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Hen's party- who pays in this situation?
Party organisers are not bridesmaids


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53 replies to this topic

#1 Eleni_J

Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:32 PM

Hi all, I need opinions on a situation I've found myself in.

Background: Bride to be is a relative of mine. Myself and one of bride's friends will be bridesmaids. Two other friends, assuming they would be asked to be bridesmaids, started planning the hens party some time ago but have not made any solid plans and have not booked anything yet. Bride broke the news that they wouldn't be bridesmaids, they were disappointed but asked if they could still plan the party- yes- all good.

Now, the party planning girls are asking us to cough up for the whole cost of the (already planned) party, because we are bridesmaids of course and it's just the 'done thing'. So, WDYT? Bridesmaids pay, party planners pay or split the bill 4 ways??

#2 :-monkeymum-:

Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:41 PM

IMO for a Hens Night cost should be divided by all coming plus a bit extra to "cover" the Bride.

I don't think Bridesmaids or 1 or 2 people should cover all cost, especially as Bridesmaids are expected to pay for alot of things ie dress/shoes just to be apart of the Brides day.

What has already been planned ?

#3 *mylittleprince*

Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:43 PM

I wouldn't pay for someone else had planned for unless it was within my budget and reasonable. Otherwise look at other options, it doesn't always have to cost a lot of money. A simple dinner where each person pays for themselves and you and the other bridesmaid split the bill for the bride is an option.

#4 Mercurial

Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:43 PM

Any hens party I've attended everyone has paid their own way - adding a small amount extra to cover the bride's night.  

Why would the bridesmaids pay for everyone?

#5 2-beautiful-boys

Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:44 PM

Depends on what/where the party is and how much. Mine started at a restaurant for dinner and say for example it was $30 a head, all people attending paid $35 a head to cover my dinner and drinks.

If it's an expensive party like overnight somewhere I don't think it is fair for the bridesmaids to pay themselves.

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses/hair/makeup for my wedding because I don't think it should cost someone a fortune to be a bridesmaid. It's not their wedding!

Edited by 2-beautiful-boys, 29 March 2012 - 05:45 PM.


#6 emiboo

Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:45 PM

With my hen's night, the bill was split across all of the guests, but then we only had dinner and went to karaoke lol. We didn't do anything expensive, so each person only had to pay maybe $3 extra to cover my dinner and karaoke. Bridesmaid had to pay for a few extra things like cheap decorations and feather boas and plastic tiaras.

How much is the final bill expected to cost?

#7 zande

Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:46 PM

QUOTE
Any hens party I've attended everyone has paid their own way - adding a small amount extra to cover the bride's night.

Why would the bridesmaids pay for everyone?

This.

#8 Always amazed!

Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:51 PM

Everyone paied there own way at my hens night. Well except for the stripper my mum, sister and a few others put in for that!

Every hens night I have been on I have paied my own way also.

#9 Eleni_J

Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:51 PM

**UPDATE** More details:

The plan is to hold the party at one of their houses, high tea followed by drinks etc. They already plan on charging guests to attend but had a significant shortfall in funds which they want us to make up.

#10 carolinej

Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:55 PM

I thought that everyone attending split most of the cost, and organisers pay the remainder.

#11 Laborious Nicety

Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:55 PM

I'd be thinking they need to re-do their budget then.

#12 Stellajoy

Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:56 PM

Readjust how much everyone owes and charge the new amount .



#13 blueberrymuffin

Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:56 PM

Bad luck for them, their fault for poor planning.

I wouldn't be paying more than your fair share, plus a bit to cover the bride.

Edited by blueberrymuffin, 29 March 2012 - 06:35 PM.


#14 DEVOCEAN

Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:57 PM

I would pay whatever they are charging, and nothing more except my share of the brides cost.

#15 carolinej

Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:57 PM

I wouldn't pay for a party I didn't plan!  You are either a guest or a planner....

#16 IsolaBella

Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:57 PM

All Hens/Bucks we have been to have been a pay your own way (with extra added in for bride).

Some have been crazy costs (up to $200).

#17 baddmammajamma

Posted 29 March 2012 - 06:00 PM

QUOTE (Mercurial @ 29/03/2012, 06:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Any hens party I've attended everyone has paid their own way - adding a small amount extra to cover the bride's night.

