Jump to content

4 kids and career?
Can you have it all?


  • Please log in to reply
19 replies to this topic

#1 Supernova2012

Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:04 PM

5 weeks after I get a mirena put in, hoping it will stop me wanting #4, DH announces that he thinks we should have #4!

I don't know what to do! On the one hand, I would like another child, it would be nice for DS to have a sibling closer in age, we have a 7 seater car and a big enough house.

On the other hand, I have finally lost weight and gotten fit, and my work is going really well. I have a lot of responsibility and I guess I could step back into it again after mat leave, but I don't know if I could do a good job and come home and care for 4 kids. Me not working is not an option. 3 kids I find busy but manageable.

Any views to help me? At the moment I am leaning towards no more sad.gif

Edited by Lexillotti, 27 March 2012 - 09:07 PM.


#2 3_for_me

Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:07 PM

I have three as well and a fourth was discussed(my husband was keen and I was less sure).  I weighed it all up and finally decided that I was ready to move towards the things that I wanted for me and that I didn't want any more.  Just to be sure I couldn't be convinced in the future I had my tubes tied laughing2.gif

#3 Georgie01

Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:22 PM

We went from 2 to 4 and I don't find work too difficult to manage as well as looking after the kids (but work is 4 days and flexible). It is busy and I do sometimes wonder how I'm going to manage readers/homework with 4 but I'll find out next year original.gif

I'm not having any more and one of the main reasons for that decision was that I just wasn't prepared to put work (and other aspects of life) on the backburner for a year or so again while I struggled with morning sickness (between the three pregnancies I've spent more than a year overwhelmed with nausea and vomitting) and took maternity leave. I'm happy with the size of my family and enjoying not having a baby anymore (my littlies are almost 4). DH says he'd like more but he's happy enough to go along with me.

#4 canuckmel

Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:26 PM

I had an unplanned 4th pregnancy. I love my daughter terribly but wouldn't have a 4th child if I had to do it all over again.

#5 jodi

Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:30 PM

Up until two months ago, I had five children and a full time, 20+ year, career... it was hectic, but manageable.  original.gif

#6 lizlee

Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:34 PM

I have four kids (ranging from 10 down to 4) and returned to fulltime work just over a year ago.

I won't lie - it's hard bloody yakka!! But I love what I do, so I'm glad I made the decision to go back to work.

But my week days are pretty full-on. DH goes at work at about 6.45am and from then I have to get myself and the four girls fed, dressed, bags packed, lunches made, hair done and out the door in time for school and the daycare drop off. Then I don't get out of work will about 5.30pm and by the time I pick up the kids and head home, we're often only getting in the door at 6pm. The evenings are a big rush to do dinner, bath, homework and let the kids have some downtime to just be kids.

Our weekends are pretty laid back as we try to recover from the busy week!

So, it would really depend on what kind of hours you'll be doing and you'll need to factor things like if one of the kids are sick who will stay home with them and what are you going to do with them during the school holidays? I'm lucky that my Dad can look after them and after slogging it out for the first year, I finally get some holidays this year and will be having some of the school holidays off.

Good luck in making your decision - I was lucky that DH and I both wanted 4 kids and we didn't have to talk one another into "just one more".


#7 howdoyoudoit

Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:43 PM

We have 4 and I work from home. No way could I work outside the home with dh always away for work. Not to mention 13 wks of school holidays to work out. We have no family here so wouldn't work for us but I work from home and it works for us

#8 Supernova2012

Posted 28 March 2012 - 08:27 AM

Well, I am leaning more towards no #4, now!  Thanks for your responses.  

I guess I should add that DH works ridiculous hours (ie out of the house from 8am until 10 pm most, if not all, nights and is interstate and overseas a fair bit) so he is no help at all- every night I have to do homework, bath, bed myself as well as cook dinner etc.  

Anyone else have a view?  



#9 kaboo

Posted 28 March 2012 - 08:37 AM

I have 4 kids and a career. It's busy but it's not that bad. I have two in school and two in daycare. Things are pretty hectic but they were with three as well.

#10 reng

Posted 28 March 2012 - 08:46 AM

I have 4 (2 at school, 1 at daycare and 1 baby) and run my own business.  Most of my work is done from home, but I go to meetings out there in the wild world.  Luckily my clients don't mind me dragging the baby along, I just try and plan it so she's quiet (fed just before meetings), but I've had lots of practice as I've been doing this since before #1 was born.

