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HOW DO YOU MAKE A DECISION THAT IS JUST SO DAMN HARD?


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#26 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 30 March 2012 - 03:52 PM

With the pro-con list you've given, I'd be making the decision to move.  However, your reluctance sounds like it stems from living where you currently are for a huge chunk of time (36 years in the one area is a lifetime!).  The longer you live in a place, the less likely you are to want to break that connection and move, so your reluctance sounds very normal.

No move is necessarily life-long, although I do think it takes at least 2-3 years before you can say I have truly lived in a community & feel settled.  So, with that in mind, I'd be inclined to say "We'll move.  I will give it at least 3 years and then re-assess how my family and I have adapted to the change."  That's what we did with our last move.  It's been 2.5 years now and it was the right decision - although I didn't necessarily think that 9 months after we shifted.  Slowly but surely, you do make new friends and build a new life.

Then again, moving doesn't scare me.  To me, home is where the heart is - the rest is just geography.

Having a few doubts is common. However, if you think this will be the best move for you & the kids, then it probably is.

#27 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 30 March 2012 - 03:55 PM

QUOTE (purpleblackqueen @ 30/03/2012, 04:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I will be looking at houses and discussing the possible job over the easter holidays, so If I put in an application wihile there, which I would have too, then should that also be approved over the same period, I would still then have to give 3 weeks notice here immediately. Then it will be a case of come back pack, sort, clean, etc etc

So really I need to make a decision soon, we are going up the Tuesday after easter, for just under 2 weeks.

realistically, you could possibly buy a couple of months with a new employer, claiming circumstances and the kids schooling.  I reckon with a new job, you'd easily be able to arrange that you could move in the mid-year school holidays.

Think of all possibilities, not just the worst case scenario.

#28 purpleblackqueen

Posted 30 March 2012 - 03:59 PM

QUOTE (YodaTheWrinkledOne @ 30/03/2012, 04:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
realistically, you could possibly buy a couple of months with a new employer, claiming circumstances and the kids schooling.  I reckon with a new job, you'd easily be able to arrange that you could move in the mid-year school holidays.

Think of all possibilities, not just the worst case scenario.


I was going to buy a month anyaway with employer, but I was referring to housing

I am also worried about mum- seeing the kids, she doesn't drive nor travel well.

Edited by purpleblackqueen, 30 March 2012 - 04:15 PM.


#29 purpleblackqueen

Posted 30 March 2012 - 04:23 PM

Another reason why I want to make a decision soon, is the kids have started both seeing a child counsellor/Psycologist and I dont want them to get to settled and then me upheave them in a few months and start again  with a new one.  I would rather make the decision now.

#30 Sally76

Posted 30 March 2012 - 04:34 PM

Hi, hope it is ok to post, you wouldnt "know" me in the eb sense but your moving costs seem very high.  Have you inquired about getting 'back load', when a van is returning to say QLD  or Maitland (or in between) with an empty load. Filling a van for a return trip is WAY cheaper for the customer.  Maybe you can enquire with QLD removal companies.  That is of course, if you decided to move.  Wishing you the best.

#31 purpleblackqueen

Posted 30 March 2012 - 05:20 PM

QUOTE (Ferdinand @ 30/03/2012, 05:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
$3000-4000 is insane for that move. It only cost us about $1000 (maybe a bit more) to move from Melbourne to Sydney.


That was a rough quote, they said they charge per hour for loading/unloading then the trip up and back. I was sent a moving assessment things where I have to wrtie everything down- how many boxes per room etc etc and number of stairs to get in and out of house at both ends etc.then I can get a better quote.


#32 Cacti

Posted 30 March 2012 - 05:32 PM

Cheaper rent and family support would win it for me, I'd move.

#33 Mumsyto2

Posted 30 March 2012 - 05:33 PM

QUOTE (Ferdinand @ 30/03/2012, 04:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
$3000-4000 is insane for that move. It only cost us about $1000 (maybe a bit more) to move from Melbourne to Sydney.

That what I was thinking.  We moved a distance of approx 80km .  Our contents are for a large 4 bedroom house, 2 living areas and study and lots of outside living stuff such as tables, chairs, general crap.  The place is full of stuff and we had around 200 boxes (approx 150 tea chest size and 50 book box size).  The place we were moving to was a nightmare in regards to access, a REALLY steep drive and the place was quite a way back from the street and the truck had to stay up on the street and the movers had to bring the whole lot down - not easy. They started at 7am and finished at 4.30pm with 3 men. It cost $1,500 and included insurance (general we did not need extra to cover antiques etc).

We have also moved locally and it cost $1000.  When we got quotes (6) for the local move they ranged from $1200 variable on the actual time used if we went by a fixed per hour rate through to $5500 at a fixed cost. We took the lowest and it ended up at $1000 going on the per hour rate with 3 men.  We found the more expensive rates were from people such as Grace etc and the cheaper movers were people who did not advertise on tv or hand out glossy brochures/packs or have corporate offices. So I would really look around and get a lot more quotes as $3000-$4000 is way to much for such a move.  Did they understand that you were packing everything yourself and they were not packing it all up and unpacking at the other end for you?

Also I take it that you don't have a piano or billiard table as these items do cause the cost to skyrocket.


