Jump to content

How can I best support this couple?


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 harrison~at~last

Posted 02 April 2012 - 02:09 PM

Thanks everyone for your feedback and suggestions :-)

Edited by harrison~at~last, 12 April 2012 - 01:15 PM.


#2 Lyra

Posted 02 April 2012 - 02:11 PM

Hi there, I have not experienced a loss such as this so can not advise you at all. But, if they did want to go down the road of having photos taken I can highly recommend this organisation

http://www.heartfelt.org.au/

And, even if they don't wish to use the services, it might be worth you knowing about so you might help other couples in the future

#3 Bluenomi

Posted 02 April 2012 - 02:14 PM

I was about to suggest Heartfelt myself. They are wonderful people and I know many people who have lost little ones who highly recomment them and treasure their photos.

#4 butterflyangels

Posted 02 April 2012 - 05:43 PM

Does your hospital give our memory boxes for stillborn babys, its a box which has a few things to help the parents (blanket, face washer to wash bay, photo frame, candle etc), if not Mums Like Me amke them to give the the parents so they are not leaving hospitla empty handed.

Please let them know they are not alone and there are a lot of website out to help the parents such as Teddy Love Club, Carly Marie Project Heal, SIDS and if you go on there facebook pages many more will appear to help them.

Let the parents spend as much time with the baby as possible, it's the only time the parents will spend with there baby and see if they want family photos taken if Heartfelt can't make (even thou they try to as soon as requested).  Hand and foot prints definetely aand if they can get castings done that's another special memory

#5 Mrs_Maker

Posted 02 April 2012 - 05:48 PM

Please point them in the direction of Yasminah's Gift of Hope. www.ygoh.org.au

They provide Gifts of Hope to a lot of hospitals in Australia.

#6 Wigglemama

Posted 02 April 2012 - 05:54 PM

Play it all by ear. Don't hide your grief for them, they will appreciate it. Acknowledge their baby as a life and as a special part of their life. Encourage them to spend as much time with their baby as they can but don't push the issue if they say they are finished for now.

It isn't easy to look after families who are going through this. I have looked after three women in the last four months who have experienced this pain and it never gets easy. Just be there to support them, however they want to be supported and make sure you have support yourself. Debrief with the midwives, you will need it.

#7 Fright bat

Posted 02 April 2012 - 06:03 PM

Don't forget to support yourself. If this is your first birth, and it's a prem stillborn, then it's going to be hard for you as well. Talk to the midwife who will be there before hand and see what she wants you to do. Feel free to leave and have some time out if need be. And arrange someone to debrief/cry with after.

You'll be of no use to anyone if you don't sort out your own feelings and emotions about it all both before and after. It's ok for even health professionals to be 'human' sometimes!

#8 Guest_Starletta_*

Posted 02 April 2012 - 06:13 PM

QUOTE (harrison~at~last @ 02/04/2012, 03:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi Ladies

I'm hoping I may be able to get some advice from you!  I'm a Student Midwife, and on Wednesday will be present for my first delivery.  Sadly, the baby arriving will be born sleeping at 23w.  I won't go into the details because they're not relevant, but I would like to support the parents in every way I can on what will be a heart wrenching day for them.

I have already told them that me being there is entirely up to them, if at any stage they would like to be alone, like me to leave, have me support them more/less etc I will respect their wishes.  I know the hospital has dealt with these situations before, and the Midwife delivering will know exactly what she's doing, but from a Mum's perspective, are there any suggestions/ideas you can offer?

We've talked about a couple of things like whether or not to have a funeral, and they'll be playing it all by ear as far as holding and spending time with the baby depending on how they feel at the time.  But we haven't talked about things like photo's or foot/handprints?  If you didn't have these, do you regret it?  Would you rather have them all available even for the future if you decided you did want them than to not have them and wish you did later?

I'm open to any comments, suggestions etc!


Hi op,

When my son was born I said no to everything. No I don't want to see him. No I didnt want prints. No I didn't him in my room.

Thank god for our wonderful midwife who recognized I was just overwhelmed with grief and wasn't thinking straight.

She kept him closeby and brought him back and forth as much as we needed. Did Hand/foot prints, birth stat cards and took heaps of photos when he was just born as I was out under ga. Organised for the photos to get burnt onto a disc. All the things I wasn't strong enough to do, she did for us. I am eternally grateful.

So sorry this is your first experience delivering a baby sad.gif agree with what a PP said, ensure you also look after yourself.




#9 TwiceTheWoman

Posted 02 April 2012 - 06:17 PM

OP. I'll PM you ok?

#10 Eirinn

Posted 02 April 2012 - 07:16 PM

My daughter was stillborn at 20 weeks, and I wish that someone had prepared me for how she might look. Because I was so overwhelmed with how fragile and broken she looked, I refused to take photos. I wish I had known about Heartfelt and the work they do.

I agree with the PP that the parents will be touched if you show your grief, but at a professional level if that makes any sense. You don't want them comforting you!

Good luck, and just remember that a stillbirth is still a birth. The couple are still becoming parents, and that is a beautiful thing, even if no one can see it at the time.

#11 harrison~at~last

Posted 02 April 2012 - 08:33 PM

Thanks everyone!  I am thinking too about how I will deal with it from my own perspective, I'll make sure I talk to the Midwife on duty, and the Ob we all saw today was one of my Ob's from my last pregnancy, she checked that I was okay (took me aside), so if need be I can talk to her on Wednesday.  My husband's also great to debrief with, he's a Police Officer so has seen his share of heartbreak on the job.

TwiceTheWoman - You're more than welcome to PM me.

Thanks again!

Edited by Freckles, 09 April 2012 - 09:19 AM.
Sig removed by Moderator





2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Finding baby name inspiration in unusual places

Sometimes the greatest baby name ideas come from the most unexpected places, as these EB members show.

