Jump to content

4 kids and career?
Can you have it all?


  • Please log in to reply
19 replies to this topic

#1 Supernova2012

Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:04 PM

5 weeks after I get a mirena put in, hoping it will stop me wanting #4, DH announces that he thinks we should have #4!

I don't know what to do! On the one hand, I would like another child, it would be nice for DS to have a sibling closer in age, we have a 7 seater car and a big enough house.

On the other hand, I have finally lost weight and gotten fit, and my work is going really well. I have a lot of responsibility and I guess I could step back into it again after mat leave, but I don't know if I could do a good job and come home and care for 4 kids. Me not working is not an option. 3 kids I find busy but manageable.

Any views to help me? At the moment I am leaning towards no more sad.gif

Edited by Lexillotti, 27 March 2012 - 09:07 PM.


#2 3_for_me

Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:07 PM

I have three as well and a fourth was discussed(my husband was keen and I was less sure).  I weighed it all up and finally decided that I was ready to move towards the things that I wanted for me and that I didn't want any more.  Just to be sure I couldn't be convinced in the future I had my tubes tied laughing2.gif

#3 Georgie01

Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:22 PM

We went from 2 to 4 and I don't find work too difficult to manage as well as looking after the kids (but work is 4 days and flexible). It is busy and I do sometimes wonder how I'm going to manage readers/homework with 4 but I'll find out next year original.gif

I'm not having any more and one of the main reasons for that decision was that I just wasn't prepared to put work (and other aspects of life) on the backburner for a year or so again while I struggled with morning sickness (between the three pregnancies I've spent more than a year overwhelmed with nausea and vomitting) and took maternity leave. I'm happy with the size of my family and enjoying not having a baby anymore (my littlies are almost 4). DH says he'd like more but he's happy enough to go along with me.

#4 canuckmel

Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:26 PM

I had an unplanned 4th pregnancy. I love my daughter terribly but wouldn't have a 4th child if I had to do it all over again.

#5 jodi

Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:30 PM

Up until two months ago, I had five children and a full time, 20+ year, career... it was hectic, but manageable.  original.gif

#6 lizlee

Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:34 PM

I have four kids (ranging from 10 down to 4) and returned to fulltime work just over a year ago.

I won't lie - it's hard bloody yakka!! But I love what I do, so I'm glad I made the decision to go back to work.

But my week days are pretty full-on. DH goes at work at about 6.45am and from then I have to get myself and the four girls fed, dressed, bags packed, lunches made, hair done and out the door in time for school and the daycare drop off. Then I don't get out of work will about 5.30pm and by the time I pick up the kids and head home, we're often only getting in the door at 6pm. The evenings are a big rush to do dinner, bath, homework and let the kids have some downtime to just be kids.

Our weekends are pretty laid back as we try to recover from the busy week!

So, it would really depend on what kind of hours you'll be doing and you'll need to factor things like if one of the kids are sick who will stay home with them and what are you going to do with them during the school holidays? I'm lucky that my Dad can look after them and after slogging it out for the first year, I finally get some holidays this year and will be having some of the school holidays off.

Good luck in making your decision - I was lucky that DH and I both wanted 4 kids and we didn't have to talk one another into "just one more".


#7 howdoyoudoit

Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:43 PM

We have 4 and I work from home. No way could I work outside the home with dh always away for work. Not to mention 13 wks of school holidays to work out. We have no family here so wouldn't work for us but I work from home and it works for us

#8 Supernova2012

Posted 28 March 2012 - 08:27 AM

Well, I am leaning more towards no #4, now!  Thanks for your responses.  

I guess I should add that DH works ridiculous hours (ie out of the house from 8am until 10 pm most, if not all, nights and is interstate and overseas a fair bit) so he is no help at all- every night I have to do homework, bath, bed myself as well as cook dinner etc.  

Anyone else have a view?  



#9 kaboo

Posted 28 March 2012 - 08:37 AM

I have 4 kids and a career. It's busy but it's not that bad. I have two in school and two in daycare. Things are pretty hectic but they were with three as well.

#10 reng

Posted 28 March 2012 - 08:46 AM

I have 4 (2 at school, 1 at daycare and 1 baby) and run my own business.  Most of my work is done from home, but I go to meetings out there in the wild world.  Luckily my clients don't mind me dragging the baby along, I just try and plan it so she's quiet (fed just before meetings), but I've had lots of practice as I've been doing this since before #1 was born.

It's a bit hectic - especially when balancing deadlines from five different clients that can often clash.  Some weeks I do a full time job, others I can do only a few hours, depending on what clients want.

DH works a full time job 7am-7pm plus travel away at least once a month.  The school kids are in after school care; and I juggle everything else.

I'm really lucky that I work at home and can fit in loads of washing while working!  And I have a cleaner that comes once a fortnight.

Now must get off the computer and get ready for a meeting...

