax until I at least get past the 12 – 20 weeks. That isn’t too nice of your mum. I guess people that don’t understand what we are going through just really do not understand and don’t realise how much it hurts us. And sometimes we ourselves don’t realise until we are caught off guard. hhugs.gif good luck with your assignment did you get it done?

Kmaharaj hhugs.gif thanks and same to you. Hopefully it won’t be long until we can start the journey again original.gif

Last night I was flicking channels and on ‘The Project’ they had a special on miscarriages and how there are people trying to have a loss of a baby recognised as anything past 12 weeks... It’s currently only recognised after 20 weeks I think?? I’m not sure... Anyway listening to the stories of these ladies, and some of them are public faces, I got so teary watching it because even though I lost mine a lot earlier I know the pain they are feeling. And in a way it didn’t make me feel so alone. Also when I have spoken to DH about it over the weekend after I was caught off guard and got really upset. He told me that I am not alone in this, it was his baby too and he feels the pain just as much. He just deals with it differently and is trying to move on and look to the future..


#215 kmaharaj

Posted 09 May 2012 - 09:29 AM

Good morning ladies

Woke up with a massive headache and looks like it will be another stressful day at work. Just got to get through this day somehow.

Wishing - glad that you ovulated hun that's a good sign. And it's not over until it's over.  I still have hopes for you until AF arrives. DH's bro and his wife live in different countries (don't ask) and yet she managed to get pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful daughter 2 mths ago (those little swimmers hung around for a long while) so you never know hun.  Positive thoughts, positive thoughts.   My DH says the same to me. We don't realise that they have also lost their child and that they are hurting too. DH told me the other day that he thinks about our son all the time and that even if we never have another one, we can carry the little memories from our first one until the end of our lives. He said we have had one, and if it doesn't happen again, don't worry, we have each other and our little one in our hearts to get through this life. Made me cry. cry1.gif .

2puzzled hope you got your assignment done. I studied law too. So far 3 ladies with law background in this forum - you, me and clarrise, i think.  Good luck with it.

jaynen i have everything crossed for you. I hope you get your BFP. hands.gif

AFM - my sister was in town so caught up with her and DH for dinner at Cockle Bay, after what was a very tough and stressful day at work.  Had a mocktail which i think had too much ice in it, even though i asked for next to no ice (grr) but otherwise trying to keep warm. Will not be going to that acupuncturist again i have decided, she is not a dr and my dr said i will be fine to carry a bub and for her to say that i will miscarry the next if i fall preggars in the next 2 months (what a witch) was very insensitive.  

Anyhow, I started testing on the clearblue fertility monitor this morning - as expected showing low signs of fertility. Only CD 7 today.  I think Bdn'g to start from Monday. Wish me luck :-)

xo



#216 Jaynen81

Posted 09 May 2012 - 09:42 AM

Hi ladies just a quick one from me will do personals tonight. My gyno/ob rang me with my results and all good!! So happy Im ovulating! I can't believe he got the results do quickly..

Wishing - yay! We both ovulated!!

Sorry for the me post

Have a good day ladies xoxo

Edited by Jaynen81, 09 May 2012 - 09:44 AM.


#217 clarisse83

Posted 09 May 2012 - 09:45 AM

Wishing, glad to hear you O'd! Hopefully you caught it (no line yet doesn't mean anything!), but if not, at least your body is working as it should and next month you can be ready original.gif

Jayne, fingers crossed for good CD21 test results and a BFP this month! I'm on CD46 (counting from bleeding after D&C) so possibly very late. But I had EWCM on CD33 so if I O'd that day then I'm due tomorrow.

kmaharaj I'm glad to hear that you're not going back to that acupuncturist. If you're paying someone for a service/treatment, then you deserve to be treated with respect!

My OPKs arrived last week but I haven't been using them. Was thinking that I'd start if AF doesn't arrive this week and I get a negative pregnancy test. Do you guys think I should start now though?

#218 kmaharaj

Posted 09 May 2012 - 02:09 PM

clarisse no harm in checking hun. you don't want to miss the window of opportunity.

such a glorious day in sydney and i am stuck in a cold creepy office.
can't wait for the spike in fertility so that i can start TTC again tongue.gif . Ugh i hate the wait. rant.gif

#219 clarisse83

Posted 09 May 2012 - 08:25 PM

jaynen we must've posted at the same time this morning, hurrah for ovulating! original.gif

kmaharaj thanks, I tested when i got home today. Def not ovulating any time soon but I guess that's good considering I'm hoping that I O'd a couple of weeks ago!

