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Failing at life!
(This should probably be a vent ...)

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#1 onyerbikeluv

Posted 03 April 2012 - 09:50 AM

Ever feel like you're just failing at life? I'm having one of those days - no weeks - no months - actually it's a few months now...

- I've been putting on a lot of weight (I am pregnant but the weight is getting out of control), and I literally have NO pants that fit. I've got dodgy hips during pregnancy (unstable pelvis) so exercise is painful. I'm in skirts only now, and have to wait till next pay day to buy anything new.  PANTS FAIL.
- DD stopped sleeping well at the start of the year, and it's slowly killing me. I'm so tired all the time, and even bringing her into our bed isn't working as she's started trying to sleep on my head. Yep, my head. SLEEP FAIL.
- Because I'm so tired I'm finding work really really hard, and not getting everything done. I go home each day having spent too long on EB because I can't focus for long on anything that requires brain power. My boss's patience must be wearing thin. WORK FAIL.
- Then to top it off I really upset my MIL yesterday by pointing out a few things that were happening that I was finding in conflict with how I want to bring up DD. I really love my MIL and we're really close, so I thought that honesty would be the best policy, which it is - but I obviously went about it the wrong way because she ended up in tears and needs some space from me, and I don't know how to fix it. FAMILY FAIL.

It just seems like I can't do anything right lately, and I just want to hide away for a week and stop messing everything up!

How do you re-set yourself when you're having a bad patch? I'm hoping it's hormonal but I'm just feeling out of control at the moment, and don't know how to get back on track.

#2 RichardParker

Posted 03 April 2012 - 10:06 AM

Hang in there.  I'll join you in the failing at life, if it helps.   original.gif I've been failing for a few years, now.  I think everyone goes through a patch where they feel like it's all out of control.  Just tackle one thing at a time.

Edited by GreenBagCat, 03 April 2012 - 10:06 AM.

#3 gabbigirl

Posted 03 April 2012 - 11:09 AM

I think everyone goes through a patch where they feel like it's all out of control. Just tackle one thing at a time

totally agree.  and sometimes it can come in patches.

I did notice that your daughter is not sleeping well, and hence you're not sleeping well.  Sleep deprivation and pregnancy.  tough mix.  I found that when I was sleep deprived (mine lasted for two yeras as my 2yo has only now started to sleep without waking 5+ times a night.) i was a different person, I look back and don't recognise the cranky, negative ,  demotivated person I became.  I'm not totally back to normal but getting there.  And I'm grateful that my husband didn't leave me, not sure if I'd be as kind as him if treated in the same way.

anyways, just an idea.  

Another idea, is to try and list some good things that have happened.  we can sometimes get overwhelmed by all the negativity.  even if its a small thing like cooking a lovely dinner every night, or keeping the  household organised.  geez, sometimes I even applaud myself for cleaning out a cupboard.  Low expectations help wink.gif

good luck.

#4 onyerbikeluv

Posted 03 April 2012 - 11:28 AM

Thanks, I think you are both right, and it's definitely sleep deprivation as the root cause - you described it perfectly as "demotivated" is probably what's making everything seem so hard. I just don't have the energy to put into anything besides looking after DD lately.

I actually can't remember feeling alert and energetic since falling pregnant with DD who is now 2 - it just gets to you after a while I guess. I'm hoping so bad that the next one is a good snoozer. Anyway, thanks, it is good to hear that I might actually get my life back at some stage, it does feel like existing rather than living when you're tired.

A new pair of pants is the first thing I'm going to tackle - surely life feels less chaotic when you own a pair of fitting pants, right?

#5 Rach42

Posted 03 April 2012 - 11:38 AM

I definitely know the feeling of failing at life - I feel like that alot of the time.  I know I don't cope well with extended sleep deprivation and being pregnant on top of that would probably do me in.  And then trying to deal with work as well - yeesh.  sad.gif

What I do (or try and remember to do!) when I am having a really rough patch is let myself feel sorry for myself for a little while (really have a good cry/wallow for a few hours or an afternoon) and then get my journal out and write down everything that is "wrong" and then ask myself can I fix it/change it and if so how.

Things like with the pants you know you can get some next pay day so that is good. Is it possible to take a day or so off work?  Can you get someone to look after DD to catch up on sleep?  And the situation with your MIL - you have the right to raise any issues concerning your DD and unless you did that in a mean way (which I'm sure you didn't) if your MIL has taken it so badly it's not your fault.  I know my mum gets very defensive if I suggest she does something different and it doesn't seem to matter how I say it!

Anyway I guess we need to remind ourselves that we are not failing at life at all - we are raising our families to the best of our ability.  Hang in there original.gif

#6 oNeLoVe

Posted 03 April 2012 - 11:43 AM

I'd be very careful about work.  If you're spending all day on EB instead of actually working, you might end up with an even bigger work fail.

#7 niggles

Posted 03 April 2012 - 11:54 AM

My answer to the way through these patches is to be compassionate with yourself. It's the simplest though often hardest thing to do. On the flip side, beating yourself up about it degrades your motivation to start living how you want to live. Go easy on yourself, accept that you're in a hard place and recognise how you got here. Then spend some time thinking about how you'd like to respond to the challenges your life is giving you. You'll get there.

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