Jump to content

I'm finally seeing results with DS's ADHD
May be a bit Braggy but I've worked hard!


  • Please log in to reply
17 replies to this topic

#1 brookeandbaby

Posted 31 March 2012 - 09:14 PM

Hi All, just wanted to share my little bit of good news. Earlier in the year we were having major issues with DS 6  who has ADHD, at home and at school . I (and XH as much as possible) got really involved with the school and the SEP teachers and worked with them.
XH got it in his head the DS should live with him full time for a while to sort it out. I knew this wouldn't work for a few reasons, 1. XH can't take him to school as he starts work early so had to drop him to me at 6.30am anyway and 2/ I knew he doesn't follow through with discipline and behavior management as much as I did. But, it was a case of not shooting his suggestion down straight away, pick my battles and be fair in co-parenting, if he thought it was what was needed I felt I had to let him try.
1.5 weeks it lasted and after consultation with the paediatrician and the school I talked to XH and explained it wasn't working, there was too much back and forth and that he needed to come and stay at home Monday - Friday (he could go to XH's for dinner a couple of nights a week but had to come home to his own bed and our set routine (I have a DD as well, both are at school).
Well, 2 months later and with my super strict routine in place the progress has been wonderful!! It's nearly killed me keeping it up but so worth it. Not every day is a "good" day but now there are so many more good then bad.
I even took tips from watching the Super Nanny and implemented them (rewards charts) and the kids are so in tune with it. They understand it, follow it, get excited about it and understand the good behavior means a "smiley face" on the chart and at the end of the week there could be a reward (which I make sure aren't material but rather a visit to a new park or a trip to the movies).
So tonight my mother said that she had visited my sister who See's DD and DS through XH (not me, we aren't very close) and that she commented she couldn't believe the change in DS and Mum told her that she has seen first hand the routine and discipline I have put in place and followed though with and how much it has help.
OK. I know this has turned into a total brag session, I do apologize but I'm just so happy, happy for us all. Life is so much better now there are less "episodes" and it's nice to know all the work I'm putting in is paying off, I have a happier boy and family and that's all I wanted.
Thanks for reading original.gif

#2 intd242

Posted 31 March 2012 - 09:22 PM

That's great news! original.gif would be interested in knowing a bit more about your routine if you're ok sharing. original.gif

#3 papilio

Posted 31 March 2012 - 09:22 PM

Well done!  You certainly have every right to brag!

#4 bubble-o

Posted 31 March 2012 - 09:22 PM

That sounds wonderful!! Good on you OP, you should be massively proud of yourself for this, it mustn't have been easy. And it isn't a brag session, I think all of us would benefit from highlighting our achievements from time to time.

I hope things stay on this positive track! Keep it up

#5 *Finn*

Posted 31 March 2012 - 09:26 PM

Thats wonderful news op you should be extremely proud of yourself and your DS and DD.

#6 brookeandbaby

Posted 31 March 2012 - 09:59 PM

QUOTE (intd242 @ 31/03/2012, 09:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That's great news! original.gif would be interested in knowing a bit more about your routine if you're ok sharing. original.gif

