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#1 purpleblackqueen

Posted 30 March 2012 - 02:16 PM

Well how do you make a decision that is just so damn hard? I am sitting on the fence regarding whether to move or not.

I have reasons to stay and reasons to go. I want to make a decision soon, so that whichever way I go I can get my family settled.

Please help.....

Edited to Add: We are going to Maitland over the school holidays to visit family, and have a break, but I will be using that opportunity to look at houses etc. I would still have to give 3 weeks notice here and still have so much sorting, which I dont see the point of doing to then have to go through everything again to pack. Hence why I need to decide one way or the other quickly.

Edited by purpleblackqueen, 30 March 2012 - 02:23 PM.

#2 pratique

Posted 30 March 2012 - 02:21 PM

Perhaps details are needed?

What are you + and -?

#3 suziej

Posted 30 March 2012 - 02:25 PM

With a list of pros and a list of cons - and then look at the things that are tangible and the things that you have to live with or without.

Tough one - good luck on your decisions (and hugs sorting out what goes on your list as no doubt a lot of the intangible are boxing up memories and dreams)

#4 mez70

Posted 30 March 2012 - 02:26 PM

Sometimes the more you think things through the harder it gets and the more confused you become. I have always found my first initial response id usually the one to go with so if you were asked do you want to go or stay what would your immediate answer be?????

for every negative or reason not to do something there is also a positive so don't get caught up in all the detail. Make your decision then work through the detail using your decision as the basis eg with your mum and brother if you moved something needs to happen full stop..... Don't not move because it hasn't happened as while you are there it never will if that makes sense..
good luck

#5 niggles

Posted 30 March 2012 - 02:26 PM

I was listening to a child psychologist on the radio yesterday talking about how important it is to be 'real' for your kids by making decisions based on what you need. Really putting yourself first.

I imagine it's a very hard decision and I think a good place to start would be thinking about you. Which scenario is going to be better for you.  That's probably the best for your kids too. Everything else can be worked outso don't overcomplicate the decision with worry about the impacts on your kids and other people just yet.

#6 jorgo

Posted 30 March 2012 - 02:30 PM

answer the questions
can you afford to stay there- as things are
can you afford something else more easily ( eg is there something available thats cheaper and in as good or better an area in a good condition)  
can you fit and function in the somethign cheaper
have you asked the kids if they wanna try living in a new house " i thought it wuld be really cool to think about living closer to XXX YY ZZZ - woudlnt that be great?"  choose whatever they like most - school a friend a park whatever

#7 ubermum

Posted 30 March 2012 - 02:32 PM

Go PBQ. Slightly warmer climate and not so damp may see you and the kids less ill. Also, then your extended family would have to have others care for them besides you. You need to focus on you and your kids. A fresh start in a new place where you have a job and a more suitable place to live might be just the thing you need.

#8 PrincessPeach

Posted 30 March 2012 - 02:41 PM

in all seriousness, grab a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle & write the positives of the issue on the left & the negatives on the right.

If there is someone else you can boucne the ideas off, include them in this list making as well (kids included).

All the best!

#9 Gegemite

Posted 30 March 2012 - 02:47 PM

I think you've already had to make the hardest decision you could ever make PBQ (with your husbands life support) You can make this decision, you are strong and you've been proving it to yourself. Start a list of your pros and cons, not the kids just yours, yes it may be hard for them to move but kids are flexible and at the end of the day what is best for them is having a functioning, happy, stress free mum.

Good luck.

#10 AMPSyd

Posted 30 March 2012 - 02:52 PM

PBQ - for some reason to me this sounds like a great idea. I am guessing you do have family in the Maitland region or support people to help.

Kids can adapt.

Yes make that list - pros and cons and then sleep on it and see what answer comes to you in the morning.

I actually like this idea for you - not that I know you but I do follow your journey, the incredibly hard decisions you have had to make, and your "to do" lists.

Go for it - I just get the feeling that a new, fresh start will do you wonders.

Edited by AMPSyd, 30 March 2012 - 02:54 PM.

#11 CuppaTea

Posted 30 March 2012 - 02:57 PM

maybe looking online at places to live might assist you in making this decision?

#12 itsaboysworld

Posted 30 March 2012 - 02:59 PM

IT took me three years to finally make that move. In hindsight I probably could have done it a lot earlier and maybe been  better off but at the time the kids and I needed the stability of being in the same place and doing the same things in the same house until we felt we could move forward.

SOme people move immediately and never look back. Some never move. Its really down to what will work for you and your family.

I know how scary and frustrating it is with all these big decisions on your shoulders, with only you to deal with the fallout if its a mistake but in the end thats what life is for us all.

