4 kids and career?
Can you have it all?
, Mar 27 2012 09:04 PM
19 replies to this topic
Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:04 PM
5 weeks after I get a mirena put in, hoping it will stop me wanting #4, DH announces that he thinks we should have #4!
I don't know what to do! On the one hand, I would like another child, it would be nice for DS to have a sibling closer in age, we have a 7 seater car and a big enough house.
On the other hand, I have finally lost weight and gotten fit, and my work is going really well. I have a lot of responsibility and I guess I could step back into it again after mat leave, but I don't know if I could do a good job and come home and care for 4 kids. Me not working is not an option. 3 kids I find busy but manageable.
Any views to help me? At the moment I am leaning towards no more
Edited by Lexillotti, 27 March 2012 - 09:07 PM.
Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:07 PM
I have three as well and a fourth was discussed(my husband was keen and I was less sure). I weighed it all up and finally decided that I was ready to move towards the things that I wanted for me and that I didn't want any more. Just to be sure I couldn't be convinced in the future I had my tubes tied
Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:22 PM
We went from 2 to 4 and I don't find work too difficult to manage as well as looking after the kids (but work is 4 days and flexible). It is busy and I do sometimes wonder how I'm going to manage readers/homework with 4 but I'll find out next year
I'm not having any more and one of the main reasons for that decision was that I just wasn't prepared to put work (and other aspects of life) on the backburner for a year or so again while I struggled with morning sickness (between the three pregnancies I've spent more than a year overwhelmed with nausea and vomitting) and took maternity leave. I'm happy with the size of my family and enjoying not having a baby anymore (my littlies are almost 4). DH says he'd like more but he's happy enough to go along with me.
Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:26 PM
I had an unplanned 4th pregnancy. I love my daughter terribly but wouldn't have a 4th child if I had to do it all over again.
Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:30 PM
Up until two months ago, I had five children and a full time, 20+ year, career... it was hectic, but manageable.
Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:34 PM
I have four kids (ranging from 10 down to 4) and returned to fulltime work just over a year ago.
I won't lie - it's hard bloody yakka!! But I love what I do, so I'm glad I made the decision to go back to work.
But my week days are pretty full-on. DH goes at work at about 6.45am and from then I have to get myself and the four girls fed, dressed, bags packed, lunches made, hair done and out the door in time for school and the daycare drop off. Then I don't get out of work will about 5.30pm and by the time I pick up the kids and head home, we're often only getting in the door at 6pm. The evenings are a big rush to do dinner, bath, homework and let the kids have some downtime to just be kids.
Our weekends are pretty laid back as we try to recover from the busy week!
So, it would really depend on what kind of hours you'll be doing and you'll need to factor things like if one of the kids are sick who will stay home with them and what are you going to do with them during the school holidays? I'm lucky that my Dad can look after them and after slogging it out for the first year, I finally get some holidays this year and will be having some of the school holidays off.
Good luck in making your decision - I was lucky that DH and I both wanted 4 kids and we didn't have to talk one another into "just one more".
Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:43 PM
We have 4 and I work from home. No way could I work outside the home with dh always away for work. Not to mention 13 wks of school holidays to work out. We have no family here so wouldn't work for us but I work from home and it works for us
Posted 28 March 2012 - 08:27 AM
Well, I am leaning more towards no #4, now! Thanks for your responses.
I guess I should add that DH works ridiculous hours (ie out of the house from 8am until 10 pm most, if not all, nights and is interstate and overseas a fair bit) so he is no help at all- every night I have to do homework, bath, bed myself as well as cook dinner etc.
Anyone else have a view?
Posted 28 March 2012 - 08:37 AM
I have 4 kids and a career. It's busy but it's not that bad. I have two in school and two in daycare. Things are pretty hectic but they were with three as well.
Posted 28 March 2012 - 08:46 AM
I have 4 (2 at school, 1 at daycare and 1 baby) and run my own business. Most of my work is done from home, but I go to meetings out there in the wild world. Luckily my clients don't mind me dragging the baby along, I just try and plan it so she's quiet (fed just before meetings), but I've had lots of practice as I've been doing this since before #1 was born.
It's a bit hectic - especially when balancing deadlines from five different clients that can often clash. Some weeks I do a full time job, others I can do only a few hours, depending on what clients want.
DH works a full time job 7am-7pm plus travel away at least once a month. The school kids are in after school care; and I juggle everything else.
I'm really lucky that I work at home and can fit in loads of washing while working! And I have a cleaner that comes once a fortnight.
Now must get off the computer and get ready for a meeting...
Posted 28 March 2012 - 02:19 PM
I have 8 kids and work from home. 5 kids are under 9 years and there are 3 teens. The school week is pretty hectic & life is busy but it works for us. I worked outside the home whilst I had 4 kids, it was stressful at times & involved some juggling but it was ok. It is possible to combine a career & large family.
Posted 30 March 2012 - 07:55 PM
i have 4 and couldn't do it. i struggle with part time hours. I have 2 at school (drop off, pick up and homework), a toddler and a baby. 2 at school do swimming and soccer so that is after school activities. and saturday mornings. although toddler seems to enjoy pre-school when there however, i hate the guilt of taking him there when he says he wants to stay with me.
but i'm not the most motivated organised person either. so that and being prone to laziness doesn't help in my situation.
if you manage with 3 no problems, i'm sure you would be fine with 4.