#34 purpleblackqueen

Posted 30 March 2012 - 05:42 PM

QUOTE (Mumsyto2 @ 30/03/2012, 06:33 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That what I was thinking.  We moved a distance of approx 80km .  Our contents are for a large 4 bedroom house, 2 living areas and study and lots of outside living stuff such as tables, chairs, general crap.  The place is full of stuff and we had around 200 boxes (approx 150 tea chest size and 50 book box size).  The place we were moving to was a nightmare in regards to access, a REALLY steep drive and the place was quite a way back from the street and the truck had to stay up on the street and the movers had to bring the whole lot down - not easy. They started at 7am and finished at 4.30pm with 3 men. It cost $1,500 and included insurance (general we did not need extra to cover antiques etc).

We have also moved locally and it cost $1000.  When we got quotes (6) for the local move they ranged from $1200 variable on the actual time used if we went by a fixed per hour rate through to $5500 at a fixed cost. We took the lowest and it ended up at $1000 going on the per hour rate with 3 men.  We found the more expensive rates were from people such as Grace etc and the cheaper movers were people who did not advertise on tv or hand out glossy brochures/packs or have corporate offices. So I would really look around and get a lot more quotes as $3000-$4000 is way to much for such a move.  Did they understand that you were packing everything yourself and they were not packing it all up and unpacking at the other end for you?

Also I take it that you don't have a piano or billiard table as these items do cause the cost to skyrocket.


Yep they knew I was packing and the closet thing to that I have is a keyboard, which is coming in the car anyway.

Edited by purpleblackqueen, 30 March 2012 - 05:45 PM.


#35 itsaboysworld

Posted 30 March 2012 - 05:46 PM

its not an OTT quote. I recent paid $2,900 for a move of 15km's. They charge from the minute they leave their depot, so I was already two hours out of pocket there and for the move to be done in one day I required three men to load and unload.  This was the best quote I got.

#36 LK1

Posted 30 March 2012 - 05:48 PM

Moving away from where you grew up is hard. It's hard to make new friends, and it takes a while to get settled, that's the honest truth.
BUT, I figure you wouldn't be thinking about moving if you didn't want to. If it was a clear no, then you would have crossed it off the list already.

I know that life has been really tough for you lately, maybe this is the fresh start that you need?

If you do move, my advice is, give it your all. try hard to build new friendships, do a short course so you can meet people, or join the country womens association, sounds silly but it's great to get your feet into a community.


#37 itsaboysworld

Posted 30 March 2012 - 05:53 PM

QUOTE (LK1 @ 30/03/2012, 06:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Moving away from where you grew up is hard. It's hard to make new friends, and it takes a while to get settled, that's the honest truth.
BUT, I figure you wouldn't be thinking about moving if you didn't want to. If it was a clear no, then you would have crossed it off the list already.

I know that life has been really tough for you lately, maybe this is the fresh start that you need?

If you do move, my advice is, give it your all. try hard to build new friendships, do a short course so you can meet people, or join the country womens association, sounds silly but it's great to get your feet into a community.


I have to say also this is great advice. Being on the other side of town to the school community etc I didnt realise how out of the loop we were. I am now finally getting involved in school and the local community here where I didnt have the funds to do so earlier (petrol made it a no-no) and I feel finally like I am starting to belong a bit somehwere for the first time in my life.


#38 ubermum

Posted 30 March 2012 - 05:54 PM

That is quite a lot for the 270 km or so distance. I am sure you could get it cheaper with some more time to look around.

#39 LK1

Posted 30 March 2012 - 06:03 PM

By the way OP, it cost us that much to move with Grace from the Gold Coast to SA, so I would get another quote.

#40 purpleblackqueen

Posted 30 March 2012 - 06:16 PM

QUOTE (Ferdinand @ 30/03/2012, 07:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ahhh, that makes more sense if it's both ways. If you decide to move, do you know anyone who could drive a budget truck (or similar) to cut down on the cost?

still seems a little high, maybe ring around other companies too.



Yeah me. All you need is a normal car licence for the small ones. I could leave my kids with my inlaws up there, leave car down here at a mates house and drive the truck back and forth.

#41 Feral Cheryl

Posted 31 March 2012 - 09:53 PM

Always a lot of jobs being advertised in the area from Maitland to Newcastle - part-time/full time office and admin jobs as well as the sector you are looking at working in. Wide variety of schools/doctors/sevices/after school care etc. Not far by train to the beaches and delights of Newcastle. Definitely warmer winters than the Southern Highlands. Easy access to any shop you need. Rentals MAY be tough - only because of the mining industry - but I don't know enough about that aspect. Look into backloads or self-drive removals - the price range you were tentatively quoted is from depot and return, so will always be more expensive than the other options.
Ultimately, only you can decide what best suits your circumstances.
I'm biased, I think the Maitland area has much to offer (I was there today) and would love to move down the valley; I didn't enjoy the Southern Highlands much when I was there - but that was years ago

#42 ~DrSeussRules~

Posted 01 April 2012 - 01:03 AM

Just do it.
Sounds to me liike you need a fresh start, all of you.
Kids will be fine.
I have a rough idea of what's gone on in your life over the past year or more and I think you need to move forward now. Past is past. For your childrens sake it's time to move forward.
G

#43 JennyH

Posted 01 April 2012 - 05:20 AM

Whilst I agree fresh start etc sounds great, I would err on the side of staying... moving takes a lot of energy and resettling under the best of circumstances - and you are already drained etc.

Don't they say make no major decisions for 6-12 months after a death?  I think when your DH's death was so sudden, and traumatic as well, that just getting by each day is the best option for now, if you can.

I know it might not be the answer you want, but for me I'd advise you to stay put and think about this later.  But I don't know you, or your depths of emotional energy, so if you have "got enough" to do this, then it could be great.... but I'd worry it's too much, too soon.




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