The case for inducing at 37 weeks

While we often think of pregnancy as a 40 week affair, experts agree that 37 weeks is actually “full term". So is there an argument for inducing all births at 37 weeks?

Does controlled crying really work?

Controlled-crying techniques may help some babies sleep through the night, but for many exhausted new parents, it's just a recipe for more tears all round.

How I taught my infant to use a toilet

As people become more aware of these benefits, I hope more parents will practice this method, so we can cut down on nappies and improve baby bonding.

'I thought it was impossible': Emily Symons pregnant at 45

Aussie actress Emily Symons has announced she is pregnant with her first baby.

Shallow water blackout kills fit, healthy dad

A little girl will grow up without her father after the fit and healthy 34-year-old passed away while doing something he had practised his whole life.

Afternoon naps may be bad for toddlers' sleep

You could be doing yourself a disservice by encouraging your toddler to have an afternoon nap, according to new research.

Best gifts for newborns, new mums and christenings

We've compiled a guide to some of the most popular presents for newborns and new mums, and for christenings and naming days.

Jaime King to be a mum again

Actress Jaime King is pregnant with her second child, giving 16-month-old James a sibling.

Nannies should receive government funding

The Abbott government should extend funding to nannies, and direct childcare payments to low and middle income families, a landmark study on childcare has found. 

Common skin irritations in newborns (and how to treat them)

As many as one in two newborn babies suffer from skin irritations in their first few weeks. So what are the most common rashes and irritations to look out for?

10 wall decals for the nursery or playroom

Wall decals are the answer to creating a beautiful nursery or children's space without lifting a paint brush, a spirit level or even a hammer.

Preschooler walks 2.4km home alone

Three-year-old Cain Trainor headed off home after his first day at a new preschool without telling anyone.

Video: Why mums get nothing done

In spite of being in an almost constant state of motion while looking after the kids and trying to keep things together at home, it can seem as though parents have managed to get nothing on the to-do list done by the end of the day.

The middle name game

The middle name is no longer an afterthought, and parents' inspiration comes from many places.

Have a baby or your money back - but there's a catch

A new IVF scheme offers couples the chance to fall pregnant and give birth - or get their money back. But there's more to it than you might think.

A rare glimpse inside the womb

A baby born still inside the amniotic sac gave US doctors a rare glimpse at life inside the womb.

Battered mum forced to write to her attacker ex in jail

Three years ago Jason Hughes viciously attacked his ex-partner. Now she has to write to him three times a year.

Woman pleads not guilty to ultrasound scam

A West Australian woman will fight allegations that she scammed expectant mums by selling them fake ultrasound pictures of babies.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Brain damaged mum receives compensation

A Sydney mother who suffered brain damage when she was hit by a car while pushing her newborn baby in a pram has reached a confidential out-of-court settlement with the driver's insurance company.

Indigenous midwives break down the barriers

A culturally sensitive midwifery service has gained the trust and respect of Aboriginal women.

The Katering Show's next big delivery

Most mums-to-be plan to take things easy and perhaps have a little break from work as the birth of their baby draws near. Not Kate McCartney.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

Why I have mixed feelings about Cindy Crawford's leaked photo

Last week an un-retouched photo of model Cindy Crawford surfaced, showing the 48-year-old mother-of -two posing in underwear.

How to create a Peppa Pig pancake

Thought your toddler could not love pancakes any more than they already do? How about if the breakfast treat came in the shape of every two-year-old's favourite cartoon character?

'It's a little life, not a little loss': pregnancy after miscarriage

I thought I was never going to be able to have a successful pregnancy. I decided that I wasn't going to form an emotional attachment with this baby.

Bonds Baby Search 2015: what you need to know

February 18 marks the start of one of the most prolific annual baby competitions in Australia: the Bonds Baby Search. And this year is going to be more special than ever.

Who will manage your Facebook account when you're gone?

This is not something that people like to talk about, but Facebook has announced that it will grant users more control over what happens to their pages after they die.

Struggling mum of four wins $188 million

Mother of four Marie Holmes was financially struggling after quitting her jobs at Walmart and McDonald's in order to care for her children.

Pregnant obese women a 'relatively new problem', coroner hears

A first-time mother whose daughter died hours after her frightening birth insists she was never told of the risks of being obese and pregnant.

'I'm angry as hell': the story behind mum's passionate vaccination plea

She has labelled parents who do not vaccinate their children "misinformed imbeciles" - and for that, she makes no apologies.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

8 different kinds of tantrums

I never thought I’d say this, but for a brief moment last week, Kim Kardashian and I had something in common: both our kids had public tantrums.

Polycystic ovary syndrome: symptoms, treatment and your fertility

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female hormonal condition, affecting roughly one in 12 Australian women.

What's the best position for giving birth?

If doing it on your back is out, what's the best position for labour and birth?

Wife forgives snake catcher husband for car surprise

With Valentine's Day coming up, Nat Gilbert could be forgiven for thinking her husband might be planning a surprise for her.

Kids who meet milestones at their own pace

We usually only hear the success stories: tales of the two-year-old who’s talking, running and completely toilet trained. But other stories need to be told too.

Ruby shines as Bonds Baby

Sarah Kiss has a word of advice for proud mums and dads who are keen to enter their babies in this year's Bonds Baby Search Competition - just have fun.

Why dads should go to sleep school

If your family needs to go to sleep school, go with them. You are part of that family and you are part of the solution.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Win a KitchenAid Mixer

Let's celebrate 300,000 fans on Facebook

To celebrate, and to thank our amazing fans, we?re giving away a KitchenAid Artisan Tilt-Head Stand Mixer.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.