It's a bit hectic - especially when balancing deadlines from five different clients that can often clash.  Some weeks I do a full time job, others I can do only a few hours, depending on what clients want.

DH works a full time job 7am-7pm plus travel away at least once a month.  The school kids are in after school care; and I juggle everything else.

I'm really lucky that I work at home and can fit in loads of washing while working!  And I have a cleaner that comes once a fortnight.

Now must get off the computer and get ready for a meeting...

#11 7girly-girls

Posted 28 March 2012 - 02:19 PM

I have 8 kids and work from home. 5 kids are under 9 years and there are 3 teens. The school week is pretty hectic & life is busy but it works for us. I worked outside the home whilst I had 4 kids, it was stressful at times & involved some juggling but it was ok. It is possible to combine a career & large family.

#12 Done

Posted 30 March 2012 - 07:55 PM

i have 4 and couldn't do it. i struggle with part time hours. I have 2 at school (drop off, pick up and homework), a toddler and a baby. 2 at school do swimming and soccer so that is after school activities. and saturday mornings. although toddler seems to enjoy pre-school when there however, i hate the guilt of taking him there when he says he wants to stay with me.

but i'm not the most motivated organised person either. so that and being prone to laziness doesn't help in my situation.

if you manage with 3 no problems, i'm sure you would be fine with 4.

#13 *Caro*

Posted 30 March 2012 - 08:01 PM

I have 4 kids and a career.  I'm so much happier now I am back at work, after 18 months of mat leave.  I'm not cut out to be a SAHM! It is hard trying to coordinate it all, but it is so worth it.  As well as getting my own satisfaction from work, I think its important for kids to see their parents working and contributing outside the home.

Both DH and I are in management roles, and both carry a fulltime load, but only work 4 days in the office.  This works for us, as it means we can spend some time with the 2 little kids and not use fulltime childcare. DH also runs a small business, so it's not like there is a lot of spare time around here, but we are both happy.

Oh, and I've somehow managed to get my fitness up and my weight down since having #4 - it's amazing what you can do if you put your mind to it!

#14 ms flib

Posted 30 March 2012 - 08:11 PM

I have 3 kids and a career. I work 3 days a week and I'm currently in a management role. I'm also doing a PhD.

I find it a constant battle and I wish the house was more organised. While I'm tired, I'm also happy. I have a family and a challenging and creative career.

This year my youngest started school and I've really felt more free to focus on myself. This is really great for all of us because no one wants a crazy, frustrated Mum around.

I would have loved to have another baby but I knew that would have been it for my life outside the home for another 5 years. Now I'm pleased for my childbearing days to be over. (I still feel a little twinge as I write that - there is a sense of loss but it was best for us all. DP did not want anymore!!)

All the best with your decision. It sounds like you've made up your mind but give yourself time to think it through!

#15 4joys

Posted 31 March 2012 - 07:48 PM

waves.gif Hi Lexalotti!!

I think that I wrote this to you after your DS was born, but you should go for it!

In the past year or so since our bubs were born I have studied and gotten a diploma is half the time they recommended, started another diploma and moved state. Its been hectic and hard, but doable. I remember someone saying to me when we were thinking of having another that you never regret the ones that you have, only the ones that you don't.

Whatever you decided will be the right decision for you.

PS if you are on FB and want to catch up with some of the others from the DIG, Pm me  original.gif the girls would love to hear from you

#16 Supernova2012

Posted 01 April 2012 - 09:42 PM

Thanks rjr! I kinda gave up on the due in group after the merge. Alas, I am not on Facebook. Say hi from me!

I think my decision is made. I go to the Gyno tomorrow for my 6 week mirena check up, so at this stage it is staying in! I think my deadline is march next year, as if I wasn't pregnant by then I would have over 3 years between #3 and #4, which is getting a bit far for me as I already have a 5 year gap and I would be over 40 when the baby would be born, and I am already feeling a it past it.

Thanks for everyone's stories!

#17 emum

Posted 02 April 2012 - 11:40 AM

I do it. I won't lie - it's difficult. At this point in the term, I'm exhausted. This may not be the case if I were to hire a nanny or au pair, but given the age of my eldest, we feel it's not necessary.

My kids are aged 7, 9, 11, and 14 (Years 2, 4, 6, and 10 at school).