Thanks so much! I guess it's just what most parents do but (You may know if you have a child with ADHD) those routines take a fair bit more to make happen with these kids.
There's also the fact that I co-parent with XH so it was about getting stability in what was happening there.
Honestly when I lay out what I've done, most parents might probably think, "yeah whats the big deal" simple. But it hasn't been! lol
So the first thing I did was get the stability happening. Set schedule for the kids on school days, like I said, home every school night, the back and forth was really effecting him and the pead pointed that out.
I use to say 7.30 bed time but then it would be another hour of actually getting him to stay in his room, he would want me to lay with him, keep coming out or yelling from his room. I was going back and forth between him and DD and it was a nightmare. So I moved bedtime forward to 7pm and he is allowed 30 minutes with books or his leappad or me reading a story but "Mummy does not lay with him anymore" and after kisses and cuddles thats it, no coming out of his room. This took a while to make happen but I just kept walking him back into his room over and over and over. Oh and also i make sure there is no hyper activity after 6pm, to get him on the wind down, quiet activities only.
Morning I have put a clock in his room with stickers to point out 6.30am and told him he cannot come out of his room until then. He was waking at 5-6am everyday and shaking down the house. This didn't work until I put things in his room for him to do, IE - homework, his leappad, books. He stills gets a little disruptive some days but not as many as before.
Discipline, that's is good old time out. I struggled so much with this because of the effort it took. Seriously spent an hour some days doing it each time and several times a day. i use to think I don't have time for this but I made time. When I put him in time out the other day and he stayed first time and stayed quiet I was doing the happy dance!!! Crazy I know but I couldn't believe it!
Rewards chart has helped heaps!! we have the "Happy Helper Family" chart and they get a smiley face for doing well in the morning before school. I also did a chart with pictures of our morning routine, make bed, have breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed, get school bag and get in the car. As they do each task we move their "star" along. If they do it all then we get to play our "happy song" in the car on the way to school and all sing along.
Lastly, one of the other big changes I've done is within myself and that is recognizing when an "episode" looks like it's coming and trying to divert it before it does. I was doing this wrong at first, I was pandering to him and literally treading on egg shells around him just to keep the peace. I hated that as I shouldn't have to do it. So now I try and divert his energy. If i see him starting to get to an "edgy" place I stop what I'm doing and ask him if he'd like to come and help me do xxx. This is difficult at times as like everyone I have things to do but it's worth it and I'm trying to now find things I can get him to go and do that I can supervise minimally i.e. He LOVES doing anything in the Yard, so if I have time i say, "lets go mow the lawn together" if i don't I say "Hey the driveway really needs a sweep, do you think you could manage that on your own" he delights in having responsibilities.
However, if the explosion happens before I get on top of it, I've now realized sometimes it gets to a point there is no getting through and there is no point trying to reason or discipline so I put him in his room and he will be screaming, crying, abusing me, calling me everything under the sun, and I sit outside his room and try and ride it out. Once I hear he is calm I go in and usually he is still feeling defiant so I take him to the bathroom and wash his face with a cold washer and allow him to come downstairs, BUT, if he is still acting out I take him back up and repeat the process. Then there are the times when he doesn't calm down, he is hitting himself in the head, shaking and his little heart is thumping out of his chest, these are the times I bear hug him, just hold him close and say over and over "mummy loves you" it can take a while but he eventually turns and embraces me and sobs until he is calm. These are the times I remind myself, it's not his fault.
Anyway, you did ask for a novel didn't you?!!!  wink.gif
Gosh I'm sorry but if you get just one tip from this that may help you as it has me then that's fantastic.

#7 brookeandbaby

Posted 31 March 2012 - 10:47 PM

Thanks so much for the kind replies and not shooting me down as an "I'm so great" post. I agree about sharing accomplishments. I just feel so proud and happy and with no friends with kids that have ADHD it's hard to find people that understand what an achievement it is!!
xox

#8 LambChop

Posted 31 March 2012 - 10:58 PM

Sounds like you have been working really hard to find the balance that works for al the family original.gif  Well done, keep at it, it's a journey not an outcome - chances are you will need to continually refine your approach as he learn new boundaries and self regulation strategies original.gif

#9 brookeandbaby

Posted 31 March 2012 - 11:05 PM

QUOTE (LambChop @ 31/03/2012, 10:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sounds like you have been working really hard to find the balance that works for al the family original.gif  Well done, keep at it, it's a journey not an outcome - chances are you will need to continually refine your approach as he learn new boundaries and self regulation strategies original.gif

I totally agree, it's all going to take maintenance and tweaking as it goes but I guess the main thing I have found hope in is that implementing strategies and being prepared really does work if followed though with original.gif

#10 brookeandbaby

Posted 01 April 2012 - 02:38 AM

QUOTE (bubble-o @ 31/03/2012, 09:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That sounds wonderful!! Good on you OP, you should be massively proud of yourself for this, it mustn't have been easy. And it isn't a brag session, I think all of us would benefit from highlighting our achievements from time to time.

I hope things stay on this positive track! Keep it up

Gosh I wish I could strike more people like you on EB. To be fair most have been very supportive but I always held back what I say for fear of being flamed. Thank you. I'm not the bragging type but feel like I have failed so much in the past few years that this achievement was worth bragging a little about and I have very few people in my life that would understand.
As a side note I also really, really wanted to give hope and maybe just a reassurance to Mum's in the same boat knowledge that there are many of us dealing with this.


#11 baddmammajamma

Posted 01 April 2012 - 09:37 AM

Brag away!

These are my favorite types of posts -- when a child who has had to face struggles that go beyond what most children face and then triumphs! Awesome stuff!

You must be so proud of your son. Well done to you, too, as I suspect that your love, patience, and proactiveness have been key to his recent successes.

I hope you guys continue to do well.

#12 frizzle

Posted 01 April 2012 - 09:46 AM

Go OP, brag away. I am like BMJ and love good posts like this one.

#13 gabbigirl

Posted 03 April 2012 - 10:12 AM

thanks for the detail, its actually given me some tips on dealing with my 'spirited' child.

#14 *mylittleprince*

Posted 03 April 2012 - 10:19 AM

Great job OP. You sound like a fantastic mum and should be really proud of yourself.

