Jump to content

How can I best support this couple?


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 harrison~at~last

Posted 02 April 2012 - 02:09 PM

Thanks everyone for your feedback and suggestions :-)

Edited by harrison~at~last, 12 April 2012 - 01:15 PM.


#2 Lyra

Posted 02 April 2012 - 02:11 PM

Hi there, I have not experienced a loss such as this so can not advise you at all. But, if they did want to go down the road of having photos taken I can highly recommend this organisation

http://www.heartfelt.org.au/

And, even if they don't wish to use the services, it might be worth you knowing about so you might help other couples in the future

#3 Bluenomi

Posted 02 April 2012 - 02:14 PM

I was about to suggest Heartfelt myself. They are wonderful people and I know many people who have lost little ones who highly recomment them and treasure their photos.

#4 butterflyangels

Posted 02 April 2012 - 05:43 PM

Does your hospital give our memory boxes for stillborn babys, its a box which has a few things to help the parents (blanket, face washer to wash bay, photo frame, candle etc), if not Mums Like Me amke them to give the the parents so they are not leaving hospitla empty handed.

Please let them know they are not alone and there are a lot of website out to help the parents such as Teddy Love Club, Carly Marie Project Heal, SIDS and if you go on there facebook pages many more will appear to help them.

Let the parents spend as much time with the baby as possible, it's the only time the parents will spend with there baby and see if they want family photos taken if Heartfelt can't make (even thou they try to as soon as requested).  Hand and foot prints definetely aand if they can get castings done that's another special memory

#5 Mrs_Maker

Posted 02 April 2012 - 05:48 PM

Please point them in the direction of Yasminah's Gift of Hope. www.ygoh.org.au

They provide Gifts of Hope to a lot of hospitals in Australia.

#6 Wigglemama

Posted 02 April 2012 - 05:54 PM

Play it all by ear. Don't hide your grief for them, they will appreciate it. Acknowledge their baby as a life and as a special part of their life. Encourage them to spend as much time with their baby as they can but don't push the issue if they say they are finished for now.

It isn't easy to look after families who are going through this. I have looked after three women in the last four months who have experienced this pain and it never gets easy. Just be there to support them, however they want to be supported and make sure you have support yourself. Debrief with the midwives, you will need it.

#7 Fright bat

Posted 02 April 2012 - 06:03 PM

Don't forget to support yourself. If this is your first birth, and it's a prem stillborn, then it's going to be hard for you as well. Talk to the midwife who will be there before hand and see what she wants you to do. Feel free to leave and have some time out if need be. And arrange someone to debrief/cry with after.

You'll be of no use to anyone if you don't sort out your own feelings and emotions about it all both before and after. It's ok for even health professionals to be 'human' sometimes!

#8 Guest_Starletta_*

Posted 02 April 2012 - 06:13 PM

QUOTE (harrison~at~last @ 02/04/2012, 03:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi Ladies

I'm hoping I may be able to get some advice from you!  I'm a Student Midwife, and on Wednesday will be present for my first delivery.  Sadly, the baby arriving will be born sleeping at 23w.  I won't go into the details because they're not relevant, but I would like to support the parents in every way I can on what will be a heart wrenching day for them.

I have already told them that me being there is entirely up to them, if at any stage they would like to be alone, like me to leave, have me support them more/less etc I will respect their wishes.  I know the hospital has dealt with these situations before, and the Midwife delivering will know exactly what she's doing, but from a Mum's perspective, are there any suggestions/ideas you can offer?

We've talked about a couple of things like whether or not to have a funeral, and they'll be playing it all by ear as far as holding and spending time with the baby depending on how they feel at the time.  But we haven't talked about things like photo's or foot/handprints?  If you didn't have these, do you regret it?  Would you rather have them all available even for the future if you decided you did want them than to not have them and wish you did later?

I'm open to any comments, suggestions etc!


Hi op,

When my son was born I said no to everything. No I don't want to see him. No I didnt want prints. No I didn't him in my room.

Thank god for our wonderful midwife who recognized I was just overwhelmed with grief and wasn't thinking straight.

She kept him closeby and brought him back and forth as much as we needed. Did Hand/foot prints, birth stat cards and took heaps of photos when he was just born as I was out under ga. Organised for the photos to get burnt onto a disc. All the things I wasn't strong enough to do, she did for us. I am eternally grateful.

So sorry this is your first experience delivering a baby sad.gif agree with what a PP said, ensure you also look after yourself.




#9 TwiceTheWoman

Posted 02 April 2012 - 06:17 PM

OP. I'll PM you ok?

#10 Eirinn

Posted 02 April 2012 - 07:16 PM

My daughter was stillborn at 20 weeks, and I wish that someone had prepared me for how she might look. Because I was so overwhelmed with how fragile and broken she looked, I refused to take photos. I wish I had known about Heartfelt and the work they do.

