Jump to content

How can I best support this couple?

  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 harrison~at~last

Posted 02 April 2012 - 02:09 PM

Thanks everyone for your feedback and suggestions :-)

Edited by harrison~at~last, 12 April 2012 - 01:15 PM.

#2 Lyra

Posted 02 April 2012 - 02:11 PM

Hi there, I have not experienced a loss such as this so can not advise you at all. But, if they did want to go down the road of having photos taken I can highly recommend this organisation


And, even if they don't wish to use the services, it might be worth you knowing about so you might help other couples in the future

#3 Bluenomi

Posted 02 April 2012 - 02:14 PM

I was about to suggest Heartfelt myself. They are wonderful people and I know many people who have lost little ones who highly recomment them and treasure their photos.

#4 flyingfree

Posted 02 April 2012 - 05:43 PM

Does your hospital give our memory boxes for stillborn babys, its a box which has a few things to help the parents (blanket, face washer to wash bay, photo frame, candle etc), if not Mums Like Me amke them to give the the parents so they are not leaving hospitla empty handed.

Please let them know they are not alone and there are a lot of website out to help the parents such as Teddy Love Club, Carly Marie Project Heal, SIDS and if you go on there facebook pages many more will appear to help them.

Let the parents spend as much time with the baby as possible, it's the only time the parents will spend with there baby and see if they want family photos taken if Heartfelt can't make (even thou they try to as soon as requested).  Hand and foot prints definetely aand if they can get castings done that's another special memory

#5 Mrs_Maker

Posted 02 April 2012 - 05:48 PM

Please point them in the direction of Yasminah's Gift of Hope. www.ygoh.org.au

They provide Gifts of Hope to a lot of hospitals in Australia.

#6 Wigglemama

Posted 02 April 2012 - 05:54 PM

Play it all by ear. Don't hide your grief for them, they will appreciate it. Acknowledge their baby as a life and as a special part of their life. Encourage them to spend as much time with their baby as they can but don't push the issue if they say they are finished for now.

It isn't easy to look after families who are going through this. I have looked after three women in the last four months who have experienced this pain and it never gets easy. Just be there to support them, however they want to be supported and make sure you have support yourself. Debrief with the midwives, you will need it.

#7 Fright bat

Posted 02 April 2012 - 06:03 PM

Don't forget to support yourself. If this is your first birth, and it's a prem stillborn, then it's going to be hard for you as well. Talk to the midwife who will be there before hand and see what she wants you to do. Feel free to leave and have some time out if need be. And arrange someone to debrief/cry with after.

You'll be of no use to anyone if you don't sort out your own feelings and emotions about it all both before and after. It's ok for even health professionals to be 'human' sometimes!

#8 Guest_Starletta_*

Posted 02 April 2012 - 06:13 PM

QUOTE (harrison~at~last @ 02/04/2012, 03:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi Ladies

I'm hoping I may be able to get some advice from you!  I'm a Student Midwife, and on Wednesday will be present for my first delivery.  Sadly, the baby arriving will be born sleeping at 23w.  I won't go into the details because they're not relevant, but I would like to support the parents in every way I can on what will be a heart wrenching day for them.

I have already told them that me being there is entirely up to them, if at any stage they would like to be alone, like me to leave, have me support them more/less etc I will respect their wishes.  I know the hospital has dealt with these situations before, and the Midwife delivering will know exactly what she's doing, but from a Mum's perspective, are there any suggestions/ideas you can offer?

We've talked about a couple of things like whether or not to have a funeral, and they'll be playing it all by ear as far as holding and spending time with the baby depending on how they feel at the time.  But we haven't talked about things like photo's or foot/handprints?  If you didn't have these, do you regret it?  Would you rather have them all available even for the future if you decided you did want them than to not have them and wish you did later?

I'm open to any comments, suggestions etc!

Hi op,

When my son was born I said no to everything. No I don't want to see him. No I didnt want prints. No I didn't him in my room.