I'll give you an idea of my weekend...... DD1 had 4 performances for her school musical over the weekend, so apart from attending one, we also had to arrange pick up and drop for the others (at weird hours, too). She also had her softball grand final Saturday morning. DS and DH had their two soccer matches to attend on Saturday, too. I worked Saturday evening. Had to race out the door for family function Sunday after taking DD2 to her soccer match, then come home and tackle the rest of the science project with DS, help construct two Easter Bonnet hats, help DD1 with her assignment, work Sunday night, then drive DD1 to school at 7am this morning for dance group.

I somehow manage to work 50 hours a week at the moment, as well as get kids to all their extra-curricular activities (DD1 does 3, DS does 3, DD2 does 3, and DD3 only does 1). I also manage to schedule in dental and doctor appointments in-between (quite regularly now that one needs braces, and two have ongoing medical issues). I also manage to run a Cub Scout pack once a week.

On top of that, there's all the uniform washing (and the extra curricular uniforms, too), lunch preparations, dinner preparation, notes, etc., etc.

It becomes more convoluted the older they get !

I am VERY fortunate in that the main job I have (managing a supermarket) is literally 2 minutes from my front door, and that it is very flexible with drop-offs, pick-ups, time off for family, etc. The other job is at the school my son attends. It also means I work some crazy hours ! However, it pays for our overseas holidays and a few other luxuries, which we all love, so I'm not prepared to give it up. Plus, it's helped to restore the "old Sally", not just "mum". We've had many discussions with the kids about it, and we are all on the same page, thankfully. I like to think the kids will be resourceful as they grow up as a result.

Edited by emum, 02 April 2012 - 11:58 AM.


#18 *Caro*

Posted 03 April 2012 - 11:59 AM

emum, I feel tired just reading about your weekend! When do you get to rest??

#19 emum

Posted 06 April 2012 - 10:40 AM

QUOTE (*Caro* @ 03/04/2012, 12:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
emum, I feel tired just reading about your weekend! When do you get to rest??


Hi Caro - my "down time" is often in the wee hours of the morning. I usually finish work late at night (about 11pm), so generally stay up until 1 or 2 am. I run on about 5-6 hours of sleep a night. I'm not sure how I do it, I just do. No time to think about it to be honest LOL.

The good thing about working in a school is that I get school holidays off, so from today I'm only working 25-30 hours a week, and we're heading o/s next week for 3 weeks for a complete relaxation-only holiday (20th wedding anniversary !). Kids in tow, too.

Cheers,
Sally original.gif

#20 Soontobegran

Posted 06 April 2012 - 10:53 AM

It's definitely doable. I had 5 and a long term career but I won't pretend that it wasn't quite a hard slog.
I personally think the decision to have more children should be made by both parents coming to a mutual agreement, until then someone may always hold onto some regrets.
The Mirena won't help stop you wanting more babies original.gif




2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Finding baby name inspiration in unusual places

Sometimes the greatest baby name ideas come from the most unexpected places, as these EB members show.

The case for inducing at 37 weeks

While we often think of pregnancy as a 40 week affair, experts agree that 37 weeks is actually “full term". So is there an argument for inducing all births at 37 weeks?

Does controlled crying really work?

Controlled-crying techniques may help some babies sleep through the night, but for many exhausted new parents, it's just a recipe for more tears all round.

How I taught my infant to use a toilet

As people become more aware of these benefits, I hope more parents will practice this method, so we can cut down on nappies and improve baby bonding.

'I thought it was impossible': Emily Symons pregnant at 45

Aussie actress Emily Symons has announced she is pregnant with her first baby.

Shallow water blackout kills fit, healthy dad

A little girl will grow up without her father after the fit and healthy 34-year-old passed away while doing something he had practised his whole life.

Afternoon naps may be bad for toddlers' sleep

You could be doing yourself a disservice by encouraging your toddler to have an afternoon nap, according to new research.

Best gifts for newborns, new mums and christenings

We've compiled a guide to some of the most popular presents for newborns and new mums, and for christenings and naming days.

Jaime King to be a mum again

Actress Jaime King is pregnant with her second child, giving 16-month-old James a sibling.

Nannies should receive government funding

The Abbott government should extend funding to nannies, and direct childcare payments to low and middle income families, a landmark study on childcare has found. 