I agree with the PP that the parents will be touched if you show your grief, but at a professional level if that makes any sense. You don't want them comforting you!

Good luck, and just remember that a stillbirth is still a birth. The couple are still becoming parents, and that is a beautiful thing, even if no one can see it at the time.

#11 harrison~at~last

Posted 02 April 2012 - 08:33 PM

Thanks everyone!  I am thinking too about how I will deal with it from my own perspective, I'll make sure I talk to the Midwife on duty, and the Ob we all saw today was one of my Ob's from my last pregnancy, she checked that I was okay (took me aside), so if need be I can talk to her on Wednesday.  My husband's also great to debrief with, he's a Police Officer so has seen his share of heartbreak on the job.

TwiceTheWoman - You're more than welcome to PM me.

Thanks again!

Edited by Freckles, 09 April 2012 - 09:19 AM.
Sig removed by Moderator





2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Why I breastfed my son until he was three

The fact that I not only breastfed my son, but breastfed him for three and a half years, seems pretty incredible in retrospect.

Do babies and young children see ghosts?

Do babies and young children see ghosts? If you’ve pondered the question, you’re not alone.

15 years with Essential Baby: meet Therese

"Life has a funny way of giving you what you need when you need it the most."

Mum causes a stir by taking a stand against leggings

A mum has found herself the subject of debate after claiming tight bottoms cause lustful thoughts in men.

Don't set a parenting goal for 2015 - do this instead

The problem with goal setting as a parent is the measure. How do we really know if we’re succeeding?

5 pregnancy myths that just won't go away

When you're expecting, it often seems like everyone is keen to offer advice about what you should and shouldn't do in the interests of your health and wellbeing.

RPA hospital contacting mums after discovering vaccine storage fault

Sydney's Royal Prince Alfred Hospital (RPA) is trying to contact women who had babies at the facility after discovering a fault in a refrigerator containing vaccines.

'Nutella' not a baby name, French court says

A French court has blocked parents from naming their baby girl after the hazelnut spread Nutella, arguing it would make her the target of mockery.

Why I'm never calling myself 'just a mum' again

I’ve grown three human beings. I feed them, dress them, teach them, care for them and love them 24 hours a day. Yet for eight years, when I meet new people and they’ve asked me what I do, I tell them: “I’m just a mum”.

Rosie Batty named 2015 Australian of the Year

One year ago, Rosie Batty could not have imagined she'd be where she is. Tonight the grieving mum who put domestic violence on the national agenda was named Australian of the Year.

Five reasons to hug more

Hugging – some of us thrive on it, even depend on it – and then there are those who don't care for it really. So, are they missing out?

Help - my three-year-old has started throwing tantrums

My daughter never went through the "terrible twos" but began throwing wild tantrums shortly after her third birthday.

That's commitment

First peek at Sonia Kruger's daughter Maggie

"She smells so good, I could eat her," Kruger tells co-host David Campbell.

Mum assists in own caesarean surgery

A mum who partly delivered her own twins during a caesarean has encouraged other women to take control of their birthing experience.

How to handle common childhood regressions

Regression can be a natural and common part of development prompted by a variety of factors, but that doesn't make it less frustrating.

Disgruntled dad's pram ad goes viral

When buying a second hand pram, there are lots of things to take into consideration. 

Man discovers he's a dad after finding 55-year-old letter

Discovering you are about to father a baby is startling enough - never mind finding out you have a 61-year-old son.

15 thoughts mums have during a tantrum

Ranging from mild to feral and triggered by events both minor and major, tantrums certainly keep life interesting.

Natural pain relief in the early stages of labour

While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Forgotten Baby Syndrome claims the life of toddler

One baby dies every eight days in the back of a car in the US, victims of 'forgotten baby syndrome'.

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel. You stole my heart, and changed me into the women I am today.

Chinese woman gives birth to quintuplets

After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.

Chrissie Swan has reached her "sex quota"

Chrissie Swan says she and her partner have sex once a year due to her fear of falling pregnant.

Stars help save choking babies

It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.

New Girl star Zooey Deschanel pregnant

Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.

16 times 'dad reflexes' saved the day

Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.

Couple's 'non-traditional' pregnancy announcement goes viral

Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.

The trials and tribulations of identical triplet newborns

Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Earthquake baby thriving five years on

Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.

Please don't say I'm lucky because I was adopted

On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?

An open letter to non-parents who offer advice on child-rearing

Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.

Couple arrested over baby gun video

A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.

NSW Health dumps 10-year limit on frozen embryos

A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.

How my happy-go-lucky husband became a monster

Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes, too

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.

'They were just doing their job': mum of toddler killed in police chase gone wrong

"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."

Miscarriages to be formally recognised by NSW government

Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.

Cafe cubby house 'too noisy' for neighbours

Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.

Dad films baby playing with snake

Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Back to School Offer

Findababysitter.com.au

We've got you covered for this school year. Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.