Question - do you guys think it's possible that my hips got wider in the short time that I was pregnant? Hubby thinks they did a little and my jeans and pencil skirts are still too tight even though my belly is back to its normal size and I'm back to my usual weight ...

#220 emmy-g

Posted 09 May 2012 - 09:19 PM

Hi Girls,

Its been a busy week but only for good reasons! I'm so happy to see some good news coming through lately!

I took advantage of working in a hospital and was able to ask one of the OB's a few questions about when I should get AF back and whether its ok to start trying again straight away. He said I should get AF in the next 4 weeks (Natural MC 10th April) and that I was good to start trying again straight away. He was disappointed that the A&E I went to didn't suggest chromosome studies and that if I wanted to hubby and I could come to see him for some tests to put our minds to rest.

So as it stands its now a month since the start of my MC and there is no sign of AF... I'm just hoping that it comes back soon so I can start planning!!

#221 Wishing2011

Posted 10 May 2012 - 01:31 PM

will reply with more later just really busy at work today but I'm out sad.gif I knew in my heart i was though. When I got my BFP last time it showed up on the day AF was due... it turned up today without warning grrr.

#222 kmaharaj

Posted 10 May 2012 - 02:05 PM

hi all...busy day (and stressful) so will keep it short.

emmy it is good news. hope AF finds you soon so that you can start trying again. For me what helped was "blood building" foods like chicken congee, rice, sh*take mushrooms. Don't any cold foods, drinks and hope it works for you too.

wishing I am so sorry AF found you. How I wish it hadn't. bbighug.gif Big hug to you hun. FX this is the month for you.

AFM  cried so much last night. Doesn't look like i will be getting a BFP any time soon. Felt really hurt last night as DH has made some plans and won't be around during my fertile period. Felt hurt that he didn't consider my feelings or our plans in all this. I almost feel like telling him to just do it in a cup and then to get lost and i will just go to IVF, i don't need him. I am so angry and upset both at once. Haven't been answering his calls or talking to him at all. Feel as if the universe is conspiring against me.

Anyhow, glad that i am busy at work..sorry for the vent. Hope all of you get your BFP's soon.

xo



#223 clarisse83

Posted 10 May 2012 - 06:58 PM

Emmy FX you get AF soon!

Wishing, I'm sorry this month wasn't your month. *hugs*

kmaharaj oh hun, lots of hugs for you too. Try not to be angry at your husband, I'm sure he just wasn't thinking about your dates when he made his plans. Perhaps he didn't realise? Don't shut him out, tell him that you feel like you weren't considered at all when he made his plans xx

#224 Jaynen81

Posted 10 May 2012 - 09:19 PM

Wishing - im so sorry that witch showed up.. bbighug.gif xoxo

clarisse - Sorry I dont know about hips getting wider. my clothes did feel tighter though but now back to normal.

kmaharaj - I just want to keep giving big hugs! did you end up speaking to DH??

Hope - how are you going?

emma g - FX AF shows up so you can start BD  dev (6).gif

AFM - No cramps but a bit of CM (sorry tmi) just wanting Sunday to hurry up so I can test please cross your fingers for me  hands.gif

Have a great weekend!! xoxox

#225 kmaharaj

Posted 11 May 2012 - 09:47 AM

QUOTE (Jaynen81 @ 10/05/2012, 09:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
kmaharaj - I just want to keep giving big hugs! did you end up speaking to DH??


Hi ladies

Still feeling in the pits. CD 9 today. Just lost my mojo altogether. Don't feel like even trying. I am so upset with all the selfishness that I have to put up with - and there's always an excuse/explanation that i just don't care anymore. Too hurt to care about anything.

jaynen and clarisse thanks for the hugs. I feel so alone these days, it's just me and my memories of my bub and my tears so all the support i get here means so much to me.  

jaynen I hope and pray and wish that you get your BFP on Sunday. That would be perfect. I am sending you every shard of good luck that I can find in my useless body and hope it works for you.

I feel like such a wreck. I just don't know what to do anymore.

love to you all, some bfp's soon to cheer us all up.
xo
Kesh.


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Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.