Common skin irritations in newborns (and how to treat them)

As many as one in two newborn babies suffer from skin irritations in their first few weeks. So what are the most common rashes and irritations to look out for?

10 wall decals for the nursery or playroom

Wall decals are the answer to creating a beautiful nursery or children's space without lifting a paint brush, a spirit level or even a hammer.

Preschooler walks 2.4km home alone

Three-year-old Cain Trainor headed off home after his first day at a new preschool without telling anyone.

Video: Why mums get nothing done

In spite of being in an almost constant state of motion while looking after the kids and trying to keep things together at home, it can seem as though parents have managed to get nothing on the to-do list done by the end of the day.

The middle name game

The middle name is no longer an afterthought, and parents' inspiration comes from many places.

Have a baby or your money back - but there's a catch

A new IVF scheme offers couples the chance to fall pregnant and give birth - or get their money back. But there's more to it than you might think.

A rare glimpse inside the womb

A baby born still inside the amniotic sac gave US doctors a rare glimpse at life inside the womb.

Battered mum forced to write to her attacker ex in jail

Three years ago Jason Hughes viciously attacked his ex-partner. Now she has to write to him three times a year.

Woman pleads not guilty to ultrasound scam

A West Australian woman will fight allegations that she scammed expectant mums by selling them fake ultrasound pictures of babies.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Brain damaged mum receives compensation

A Sydney mother who suffered brain damage when she was hit by a car while pushing her newborn baby in a pram has reached a confidential out-of-court settlement with the driver's insurance company.

Indigenous midwives break down the barriers

A culturally sensitive midwifery service has gained the trust and respect of Aboriginal women.

The Katering Show's next big delivery

Most mums-to-be plan to take things easy and perhaps have a little break from work as the birth of their baby draws near. Not Kate McCartney.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

Why I have mixed feelings about Cindy Crawford's leaked photo

Last week an un-retouched photo of model Cindy Crawford surfaced, showing the 48-year-old mother-of -two posing in underwear.

How to create a Peppa Pig pancake

Thought your toddler could not love pancakes any more than they already do? How about if the breakfast treat came in the shape of every two-year-old's favourite cartoon character?

'It's a little life, not a little loss': pregnancy after miscarriage

I thought I was never going to be able to have a successful pregnancy. I decided that I wasn't going to form an emotional attachment with this baby.

Bonds Baby Search 2015: what you need to know

February 18 marks the start of one of the most prolific annual baby competitions in Australia: the Bonds Baby Search. And this year is going to be more special than ever.

Who will manage your Facebook account when you're gone?

This is not something that people like to talk about, but Facebook has announced that it will grant users more control over what happens to their pages after they die.

Struggling mum of four wins $188 million

Mother of four Marie Holmes was financially struggling after quitting her jobs at Walmart and McDonald's in order to care for her children.

Pregnant obese women a 'relatively new problem', coroner hears

A first-time mother whose daughter died hours after her frightening birth insists she was never told of the risks of being obese and pregnant.

'I'm angry as hell': the story behind mum's passionate vaccination plea

She has labelled parents who do not vaccinate their children "misinformed imbeciles" - and for that, she makes no apologies.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

8 different kinds of tantrums

I never thought I’d say this, but for a brief moment last week, Kim Kardashian and I had something in common: both our kids had public tantrums.

Polycystic ovary syndrome: symptoms, treatment and your fertility

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female hormonal condition, affecting roughly one in 12 Australian women.

What's the best position for giving birth?

If doing it on your back is out, what's the best position for labour and birth?

Wife forgives snake catcher husband for car surprise

With Valentine's Day coming up, Nat Gilbert could be forgiven for thinking her husband might be planning a surprise for her.

Kids who meet milestones at their own pace

We usually only hear the success stories: tales of the two-year-old who’s talking, running and completely toilet trained. But other stories need to be told too.

Ruby shines as Bonds Baby

Sarah Kiss has a word of advice for proud mums and dads who are keen to enter their babies in this year's Bonds Baby Search Competition - just have fun.

Why dads should go to sleep school

If your family needs to go to sleep school, go with them. You are part of that family and you are part of the solution.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Win a KitchenAid Mixer

Let's celebrate 300,000 fans on Facebook

To celebrate, and to thank our amazing fans, we?re giving away a KitchenAid Artisan Tilt-Head Stand Mixer.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.