Posted 30 March 2012 - 08:01 PM
I have 4 kids and a career. I'm so much happier now I am back at work, after 18 months of mat leave. I'm not cut out to be a SAHM! It is hard trying to coordinate it all, but it is so worth it. As well as getting my own satisfaction from work, I think its important for kids to see their parents working and contributing outside the home.
Both DH and I are in management roles, and both carry a fulltime load, but only work 4 days in the office. This works for us, as it means we can spend some time with the 2 little kids and not use fulltime childcare. DH also runs a small business, so it's not like there is a lot of spare time around here, but we are both happy.
Oh, and I've somehow managed to get my fitness up and my weight down since having #4 - it's amazing what you can do if you put your mind to it!
Posted 30 March 2012 - 08:11 PM
I have 3 kids and a career. I work 3 days a week and I'm currently in a management role. I'm also doing a PhD.
I find it a constant battle and I wish the house was more organised. While I'm tired, I'm also happy. I have a family and a challenging and creative career.
This year my youngest started school and I've really felt more free to focus on myself. This is really great for all of us because no one wants a crazy, frustrated Mum around.
I would have loved to have another baby but I knew that would have been it for my life outside the home for another 5 years. Now I'm pleased for my childbearing days to be over. (I still feel a little twinge as I write that - there is a sense of loss but it was best for us all. DP did not want anymore!!)
All the best with your decision. It sounds like you've made up your mind but give yourself time to think it through!
Posted 31 March 2012 - 07:48 PM
I think that I wrote this to you after your DS was born, but you should go for it!
In the past year or so since our bubs were born I have studied and gotten a diploma is half the time they recommended, started another diploma and moved state. Its been hectic and hard, but doable. I remember someone saying to me when we were thinking of having another that you never regret the ones that you have, only the ones that you don't.
Whatever you decided will be the right decision for you.
PS if you are on FB and want to catch up with some of the others from the DIG, Pm me
the girls would love to hear from you
Posted 01 April 2012 - 09:42 PM
Thanks rjr! I kinda gave up on the due in group after the merge. Alas, I am not on Facebook. Say hi from me!
I think my decision is made. I go to the Gyno tomorrow for my 6 week mirena check up, so at this stage it is staying in! I think my deadline is march next year, as if I wasn't pregnant by then I would have over 3 years between #3 and #4, which is getting a bit far for me as I already have a 5 year gap and I would be over 40 when the baby would be born, and I am already feeling a it past it.
Thanks for everyone's stories!
Posted 02 April 2012 - 11:40 AM
I do it. I won't lie - it's difficult. At this point in the term, I'm exhausted. This may not be the case if I were to hire a nanny or au pair, but given the age of my eldest, we feel it's not necessary.
My kids are aged 7, 9, 11, and 14 (Years 2, 4, 6, and 10 at school).
I'll give you an idea of my weekend...... DD1 had 4 performances for her school musical over the weekend, so apart from attending one, we also had to arrange pick up and drop for the others (at weird hours, too). She also had her softball grand final Saturday morning. DS and DH had their two soccer matches to attend on Saturday, too. I worked Saturday evening. Had to race out the door for family function Sunday after taking DD2 to her soccer match, then come home and tackle the rest of the science project with DS, help construct two Easter Bonnet hats, help DD1 with her assignment, work Sunday night, then drive DD1 to school at 7am this morning for dance group.
I somehow manage to work 50 hours a week at the moment, as well as get kids to all their extra-curricular activities (DD1 does 3, DS does 3, DD2 does 3, and DD3 only does 1). I also manage to schedule in dental and doctor appointments in-between (quite regularly now that one needs braces, and two have ongoing medical issues). I also manage to run a Cub Scout pack once a week.
On top of that, there's all the uniform washing (and the extra curricular uniforms, too), lunch preparations, dinner preparation, notes, etc., etc.
It becomes more convoluted the older they get !
I am VERY fortunate in that the main job I have (managing a supermarket) is literally 2 minutes from my front door, and that it is very flexible with drop-offs, pick-ups, time off for family, etc. The other job is at the school my son attends. It also means I work some crazy hours ! However, it pays for our overseas holidays and a few other luxuries, which we all love, so I'm not prepared to give it up. Plus, it's helped to restore the "old Sally", not just "mum". We've had many discussions with the kids about it, and we are all on the same page, thankfully. I like to think the kids will be resourceful as they grow up as a result.
Edited by emum, 02 April 2012 - 11:58 AM.
Posted 03 April 2012 - 11:59 AM
emum, I feel tired just reading about your weekend! When do you get to rest??
Posted 06 April 2012 - 10:40 AM
emum, I feel tired just reading about your weekend! When do you get to rest??
Hi Caro - my "down time" is often in the wee hours of the morning. I usually finish work late at night (about 11pm), so generally stay up until 1 or 2 am. I run on about 5-6 hours of sleep a night. I'm not sure how I do it, I just do. No time to think about it to be honest LOL.
The good thing about working in a school is that I get school holidays off, so from today I'm only working 25-30 hours a week, and we're heading o/s next week for 3 weeks for a complete relaxation-only holiday (20th wedding anniversary !). Kids in tow, too.
Posted 06 April 2012 - 10:53 AM
It's definitely doable. I had 5 and a long term career but I won't pretend that it wasn't quite a hard slog.
I personally think the decision to have more children should be made by both parents coming to a mutual agreement, until then someone may always hold onto some regrets.
The Mirena won't help stop you wanting more babies
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