Thank god for our wonderful midwife who recognized I was just overwhelmed with grief and wasn't thinking straight.

She kept him closeby and brought him back and forth as much as we needed. Did Hand/foot prints, birth stat cards and took heaps of photos when he was just born as I was out under ga. Organised for the photos to get burnt onto a disc. All the things I wasn't strong enough to do, she did for us. I am eternally grateful.

So sorry this is your first experience delivering a baby sad.gif agree with what a PP said, ensure you also look after yourself.

#9 TwiceTheWoman

Posted 02 April 2012 - 06:17 PM

OP. I'll PM you ok?

#10 Eirinn

Posted 02 April 2012 - 07:16 PM

My daughter was stillborn at 20 weeks, and I wish that someone had prepared me for how she might look. Because I was so overwhelmed with how fragile and broken she looked, I refused to take photos. I wish I had known about Heartfelt and the work they do.

I agree with the PP that the parents will be touched if you show your grief, but at a professional level if that makes any sense. You don't want them comforting you!

Good luck, and just remember that a stillbirth is still a birth. The couple are still becoming parents, and that is a beautiful thing, even if no one can see it at the time.

#11 harrison~at~last

Posted 02 April 2012 - 08:33 PM

Thanks everyone!  I am thinking too about how I will deal with it from my own perspective, I'll make sure I talk to the Midwife on duty, and the Ob we all saw today was one of my Ob's from my last pregnancy, she checked that I was okay (took me aside), so if need be I can talk to her on Wednesday.  My husband's also great to debrief with, he's a Police Officer so has seen his share of heartbreak on the job.

TwiceTheWoman - You're more than welcome to PM me.

Thanks again!

Edited by Freckles, 09 April 2012 - 09:19 AM.
Sig removed by Moderator

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users


Newborn baby found in a nativity scene

Police are trying to trace a woman who abandoned a baby boy in the manger of a church nativity scene.

Life would be harder without my kids

The Humans of New York Facebook page is well known for sharing touching, real stories from one of the world's biggest cities – and it's just hit the heart of parents everywhere.

Mum dresses as Wonder Woman for last day of chemo

A Brisbane mum dressed up as a superhero to celebrate the end of her chemotherapy and created a moment her family will remember forever.

How a raisin can predict a toddler's IQ

All you need to assess a child's future intelligence is a plastic cup and a raisin, according to new research.

Former Hi-5 member's cannabis hope

Former Hi-5 star Tim Harding hopes a cannabis-derived drug will help control his daughter's epilepsy, which sees the four-year-old suffering between 50 and 100 seizures a day.

The top 5 reasons your toddler throws a tantrum

Whilst to the outside world little people may appear to have it easy, it's actually not always the case – just ask any toddler who's had their toast cut up the wrong way.

Glenn McGrath thought he'd lost his wife and baby

Australian cricket ledged Glen McGrath has spoken about the moment he thought he might lose his wife, Sara and their baby daughter, Madison.


Inside my Centrelink nightmare

Mother Bec Smith has been trying for months to access Centrelink payments. A "serious error" is preventing her.

Warnings over push for hourly childcare billing

Australia's peak childcare body has called for caution around the Turnbull government's push for childcare centres to charge parents by the hour, not by the day.

Cate Blanchett thought about adopting for years

Cate Blanchett says her recent adoption of a baby girl had nothing to do with wanting a daughter after having three sons.

Kate Walsh: 'I can't have kids'

Grey's Anatomy star Kate Walsh has revealed she is unable to have children because she has experienced early menopause.

The parasite that could boost fertility

The Tsimane women of Bolivia are often revered as among the most fertile in the world - on average having 10 children in their lifetimes -- but some are even more fertile than others.

Family may sue cousin over genetics

A Melbourne couple is suing the Royal Children's Hospital for failing to diagnose a genetic disorder in their first child - an error they allege caused them to have another child with severe disabilities.