This

QUOTE (Eleni_J @ 29/03/2012, 06:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
**UPDATE** More details:

The plan is to hold the party at one of their houses, high tea followed by drinks etc. They already plan on charging guests to attend but had a significant shortfall in funds which they want us to make up.



QUOTE (Fancy and Epic @ 29/03/2012, 06:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd be thinking they need to re-do their budget then.


This.

I would start with telling them to cancel the Chippendale stripper (or other cheesy high expense item) that they've booked. What type of party have they planned that led to a "significant shortfall in funds?!"

#18 Stellajoy

Posted 29 March 2012 - 06:00 PM

How much can a high tea and
Drinks at someone's house cost?

#19 **Xena**

Posted 29 March 2012 - 06:04 PM

QUOTE (Stellajoy @ 29/03/2012, 07:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How much can a high tea and
Drinks at someone's house cost?


That's what I'm wondering!

Every Hen's Night I have been too their has been a cost per head and Bridesmaids covered any exra little things ie games and decorations.

If there was ever a shortfall in money then the person organising it covered it.

#20 *lightning

Posted 29 March 2012 - 06:17 PM

You have played no part in the party planning, you are a guest not a host. I would only pay as a guest and any shortfall means the party planners need to put in the money themselves or change the party plan.

#21 Guest_Cathode_*

Posted 29 March 2012 - 06:28 PM

QUOTE (Eleni_J @ 29/03/2012, 03:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi all, I need opinions on a situation I've found myself in.

Background: Bride to be is a relative of mine. Myself and one of bride's friends will be bridesmaids. Two other friends, assuming they would be asked to be bridesmaids, started planning the hens party some time ago but have not made any solid plans and have not booked anything yet. Bride broke the news that they wouldn't be bridesmaids, they were disappointed but asked if they could still plan the party- yes- all good.

Now, the party planning girls are asking us to cough up for the whole cost of the (already planned) party, because we are bridesmaids of course and it's just the 'done thing'. So, WDYT? Bridesmaids pay, party planners pay or split the bill 4 ways??


In my experience, either the party planners cough up whole lot, or they divvy out costs between all those attending (except bride to be).

#22 JustBeige

Posted 29 March 2012 - 06:28 PM

QUOTE
IMO for a Hens Night cost should be divided by all coming plus a bit extra to "cover" the Bride.


I dont know what plant they are living on, but its not the same one as everyone else.

Are they nasty or vindictive OP?  they may be doing this to try and show you up somehow.... "look at me... arent I wonderful... I'm not a bridesmaid but I planned this party... isnt it divine...."  type of thing.



#23 Eleni_J

Posted 29 March 2012 - 09:56 PM

FWIW they are asking for an extra $500+ from us. I am thinking some serious budget cutting is in order.

QUOTE (JustBeige @ 29/03/2012, 04:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Are they nasty or vindictive OP?  they may be doing this to try and show you up somehow.... "look at me... arent I wonderful... I'm not a bridesmaid but I planned this party... isnt it divine...."  type of thing.


Actually i think you've hit the nail on the head here original.gif Further discussions have resulted in them refusing outright to pay any more than the guests are being charged, I think out of spite for not being chosen as a bridesmaid. They want the fun of party planning and to be seen as being such great hostesses, without actually hosting???

Ugh, messy. this is why I didn't do the whole 'bridesmaids' thing for my wedding.

#24 Just A Mum

Posted 29 March 2012 - 10:20 PM

"FWIW they are asking for an extra $500+ from us."

OUCH...

When i was a bridesmaid we planned a pre dinner party with drinks at the brides house with a stripper and it no way near cost us that much. The 3 bridesmaids paid for the decorations and games but asked each person to put in $10. for "entertainment". No one had any issues paying that. Dinner was at a Mexican place which people where invited to come to as a cost to themselves.

How many people are invited to the party ??

#25 Lainskii

Posted 29 March 2012 - 10:22 PM

If they are asking for that much I'd be inclined to ask for the party plan with an itemised list of all the costs. You can then 'budget cut' for them.

I can't fathom what would be costing an 'extra' $500 if they are already charging guests and there is no way you should be paying. How much are the guests paying? If you are providing proper cocktails etc then the guests shouldn't mind paying a bit extra.

It all sounds a bit fishy to me, especially if it is being hosted at one of their houses.








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