#15 Tall Poppy

Posted 03 April 2012 - 10:52 AM

Very brag worthy. original.gif

I'm glad things are going better for your family.

#16 halcyondays

Posted 03 April 2012 - 11:02 AM

Thanks for the details- wondering if you could help me help my son.
How did you keep yours in time out? I can't come up with a solution, apart from locking the door!


#17 WizzFizz

Posted 03 April 2012 - 06:54 PM

Congratulations OP that is really great to hear. Your strategies sound like they have been really helpful and well done on being consistent and persistent. Not easy I know !!!

Your post has inspired me. It's amazing how it's actually some pretty simple stuff but the key is about being consistent. Sometimes when you're so deep into the issues it's hard to step back and look at the bigger picture. Thanks for giving me some hope. I am well and truly in a bad behavior phase at the moment. We are seeing a child psych and that's helping to a degree and your post has reminded me to bite off small chunks rather than feeling completely overwhelmed by it all and not knowing where exactly to start.

Thanks for posting. Hope the success continues for you and you continue to have more good days than bad original.gif

#18 Tiger Lilly

Posted 03 April 2012 - 08:16 PM

That is excellent OP, good for you!

I have an ADHD / ODD monkey and it's such an awesome feeling when you have a win!




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

'Tired' mum dies of undiagnosed diabetes

New mum Nicky Rigby thought her exhaustion was due to the demands of looking after her baby. But the 26-year-old was seriously ill with diabetes, and died due to her condition not being diagnosed.

20 signs of a great relationship

The secret to a perfect relationship is admitting you are wrong after an argument, five kisses a day and sex twice a week, a new survey suggests.

Video: emotional 60-second Robin Williams tribute

Take a minute to remember some of the greatest films of your childhood ... and have a few tissues close at hand.

The realities of escaping domestic violence

?Why doesn?t she just leave?? is the common question people ask when trying to understand domestic violence. For many, leaving the relationship is far from straightforward.

Home truths: the DIY dos and don'ts

A professional renovator gives advice on which jobs you should do yourself, and which you should outsource.

Parenting lessons I?ve yet to learn

Instead of writing about the stuff I do know since becoming a mum, I thought I'd share some of the things I don't. These are the lessons that motherhood hasn't taught me.

Will I be wrecked 'down there' after birth?

Did you worry about how you would look "down there" after giving birth? This mum-to-be found plenty of women willing to share their knowledge.

The new weekend playgroup for working mums

Playgroups are great for kids and parents alike - but the downside is that they often meet during the week, leaving working mums out of the loop.

Letting your toddler be the boss at bedtime

Sick of spending hours trying to get your toddler to sleep? These experts say giving your child more of a say at bedtime might be the answer.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

Consulting 'Dr Google' when you're pregnant

We're all guilty of turning to the internet for a quick answer when we need medical advice, but Dr Google should be approached with caution - especially when you're pregnant.

16 ways to tie a scarf

Scarfs are the perfect winter accessory. Whether you're freezing at soccer training or wanting to add a splash of colour to a monochrome top, the right scarf will sort you out in no time. Just ask Nina Proudman.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

The simple way to support other parents

We may be raising children of different ages and sexes, with different personalities, but we, as parents, aren't that different - we all have similar struggles, fears, doubts, responsibilities.

Seeing the big picture when it comes to parenting

Sometimes it feels like hundreds of tiny cracks are spreading across the surface of our lives, creeping slowly into the foundations and threatening to make them crumble. How do we hold it all together?

How to spot a lactaboobiephobia sufferer

Lactation consultant Meg Nagle refused to stay silent when Facebook removed two photos of her breastfeeding. Instead, she coined a term to describe those who don't recognise breastfeeding for the natural and non-sexual act that it is.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Do you suffer from Precious Firstborn Syndrome?

Testing ?no more tears? shampoo in your own eyes, warming cucumber sticks so they're not cold straight from the fridge, waking a sleeping baby to check they?re still breathing: these are all symptoms of Precious Firstborn Syndrome.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

Mums hit hardest as flu cases skyrocket

The number of confirmed cases of influenza in Australia has doubled the number for the same time last year - and women are 25 per cent more likely to get it.

The mum who had four babies in nine months

Feeling exhausted due to the demands of caring for a baby? Imagine the life of this mum, who gave birth to three boys and one girl in just nine months.

Everything baby at Big W

Lowest prices on everything baby, only at Big W. Sale starts August 4 and ends August 20 2014.

Smiggle is painting the town red!

We have 3 Red Smiggle prize packs to give away! Enter by posting a photo of something red to your Instagram.

Mum gives birth at school

Most kids have their own personal brand of oddity. Others, like these 10 weird habits, crop up again and again.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.