Strange things mums have done in labour

While most women in labour focus on the upcoming birth of their baby, some women do more interesting things.

Michael Clarke reveals baby's name

When Michael Clarke said he was wrapped around the finger of his little princess, he wasn't joking.

The logistics of breastfeeding twins

Our life is more or less divided into neat four hour parcels of time and it's hard to get much of anything done in the time between feeds.

How to stop people ruining Christmas

We can make a conscious effort about how we react to those curly Christmas day scenarios that can send us up the wall, or should we say chimney.

Lots of formula offers for desperate mum

The mum who was down to her last three tins of baby formula said she had received hundreds of calls and offers to send her formula.

Surviving breast cancer while pregnant

It was last thing Rebecca O'Donnell expected at 30 weeks' pregnant. One morning, while putting on her bra, she felt a pea-sized lump in her right breast.

Cot sheet brands for the nursery

With so many awesome cot sheet options these days, we thought we'd put together a list of go-to brands for you to seek out for your baby's bed.


What's hot on EB

How I survived breast cancer while pregnant

It was last thing Rebecca O'Donnell expected at 30 weeks' pregnant. One morning, while putting on her bra, she felt a pea-sized lump in her right breast.

Grieving father's letter to Bataclan terrorists: "...this little boy will threaten you by being happy and free"

A grieving father whose wife was killed in the attacks on the Bataclan Theatre last weekend has written an open letter to her killers.

5 challenges of motherhood - and how to see them differently

Despite the smiles, the sloppy kisses and the pure magic children bring to our lives, it's hard to deny that motherhood can be tough.

4 challenges of being a new dad - and how to face them

Becoming a parent is challenging – and that applies to both mums and dads.

My battle against antenatal and postnatal depression

I was five months pregnant when I realised I needed help.

Children swapped at birth will not be returned to biological parents

A boy and girl accidentally swapped on the day they were born will stay with the families who have raised them, a South African court has ruled.

A quarter of men believe they get 'man periods'

A British study has revealed one in four men believe they have a monthly cycle.

Baby deposit

How much do you need to save for a 'baby deposit'?

It's fairly straightforward to calculate a house deposit, but how much money do you need to save up for a baby?

Dad's beautiful note to his wife, a nurse

To anyone else it might just look like a picture of a mum having a nap with her toddler.

'I was a complete schmuck': Mike Baird opens up about his wife's postnatal depression

When his wife Kerryn was not well following the birth of their daughter, NSW Premier Mike Baird buried himself in his work.

Mum's desperate plea as whooping cough alert issued

A desperate mother has shared a heart-breaking video of her baby struggling to cope with a coughing fit caused by pertussis.

Coffee could help you live longer

New US research found people who report drinking three to five cups of coffee a day are less likely to die prematurely from heart disease, suicide, diabetes or Parkinson's disease.

The joy and dread of playdates

To live vicariously through your child is to rediscover anxieties you thought dead and buried.

Sick baby could die without scarce special formula, mum says

Lizzie Cann is down to her last three tins of a special formula in short supply.

Adorable toddler's strop foiled by squeaky shoes

We're probably all familiar with the pouty bottom lip and tightly crossed arms of a tot mid-strop.

More sex during World Cup created more baby boys

More sex during South Africa's World Cup meant a disproportionately high number of boys were born nine months later, a new study has found.

Win one of two ABC Shop prize packs in time for Christmas

What a boon it would be to have your toddler's Christmas gifts covered this year. We have two awesome ABC Shop prize packs to give away to two lucky winners.

Do fitness challenges really work?

Fitness challenges aren't new. There's Michelle Bridges 12WBT and a bunch of other programs if you really want to lose weight.

What are pregnant women Googling?

Pregnancy is a huge change for any woman, so it's natural we'll have questions - and turn to Google to ask them.



Can't decide?

Check out the Essential Baby Names section for some inspiration

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.