#11 7girly-girls

Posted 28 March 2012 - 02:19 PM

I have 8 kids and work from home. 5 kids are under 9 years and there are 3 teens. The school week is pretty hectic & life is busy but it works for us. I worked outside the home whilst I had 4 kids, it was stressful at times & involved some juggling but it was ok. It is possible to combine a career & large family.

#12 Done

Posted 30 March 2012 - 07:55 PM

i have 4 and couldn't do it. i struggle with part time hours. I have 2 at school (drop off, pick up and homework), a toddler and a baby. 2 at school do swimming and soccer so that is after school activities. and saturday mornings. although toddler seems to enjoy pre-school when there however, i hate the guilt of taking him there when he says he wants to stay with me.

but i'm not the most motivated organised person either. so that and being prone to laziness doesn't help in my situation.

if you manage with 3 no problems, i'm sure you would be fine with 4.

#13 *Caro*

Posted 30 March 2012 - 08:01 PM

I have 4 kids and a career.  I'm so much happier now I am back at work, after 18 months of mat leave.  I'm not cut out to be a SAHM! It is hard trying to coordinate it all, but it is so worth it.  As well as getting my own satisfaction from work, I think its important for kids to see their parents working and contributing outside the home.

Both DH and I are in management roles, and both carry a fulltime load, but only work 4 days in the office.  This works for us, as it means we can spend some time with the 2 little kids and not use fulltime childcare. DH also runs a small business, so it's not like there is a lot of spare time around here, but we are both happy.

Oh, and I've somehow managed to get my fitness up and my weight down since having #4 - it's amazing what you can do if you put your mind to it!

#14 ms flib

Posted 30 March 2012 - 08:11 PM

I have 3 kids and a career. I work 3 days a week and I'm currently in a management role. I'm also doing a PhD.

I find it a constant battle and I wish the house was more organised. While I'm tired, I'm also happy. I have a family and a challenging and creative career.

This year my youngest started school and I've really felt more free to focus on myself. This is really great for all of us because no one wants a crazy, frustrated Mum around.

I would have loved to have another baby but I knew that would have been it for my life outside the home for another 5 years. Now I'm pleased for my childbearing days to be over. (I still feel a little twinge as I write that - there is a sense of loss but it was best for us all. DP did not want anymore!!)

All the best with your decision. It sounds like you've made up your mind but give yourself time to think it through!

#15 4joys

Posted 31 March 2012 - 07:48 PM

waves.gif Hi Lexalotti!!

I think that I wrote this to you after your DS was born, but you should go for it!

In the past year or so since our bubs were born I have studied and gotten a diploma is half the time they recommended, started another diploma and moved state. Its been hectic and hard, but doable. I remember someone saying to me when we were thinking of having another that you never regret the ones that you have, only the ones that you don't.

Whatever you decided will be the right decision for you.

PS if you are on FB and want to catch up with some of the others from the DIG, Pm me  original.gif the girls would love to hear from you

#16 Supernova2012

Posted 01 April 2012 - 09:42 PM

Thanks rjr! I kinda gave up on the due in group after the merge. Alas, I am not on Facebook. Say hi from me!

I think my decision is made. I go to the Gyno tomorrow for my 6 week mirena check up, so at this stage it is staying in! I think my deadline is march next year, as if I wasn't pregnant by then I would have over 3 years between #3 and #4, which is getting a bit far for me as I already have a 5 year gap and I would be over 40 when the baby would be born, and I am already feeling a it past it.

Thanks for everyone's stories!

#17 emum

Posted 02 April 2012 - 11:40 AM

I do it. I won't lie - it's difficult. At this point in the term, I'm exhausted. This may not be the case if I were to hire a nanny or au pair, but given the age of my eldest, we feel it's not necessary.

My kids are aged 7, 9, 11, and 14 (Years 2, 4, 6, and 10 at school).

I'll give you an idea of my weekend...... DD1 had 4 performances for her school musical over the weekend, so apart from attending one, we also had to arrange pick up and drop for the others (at weird hours, too). She also had her softball grand final Saturday morning. DS and DH had their two soccer matches to attend on Saturday, too. I worked Saturday evening. Had to race out the door for family function Sunday after taking DD2 to her soccer match, then come home and tackle the rest of the science project with DS, help construct two Easter Bonnet hats, help DD1 with her assignment, work Sunday night, then drive DD1 to school at 7am this morning for dance group.

I somehow manage to work 50 hours a week at the moment, as well as get kids to all their extra-curricular activities (DD1 does 3, DS does 3, DD2 does 3, and DD3 only does 1). I also manage to schedule in dental and doctor appointments in-between (quite regularly now that one needs braces, and two have ongoing medical issues). I also manage to run a Cub Scout pack once a week.