Dont let anyone push you or make the decisions for you, while scary, they are your decision and your mistakes to make and even though right now you probably feel like you cant afford to make mistakes you will anyway, we all do and we live with them and learn from them and make changes to improve things.

Best wishes on your decision.

#13 LambChop

Posted 30 March 2012 - 03:02 PM

I agree with the others, try not to over think, trust how you feel.  If there were no negatives, what would you choose ?  Where do you want to live ?

#14 toosenuf

Posted 30 March 2012 - 03:03 PM

would moving enhance you life?

does the area you are moving to offer all that you need?  eg schooling, jobs, entertainment, rentals (assuming this is what you would need), public transport, infrastructure.

Is it a warmer climate?  PP menitoned this, Maitland is still very cold in the winter.  On this point, you could check out the whether on the BOM : http://www.bom.gov.au/ have a look to see wha the whether has been lately,


(i think) this is the average whether stats for maitland for the past year  


#15 Catolyn

Posted 30 March 2012 - 03:04 PM

I think it would be a great way for you to break away from all the things weighing you down where you are now. From what you've told us before, that's quite a heavy load.

What do the kids think?

#16 HollyOllyOxenfree

Posted 30 March 2012 - 03:13 PM

it's a tough call. I'm guessing you're thinking of moving for better housing options, better job options and more family support? these are all big pluses given the loss of your DH, particularly the family support (assuming it is in a positive manner)

on the other hand, there would be upheaval for your kids, and leaving the house where they last saw their dad. I don't know how long you've been where you are, and how many memories are tied up there for you and the kids, but I would imagine it's a big thing to consider.

I guess you need to work out what has the greater weight for yourself and the kids. if I was in your position I'd probably be talking to a professional about how it might impact you and the kids emotionally to leave your current home, and weigh that up against the potential improvement to lifestyle

good luck PBQ, I'm sure it's a tough decision

#17 purpleblackqueen

Posted 30 March 2012 - 03:29 PM

This is what I have come up with:



*Cheaper Rent
*Family and Support
*New Start for me and kids
*What DH wanted
*Away from the crap happening here
*Warmer- so Less sick
*Mum having to deal with her own stuff for a change  wink.gif

*Leaving my Family/Friends
*Leaving the town I grew up in and have spent all my life.
*Cost of moving - quoted $3000-$4000.
*Kids changing schools/Leaving Friends (Hayley doesn't want to)
*Kids leaving the house where they last saw there dad.

Edited by purpleblackqueen, 30 March 2012 - 03:29 PM.

#18 wallofdodo

Posted 30 March 2012 - 03:32 PM

I weigh things up, then usually go with my gut. Listen to your gut it knows.

#19 LambChop

Posted 30 March 2012 - 03:32 PM

You haven't included what you want Liz, where do you want to live out of the two ?

#20 ubermum

Posted 30 March 2012 - 03:34 PM

You will one day have to leave that house because you don't own it.
Hayley will be going to highschool in a year or two (?) so her friends will change anyway.

To me, it looks like the pros are winning.

#21 purpleblackqueen

Posted 30 March 2012 - 03:38 PM

QUOTE (LambChop @ 30/03/2012, 04:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You haven't included what you want Liz, where do you want to live out of the two ?

That is what I can't decide, I have lived in this area for 36 years and never left.

#22 yabbadabbadoo

Posted 30 March 2012 - 03:40 PM

The pros definitely outweigh the cons in my opinion.  The cons all appear to be emotional ones (except of course the money to move) which hopefully in time you can all overcome.  With potentially a better lifestyle in Maitland, you won't have so much time to dwell on the past.  If you stay, you will never know and al the negative emotions will take longer to fade.

#23 LambChop

Posted 30 March 2012 - 03:42 PM

What would the timing of the move be ?  When do you feel you need to make a decision ?

#24 Maple Leaf

Posted 30 March 2012 - 03:44 PM

Your pros list is looking good to me! I would go. Especially if your DH wanted that anyway.

As you don't own your house, you will be leaving it at some point down the track so I certainly wouldn't be staying because of that. Take a lot of photos and the kids can make a scrapbook of memories before they leave?

Living in one area your whole life is quite amazing, I don't know if that's a good thing or bad! Time for a chance I think...

#25 purpleblackqueen

Posted 30 March 2012 - 03:45 PM

QUOTE (LambChop @ 30/03/2012, 04:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What would the timing of the move be ?  When do you feel you need to make a decision ?

I will be looking at houses and discussing the possible job over the easter holidays, so If I put in an application wihile there, which I would have too, then should that also be approved over the same period, I would still then have to give 3 weeks notice here immediately. Then it will be a case of come back pack, sort, clean, etc etc

So really I need to make a decision soon, we are going up the Tuesday after easter, for just under 2 weeks.

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