On top of that, there's all the uniform washing (and the extra curricular uniforms, too), lunch preparations, dinner preparation, notes, etc., etc.

It becomes more convoluted the older they get !

I am VERY fortunate in that the main job I have (managing a supermarket) is literally 2 minutes from my front door, and that it is very flexible with drop-offs, pick-ups, time off for family, etc. The other job is at the school my son attends. It also means I work some crazy hours ! However, it pays for our overseas holidays and a few other luxuries, which we all love, so I'm not prepared to give it up. Plus, it's helped to restore the "old Sally", not just "mum". We've had many discussions with the kids about it, and we are all on the same page, thankfully. I like to think the kids will be resourceful as they grow up as a result.

Edited by emum, 02 April 2012 - 11:58 AM.


#18 *Caro*

Posted 03 April 2012 - 11:59 AM

emum, I feel tired just reading about your weekend! When do you get to rest??

#19 emum

Posted 06 April 2012 - 10:40 AM

QUOTE (*Caro* @ 03/04/2012, 12:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
emum, I feel tired just reading about your weekend! When do you get to rest??


Hi Caro - my "down time" is often in the wee hours of the morning. I usually finish work late at night (about 11pm), so generally stay up until 1 or 2 am. I run on about 5-6 hours of sleep a night. I'm not sure how I do it, I just do. No time to think about it to be honest LOL.

The good thing about working in a school is that I get school holidays off, so from today I'm only working 25-30 hours a week, and we're heading o/s next week for 3 weeks for a complete relaxation-only holiday (20th wedding anniversary !). Kids in tow, too.

Cheers,
Sally original.gif

#20 Soontobegran

Posted 06 April 2012 - 10:53 AM

It's definitely doable. I had 5 and a long term career but I won't pretend that it wasn't quite a hard slog.
I personally think the decision to have more children should be made by both parents coming to a mutual agreement, until then someone may always hold onto some regrets.
The Mirena won't help stop you wanting more babies original.gif




2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN a $500 Visa debit card

Are you a parent? Simply take our survey for your chance to win a $500 pre-paid VISA debit card.

Breastfeeding doesn't make you a better mum - feeding your baby does

Given my immense dislike of Hopkins and her opinions, I was genuinely shocked to discover that last week she actually said something that I agreed with.

'Toni, another baby has died': the anguish of watching governments fail our babies

It has been six years since whooping cough claimed the life of four-week-old Dana McCaffery. Her parents are angry that lessons learnt weren't enough to save other babies.

Longer breastfeeding linked to higher IQ

A study of 3500 infants has found that babies who are breastfed grow up to be more intelligent and wealthy.

The 2015 flu vaccine: what's new, who should get it

For certain members of the community, catching flu can lead to severe illness or death. A vaccination can be lifesaving.

Dealing with a nappy escape artist

I hear about the tots that have a penchant for ripping their nappies off and the odd one that even smears the brown stuff on the walls and fine home furnishings, and I shudder.

Hospital apologises for 'traumatising' baby mix-up

St Vincent's Hospital has apologised "unreservedly" for a baby mix-up that left one new mum traumatised.

Tips for flying with a baby

Travelling with kids requires a whole other set of skills - ones that I have learned through (sometimes unfortunate) trial and error.

How to stay calm in an emergency

I’m not expecting you to be as calm as you might be right now. What I mean is that if your panic levels are through the roof during a stressful situation, let’s bring them down to just under the ceiling.

Toddler gets 'drunk' after cranberry juice mix-up

A toddler was taken to hospital after a waitress served her sangria instead of cranberry juice at a US restaurant.

We need to stop using this word when we talk about childbirth

Is it shaming to point out that women are often being let down in birth?

The certificate helping parents deal with pregnancy loss

For some people, this certificate will offer a sense of validation that their child was acknowledged as being here and now gone, and will help them with life post-loss.

Grieving families give warnings after toddler deaths

Two Queensland families are grieving the loss of their toddler sons after the boys drowned in separate incidents last week.

The phenomenon of phantom pregnancy kicks

'Phantom pregnancy kicks’ are encountered by many mums months - or even years - after their pregnancy is over.

The health insurance advice you can't afford to ignore

There's one simple switch that could save you hundreds of dollars a year in private health insurance.

4D scans show how smoking affects babies still in the womb

The harmful effects of smoking during pregnancy on unborn babies may be seen in tiny movements in their faces using 4D ultrasound scans, research has found.

How to babyproof your job interview

Once upon a time, I was a fan of job interviews. That all changed after I'd switched careers, had a baby and decided to spend the first year at home with her.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

The most dangerous toddler food trends

Pete Evans' paleo cookbook for kids caused a storm, but there are plenty of other unsafe food trends for babies and toddlers.

Infection killed new mum of twins

Modern medicine could not save 19-year-old Sophie Burgess who died 48 hours after giving birth to twins in the UK.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.